Title: Am I Really Their Friend?

Author: pabrony83
Reviewed by: That one Rational Critic
Amount read: ALL
Verdict: 7 out of 10 Reject (seconded by Sparky Brony)
Date: 10 October 2018
Am I Really Their Friend? takes on a hard topic in literature. Suicide and depression are emotional topics to talk about, let alone write a whole story on it. And pabrony83 really took to developing how this story would go about in a very intelligent way. The number one strength that lends itself to this topic is the setting and time the story takes place. Taking place towards the beginning of Rainbow Rocks , the author set out to flesh out the emotions and predispositions the characters had towards Sunset Shimmer. In the MLP community, Love and Tolerance are among the most cherished values, and to go along with those the value of reconciliation. However, we all know that in reality it is very hard to let go of strong feelings, may they be good or bad. It isn’t easy to forgive and start over with a person after they have done so many wrongs. This story takes a different plausible approach towards the EG arcs, and it is done well.
However, for the story’s strengths there are still some weaknesses here. And just to clarify, this reviewer understands that there is a sequel to Am I Really Their Friend?, however, this reviewer must look critically at this story as it is by its self. After all, even the author stated that there originally was not sequel, and that one was made in response to fan request.
Starting early on, this story now and then has some lengthy sentences. This is not a problem per say, however, many of the sentences get rather long and bring up multiple subjects, but they do not have commas to block off the sentence into easier to track segments. At times certain lines may require a few read overs to understand what was meant by them. The grammar, however, is nearly on point, and this is something this reviewer doesn’t always see.
The real issue behind the story is, perhaps, its length. At 1,385 words, this story is a very quick read. And, overall, this damages it. There simply isn’t enough time to add depth to the story, except for one or two areas. This story certainly states that its ground story is not the same as the movies, and without time to develop the ground story there isn’t much to build off of. The characters around Sunset Shimmer seem to be self-centered assholes (mind me) rather than people who went through a traumatic incident.
As well, the ending to the final scene leaves much to be desired. The ending doesn’t bring up many questions, rather, it leaves with a sudden ending.
All in all, Am I Really Their Friend? is a well written story that takes on serious topics. And In the end, the story is, overall, successful in creating a believable narrative. Though this reviewer had to fail the story, this reviewer would like to make it aware that, with minor revision, this story would easily rank as an eight or even possibly a nine. This reviewer will certainly look forward for this author’s next publication, and hope that they will make future submissions.

6617131
Thank you for the review. I do plan on touching this story up somewhere down the line. So, unless it's against the rules, I may resubmit it after the improvements are made.

6617395
Of course not! You get three attempts per fic to submit the story upon rejection. Thank you for submitting to us and we hope to see you submit again!

6617754
When is the next round of open submissions going to be? I've got another fic that I would like to try getting a review for.

6617754
Disregard the previous comment. I should've looked before asking.

6617779
Hahaha all good

6617779
Hey, sorry for not sending you a message saying that your story had been reviewed. That was my bad. I was pretty on the line with your story, it just needs a little more revision.