Everything Wrong
With
"[untitled]"
(by Kanzlerin Maud)

in 1300 words or less

Spoilers!!

(duh)

______________________________________________________

This is a story that no one will read.

I beg to differ. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 1

With no title, one can’t discern what could possibly take place in this story.

Uh, no. That's like saying you can't tell apart two random people because you don't know their name. Unless they're twins, there's a ton of persceptible differences there! And I know this is supposed to represent the view of the character, even in the description, but still. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 2

For them, the journey into such a story will be akin to that of one into the deepest of unknowns. Strange, disturbing, and full of uncertainty.

So people will take this "journey", even despite you saying no one would read it in the first place? *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 3

Also, that second sentence pretty much describes how it feels like when I open just about any story in Fimfiction, so... *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 4

While there is no true risk involved in the reading of words on a page, the things that one can discover and learn about the world around them can forever alter how they see themselves.

So... there's no risk. Yet there's THIS risk. Sure. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 5

No one will remember my name. I do not have one anyway.

What, were you expecting someone to possibly maybe remember something that doesn't even exist yet? *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 6

Let the named ponies have their image, I would utter through the glass.

Uttering to absolutely no one. Though I guess this pony does need to talk to itself a lot so it doesn't forget how to talk altogether, the story doesn't hint that the seclusion is absolute. In fact, it just hints at it being extremely limited, but still happening. And one would assume they'd still need to talk every now and them to get their supplies or food or anything. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 7

When I had first arrived in this named town, I had only been greeted once.

So you deliberately moved to Ponyville, yet didn't bother to catch the name of the city? So what made you come to that town in the first place? *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 8

This behaviour had confounded me to no end; what use is there to give a party to somepony that has no identity? Even at this party, it seemed clear that no one even knew who it was supposed to be for.

So, they agreed to come... why? Pinkie's parties can appear sporadic and random, but during Twilight's, surprise party, Pinkie had everyone get the jump on her and yell "Surprise!" before actually getting on with the party. I hardly think no one would have noticed who it was for. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 9

But even the Pink Pony, whose true name I do not see fit to remember or even care to acknowledge, soon stopped visiting me.

Pinkie? I don't think anything short of a nuclear explosion would turn an unrelenting must-make-friend Pinkie away, yet this passage seems to imply nothing remarkable happened to make her stop. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 10

The vendors, I noticed, made small talk with everypony else except me. When I chose what I was intending to buy, they simply asked for what it was worth, I hoofed over the necessary bits, and we parted without further words.

Alright. Then how do you have these bits to begin with? *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 11

I would remain solitary, and anonymous. A background pony.

With this fandom? No, you're not. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 12

Several months pass me by. My resolve seemed to be depleting by the day.

*(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 13

I once managed to get a few words in with the Orange Pony’s little sister, making her the first pony I could legitimately call an “acquaintance.”

Yay! A first acquaintance! Now let's completely fail to catch her name! *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 14

From around the next corner in the road, I heard laughter. Six ponies, one of which I recognized at the Pink Pony, came around it. From their banter, they appeared to be on the way to a party of some sort.

On their way to a party. So the party must already be underway... And Pinkie's not hosting it? What is this madness? Even if this was hinting at Cheese Sandwich, I'd give a sin, because, uh... Cheese Sandwich. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 15

None of the other six, not even the Piny Pony, acknowledged me in the slightest; they simply passed me right by.

Pineco is best pony. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 16

It was with this crushing realization that I realized I was never truly alive. I am less than a nopony. I am… unknown.

If the encounter with Apple Bloom hadn't happened, this would have struck a more powerful chord, but the moment you make yourself into someone interesting to someone else, to the point where they WANT to talk to you again, then you actually exist and are no longer just "unknown". I only bring this up because it was this encounter which confuses this pony more deeply and makes it take a walk out to try and sort out thoughts, so it is still very relevant. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 17

Even now, after I realize that I squandered a lifetime of happiness, could I still make amends? Could I still turn it around, and restart my life?

What is there to restart? This pony is convinced it never lived at all, so it'd be more like a "start" than an actual "restart". *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 18

There are many more ponies where I came from. Where I had failed in making a difference, another could possibly succeed. Another pony could make all the difference. All they might need is a little push.

This generic trail of thought could apply to virtually anyone. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 19

I thought this very same thought, as I discreetly approached the apple stand at the market where I had first met my first acquaintance—my first “friend”—and left a bank note with the remainder of my life savings there; I wouldn’t need it. An anonymous donation, you could say. I could hear her confusion turn to jubilation as I walked away, and I let a smile form on my face.

Wait... how did you do that undetected? Did you sneak around while no one was there? Was Applejack or someone there, and you simply planted the bank note right in their face? This is not detailed enough to form a decent picture in my mind, even if the important part is the donation itself and not the way it was made. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 20

Also, why would this pony have brought a bank note with them if they had no idea at all that this stroll would end like this? All of its major realizations came from it, after all. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 21

I am already a lost cause. There is no help that can be given to a pony that was born with no identity.

I wonder how much longer it'll be until this pony realizes they just needed to call themselves "Overseer" or whatever and all of its woes would be diminished by a ton. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 22

And besides; no one reads a story without a title.

So I gotta wonder what I've been doing these past few minutes. *(ding!)*

Sin Tally: 23

______________________________________________________

Fanfic Sin Tally: 23
Sentence: Losing its title forever (... Oh, wait...)

3590525 Good good

3590525
Oh, wow. You did this one, too?

...

On a more story-related note, I kind of dislike this one. When I was attempting One-Shotober, I literally could not think of any ideas at one point, so I find sat down and decided to write about... nothing. I had no idea where to take this story, nor did I really care. It's not really much of a story, to begin with. Maybe it doesn't need to be, considering the way it was written, but, eh.

I do like this fellow's interpretation of it, however. Sort of surprised me, I'll admit.

3590654 Yes, I did. I'll stop and let other people try their luck with your stories if you rather see that. xD

And, well, I personally found it satisfying enough. But I liked it for some little things, not the concept as a whole.

I liked that Apple Bloom was the one pony that managed to befriend the pony in the story, as she was shown to do, like with Zecora. I liked that our favorite princess of friendship was suddenly aware of the pony and seemed to not know what she should do, given that her friends ignored it completely; one could picture a dilemma forming in her head, as in "should I try and talk to that one despite my friends blatantly (and probably purposely) ignoring it?". Little things like that.

The concept itself must be relatable enough for some people, I guess, which is why this was well-received enough, it just didn't resonate with me right now (and many people just labeled it as "interesting" without getting too much into the subject, so I guess most people aren't that sure what's endearing about the story anyway... well, except for that guy).

But it still made for an interesting study for me, of how little details impact my view of a story as a whole. I probably wouldn't have liked it if you hadn't made use of those natural, yet endearing little details, so... yeah, I see where you're coming from.

3590671
Yeah, I don't care much for the overall concept, either. But that's mostly because I didn't go in with a concept in mind to begin with. I just started with a loose idea, and then just went on in without any care on where to go or what else to do. The smaller details were somewhat fun to come up with, and I tend to enjoy the smaller details in such stories, personally. Maybe that's sort of what influenced me. In the end, the story as a whole is really only the sum of its small parts; something I'd call just an "experience". Whether it's a good one or a bad one is totally up to the reader's discretion.

...Also, this was one of the stories which I actually had a sequel (of sorts, if you could even call it that) in mind for it. I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever go ahead and actually write it, but, that's still up in the air. I could probably do a million different things with it, but no matter what, it'll always be the "wrong" way to someone. Can't please 'em all, I guess.

Anyway, thanks again for the review. I wouldn't really mind if you tried any of my other stories, since no one else seems eager to jump on board that train, but that's totally up to you. Don't wanna steal you away from the mountains of other fics that are begging us all for attention.