Tell us your story of realizing that you were actually Twilight Sparkle, or a Twilight sexual.

4130910

No, you.

... okay, fine. For better or for worse, here is my story.

Here's the thing, it's not really something I came to understand all at once, and it started before I even heard the name. So when I was little I thought something was wrong... but I didn't know what. It was a whole lot of little things, really.

Passing by a mirror and expecting to have ... I don't know what, but not what I had. Maybe my hair was supposed to be different?

Crossing my eyes to look up my forehead at... I don't know. I didn't know what I was looking for, but I expected to see something.

I truly believed, having started out crawling on all fours, as a baby, that I was supposed to be that way. Walking upright... it still feels awkward, to be honest. I know I cried when my mother, out of the misguided goodness of her heart, took so much time teaching me and training me to walk on two legs.

I was always expecting things I wanted to come over to me, by force of will. Magical thinking, I think they called it. It took decades for me to realize I truly did expect, literally, magic. And that, here... well, magic isn't real. Coming to terms with that was a long, painful process.

Early schooling, before my parents withdrew me to educate me themselves, was horrible. Not because of the math or the science or the reading and writing and so on - I loved those! I'd been reading everything I could get my -- I just nearly typed "hooves" there -- hands on since I was two years old. It was wonderful. But the reason school hurt so much was the cafeteria. That's where I started to realize I was different from the other girls. I didn't even want to be in that terrible room, but I got yelled at so much on the few times I managed to slip away and graze for a while... I had no way to make that stop but to quash my grass cravings for literally decades. And now... well, now the grass is just too dirty, and I'm just too used to months-old produce and such. And let's not even go into how many times people have tried to convince me to eat meat!

All of that went on for years and years. I kept questioning myself, and finding no answers. Who am I really? What am I? I learned to blame myself for feeling so alien. I didn't have the right words to tell anyone how wrong I felt. I brought it up a few times, but just ended up confusing myself, and usually others too. Someone even told me (later, in my early teens) I might be "transsexual", but the word meant nothing to me, and when I finally asked my "parents" (how do humans give birth to a unicorn, anyway? Is one of my parents a changeling? How are my siblings human, but not me?) what it meant, all I got was more beatings.

Did I not mention those yet? Oops. I guess I should mention that the older I got, the more uncomfortable I became, but the pain came without clarity. Eventually, bullies saw the confused, hurt, scared little girl I was and taught her how to lash out, so that's what I did. I got angry. I'm not proud to say I even got violent. And because my parents had no idea how to "fix" me, they just started hitting me too.

And when puberty happened... oh boy. I... I don't want to go into detail about things that didn't belong on my chest and stuff like that. I don't want to talk about how lucky I was to not live within reach of equines of any kind, because I thought my attraction to them was supposed to be normal and when I learned (by not knowing how to delete my browser history while living with "family") that it wasn't... well, I could have gotten a lot worse than a lecture.

I just kept having more questions that nobody could answer, and I learned to keep them to myself anyway. I couldn't keep asking "who is god?" and "why can't I bow to the sun instead?" and "why can't I walk on fours?" and "can't we just eat the back yard instead of spending all that money on pizza covered in people parts?" I got too much attention that way and just had to shut up and withdraw, and I stayed that way for more than another decade. I was just that weird kid, and then weird lady, who hid from her problems behind a stack of books everyone else thought were boring (they were totally not! The way they cut straight to the facts was absolutely riveting! Although I liked the really good stories too).

Then, magic happened.

I'm absolutely certain it was magic, because there's no other way they could have done what they did with just a television studio.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic happened.

I didn't watch it at first. I didn't even hear of it for most of the first season. But sure enough, it got around the Internet (the only thing I will ever thank you for, 4chan) and eventually I watched and holy wow! That beautiful purple pony... my jaw dropped every time she appeared on-screen! It was love - well, okay, it was lust - at first sight. I can't tell you how many gigabytes of space my old Twi-clop folder grew to take up - I just stopped paying attention around 115 (and then my old hard drive died one night - a sad week indeed). Every night was me, her, and the best wine I could get for a dollar.

... and then, as the show continued, as we the audience understood more and more of her life, she struck me in another way, too.

Everything about her reminded me of me. Everything but my body. It was the way she would do things - organization, to-do lists, task dedication, even tardiness panic; reading, studying, trying to understand the impossible; even, as I started to drift naturally into friendships around the fandom, where I could "pretend" to be me (I especially loved roleplaying), the love of friends. It was the way she had Asperger's Syndrome, it was the way my apartment was practically a library, it was the way - I finally had to stop denying - that she was me.

So many things finally made sense, my physical dysphoria in particular. It was an immense relief to finally come out to myself. Some of my old friends didn't take it very well when I tried to start talking about it again, so I'm kind of closeted most places now (as always)... but praise the sun for this group. I really, really needed a place where I could just be myself.

I mean, dealing with being Twilight Sparkle and Twi-sexual is kind of confusing, but at least now I have people I can talk to.

4131051
You're totally weird!
So much scorn!

4130910
I was always a true Twilight Sparkle. I always knew I was her, even when I was really young. I would insist that I was Twilight Sparkle, a pony from Equestria. And all my friends would give me weird looks and tell me that Twilight Sparkle wasn't a pony in the show, and they went to play with other people. Discrimination is so bad for Twisexuals.

That sort of thing kept going through my life. People kicking me out of places for crawling around on all fours. Insisting I just ran from place to place instead of teleporting. Or saying I wasn't floating anything at all and went over to grab it.

But I showed them! When Friendship is Magic finally came out I was vindicated. Everyone I knew as a kid started looking at me all jealous like, and saying I was a witch who predicted the future. I told them that was Pinkie or Zecora or something, but they wouldn't hear about it. They got so jealous of my status as Princess Celestia's student that they ran me out of town! It was crazy. I still can't get a job, thanks to the horrid bigotry around me, but I travel around looking for Rainbowsexuals, Pinkiesexuals, Applesexuals, Rarisexuals and Fluttersexuals, since I know that's where I'll find my true friends!