Alright the next story after the Fallout Equestria story from before is...Fallout Equestria...weird. I read the whole story this time. Well, on to it then. This story is Fallout: Project Necessities by Aeluna. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/360718/fallout-project-necessities

This story follows Klip and later Thorn on their path to try and survive after being unintentionally abducted by raiders.

When it comes to details and descriptions, this story is a mixed bag. Good details can make a story pop, and feel like it is truly alive and present. However excessive details can make the story feel like it is bogged down, slow and tedious. Sometimes this is the case with this story. I don't mind an artsy writer, but there were times when I looked at descriptions of minor events and actions and thought: "Was this really necessary? Does it being there add to the story or does it just pad the word count?" Not saying stop being descriptive, just maybe limit the number of times this is done on minor events. This is especially true for chapter one. I understand that the first chapter in a story is often a dull one compared to the others, the first chapter has to take the time to establish things. But that's all the more reason not to slow it down. The majority of readers decide on whether they'll read a story by the first chapter, if they don't like it, they won't bother with the rest, so be careful. There is no need to be J. R. R. Tolkien.

While we're still on the topic of details, an excessive amount of them can actually have the opposite effect and make a story harder to understand. This happened a few times in the story where there was so much detail, I had to go back and reread what was written to understand what just happened. Some of the parts I couldn't understand even after rereading them. This is especially true in the last chapter Where there is a staggering amount of unnecessary details in the battle with the pony with the ax, and when the lights went out in the cave. You're are going to want to consider simplifying parts of the story you've written.

Chapters "Foul Play, New Rules, and A Question of Morals" have a problem in that they're too similar. The problem isn't horror, gore, and torture in the story. The problem is that this goes on for three chapters in a row. It's all too similar and the shock value from before quickly fades and I'm wondering: "When is there going to be some progress in the story?" Maybe combine some of the chapters here and/or trim the fat. Slow story progression can be a problem. Thankfully, near the end of "A Question of Morals" there is the bit of excitement in the battle with the (Deathclaw?) And Klip joining the raiders. Pretty good addition to the story. It's a nice twist seeing as not many main characters join up with raiders in the Fallout stories I've seen. This could be headed in an interesting direction. Also, the events of how the wasteland formed, the yaks dropping the bombs, and how this all started belongs in your introduction or maybe your first chapter, but not in your second chapter where everyone's been murdered and corpses are lying around. That kind of tone shift doesn't meld well together.

Next, dialogue. There isn't much dialogue as the story is largely told through the narration and thought processes of the MC. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but... adding more dialogue to mix things up would be a very welcome breath of fresh air to what we're being given.

The chapter "Impressions" was pretty good, not many complaints. The only thing I'd really complain about was that it took four chapters before you reached something like this. All in all, this story is pretty good in that it is a diamond in the rough. With work, this thing could really shine, it does have a pretty original plot. I DO hope you take what I've gone into detail over and polish your story, it was quite a bit of work to read it all and review it. You updated it very recently so I have high hopes.

Fallout: Project Necessities: 65/100
Keep working on it, this story has potential.

6287182

Thanks so much for this review! I'll be the first to admit that I have a habit of accidentally making my writing a tad too flowery sometimes! I'll try to go back through and simplify some of the things that seem overcomplicated. I'll try to work on the other points too, and maybe one day it would score higher!

Thanks again!

6289871
It is my pleasure in fact thank you for replying it shows me I really help and is certainly a lot better than a mere thumbs up

6290095

I'm a reviewer myself, I know the pain! :)