Sunslime

Tags: Romance, Comedy, Alternative Universe, Random, Sunset Shimmer, The Smooze

Oh my, what a strange pairing. If this was rated M, I would have some idea where this could go... It's rated T. This may be funny instead, and in all the good ways. In I go!

There were issues with tense agreement and little awkward bits of grammar. I've left notes behind to help improve things! Grammar: ★★

Use of show canon: It's AU, and it shows. Characters behave out of character without shame or reservation. For the most part, this didn't pull me too far from the story. At least it was honest with itself, and much can be forgiven for that. ★★

Character Consistency: I feel the princesses were the worst of the above, acting flippant and, for the most part, not taking part in the plot. I feel like the story could have been largely unchanged, but improved, if they had not been part of things. Everyone else felt right and good, minus an odd moment from Sunset that is hard to pen without spoilers. ★★★

Plot Flow: It's a classic story of developing feelings. It ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, but reasonably. I admit to being uncertain of Sunset's feelings, be they pragmatic or affectionate on any level. Sadly, we will never know. ★★★

Entertainment: An amusing story. It got a few chuckles out of me. ★★★

Overall: ★★★ For such a story, you wouldn't lose anything giving it a read for a stray giggle, but it feels like it's missing that something. I'd axe the princesses. A single letter exchange between Celestia and Twilight would have been enough to propel the plot without being distracting, possibly several with increasing franticness might have allowed for other avenues of comedy without character lampooning.

Thank you for writing this! I look forward to your future submissions.

Thanks for the review! The part with the Princesses was actually my favorite bit, but I can see how that might have turned a few people away.

6112181
I don't look at authors as a rule, didn't notice it was yours. Hello again! The princess part certainly did help justify that 'random' tag. Thing is, they were basically the only part of the story acting that way, so they felt a bit out of place.

I do hope I'm making sense.

6112185
Hiya! :D

You're making complete sense. I'll keep that advice in mind for the future. :)