Hmm... this story was not my cup of tea. Granted, it’s not really a story to begin with in terms of the MLP fandom: there’s barely any mention of this even connecting to MLP. It seems to be in the universe, but so out-of-place that I can’t make heads or tails of it.

Okay, grammar, punctuation and spelling were just fine, though some of the earlier sentences kept repeating the same thing.

The.

Literally, for the first fifty or so sentences, the word “the” starts that a sentence, often back-to-back sentences, a good thirty-plus times. Holy shit, I haven’t seen that much “the” since I stopped watching Dragon Tales on PBS years ago because I realized it wasn’t good for my health. Seriously, good lord, that’s a lot of sentences being broken up into smaller ones: overboard in the “attempting to kill run-on sentences” department, I would say.

It also rubbed me the wrong way in that it was a slice of life for some characters who are not only OC, but just... not even featured in the MLP universe. I’m not even sure that mentioning earth ponies or a griffin or a diamond dog technically constitutes this even being MLP. Don’t ask why, but this... it’s confusing, alright? Batponies are only semi-canon due to certain comics and Luna's guard being shown in the show, but foxes? What is this, I don't even...

Then we get to the later part, and sweet Jesus on rye bread, what the actual hell? I was so confused here by the sudden and random shifts in focus and perspective I literally had to reread this three times. I know this is labeled as anthro (not a bad thing, mind you), but it’s just a one-shot of the lives of some furry OCs that I felt no connection to or even interest in. Seriously, foxes and batponies and griffins oh my! I felt so utterly confused it actually took me a few moments of thinking to realize this was a story about a story within a story.

It’s written... decently, but the story itself...

Pass.

2794577 thanks for the review, it's hillarious.
ending with 'A story about a story, within a story'?

the only good thing coming out of this story is your review, by the looks of it.

Grammar and spelling be damed, if it had no story.

2794577

Okay, grammar, punctuation and spelling were just fine, though some of the earlier sentences kept repeating the same thing.

I found a typo in the very first sentence of the synopsis.