Guardians of the Night

Hello everyone and welcome to our first review. I went into this wondering how they'd do. Alternate Universe is not my favorite, but humans in Equestria? Sign me up. I buckled in and got to reading.

Unfortunately, I hit the first problem very quickly from the first paragraph. Formatting, spelling, and general presentation need love here. It has the seeds of what could become an interesting story, but by the time I got to the end of the first chapter, I will admit, I was soured by that unpolished text against hitting the next chapter button.

So, for Grammar: ★

Use of show canon: You get a pass, for being an AU. I didn't read far enough to see how wildly the characters may diverge from the show, but AU is AU. I can't mark down an AU for how well they cleave to the universe they are setting out to be different from.

Character Consistency: The human is scared out of his car by a song on the radio that he can't get rid of. This is a curious reaction. I'm not sure many people would bolt from their car under such conditions. His panic attack was also kind of weakly down, with a scream of panic, running, falling. ★★ for what I read.

Plot Flow: We have something of a mystery here. It's clearly borrowing from the video with Luna singing away all the colts and fillies. The premise makes me curious, I fully admit that! If it were not for the presentation, I would want to know more about what's going on, and even that human who got off to a rocky start. ★★★

Entertainment: This is a story that needs a working over. I can't enjoy a story with errors up and down it. I pointed out a few for the author, but there are others. I know this pain. The Typo Menace is real and haunts us all. Sadly, they won this day... I wish you luck going forward. ★★

Overall: ★★ -- I really feel this story could be salvaged with some intense editing and love! Please, don't give up!

I will do my best to develop and improve the story.

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Looking forward to it!