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Humans? In my Equestria?! It's more likely than you think. I happen to like HiE, let's see how this shapes up.

Stay positive. Stay positive... The grammar here needs work. A lot of work. Commas are missing from most places that I would expect one. Sentences feel like trainwrecks where narrative went to die. The tense flips between present and past somewhat wildly. I started combing through for corrections and rapidly realized it was not one or two or even ten. Every paragraph had problems. Advice: Start with tense. Pick present or past, and never let it go. Advice the second: Period or comma? Always a space afterwards, always. Grammar: ★

Use of show canon: It starts off in a new place, with a minotaur and griffons and OCs. Celestia is mentioned! This could take place in Equestria and I'm willing to give it that shadow of a doubt. Mild point off for a pony saying 'There's a lot of blood!' rather than just 'They look hurt really bad', which is what I would expect a pony to focus on rather than the presence of blood. ★★

Character Consistency: Grammar is a funny thing. When done well, you barely think about it. When done poorly, it sours everything else. It was not fun to read this. From what I saw, the characters felt consistent enough to themselves. ★★★

Plot Flow: This is difficult to measure. The story is very clearly written to be the start of a longer telling that, alas, hasn't happened yet with 2 chapters posted back in August and nothing since then. ★★

Entertainment: I was amused for HiE, but the story was not overall fun to read. ★

Overall: ★ It's time to get back to the basics. The building blocks that we assemble our dreams with are very important. If you don't have those, then everything else falls apart. You have a story here. You have imagination. Don't let it go to waste and polish off your grammatical skills. "This is speech," insisted David. "Sometimes they don't even need a saidism attached." The only time a period or comma doesn't have a space following it is if there is a closing quote right afterwards.

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I might read it or I might not