Holy hell, this card is wild! Mumps/viral meningitis has really switched things up! Sunday is TLC 2017, and here are my rapid-fire predictions!

Pre-show match: Sasha Banks vs Alicia Fox
Who even gives half of a fuck? It's probably Sasha

Cedric Alexander and Rich Swann versus Gentleman Jack Gallagher and The Brian Kendrick
I don't follow 205 Live, but, based on the little snippets of this feud that I've seen, I think Cedric and Co. are due some retribution

Kalisto (c) vs Enzo Amore for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
They didn't intend to put the belt on Kalisto just yet, but, with Neville taking his ball and leaving, options were fairly limited. That said, I think Kalisto will keep the title until we have a champion contender built up (I'd love to see TBK with the belt again, but that's just me)

The Demon King Finn Balor versus "Sister Abigail" Bray Wyatt The Phenomenal AJ Styles
When it comes to surprise switches like this, the substitute normally wins, but I don't know if that'll be the case here. Finn definitely needs the W more than AJ, so I say The Demon wins after a damn fine match

Emma versus The Undefeated Empress of Tomorrow, Asuka
~Asuka's gonna kill you, Asuka's gonna kill you~

Alexa Bliss (c) versus Mickie James for the WWE Raw Women's Championship
As much as I love me some Lil Miss Bliss, I think her time at the top is over. Time for a face champ. Mickie James to beat Biscuit Butt.

Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reigns KURT FUCKING ANGLE versus The Miz, The Bar, Braun Strowman, and Kane
Does it even matter? Kurt Angle is in this match! Gah! The faces are taking the win, but the true winners are the WWE Universe!
Hot damn!

Those are my predictions. Do you disagree? Call me a fucking idiot in the comments, and do better yourself. See y'all later!