Hey hows it goin scrubbing bubbles? I’m back with another exciting review of a my little pony book, because its my favourite thing to do! I’m just so excited! I thought I was done after that horrible cupcakes toe-tickling but my friend told me that I have to review something else because the “good authors of my little pony need your help” and “review something or else you’ll never see him again.”

So with that in mind the next ransom review of the collaborative mlp book series that I’m reviewing is Reprogramming by the author “sunnypack.” It’s about a pony princess by the name of Twilight Sparkle (stupid name) writing letters to her teacher about some kinda bugpony race with an ironic name (more on that later). I’ve heard this is a problem actually with mlp authors creating new races of ponies for the sake of “plot” or something. Weaksauce writing if you ask me. Just stick to humans, theyre the best.

Anyways in these letters were told about how the “changelings” work:

Another interesting property of the changelings are their secondary directives. A changeling may have a primary directive and this directive may take precedence over the secondary directives, but the interesting part of the secondary directive is that they can be programmed into the changeling. A changeling will do its best to fulfil the secondary directive, provided that the directive does not contradict the first. When the queen links up with the changelings of their hive, this is how the queen maintains their drones’ loyalty.

Wait a minute. I know what’s going on here!! The author is trying to make me feel stupid. Well I don’t need your help, mr. Pack! I understood all that just fine.

Sincerely, your faithful friend and former student,

Twilight Sparkle

OhhHHHHH they turned it around on me! Alright so this is where the story turns into a dramatic uncovering of whatever led to this princess be the other princesses former student. Think about it. Why else would she mention that she were her former student if they weren’t like totally at odds with each other about whether or not changelings were something to eat or to use as slaves. Do she got the resting bitch face?

Anyways I really like how fannypack is making this character. She like acts smart or whatever but this whole letter is written like she already knows everything about changelings even though she only mentions having looked at them in the face. And she labelled a category and subcategory both as “1” so you know she’s not very organized. Cool character flaws.

Also she never describes what changelings are supposed to like do. Thankfully I’ve already encountered them so I have a pretty good idea. 

“Princess, would you mind doing a sweep in that area again?”

I looked at the weary stallion. Sergeant Wheeler was a very dedicated pony. He took his work seriously and he never dismissed a call of concern from the residents of Los Pegasus. Though White Tail Woods was little far from the stomping grounds of Ponyville, I was happy to lend a hoof with anything anypony needed, so long as it were within reason.

Alright HOLD THE PHONE we’re in the woods now! This story keeps getting bettter and bettter. And Princess T-Dog (better name) shows that she doesn’t like helping others when it interferes with her experimenting on invisible changelings back at home. I’m loving this stuff, I promise! So they’re looking for a dead change-

Applejack made it awkward when she wanted to expand her field into the Everfree bounds. Saying no and seeing her crestfallen expression was one of the hardest things I had to do. Unfortunately the Law was clear on the matter, I couldn’t budge them for anypony. Not even for my friends.

Wait a law drama? I LOVE LAW DRAMAS! Friendships being torn apart over zoning laws, bibles being thrown at each others faces, intense speeches by attractive men in their twenti-

“Understood, Princess. About the—”

“—the changeling signature, yes,” I continued, pawing at my eyes.

No, we’re back to the woods. Missed the boat on that one, curlybracket.

But okay now we’ve got a new character. And he’s this all-business, tight-wad sergeant-type pony, which means that this MLP universe has a full on military! I’ll bet they have a SWAT team too. Like “Sergeant Wheeler’s Archetypal Team” or something. All they need is like a little girl who wants to be a princess.

“So what’s it like to be a princess?” Puff asked, her eyes sparkling.

The theme music writes itself! Honestly i just wanna hear about these two.

Alright alright so theyre chasing this bug through the woods because its telling them its dying by some signal or whatever and they want to fix it. I dunno computer metaphors are dumb. just like the stupid things themselves. Like the other day my stupid IT guy had the nerve to say it was my fault my laptop wasn’t working. Like a computer breaks and its the fault of the one using it? Maybe in whacko-land. The only thing I did wrong was spilling my double-double large decaf on it, but it should have fixed itself when I put it through the dishwasher.

And then when I see the thing again its on his desk, and hes got his own account and password on it. And hes like “Im just redoing it, I’ll give it back when I finish.” But then I walk away and hes whispering like “don’t die on me” or whatever. Like how could you get so attached to a dumb computer like that. Its just a machine pretending to be a human, run by the IT guys who dont even trust them to do anything right.

Anyways dont worry I got that guy fired and put into the hospital for an allergic reaction at the same time. That aughta each him for going into a stupid field.

Like they could never be the same as us you know? Itt’s so easy to reset them and change the administrator. To whoever-the-heck. They just obey commands they cant feel anything. Its not like you could teach one to love or be friends with you.

Anyways Twily (stupider name) finds the changeling by tripping over it (klutzy isn’t a good character trait) and she saves it by using her superpower’s. She thinks shes hot shit even after not being able to decide whether she knows nothing or everything about these guys.

Also by the way I wanted to mention that this story has bad pacing. Like slow down Vin Diesel! The first sentence of the description on the back of the book says:

On a patrol through the White Tail woods, Twilight comes across a dying changeling.

See why not do that in 10,000 words? That way you can reeeaaalllly pace the story. Here I’ll post some notes on pacing from a super good author that fannypack (yeah I’m using it again) can use if he drops by. I mean I could do it bettter but you scrubs might as well suppport each other.

Anyways, Twizzle MacSpizzle (best name) saves the changeling and learns that it thinks shes its queen and Sergeant wheeeeeels stays with her to make sure she’s safe, as would be expected of the sergeant that just told her that he couldn’t escort the filly home and leave his princess alone.

Actually she’s in the hospital and doesn’t remember any of that and the sergeant did what every good soldier would do and left his princess alone with the child. Interesting strategy, sergeant nascar... but I like the contradiction. Its a good character flaw.

So then the changeling comes in and gives a bad bug report in the form of a bad bug report. And then it refuses to leave her because its her queen or something... I don't remember.

And then the story just ends! Lamesauce! Maybe the author isnt done or something but there should be like a little thing that lets you know that more is coming. Whatever. I was reading the comments and they were all from people who were so excited to be reading. I guess to each their own thing but I just feel like I'm missing something because I seem to be the only one who was bored reading this story.

“Please be more specific, my Queen.”

I cleared my throat, finding something interesting to look at on the ceiling. Lovely plaster.

I stand corrected.

Also, if you're reading this Dark Avenger. You can KEEP HIM. I have a much better hunk of metal in my life now.

And just 20$! What a STEAL!

4285794

curses! foiled again!