Alright, the story on the agenda for now is My Wings Will Keep You Safe: by Brony250: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/240996/my-wings-will-keep-you-safe

A pretty good story, decent pacing, and a few touching moments, that can warm your heart at times. This story focuses on a developing connection between Apple Bloom and Twilight in the midst of a thunderstorm, forcing them to stay the night together. Now, onto things that in my opinion, need work.

One part that I noticed was slightly irritating is that this story seemed to linger on a particular part that was really kind of minor. The characters taking an oddly long time merely on the idea of deciding where to eat and seemingly drawing it out. It's not a big deal, but when you spend over 600 words addressing a minor issue of where to eat, it can be a little annoying.

While we're still on the topic of excess things, I'd like to bring up two more things. Scootaloo's constant issue with her stomach growling and complaining she's hungry. Again, it's really only a minor issue, but this is brought up a LOT. Over fourteen times to be precise. It's not really contributing anything new, and it doesn't have any actual relevance to the plot, so it gets kinda annoying.

Also Apple Bloom's constant fear of the storm. This one is a LITTLE more forgivable since it has some relevance to the story. Makes sense. But again, this kind of just repeats itself seven different times and it's nothing new each time it happens. The storm suddenly flares up causing Apple Bloom to panic, and stop whatever it is she's doing. It's making the same point over and over again, like beating a dead hor...well, you get it. It can get annoying when the same thing happens too much.

I would like to talk about the events leading up to the storm next. A lot of time is taken before we get to the actual plot of the story. Apple Bloom and Twilight becoming closer due to the storm. You take a while before actually getting to this point. The problem is, that the 1/3rd of the story that you took to get there wasn't really memorable. I get that it's a slice of life, but was your time spent wisely? Were the events you showed interesting enough to keep readers satisfied? Here's what you used a third of the story to tell:

The Crusaders and Dinky get out of school
They want to discuss vacation plans but get hungry
Going to Twilight's, Apple Bloom is forgotten and can't leave

Lastly, I want to talk about a minor question on my part. Twilight putting up a magical barrier to protect against the storm and it's sounds. Why didn't she just do this earlier? It's not like it was hard for her, she put it up and even fell asleep with it staying on. I get that it's more intimate if Twilight comforts Apple Bloom, but if you put this in, it raises the question of: "Why bother?"

Still, this is can be a rather heartwarming story at times, and it left off with a good ending which is important. Pretty good all things considered.

My Wings Will Keep You Safe: 65/100
Come to this story if you're looking for warm fuzzies.

6148611 Thanks for the review. You made some pretty good points here that I will certainly take into account with my other stories. This is also my first ever one-shot and I plan on doing a follow-up to it by remaking my other fanfic "Mum's the Word". I hope to greatly improve with my stories so everyone can enjoy them. Again thanks for your input on the story.

6148669
It is my pleasure, I'm glad I was able to help. And even gladder that you took the time to respond. Sometimes no one does, and I have no idea if they've even seen the review.