Dark Petals

Tags: Gore, Sad, Slice of Life, Original Character

A very cute cover and a promise of dark things ahead. What lays inside? Only one way to find out for sure. Let's crack open this book and get to investigating. One thing I do notice, it's marked incomplete, but several chapters were posted on the first day, 3 of 4. Strategically speaking, avoid that unless your story is riding high on the popular list and you're trying to spill over into the feature board.

Grammar is clearly an issue here. Lower case Is, bad handling of action and statement tags, and other things litter the story from the start to the end. I've left some notes and tips on each chapter. Grammar: ★

Use of show canon: It's set in Equestria, and nothing about it feels alien to Equestria at a glance, but not much is taken from the show other than a mention of Fluttershy for character comparison. ★★+1/2

Character Consistency: The characters suffer a loss and deal with it in a slow and painful way. I can blame a lot of it on losing a love one, which is never easy for anyone. I don't have a good grip on them outside of their sadness, alas. We get flash backs that give us peeks, but many of them were in less than ideal times too. ★★

Plot Flow: It's a sad tale about a sad thing. It does that reasonably. I feel the story would be improved with the characters doing more. Escaping their house, even to fail at getting much done, would give more chances to know them. ★★★

Entertainment: It promises a sad story, this is delivered. It also promises gore, but I am unsure there. I didn't detect much going on here except a mention of a burned pony in a dream? It was alluded to, and I'm pretty sure an alluded pony can show up in the actual show without blinking an eye. The tag feels deceptive there. I had... an alright time? The grammar kept dragging me right out of the story. ★★

Overall: ★★ -- There is potential here. I encourage the writer to learn and grow. Heck, the story isn't even done yet, so they could and should do so right within the context of this growing story. I hope these words and feedback help you on your path to literary growth!