And so we move smoothly from the shortest month of the year to the equal longest. Except that it isn't, because the clocks go forward this month and so March is an hour shorter than all the other 31-day months. If you live in a place which doesn't put the clocks forward in March, then I'm sorry. Take it up with the Princess of your choice. Right, on to the usual stuff:

Here are the full rules.
Please use this word counter.

You'll note that Rule 6 accommodates G5 entries. Since this means that an active generation is permitted, please bear in mind Rule 9 on spoilers. As always, comments are welcome in the relevant thread.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the next contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page. For an hour less than you would if you'd won in July or something, but hey: January's winner only got a mention for 29 days, so you can still think yourself lucky! A reminder of the basics:

Prompt: "The Most Devastating Insult" (selected by TCC56)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Friday 21st March 2024, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun!

7942725
Oh, I had this one for a while now. I originally made a thread of it years ago (it was intended to be like a parody of Goofy's 'How To...' series), but I expanded upon it, tweaked the presentation, and poured ponies in it.

To some regard, I blended this concept with another idea to create this story, but it definitely feels familiar to my older work.

Dominance plays an important part in all life. Controlling, possessing, and copulating, dominance is the driving force that steer the course of life.

Take this seaside town with these two fine examples of opposing genders, one representing the authority of the law and the other a common resident.

"Hey, Posey."

"WHAT!?"

"H... h-hi."

"WHAT KIND OF SHERIFF GOES AROUND DISTURBING THE PEACE?"

"I was just being friendly."

"SO YOU'RE HITTING ON ME INSTEAD OF DOING YOUR JOB?"

"That wasn't my intention!"

"ARE YOU IMPLY THAT I'M UNAPPEALING? THAT I'M NOT WORTH THE TIME?"

"NO! You're worth every bit of my time."

"OH, THEN YOU'RE STALKING ME."

"That's not- I mean- It was just-"

"YOU'RE REVOLTING!!!"

Note the power behind her words, how she seized the situation with a firm affront towards this town's officer. While one reins order for her foal's future, the other receives a permanent decrease of masculinity.

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“Bananas suck‽” Celestia struck a hoof on the floor. “I could forgive any insult, but not that one. Not liking bananas is a sign of evil infestation!”

Twilight swallowed her saliva before gathering the courage to respond, “That may be so, but why did you banish Luna for it?”

“She disagreed with me.”

“Oh, well, the thing is…”

“Twilight, would you like to hear about this faraway place, and the dungeons that are there?”

“No, I’ve heard plenty of stories about your intimate dungeons already. And since we’re talking about faraway lands… you know Saddle Arabia, the place where you parked the sun yesterday? You see, I’ve been studying their dialect and wouldn’t you know it, some words actually have different meanings in their now-dead language. For instance, what we call a pineapple, they called a banana.”

“Ugh, pineapples suck. They’re the worst.”

“Yeah… They thought so too…”

Edit: Published story

7942725
I think this might be the dumbest thing I've ever written.

"There is," said Snips, in a sage-like tone, "no most devastating insult. I can prove it."
Extraordinary claims demanded extraordinary evidence. Snails tried to raise a disbelieving brow; it came out as more of an inquisitive head tilt.
"Consider the most devastating possible insult, and append 'I slept with your mother'; clearly, the new insult is more devastating. Qued."
"What if the first insult is 'I slept with your mother'?"
"Sleeping with her twice is more devastating."
"Not twice more devastating, though. I bet it eventually stops being more devastating at all."
Snips contemplated. He wasn't sure Snails was right, but he wasn't sure he was wrong; somepony smarter was needed.
Silver Spoon was posh, which was like being smart. After Snips recounted the debate to her, she wrinkled her nose. "I wouldn't sleep with either of your mothers," she said. "I have standards."
And Snips and Snails were enlightened.

7942725
Whoof, this one took alot of sanding to hit the word limit.

Applejack sighed, observing the swirling cloud of dust that was the school's track field. “Now they’ve done it…”

“Done what? What’s happening to the track?”

Approaching the cowgirl was Twilight, no doubt concerned yet curious about the phenomenon in front of them. She sighed again. “It’s Dash. Accordin’ to Fluttershy, our soccer match with Crystal Prep was rough.”

Understanding, Twilight squinted at the storm to try and spot the multicolored blur within. “I suppose the Canterlot record against the Shadowbolts wasn’t going to just change overnight,” she sympathized, “at least the rivalry is slowly getting less… hostile?”

“I wouldn’t say that, exactly. We won.”

“Huh? Then why-” Twilight started before the improvised dirt tornado burst, revealing a cyan girl rushing towards her.

“BENCHWARMER!!” Rainbow cried angrily. “Can you believe that’s what they called me?!”

Twilight joined in Applejack’s sighing. It seemed the school rivalry was taking its time to settle.

7942725
Ah, March. So many bittersweet memories, and so many things to look forward to. Like Kung Fu Panda.

Anyway, on to the flashfic.

“…and after her mental breakdown, the Polish Academic structure was rewritten to have better mental health laws,” Sunset gestured over the history book.

“That’s pretty… Sick,” Rainbow muttered as she read it, “Like, not the good sick, but the really really bad kind.”

“I’ve noticed that while being in this world… It’s a lot darker than Equestria was.”

“Speaking of…” Rainbow looked back to the orange girl next to her, “If it was all that good, what sent you over the edge to come here?”

Sunset winced, “I was being honest to you girls, Rainbow, I was selfish… But I’ve changed now.”

“No, no, not that boring stuff. I wanna know why you wanted so much power.”

“Why I wanted power? Well…”

---

”Starswirl would’ve hated you,” Moon Dancer scoffed.

“You take that back!” Sunset shoved her, tears in her eyes, “You take that back!”

---

“…I don’t wanna talk about it.”

7942725

I am actually not participating in the flashfic contests at the moment. My heart is heavy, things have happened and I'm sorting myself out in a lot of ways..... But today is Derpy Day. I wrote a tweet for her, I said how much of an insult it is that Twitter has a cupcake emote, but not a muffin emote, I thought of the prompt of this month and then I heard Dinky and Derpy talk about that, I realized how perfect this is for this month's prompt and that writing a flashfic with this idea means doing something special to celebrate Derpy Day. So I will try. For Derpy.
.

"What?!" Derpy spoke with a start. Her eyes shot at the computer, where her youngest daughter stood propped up on the desk, hooves on the keyboard. "Are you really sure?"
"Yep," Dinky answered with much of her usual cheer, but a shocking discovery marred it. "Not a single one. They have a cupcake emote, but not a muffin emote. They have a bagel. And pancakes. A doughnut and a cookie. Even a rice cracker!" Dinky talked herself into rage. "Ice cream and even moon cake! But Twitter has no muffin emote....."
"Let me see!" Derpy demanded, rushing over. She believed her daughter, but felt the need to see the atrocity with her own eyes. Derpy's face fell apart after scrolling through the food emote list. "That's an insult, a cupcake emote, but not a muffin emote," she spoke, short on breath. "That's muffin discrimination."
At her side, Dinky nodded solemnly.

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“You’re amazing!” Scootaloo beamed, watching as her idol made a final landing.

Months since the Crystal war ended and this peace still felt fleeting.

—

Back at home, Rainbow Dash stood in front of the mirror.

Her reflection always glared back at her with an almost vengeful glint in her scarred eye. 

Face it, it always seemed to say. You're no good at it anymore.

—

“...Thanks.” Rainbow briefly offered a cocky smirk. Ever slightly reminiscent.

Scootaloo's smile simply peeled higher in lieu of a reply. Ever slightly awkward.

—

Rainbow shut her eyes tight, determined to block it out. “Shut up. You’re amazing– Didn't you hear?”

But the voice persisted.

At plenty of things, it spoke before the painful elaboration that she knew was coming. But still no good at being Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. 

Then turned and bucked the mirror into shattered pieces.

7943178
Sorry to hear you've been having a tough time. Best wishes. Do you want your piece to count as an entry, or would you prefer it to be a non-competitive piece? Either is fine, do whatever suits you. (If you don't reply, I'll assume it's a full entry.)

7942725

Outrageous Insult

Starlight entered the prison cell, where Trixie was loudly snoring. With a long sigh, she raised her hoof and shook the sleeper awake.

“Huh, where am I?” Trixie muttered, rubbing her eyes.

“In prison,” Starlight responded.

“Oh, right,” Trixie said and stood up, stretching her body. After a moment of silence, she asked, “Why that face?”

“You know exactly why.”

Trixie shrugged.

“You kidnapped a filly, smuggled her out to another town, then forced her to appear in your show where you were about to shoot her out of a cannon.”

Trixie raised her head to the side. “That’s not true, she wanted to be part—”

“She screamed for help!” Starlight retorted, her patience breaking.

Trixie snorted. “It was her fault.”

“Really?” Starlight asked, rolling her eyes. “What did she do?”

“She called me narcissistic!”

Starlight sighed before turning around and leaving Trixie alone in her cell.

7943225

Thank you. Treat it as a non-competitive piece, please. I wrote this for Derpy, to make her happy and to do something special for her special day, and I don't want it to feel like I wrote it to win to anyone. So I won't compete with it.

7943354
Okay, that's fine. Thank you.

7942725

“I didn’t mean it, Fluttershy.”
“I know.”
“…I just want you to know that. That I didn’t mean it.”

The yellow-furred pegasus turned away, hiding behind her lengthy mane. “I know.” Her tone was firmer now, though not without kindness. Rainbow Dash knew she had touched a nerve, knew she had pushed a boundary, knew she had been less than awesome, but she didn’t know how to fix it.
Fluttershy’s face was crumpled up like a wet tissue- an interesting visual when paired with the many crumpled tissues surrounding her.
“You’re my closest friend, I could never mean it. I know-” she paused, almost tripping over her words in her haste to apologise. “I know I can be pig-headed sometimes- no offence,” she briefly turned to one of her friends’ sows watching the pathetic display, “But,” she continued, turning back to Fluttershy,

“I really don’t think you use mane extensions.”

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“I can’t believe you said that to her face!” Cadance shook her head as she tried to contain her anger. “The most famous photographer in Equestria.”

“Look, when I knew her in the army, she was just some camera wielding hack from the Baltimare Herald.” Shining Armor grumbled. “And that was long before fame and fortune came knocking.”

“I thought she was going to geld you…… with something blunt!”

“Wouldn’t be the first time she’s tried.”

“What?! You made a pass at her, didn’t you!”

“Mmmmmay have done. In my defence, it was one of those nights in the garrison bar.”

“You were drunk!”

“Mmmmmay have been. I was in a combat zone.”

“Grifonstone Station?!”

“As I said, it was one of those nights in the bar.”

“I still can’t believe you called Photo Finish….” Cadance stomped a hoof as she glared at her husband. “…...a happy snapper!”

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Makeup smeared, eyeliner ruined, Rarity didn’t so much get onto her bed as fall on it, outstretched arms landing just short of where Opal was sleeping. The rudely awoken cat lazily yawned as Rarity gradually lifted her head up, their eyes meeting.

“Oh, Opalescence, dear, today has been the most dreadful day,” Rarity moaned. "Things began as merely annoying, but soon progressed to displeasing, and then infuriating. Just an all-around disaster! It was horrid, pure and simply horrid… I’m lucky I have you to understand and listen.”

Weakly smiling, Rarity inched forward and laid her hand on Opal’s white fur to stroke it. As soon as she did so, the cat stood, took a quick stretch, and then tromped directly off the bed and out of the room.

Arm awkwardly hanging in mid-air, Rarity rested her crestfallen face back down into the covers. “Or not,” she sighed, voice muffled.

Two and a half days to go, folks!

7942725
It looks like I'm back to cutting it close.

Rarity lay on her back, in her chaise lounge, with a bucket of icecream on her pregnancy. A more appropriate spot would’ve been the nearby table, or even the floor, but empty buckets occupied those positions and more, making her resemble a mare who had finished furiously painting. Standing before her was Sweetie Belle.

“What’s wrong, Rarity?” Sweetie Belle didn’t really care, she just wanted some icecream; by now, she was accustomed to Rarity having her episodes, and for the past few months her behaving normally had become the episodes. If she could distract her long enough, she could scoop out some of the icecream before Rarity finished inhaling it.

Rarity started telling some long story about some hoity toity pony at a fashion show. “Then, he, he called me fa-a-aa-a-aaat!”

“You are fat.” Sweetie Belle was blunt.

Rarity started wailing again and, worse, eating out of Sweetie Belle’s bowl.

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All right, your time is up! Thank you to everyone who entered (and to Fluttercheer for the non-competing entry) and as always I will now think about my judgement for a few days.

In the meantime, feedback is open!

7942725
And since we're done with entries, I can throw up my unofficial one without fear of taking somebody else's idea!

Every foal on the playground gawked at Scootaloo. They had all heard what she'd just said, but not a one could believe it.

Diamond Tiara, in fact, could only gibber nonsensically in response.

Applebloom, too, could only stand there stunned at the devastating lack of tact.

Of all the foals, only Silver Spoon managed a response. "Wh--what did you say?"

The evil grin grew wider on Scootaloo's face, not quite realizing how stunningly Too Far she had gone. "I said: Diamond Tiara's just jealous that Applebloom's parents are dead and they're still better than hers."

7949677
That… Was… Wow.

That wasn’t a punchline so much as a knockout.

7949749 It's a double whammy, insulting both Diamond Tiara and her parents at the same time. Scootaloo is bi-winning this round.

7949750
Reminds me of an event back in high school when this mocking bully said something about my mom and I retorted back with, "At least my parents are still together." I knew her from grade school and how much she'd verbally pushed me down, so this really felt like a weight lifting off myself as she got a taste of her own medicine.

However, when my returned remark was caught by the ear of her cousin...

7942965
This was great - "No, no, not that boring stuff" is just an amazingly Rainbow Dash sort of line. Incidentally, what was the historical incident referenced at the beginning, if any?

7950522
No specific incident, just a thought about how dreary the real world can be and how idyllic Equestria is.

I’m glad you liked the Rainbow characterization, though!

As a quick heads-up, I'll be posting the results tomorrow. Feel free to carry on feedbacking if you like.

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Okay, it's results time! The usual case of it being hard to decide on the winner and hon mensher applies as it usually does. Thank you to everyone who entered the contest, and to the two people who submitted non-competitive pieces too.

Hon mensh: Gettier Case -- You're right, it is a dumb fic. But it's a funny dumb fic, and that changes a lot. Plus making me laugh is always worth something!
Winner: Frazzle2Dazzle -- As it happens, Gettier Case has already noted one of the reasons I like this: that character moment. But the flashback right near the end makes the ending hit hard, too.

Congrats to both! Frazzle2Dazzle, please think of a prompt for our April contest and post it here when you're ready.

Feedback remains open for anyone to contribute if they wish.

7951759
Awesome! Can I now say I’m 20% cooler for winning?

As for April’s prompt, does ‘Knock It Off’ sound good?

7951933
You can say if you like!

And yep, sounds good to me. I'll edit the front page now.