Everything Wrong With:
Kyle Blackthorn Conquers Equestria

Spoilers!
(I think?)

A man sits on a stone throne, the skull of his enemy and the old tyrant of this land hangs on the wall.

This is starting beautifully. 1

a glorious white wifebeater

I don't even know if that's racist. 2

“My lord Blackthorn, I wish to show you something that I have created. I believe it will bring you much pleasure.”

400 bits that it's MLP. 3

She shows it to her liege, and he sees six pastel coloured ponies adorning the screen and requesting to be shown in something called “My Little Pony”.

x20 sins. 60

because the great Kyle Blackthorn will not watch your pathetic commercials

He would endure them like any man. 61

The scantily clad women exclaimed in great hysteria

Lavender unicorn syndrome. 62

sexiest man alive was now leaving them

I doubt that he's Markiplier. 63

“But why must our sun leave?”

DING DING DING DING DING~ 68

Blackthorn didn’t listen to them as he continued to look at his beautiful ponies on the screen. Their image was reflecting off of his macho brand sunglasses as he made a vow.

Lavender unicorn syndrome. 69

Blackthorn took a hold of the small television with both hands and pulled on it. Not even the rules of reality would stand between Blackthorn and his goal as the very fabric of space and time ripped in front of him. The vortex spun in front of Blackthorn. However, Blackthorn would only walk to his beloveds and therefore punched the wall to force it to stop spinning. This allowed him to stride in full confidence between realms.

Kyle survives because persona logic. 70
Human visits equestria cliche. 71
Punching solves everything. 72

The journey would have been too great for most men,

That aren't from video games. 73

Coming out of the portal had him finding two Canterlot guards. One found life flee from him because of sheer awesome and the other one had the foolish thought to attack Blackthorn because of this.

I will just make this a sin. 74

The god decided to give the man his respect and a quick pelvis thrust sent the poor stallion to the next continent.

They won't think of a flying pelvic-thrusted stallion in the middle of a ciy, would they? 75

The doors to the throne room posed no challenge to Blackthorne and he went to rip them from their hinges before tossing them into the room. Celestia was sitting on her throne and Blackthorne decided to prove his strength by ripping his shotgun quickly from its position between his buttocks of steel. A quick shot from the massive boomstick sent glass flying from the window. Celestia put down her tea and had a question to ask in her sweet voice of, “Why did you do that? That was my favorite!”

Shotgun ex machina and tv in equestria. 77

Once the cosmic energy was starting to fade, Blackthorn takes a step back into the light and escapes his nonexistent cover. Celestia barely spoke as her astonishment at the sexy beast was too great to allow words to continue to be calm.

770

Blackthorn would reply with, “I am here to take the beautiful mares of Equestria through the same method as I have all women. Pure badassery.”

While Saxton Hale punches people and sells guns. 771

Celestia found her cheeks becoming enflamed as an arousal for the man was finding her quite quickly.

And then they banged. 772

“If you can pass my last challenge with a high enough score, you may just succeed. No one has though.” Just as Celestia was expecting did a scroll appear next to her. A quick glance at it was all she needed to state, “Perfect.”

Letters ex machina? 773

A quick flash later and the two were in the heart of Ponyville with mares running every which way while a Hydra quickly was approaching. Blackthorn was smiling as the beast approached and never looked back at it after turning to Celestia and the entire mare population of Ponyville.

And this is how this story was approved. 774

His arm would rise in a glorious arc that none of those mares would forget. His gaze never left as his righteous finger started curling around the familiar trigger. In one shot, his arm rigid and by itself in the act of holding shotgun, blew away the fearsome hydra. The mares let out a shriek of pleasure from the act, and even Rarity had to fall over from sheer awesomeness. Celestia’s strides would bring the two close to each other as she decreed, “Now.”

That scene had the quality of a sick Justin Bieber. 7740

A week later,

I quit. +2000 9740

Sin count: 9740

Sentence: A flying pelvic-thrusted stallion.
(To the balls)

4291224 And that's how you do it.

4291224

Human visits equestria cliche. 71

Sin counter makes a cliche quote cliche. 1

the sin bonus round should be every time the e is missing from Blackthorne.