Title: Relax by kalash93
Verdict: Reject (5)
Reason:

This story has some potential, as it has reasonably suitable clop, but there are a few things that are left to be desired. I’ll highlight some of the more pressing issues I have with it.

Firstly, there is not much of a setup for the narrative to build up to the clop. It sort of just goes right into it. I suppose this may be alright for some readers, but by opting out of creating that slow build up and teasing the readers out of giving them the clop right away, one creates a more saucy climax.

Secondly, the emotional aspect of the characters’ relationship seem forced at the end of the story, seeming almost like it was an afterthought, something to act as a sort of resolution. I ultimately didn’t walk away satisfied as a result, but I don’t believe there needs to be an overhaul in the design of the narrative to rectify what I perceived to be an imperfection.

Finally, the English needs work. There were several phrases that either left me completely baffled as to what they meant or just had me scratching my head as to how they were feasible. I highlight below a few examples of the passages I ran into.

Her mouth and brow twitched, darting between compassion, pity, confusion, anger, lust, and happiness.

I’m not sure that a face can even depict all of these emotions at once.

The muscles were obvious

What does this mean?

His cheek was almost perfectly smooth, save for the typical imperfections.

What does 'typical imperfections' imply?

The mare lowered her hips, taking a hand to be sure of her aim

I think this passage meant ‘using her hand to steady her aim’ instead of ‘taking a hand…’

The pony’s breathing slowly started to become slower and more regular.

Concision can be applied here to minimize redundancy and optimize clarity. Instead of ‘started to become…’ once can put ‘became level.’

His hot, lusty pants were…

Willis took the words right out of my mouth on this one. ‘I wasn’t aware pants were capable of lust.’

I would like to see this story a bit more polished, as I generally enjoy the clop this author puts out, but its current state, I sadly must reject this story.