Post here to discuss the story. (duh). Pitch ideas, give reviews and feedback about posted chapters. Talk about what you liked or didn't like. etc. Be polite!

6574800 6583215

95. Bloom & Gloom

By default, I upvote every segment that gets submitted in the Story Thread to help me keep track of which ones I have transcribed into the Main Story. So every submission has at least one upvote. That's mine.
I've been pretty lax about criticism since this group and project was just done on a lark for fun. But, since it has been asked for, I will give my review for a chapter. If you want me to review a segment that you've done, let me know in the Author Thread.

I didn't find anything really wrong with Bloom & Gloom. From a technical standpoint it was written very well with few to no errors that I could find. I'm honestly not sure what it was about it that made someone(s) down vote it. My only criticisms are minor things.

In general, brevity is the soul of wit. That is why this project is about Starlight solving everything in 30 seconds. It forces the characters into the realm of the absurd.

I mention this for the first two paragraphs of this chapter. One does not need two paragraphs to indicate the Starlight arrived through time travel. Indeed, they are not needed at all. You could just start off after the horizontal rule. I get that you want to be descriptive, and normally that's great. But that isn't the point of this collaboration. And I don't think the readers want to have to read in depth about how she time travels ~24 times in a season. We already know what she's doing. That's why I tend to keep it to a single sentence.

Starlight appeared with a flash of purple light.

Perhaps Starlight's demeanor toward the CMC could have been more cordial. Perhaps it was the forced Gamer Luna meme. Perhaps it was Starlight spritzing Best Princess like a cat. (Which I personally found hysterical.) Or perhaps it was the Arrogant Bastard bit which felt a bit forced, and then needlessly explained. And some people can get very opinionated about craft beer.

Because as I've said, I didn't find anything bad enough about it to warrant a downvote. Especially in a lax, fun setting like this project.

All right, Electric Aura, you wanted some feedback on those downvotes for Bloom & Gloom. I left one of 'em, so here we go.

...Okay, looking back over it, I think it was entirely for the Dr. Who reference at the top. <.< "Wibbly, wobbly, timey-winey" ceased being amusing or clever years ago. Quoting adds nothing but irritation to a story, and Doctor Whooves existing means I have had to see it everywhere for those unclever years. :|

Granted, that's still a crappy reason to downvote a story. Knee-jerk, emphasis on the 'jerk', right? Well, you also pulled out Gamer Luna, yet another reference that is no longer amusing nor clever, and I felt justified with the vote. Your previous entry was a good one, but in this case, I think you were just trying too hard to be "wacky" and ended up writing something that just reminded me of the worst parts of ponyfiction. Obviously, not going to apply to everyone, you did also get an upvote on that entry, but there you go.

6549370
65. Magical Mystery Cure.
Unsolicited review edition!

When I started this project, I knew it was going to be confusing. I knew that by having everyone working in parallel, that any thought of a cohesive continuity was a fool's hope. But I thought that with the rules I had outlined, it would work just enough to be readable. And for the most part, it is. But when I first read this segment, I was a little peeved.

Firstly, because it prevented Alicorn Twilight. Sort of.

6. Starlight's 'solutions' should not prevent future episodes.

But personally, it was because it gave away the actual end-game I had planned for this project, (If the story art wasn't already obvious). The plan was always for Starlight to become an alicorn (the princess of "time") at the end of the series.
The reasoning that she was doing the episodes out of order in her own timeline didn't really help. I understood it, but that didn't stop it from being extra confusing for the readers who were already reading a confusing story line. And the jumping in settings from the point in the story to the "canon" present was confusing for me the first time around too.

But there was nothing wrong with the chapter itself. Maybe I should have just saved it for the story epilogue once the series is complete (through season 8).

Maybe I still might.

How do you even start writing a story? You guys said it would take an hour for 1000 words. It took me roughly 4-6 hours to do my episode and that was going through research, watching the episode, ideas on how they interacted with each other, and editing. This is the problem I have with writing fiction, you need to be meticulous. This is coming from someone who constantly failed English class in school because of grammar issues.

6583924
THANK YOU. It was driving me nuts not knowing.

6583938
REEE
It didn't prevent Alicorn Twilight.
Tbh, its reception was pretty much the reason I kinda soft-quit.
That and I didn't want to be associated with some of the other 'chapters' extremely poor quality.

6584083
I'll do something similar, going back and re-watching the episode. Then I think about what the main problem was and how it could have been solved quickly with hindsight. Sometimes it's as simple as correcting a miscommunication, or preventing someone from making a mistake or acting poorly. Other times you need to be more creative. But once I've thought of it, it doesn't take me more than an hour to write it out and refine it with a bit of editing polish.
Which isn't to say everyone can do it so easily. That's why I give everyone a week to write it (to accommodate their schedules too.) Writing is an acquired skill, but one that everybody can improve on with time and effort.

6584586
My gripe is fairly petty, mostly because it was how I wanted the epilogue to go.
If I had done the episode, I would more or less have had:

65. Magical Mystery Cure.

Starlight Glimmer appeared with a flash of purple light. She intercepted the the mail pony and the spell book before it ever got to Twilight's mailbox. She opened it to Starswirl's last, unfinished spell. She wrote in the rest of the spell for Twilight to read, and then stuffed it through her mail slot.

"You're welcome, Princess."

6584989
Yeah. I kinda got upset y'know?

6585051
I understand.

6584083
Honestly? I wrote the first thing that came to mind. For better, or for worse.

6587237
6584083
I'll do exactly the same; watch the episode, find the wiki page on the episode, and even watch a blind reaction if I have time. That way, you get to hear someone else's gripe or commentary on the episode and that can help introduce an idea if you're really struggling.

6582314
I still don't know if this is a good idea,
but even bad ideas have a lesson.
In the words of Bubbles/ DItzy Doo/ Derpy; "I just don't know what went wrong."

Re: Spice Up Your Life

"Not... nearly" had me laughing so hard. :D

But you definitely overdid the plot thing. :B Like, the 'actual plot' line stands as perhaps the best use of that word with that meaning in a fanfic that I have ever seen. But you done did it too much! >:V Yeah, yeah, get what we paid for, I know.

6605176
Well dang, that's some pretty strong praise coupled with a comparatively really minor bit of feedback! Thank you and please look for it to show up fixed soon in my shorts collection!

6585052
Is it too late to change my ending? I'd be down for changing it tonight if that's cool.

EDIT: I changed it

Someone needs to poke Benny the Phantom and let them know they were actually supposed to write a story, not just post an idea. <.<

6636355
With a stick or a spear?

6636808
I leave that as an exercise for the reader.

6642826
Please write that as a separate story. I would love to see that second version given the attention it deserves. If nobody else wants to help you collab it, I'll lend a strong hand. (And can I just say how much I loved Christopher Eccleston?)

Good job on Horse Play, new person. :) I like the idea that the main cast are now all living under the onus of "If we screw up, Future Starlight will come and who knows what will happen".

6716429
Thank you. And it just made too much sense to me.

Okay, defeating Chrysalis with the power of debauchery. XD

"Rarity is the femme and Dash is the butch!"

My favorite kind of short-circuit.

"Oh my," Trixie gasped as the last item in the bottom of the bag started to buzz like a nest of angry hornets.

Oh look, my other favorite. :V

"What's a ninja turtle?" Sandbar asked.

"It's a turtle that's a ninja," Starlight said.

Oh my god.

6735798
So what would be your review of the entire story as a whole?

6741044
You'll find out next time I post one! :3

6741049