A Stone Cold Tragedy

Tags: Sad, Slice of Life, Discord, Screwball

Sad stories are a common lot in our submission directory, it feels. Discord and Screwball, short desc implying a relation. I know the fanon. This could turn out several ways, but we won't find out pondering it. Let's get reading! Hrm, author note to start, always risky there. I'd suggest if you think your story reads oddly, fix that, rather than explaining how to read it.

Grammar felt very shaky here. I left notes to help nudge things on track. Scene breaks that come suddenly and without warning are hard to handle. You can move from scene to scene within a chapter, sure, but some kind of clue that it was happening is a good idea. Grammar: ★★

Use of show canon: It doesn't really use show canon. Some of the actors are there, an event or two are mentioned, but it's all about the internal thoughts of one character. It felt like an AU, which it basically is, giving Discord a past relation. ★★

Character Consistency: Discord is consistently sad about his life choices that have led him to being stoned, twice. ★★★

Plot Flow: We jump around haphazardly between memories and current moment thoughts, making the flow feel quite bumpy indeed. I suggest little tags, like, 'He remembered...' and he should never 'say' anything. As you admit, he's not saying anything, so just don't say anything. ★★

Entertainment: At the end of the day, I'm afraid this story didn't light any fires for me. I encourage the writer to keep on writing! My suggestion would be to focus on a single narrative flow first before trying to branch out. ★

Overall: ★★ This story needs work, but it may just be a stepping stone to greater things. I wish the author the very best, and think they have some gems here. Many other common mistakes were missed (like tenses). Keep at it!