Those tags do not inspire confidence. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 1

I am Rainbow dash, and my factory is my greatest work. But how did it happen, how was it built, what corrupted me enough to build such a vile facility, well, this is how it all began.

I've seen better-written summaries for Asylum productions. *(ding!)*

Also, Rainbow Factory spinoff. That one deserves two sins. *(ding ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 4

“Ma’am, just a question, what happened to Scootaloo?” Said a worker to me.

There is no attempt to set the scene, we are literally dropped into the middle of a conversation in the first sentence of the story. In medias res: I know it sounds cool, but if you're going to use it, let it actually make sense before using it. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 5

“No need to talk about her.” I said with pain and despair.

Oh, so it's going to be one of those kinds of fics. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 6

“Right now, I just want to know how progress is going. SO how is it going?”

You basically just asked the same question twice. Redundancy, much? *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 7

After that discussion, I left the factory.

One does not simply leave the Rainbow Factory, "where not a single soul gets through." Then again, this is psycho-Rainbow we're talking about, so she probably sold hers off years ago. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 8

Right now, I feel an odd mixture of pride and despair. I know what I did to my little Sister. Sadly, she isn’t here right now. I still remember the first time I built this place.

Unneeded capitalization of the word "sister" makes her seem more important to the plot than she actually is. Yeah, she doesn't get mentioned again until near the ending, where it's equally useless. *(ding!)*

And FYI, Rainbow did NOT build the factory. It existed many, MANY years before she did. Harvesting Spectra, according to the official stories, is a practice that dates back to Luna's banishment, and Rainbow just happened to be next in line to take over running it. If you're going to rip off someone else's story, at least READ the story you're ripping off, first. *(ding!)*

Also, way to veer into a new topic without breaking into a new paragraph. It really accentuates the rushed-as-hell writing, and all. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 11

I was still normal then, but before I built it, there was that one night. I felt so strange, I was thinking of all the bad things that happened in my life, and there were a lot; some of them too painful to think about. It happened a long time ago.

Emo Dashie. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 12

I was an ordinary Pegasus pony, just really skilled at, like everything. So “ordinary” is an understatement. I still felt slightly underestimated, that I could accomplish more things, more amazing, awful, things.

Foreshadowing. I guess. Maybe. I dunno. *(ding!)*

Also, "start-story-in-the-present-even-though-most-of-the-plot-is-in-a-long-as-f**k-flashback-sequence-before-cutting-abruptly-to-said-flashback-sequence-via-cheap-exposition" cliche. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 14

I was showing off my moves.

*(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 15

In the end I tried to pull of 5 Rainbooms in one boost.

I know she's a braggart, and that physics can go f**k themselves in this universe, but... don't you think that pushing it just a little bit? *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 16

But I crashed into a Stone wall… Somehow… and then the ponies started laughing at me after those two bullies said. “Ha, Rainbow Crash failed!”

If this was after Sonic Rainboom (which it IS, considering she can pull off a Rainboom in the first place) this behavior is out-of-date. The bullies have chilled out since then, and likely wouldn't try to start sh*t again like this. But, there I go again, questioning a Rainbow Factory fic on adhering to canon, when it can't even recognize its own. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 17

IT WAS HUMILIATING!!! So I went home to try and sleep it off.

I am proud to live in an age where we can recover from deeply-rooted psychological embarrassment as if it were a physical malady.

Fanfic Sin Counter: 18

I tried to give them one last chance to show they still cared the next, but then I heard Pinkie Pie cracking jokes about my failure! And my friends laughed at every one! I walked up to them and said, “Is that really what you think about me, A LAUGHABLE FAILURE!?”

Obviously, Rainbow Dash has never experienced high school. *(ding!)*

Also, get over yourself. You messed up one stunt. You've f**ked up countless others in the past and caused all kinds of damage, and show no signs of being hung up on it. Those suddenly do not factor in, here? And it's highly doubtful that her friends would continue to be on her case about it as well; otherwise, they would crack jokes about things like the Mare-Do-Well incident on a more constant basis. Yadda yadda out-of-character and so forth. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 20

“AT MY EXPENSE!!!” I shouted.

Need to get a point across and show that you're royally pissed off? Caps Lock and exclamation overdose is just the ticket.

Fanfic Sin Counter: 21

“Now what just a minute RD, we weren’t laughing too much!”

“And so lied the element of HONESTY!?”

“Now Rainbow dash, darling, we didn’t mean any harm. To be honest it WAS Pinkie pie who started it.”

“You are supposed to be GENEROUSLY taking the blame!?”

“But wait Dashie, I was only making them laugh!”

“The element of LAUGHTER, LAUGHING AT SOMEPONY’S FAILURE!?”

“Rainbow dash, how dare you!? That isn’t at all what we meant!”

“And that was supposed to be KIND!?”

“Um… I mean..” Fluttershy stopped and started crying.

I can see the whole angle of accusing her friend's to be acting contrary to their element, but... it really doesn't work, here. It's tired, it's forced, and it just sounds like eye-roll-worthy bitching at this point. *(ding!)*

Also, she made Fluttershy cry. Fifty sins for Gryffindor! *(ding ding ding ding ding...)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 72

“I can’t believe you all; there isn’t anything magical about cracking insulting jokes about your friend behind her back!”

I don't know what kind of fantasy world Rainbow lives in, but-- oh, right. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 73

“But Rainbow Dash, darling…”

“SHUT UP RARITY!!! You should be comforting me, telling me my failure wasn’t all that bad, but instead you are all talking about how “Comedic” My faceplant on the stone wall was! Or how “Hilarious” It was when I FELL!!! THAT ISN’T WHAT A FRIEND SHOULD DO!!! You all went back on your elements just to be cruel! How COULD YOU!?”

The more I read this, the more it begins to sound like the author is imprinting his angsty personal issues into the story. This does not bode well.

Fanfic Sin Counter: 74

Then I said, “You are SO…” I stopped myself and said, “You know what, what’s done is done. But let bygones be bygones, just don’t do it again.”
“We Won’t!” They all said.

Screaming, angry conflict between Dashie and her friends is resolved instantaneously, and out of nowhere. Even if she didn't really mean it, I sincerely doubt her friends would let something like what just happened slide with nothing more said. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 75

Then I replied, “I forgive you.” But I really wanted them dead.

Getting into a fight with friends for bullsh*t and childish reasons apparently creates murderous urges. Who knew? *(ding!)*

What follows is just paragraph after paragraph of edgy angst, emo monologue, constant whining, obligatory nightmare sequences, and "pain", so we'll skip to the good parts and assume that about a thousand or so words of that slop is worth around thirty sins.

Fanfic Sin Counter: 106

Turns out, it was past noon, and that nightmare was keeping me occupied. I heard what Luna said, but after the pain and agony Pinkie Pie caused me, (Unintentional as it was) I completely disregarded what she said and set out to seek vengeance. After what she did to me, she NEEDS to be dealt with!

She acknowledges it was accidental, and yet wants to harm her anyway. Yep, Dashie's well into psychopath territory now. And it only took... well, we're around the halfway point, but still. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 107

I was going to kill her, but luckily, Applejack needed some “Help” on the farm, so that distracted me and I decided to help her instead of going after Pinkie pie. But I was going to now suffer more pain.

"I can't exact my revenge! Oh, woe is me!" One word, Dashie: psychologist. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 108

Applejack told me to go into the barn, but instead of giving help, I gained agony. As soon as I walked in, a block of hay fell onto my left wing, and it broke it. I looked up to see where it came from, but all I saw were orange hooves scampering away. Sadly for her, I knew who it was… APPLEJACK! I was so upset, so that I had to ask, “APPLEJACK, WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!!!???” Then she replied, “After your ‘episode’ two days ago, we all figured it’d be best to keep you grounded, cause you ain’t as fast on your hooves as you are in the sky.” This infuriated me, to think that my friends wanted to take away the one thing I love most, FLYING! They take away that, and I am just “Rainbow” Not “Rainbow dash”. They KNOW flight defines my natural talent. Honestly, how low can they go!?

Dashie's angsting aside, this is severely out of character, yet again. Ever since they argued, her friends have been doing nothing to address the problem, nor have any of their "solutions" or "help" done anything whatsoever to assist. And it doesn't make any sense to break her wing, either; if they wanted to restrict her flight, why not tie a rope around her midsection like in Fall Weather Friends? Why break a wing (something that has the potential to never heal properly) and cause her friend more pain? I'm sorry, but this bullsh*t is worth at least five more sins. *(ding ding ding ding ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 113

I went to her room, and overheard her talking about how she “Needed” to break my wings to “Teach me a Lesson.” NO SHE DIDN’T!!!! That was completely unnecessary! I was so overcome with fury, so I walked up behind her and started to strangle her. Applejack tried to break free, but no matter what she tried, I wouldn’t let go. She deserved to be punished.

Yes, strangle her with the broad side of your hooves, because that's entirely possible. It's not like you need, oh, extra appendages to firmly grasp and block the windpipe while ensuring they can't simply slip our of your grip. *(ding!)*

Also, more Dashie angst. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 115

“She said I deserved what happened to my wing because of her, that I ‘Needed’ To be ‘Grounded’ for my ‘Behavior’, but I didn’t! She had NO RIGHT to just BREAK MY WING like that!”

“Well apparently, she did.

Unless she was secretly a member of the Mafia, then, uh, no. She didn't. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 116

I knew at this point that I needed some way to atone for my sin of murder, so I decided to build a facility that would take Applejack’s dead body, and make it great. I didn’t know how to do that though, but then I realized that there was a major shortage in Rainbows, so I thought of a way to make them, artificially. And with that thought, a great Factory was to be made.

And of course, barring the obvious sudden swerve bullsh*t and mentioning "oh hey, there's a rainbow shortage", this is also contradictory to the original story. Rainbow did not build the factory, as anyone who's actually bothered to read it will tell you. F**k, you don't even need to read the whole thing, the summary on the fanwiki explains it just as concisely. Seriously, the "fans" of these gorefics have horrible attention spans. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 117

And after YEARS of hard work and determination, I finally finished it, The Rainbow Factory! It was a beautiful, yet HUMONGOUS building that had more machines than any other you’ve ever known! The building was in the sky right below the Weather Factory, in fact, it was PART of the weather Factory. It was over 20,000 Feet high with Exhaust pipes that were sticking out of the roof, and they were eventually going to be letting out steam and smoke that would otherwise cause the place to overheat. The building was also 40,000 feet in width and yet had a dark and fearsome atmosphere.

That's a f**king huge-ass factory, then. Twenty-thousand feet is almost four miles, and forty-thousand is seven and a half! Not even the weather factory by itself is that high. No building in Cloudsdale or any city is that massive. Seriously, it's the height of Mount Everest, which already is higher than the clouds, and the air is pretty thin up there. How the f**k do you screw up measurements like this? *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 118

And with that, I dug down to her coffin and opened it. But what I saw shocked me. Her Color was COMPLETELY gone! I was horrified and despaired at the fact that I could now no longer make that rainbow in her honor. “NOOOOOOO!!!!!” I shouted. “Darn IT!” How could I forget about Spectrum!

That seems like a big undersight. Perhaps even a massive one, considering she's supposed to know this stuff. It's been years. Bodies rot. *(ding!)*

Also, Dashie is now a graverobber. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 120

I buried the coffin but took the body to Twilight’s now rebuilt library.

And thus the #savetree campaign was successful. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 121

I knew about this, but it slipped my mind, and now it is too late. That is when I came to an evil realization. “It has to be LIVE ponies, not dead ones. IT HAS TO BE LIVING PONIES! Then live ponies I shall get!” And with that, my conscience left me, and I was corrupted; focused on only 2 things, Teaching Scootaloo how to fly so she won’t come here, and using live ponies’ blood to make artificial Rainbows. And so the bloodshed began.

Teaching Scootaloo to fly has to do with what exactly? Right now, it just seems like she's out on a murderous rampage. I can imagine being attached to her and all, but I still don't see why that's the given reason. Did we miss something, here? *(ding!)*

Also, she begins systematically killing her friends after that, starting with Pinkie. Yeah, saw it coming, but it's still sin-worthy. Perhaps more so, considering it was such a horribly foregone conclusion. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 123

Then I said, “Who needs friendship!? In the Rainbow factory, there is no friendship, just death, and fears in the future shall come true, and not a single soul ever gets through.”

They just had to work that line in somehow, didn't they? *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 124

At this time, I went back into the factory and saw too many unicorns and earth ponies, so I said, “STOP! There is a new law now, every Filly who passes their flight tests gets to live, where the fillies who don’t, are sent here to make rainbows either with THEIR blood… Or OTHERS.

Okay, so, now she's dialing back the madness a bit. And she's being so specific with it being fillies (why leave out colts, you sexist git?) that fail their flight test. Where the f**k did she get the authority to make calls like that, anyway? Last time we checked, she didn't have a horn along with those wings. *(ding!)*

The author is just trying so desperately to tie this up and connect it to the original story by the end, somehow completely forgetting that it had already been disconnected from the f**king start when it was said that she built the factory. Seriously, how do you overlook that? *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 126

IN THE RAINBOW FACTORY…”
“WHERE YOUR FEARS AND HORRORS COME TRUE!”
“IN THE RAINBOW FACTORY…”
“WHERE NOT A SINGLE SOUL GETS THROUGH!!”

Yes, we get it, you like the song. You can stop wanking off to it in writing anytime, now. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 127

And then, we moved the factory higher into the sky and kept it in a secret place in Cloudsdale. It was to be a final field trip for all fillies who failed their flight test. All who worked here were sworn to secrecy, abandoning all life in the outside world.

At three miles in supposed height alone, how high can this factory even go? Cloudsdale should be on the fringes of space, then. *(ding!)*

And I haven't commented on the whole idea of the factory being made of steel and chock-full of heavy machinery from top to bottom while resting on fluffy white clouds yet, because I'm really not sure what the deal is with their supposed magical properties. For all I know, it could be reasonable. And maybe I'm a toaster, too. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 129

My only hope was that I would never have to see Scootaloo’s face ever again, not after what I did. I hope now that she never has to come here, to find out what I have become. I hope, that she will never see me ever again; not even at death. And I will never leave this factory until Scootaloo is dead.

This sounds like a lament of a Dashie before the events of Rainbow Factory, while the intro of this story suggests that she's speaking after said events, when Scoot was supposedly killed. Somehow, the story completely forgot where it even started. Like many things in this story, the author has no excuse for missing this. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 130

I DID MY FREAKING BEST YOU JERKS!!!!!

In the end, what matters is that you tried. No matter how half-assed it was. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 131

STOP NEGATIVELY CRITICIZING ME!!!!

Well, we aren't exactly here to sing our praises to your bad fanfic anytime soon. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 132

THIST STORY TOOK ME 2 DAYS TO MAKE, I'D APPRECATE SOME SUPPORT!!!!

Two days to write a 6k word story? Oh, I wish. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 133

EVEN MY WORSE STORIES DIDN'T GET THIS MUCH NEGATIVE COMMENTS!!!!!

Where I come from, we call this "tempting fate". *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 134

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!

And you, sir, are currently not saying anything nice. At all. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 135

IT'S JUST THAT F***ING SIMPLE!!!!!!! TROLLS!!!!!!!

I've heard of the pot calling the calling the kettle black, but this is ridiculous. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 136

SHUT UP! I DID MY BEST!

Fanfic Sin Counter: 137

THIS IS THE LONGEST STORY I HAVE EVER WRITTEN, AND I EXPECT AT LEAST 1 SUPPORTIVE COMMENT

You should expect constructive comments. And this concept is so tired, bland, and stupid by itself that you would be lucky to find someone willing to support it at all, and not be ironic or sarcastic about it. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 138

WHO CARES ABOUT F***ING SENTENCE ERRORS, THIS SITE ALREADY BUSTED ME FOR IT BEFOREHAND, SO STOP MAKING IT WORSE!

This is a site where good literature and form is appreciated. Why are you here, again? *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 139

Its a RAINBOW FACTORY Story, NOT Cupcakes!

And yet both are just as sh*tty, so not a single difference was felt. *(ding!)*

Fanfic Sin Counter: 140

3522084

Now this... this is how to do a Sins review. XD

3522168 You got that right! I forced mine a bit. I have a heavy dose of writers block, so that's why mine was kinda shitty.

3522084 This review is beautiful... 10/10

3522084 Wow, you nailed this review! I'm really impressed!

Its a RAINBOW FACTORY Story, NOT Cupcakes!

Extra Sins: Those two stories are not related in any way, and that doesn't excuse your fault at grammar, pacing, sentences, seriously me 5yo sister writes better that this (true story)
+3 sins

THIST STORY TOOK ME 2 DAYS TO MAKE, I'D APPRECATE SOME SUPPORT!!!!

Extra T and missing I
+2 sins

3560285 +1 Sin