Holla holla, scrublords! It’s me, da Dark Avengers, about to give u all sum pro authoring advice lessons again. i just got back from a meeting with ALL the creative consultants, and they told me I should take on this fic right here, White (Power) Box written by Chrome-some, since its “the bestest, coolest, and most colorfulest color parade of feels ever…”

and it turns out that they were wright, becoz this fic is just super-amazing oh my gawwwd!!1! It’s got… coloooors, and… philosophy, and… Twilite Sparkle and… some moar colors, and… action… romance… comedy… sexual fantasies… its got EVERYTHING.

Where do i even begin? The story is really really really super amazing and original… and I’m willing to bet it inspired a lot of other things once it came out, except they never got it quite as accurate and awesum. You know how it goes: all those lame-ass pulp novels where… some guy is locked up in a jail cell, and… he’s going bananas in his head and he talks crazy and thinks deeply about everything… that idea was pretty new…

...44 years ago.

Buuut if original ideas are your kinky-thingy, then have no fear, cause there’s plenty more!! Not only does Fight Boss have a beutiful story and deep characters, it also has the bestest graphics I’ve ever seen in a story, because it uses colors!

When I look at Clover, my mind empties. Her coat is white, her mane is striped green, but all I see of her—inside, outside, all around her body—is Red: flashing, roiling, burning bright like fire. It is not fire, though. Fire is crackling wood, blankets under the stars, naming constellations as he smiles down at you and compliments how well you’ve studied. Fire is heat. Red is not. Red is cold, like me. Red makes me feel awake, alive, ravenous. I want more Red. I want all the Red that Clover can give me.

I am Hungry.

PROTIP: Black letters over plain white background is sooo 1000 years ago. This is the new thing: vomit colors all over your words and make them 275% more expressive. What are you waiting for? Get with the times!

Yeah, that’s right: colors! Those things you see with your eyeballs that makes… um… doodoo look different from peepee, and… your eyes different from your elbows… There’s a whole huge Arsenal of colors in this fic, so many that i dont think i can even count them all, and each one is just as interesting and says super-deep things about whatever the character talks about.

you know what? Since all these big words and drawn-out sentences are in it, This fic instantly gets 10/10 for thesauruses, and even an extra point for all the super-amazing colors. i dont even think i need to go into it any further, because it should be obvious to you as soon as you pick this thing up. I was bored of reading just words anyway, and a story with writing that needs an epilepsy warning feels just as good as my old smartphone did before I threw it into that public toilet…

Butt I digress.... where was I? Oh yeah… the story. So this crazy guy starts learning about colors and gets all friendly with the Sparklebutt kid, but then one time he looks in a mirror and finds out he’s actually this pony-shaped freeze-monster, while the unicorn that looks like Sparklehead is all “Umm, WTF? I don’t like you!!1!” but as a child she also lit her house on fire because she’s a scrub who can’t use the flare gun properly…

White Pox is also good because… look, why are you even wasting your time reading this? every second you waste here youre missing out on the amazing tale of how ponies use friendship and level 12 flame magic to overcum racism forever and ever! u should all know by now that raecism is really bad, and you shud never judge by how someone looks on the outside… even if its a creepy demon made from vanilla ice cream that freezes everything it touches and drills into your mind to see your dirty clop ideas. Hey, dont you get it? it’s all symbolic! You could replace that poor misunderstood creepy crawly with any group that’s being racisted against!

DON’T BE RACIST, OKAY?

Help her remember. I can do that. She’s remembering him say that right now, a hundred-thousand-million different times, pressing her lips together at the thought. Mine bend upwards again. I’m good at helping Star Swirl. Especially if there’s Red involved.

“Fine,” Clover mouth-speaks. She tries to scrub the Orange off each of her words before it leaves her throat, but I can still see it after she’s done. “Then if you’d be so kind, you explain why and, while we’re at it, how in the ever-widening world of Equestria there’s a fun-sized little Windigo in my sunforsaken bedroom!”

Lightning strike. New page in a book. Math problem, scribbled answer, solved. I was so focused on Clover that I forgot about myself, about the question I’ve had since I first was. Clover’s mouth just gave me the answer. Her mind explains to me how it feels, how I’m buzzing like a honeybee in springtime. I know what I am now. I am brighter-than-Yellow. I am Gold.

I am Windigo.

PROTIP: No, the gimmick never gets old. It never gets tiring to look at. None of the characters feel forced. It never stops being fun to read a whole paragraph about every single inch they move...

Now, some people seem to think that your opinion doesnt matter unless you wrote, like, a shit ton of other things first… And uh… yeah, that might actually be true… and it might not be true… but lets go ahed and pretend its tr00 for now, because we’re professionalisters that knows what they do all the time, so we can do a little experiment..

welp since my opinion doesn’t matter, and only nerds try to anal-ise stories anyway, why not just ask the author himself? Soo, without further adieu, lets give a quick round of applause for none other than the fabulous Chromosome!

CH: Hey, ahahah, what’s uuuuuppp! Bro, I don’t hear any clapping, bro, what’s with this round of applause? Alright, haha, it’s cool. What’s up?

DA: So good to have you here, Mr. Chronosphere! Wow, you’ve been gone for foreeever now, and it was really hard to get a hold of ya. where’d you go?

CH:I knooooww! I was off on a makeover trip, dude! Like I came back thooooouuuugh, and like I totally have new ideas now, for like, when I’m not bein interviewed and stuff for bein awesome! Like don’t look away, cuz I’m in it for the loooong haaauuuul.

DA: All right, excellent! So, uh… the story is like a… the words are like a gay-pride parade ran into an exploding paint factory. it has sooooo many colors!1! Why did ya do it?

CH: Duuuuude, you’re living in the past, duuuude. Like colours is so 9 months ago maaaaaan. No, shit is all about shapes now… like not your lame-ass circle and square stuff but like the reeeeaalll shapes. Like those shapes that nobody even talks about because they think they’re the best judges of shapes or whatever, but like, you know how the rhombus gets so much shit just for bein’ a rhombus? Like somehow the rhombus’s opinion is like laaame or something. And I mean sure, who would ever want to be a rhombus, but duuuuuuude what if you were a rhombus, man? Or a parallelogrammar, duuude, I love parallelogrammars. Sorry, dude I- heh, forgot the question, dude.

DA: Um… how do you come up with these amaezing stories and stuff? What made you become the best riter ever?

GTB: Oh, I’m just positive that this is all to do with how wonderful Mr Chromosome’s teacher was! I’ll bet that they showed him all the lovely techniques to use to really let the readers feel all the emotions of their characters, even--

DA: Hey! wat the hell are you… get out of here! This is like, my interreview!

GTB: Oh… I’m sorry, I just thought you were asking in gener--

DA: MY INTERREVIEW!

CH: Woooaaahh, like, double team, huh? Yeaaaaah man, lets do it. First the teach can ask me a question, then she can ask me like another question, and… man where’s she goin?

GTB: All right, I’ll leave you two to your fun little interview. I have invited a couple of my students home for some personal tutoring, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint--

DA: Hey, i said get looost!1!

CH: Awwwww, maaaan, she looked cooool. Wait what was the question again, dude? Oh right! why I’m like the best writing person, aha.

Well, I mean, I was born like as a crazy unique person with like the most unique parents ever. Like only my brother and sisters have the same parents as me, and that’s totally weird. Hey by the way, can you tell me why my sisters have two brothers but I only have one? Mind equals blown, man, y’know?

So yeah, to be a good riter I just wake up and smoke lettuce every day. That’s not like, code, or anything, like straight up hearts of romaine stuff. It doesn’t like, get you high or nuthin? It just sort of makes you go, damn, man, I’m smokin lettuce. That’s totally whack. I should write something that’s totally whack. And then yeah, man, it just comes out.

DA: why does the super-demon thingy try to, like… stalk the Twilight Sparkplug Cameo? Is this your fetish?

CH: Like, heh, what isn’t my fetish dude, like seriously. I mean, have you ever looked at a tree, like a big long piece of arbour, and just gone duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude I wanna do terrible things to that tree. Have you? Cuz like, if you haven’t like, you gotta look at the trees that I look at, man. Like stop living near ugly trees, man, for real. Ah, man, dude, I totally forgot the question again. Lay another one on me, man, I can do this.

DA: The main pony caricature is a lot like Twilight Spimple, but she’s never actually called Twitter Sparkel. Instead the name is “Clover the Clever”. Is she supposed to be some kind of OC?

CH: WOah, man, am I goin crazy here? Like that musta been soooome wild night if I don’t even remember my own character aha! Clever the Clover right? Haaaa, that sounds so like me, dude, yeah that’s totally my Orange County. Is she awesome or sumthin?

DA: I always thought the pony christmas play story was symbolicalist, but apparently it’s about… magical friendship-flamethrowers and implied rape. Sooo…. Where did you get this deep understanding of My Little Porny?

CH:Duuude the christmas episode is like my favourite episode, man, like that bit with all the trees? And that really big tree in the middle! Dude, man, somethin about trees today I can’t keep up with my mind, aha. But yeah, I mean, if like look through the forest to see what’s really goin on in that show, man, like you really just… you get into it man. You understand them, man, for real. Like rape fantasies is like just the tip of the iceberg.. ahaaa I said just the tip.

DA: If you could buy… a car for one of the mane six… what car would it be, and why that pony?

CH: Alright, yeah, I’d totally go with Fluttershy, cuz like, she deserves it y’know? I’d get her like a prius or some shit cuz that’s her style, and when she’s all ”but Chromosome, um, I, um, don’t, um, use, um, cars, I’m sorry.” I can hit her with the “yeah you do cuz you never fly, damnit!” Like why doesn’t she ever fly, like what makes her so special? She think she’s better than me or something? God. Either that or a range rover for that blue one who lives on the farm.

DA: Would you take them in that car and go on a date with them?

CH: No WAYYYY man, I totally knew you were gonna ask me that question! Like, dude, do you read minds, dude? Like you gotta tell me if you read minds dude, like I’m super scared by psychics, man, like super scared. Like my mom told me one day that she knew what month I would be born like wayyy before it happened and-and-and-and she was flipping right, dude! Like that’s scary, right? She won’t tell me why she won’t admit she’s not a psychic, but like, watch out dude, the government will be aaafter you dude, for real. Especially if you do hard drugs too, like they’ll come right after you ahaha.

Wait okay, I’m thinkin of another question, let’s see if you can get it.

DA: why do you think so many people... even all the nerds and scrubs... like your story so much?

CH: THERE IT IS! I’m freakin’ out, broooo! Like SLOW DOWN, how did I know what you were gonna say?

WAIT DUDE. I think IT’S ME. DUDE. Totally, man, think about it, like I was thinkin you were gonna ask “Why do, like, birds walk when they could fly? And like the first two words man, you see ‘em? I got THE FIRST TWO WORDS, BRO! LikE I DONT WANNA BE OPERATED ON LIKE SOME KINDA EXPERIMENT, MAAAAAN, DONT LET THEM TAKE ME AWAY, BRO! SEND, LIKE, HELP!

Oh wait, bro, aha, I can just beat up the feds with my psychic powers, bro. No worries, ahaaaa. Hey where’d that cute teach go anyway?

GTB: Oh, I’m right here, dearies! And… I’m sorry for intruding, but my little ponies wanted to have a look at your stuff. They promised they wouldn’t breathe a word about anything tonight, so I couldn’t see the harm in letting them see how a true artist works! And who better than the lovely Mr Cro--

DA: Ugh… I thought i told you to stay outta this!

CH: Nahhhh, man, hold up, she’s cool. Heyyy there professor ahaaaa, how’s school goin? Are you kids behavin or whatever? Haaaa, you know, I could be like a sub if you need a break or sumthin.

GTB: Oh, well, um… I do appreciate the offer, Mr Chromosome, and in fact I have two of my students with me right now; they’re very well behaved and quiet, I can tell you! I was wondering if you could--

DA: Cut it out! You cant just… This isn’t some sex chat or whatever!!1!

GTB: Sex chat?! Oh my goodness… Gum Drop, Prickle Pear, you go back to your parents, and remember what you promised me earlier when we were exploring my garden.

… How could you use such language in front of my foals? That was next week’s private lesson!

CH: Awwww, next week?? But I have to like disappear for more than a year starting tomorrow! Duude, professor, like, this lesson sounded really coooool, any chance you could bump me up a bit in your, like, schedule? Ahaaa… I think we could do it really fast if its a private lesson, if you catch my driiift, ahaha.

GTB: Oh… my… Well, I suppose I could fit you in tonight, if you want. And since I’m all alone… and have been alone for a while, I wouldn’t mind if we pulled an all nighter together! Besides, I think a stallion as lovely and sweet as you could manage that, couldn’t you?

CH: Best. Interview. Ever! Haa, let’s go bumblebotts!

GTB: Follow me to my private study… that’s right, up the stairs… behind the curtains… and don’t forget the vaseline!

DA: Hey… Hey! HEY!!! Where are you two going? What are you--

Okay, well… that didnt turn out quite like I planned… and for some reason Chromosome and GreatTeacherBumblebottom are now “in a relationship” on Facebook... buuut… uh, I guess the point still stands: Write Boss is probably the best fic ever, hands down and hats off. i think it might even be almost as good as Fallout:Equestria, but since theres no zombies or nukes or conspiracisms in this fic, I can’t give it top marks for “plots”. As for epicness…. this story has loads, plus the style is really useful too. In case your kid ever needs, like, a colorblindness exam, you can just use the words in this one.

Actually no, forget that, he’ll probably just grow up to be a scrub… let him read Background Pony or some other boring snorefest...

>mfw you didn't even actually interview Chromosome. I get that this is supposed to be parody, but I expect you to fix that given that you're making up all of it and some poor sap might think your reviews are for real.

4260119

>mfw mods dont use the "reply" feature either...

also: our interreviews are real and teh best, how dare u suggest otherwise?