2785091 Huh. Maybe they are trying to make a sensor for locating abnormal quantities of psionic energy, because Soui may have only had the planet the archive was on, but not its exact location on the said planet. And maybe also a device that can open the archive without damaging it.

2785690 Soui? Sovereign? Yeah, though I doubt the part with, where exactly the archive is on the planet. Just look through any Xel' Naga structures with psionic energy detected on the planet and dig away.

We could probably feature Stage(Daring Do) making her way through the ruins to the actual archive hidden underneath but that's for later.

We still have yet to discuss a detail, namely, Sovereign, or rather Zeratul's memories held inside his noggin. Zamara did say that the memory is still safe for extraction if they preserve the head in time but that's probably a method exclusive to the Khalai. So we gotta choose how Sovereign gets 'resurrected':
With tech from all five factions available, I can think of a couple of methods that might be possible

Method 1(The Optimistic option): Dominion's cloning tech is used to either create a new body, or fix the old one. The process is sped up by Umojan magic/tech. Umojan tech comes into use through a variation of the soul nexus the Vatican uses for their army of ghosts(or Hollow Knights as I'm thinking of calling them) and rip Sovereign's soul from wherever it may be and stuff it into the new body, giving the GG access to Zeratul's memory.

Method 2(The Patchwork Option): Dominion cloning with Umojan magic to sped up growth but instead of the soul magic. The GG more or less cuts and pastes whatever remains of Sovereign's mind into the new body through resocialization(?) But this Sovereign is just bits and pieces of the old one, not a complete copy but enough for the GG to recover Zeratul's memory.

Regardless of the method used, Sovereign probably only remembers things up to a certain point, like maybe right after his exile or later. Letting the GG fill in the rest with whatever they want, possibly so that the organization will have their own Preserver to use as they see fit. Down Pour would probably have been a recruit for DI, which would probably explain why Moonraker was there, sent by Twilight no doubt. Until the CMC stops them that is.

Moonraker could taunt Rain about putting Down Pour through what she did as a child, and despite Down Pour being a test tube baby, he's still her child and her maternal instincts kicks in, urging her to fight despite her injuries and dying as a result.

2778872 2785091 A question popped to mind. When the gang get to Meinhoff and meet Candy, do we have her tell Scoots that she is just clone #1, or do we keep the lie going?

2908862 Didnt she already figure that one out already?

2908947 N..No...I think she still thinks she's the original.

2908862
2908947 Well, Sovereign did bury the memory under the fake one before he died, so unless she receives some training on how to block any more psychic attacks, she could figure it out in time but we could have Rain Sight or Rainbow train her so Twilight's attempts at screwing Scoots up fails. You know, since AB believes she was under mind control and stuff.

As for keeping it a secret from Scootaloo, I doubt Candy would know about Scootaloo actually being clone number one and even if she did, I doubt she'd want to tell her that.
We could let Stedson tell her that himself.

Also, here's an idea I've got for introducing another character from the game. An A.I based on Stetman ala Halo. Stedson and Stetman, arguing over scientific what nots. If not, no skin off my back *shrug*

2909191 We could have Candy just treat Scootaloo like she knows her to everyonce confusion, and that will lead her to tell Scoots that she is a clone since Candy most likely knows how they got the DNA in the first place.

2909232 Well, actually by that point, Scootaloo wouldn't look like herself anymore since the meeting takes place after the Mercenary Den arc where they get the Umojan mage RD knows to change her looks. Hmm, who should we put in that role anyway? Trixie?

Wait a minute, I just thought of something. Twilight had changed her looks as well so her parents wouldn't recognize her, right? So what would her old appearance be like? And did Shining Armor ever called her by name in the story? It'd be really weird if it was Trixie....ok that plot twist sounded even more absurd than it did in my head.

2909253 You could have Sunset shimmer as the mage aswell and I guess Twilight could look like the G1 Twilight before the change. But as for Scoots I dont have any ideas at the moment.

2785091
2778872 I think I found a how the Sovereign issue works. Pinkie may have brought in with her some Umojan spell book. I think that ponies can be cloned regardless of age, but at the end of the process the clones are kids(like the clones from Star Wars), so after they clone him they use some Umojan spell to age his body, after which they insert the memories of the real Sovi...most of them that is...

Also, we can have Eye Glass doing a private investigation of his own to prove his friend's innocense on the whole terrorist thing, and in the process he ends up on Cadia, where he helps the gang off world.

Thoughts?

2969240 In reference to the cloning thing, the story states that genetic material for cloning can only be obtained from young children and they take 11 months to gestate, just like a real pony would take to be born in real life. So no rapid cloning. But the spell book does sound good.

This means Sovereign can't be cloned by conventional means but with Pinkie involved she'd probably just tap some random buttons and the machine ends up working, since she has Discord's powers and all.

Here's how it could happen with the big meeting between the leaders of the Greater Good going to place on/near Castanar station, Twilight and Pinkie could meet up there to prepare, but Twi is still mad at Pinkie for killing Sovereign, and shows her his corpse in cryostasis. Pinkie says they can just clone him but Stedson comes in and says cloning can only be done with DNA from kids. Pinkie just shrugs and puts Sovi's blood inside one of the cloning pods and makes it happen. All while giving Stedson and Twilight a big headache from the imposibility of it all.

As for Eye Glass' involvement, I think his coming to Cadia is unlikely since he'll probably have DI keeping an eye on him due to his partnership to Karn and I think he knows how politics works in DI, which means that if he tries anything, he'll likely face execution as Karn's accomplice or put through resocialization if he hasn't already been brainwashed to forget his old partner.

2655661
2778872 I think I figured the Sovereign thing. A private organisation with the resourses of the GG could have boosted their cloning tech close to the level of the Star Wars clones - can clone ponies from all ages, but the end result of the cloning is a baby, which must be raised. They could have cloned Sovi like that, and used some Umojan spell to age his body to the desired age and then imprinted the memories they want him to have with the resoc tech.

Thoughts?

2981386 But isn't that the Patchwork option I proposed...lets see, it says 3 weeks ago? Huh, guess I should leave all that technical talk for the 'Tech' post

Regardless, it does sound believable. A combination of umojan magic and resocialization tank could be used for imprinting memories.

Quickl question, does resoc tech just replace the memories of an individual or can they move a memory to another individual. Cause if they can, then cloning Sovi would be a moot point since they'll already have extracted the needed memory from his corpse.

2981722 Sorry, I have either missed that patchwork thing, or I have forgoten about it.

Resoc tech removes one's memories, or rewrite I should say, putting new ones in their place. But about the Sovi thing I think I didn't present my words properly. What I meant was that when they clone him he has the memories locked in his DNA, but the GG use resoc tech to...delete, or supress certain memories(the ones that show them in a bad light) and replace them with ones that benifit them.

2909369
2983722 Ah, I see, well that makes it even more plausible. well now that we've got the Sovereign's 'return' out of the way, unless our third member has something to say of course.

But putting that aside, while going through the plotline, I thought of something. Why would the gang even think of going to such a dangerous place like Castanar? The merc den because of the umojan mage, Meinhoff because they're trying to hide from mercs/Rain feels nostalgic about it(or knows something or father left behind) but going to Castanar seems like the opposite of wanting to leave and live normally.

2986639 You seem to have Sovereign`s comeback under control and I cant really think of anything to add to it so I will roll with what you said above.

And the reason for the main characters to go to Castanar could be to hide from Twilight, but I dont know how effective that will be since she is a ghost and all.

2986639
2988922 I think I know why they do. The reason is that sweet, sweet dish best served cold - Ice Cream!
Err.. I mean - Vengance!
We did agree on the no parents kill, so next best way to get revenge - ruin her plans and all that stuff.

2990542
2988922 Sounds good but as for how they find out that its part of Twilight's plan, I got an idea.

When they get to Meinhoff and hide out in Candy's place. Rain rummages around the basement where Karn might have left a few things from his days as a DT, like maybe a written journal where she finds out about Erina, her dad's ex-lover along with coordinates to Amaka's station like you guys proposed some time ago.

This gives her a reason to seek out Erina, thinking that she might be able to help her find Karn's remaining family but receives a cold shoulder from Erina due to Rain being another mare's daughter. She eventually opens up and she gives Rain info on her father's relatives(1) and a little insight on Amaka's connection to the Greater Good.

Or, we could just have Apple Bloom and Tinker fix the busted holo-projector Rook gave them. Stedson could mention Twilight's involvement in the station's capture. Spend Thrift could also be a willing informant for the right price.

1: this makes the readers think she has a hopeful future before she dies at Moonraker's hooves. Plus, I kind of want to delay her death-scene as long as possible.

Also, what do you guys think of upgrading Tom with parts from Candy's ship? They could also use the stolen Diamond Dog dropship that Steel Gaze used to get to Meinhoff. He's not gonna use it anymore, now is he?

2990705 These are good ideas all of them, I can see Karn haveing made a journal of some sort but it must have been hidden quite well to not have been found by anyone.

About the second thing you mentioned, I think I like the Apple bloom and Tinker idea more then the first one, both of them are good suggestions tho.

Then you mention upgading Tom and I think since our "heroes" are getting deeper and deeper into this very dangerous mess they whould need to have a ship that they can rely on to keep them alive. And that can include upgrades of diffrent kinds, I remember I suggested that they steal/loot a cloacking device a while back so Im all for them costomizeing Tom to be there base of opperation or what not.

Lastly, even if the plot of the story says that Rain should die that dont mean we cant have her do important things or make plans (that she may or may not achieve before her time comes). I also think that we need to have the rest of our characters barly cheat death if nothing else just to show the readers that they to could die.

2990705
2990741 Actually, why not have both? Some time after the shock from losing loved ones passes a bit, Rain enters a cold state, simmilar to when she was in the academy. She may occasionally lash out, but momentarily. Point being, she asks herself the question 'Can't I use it too?' and begins practicing using Karn's warp blade, though not very successful at first. When they get to Meinhoff she remembers that her dad didn't allow her and Rust in the basement, deducting he might have left some other DT stuff and finds the journal(noone found it, because noone knew it existed, or bothered to look for it) where she learns of her Khalai part of the family(and Erina). In the mean time Tinker and AB fix that pod and Stedson only mentions Diamond Dogs(they probably find Twilight is somehow connected with the merc company, so anything related to them will interest our "heroes"). In one of her calmer moments, Rain may want to...call it quits on the whole thing, and asks the guys to drop her off at the station, the coordinates of which were listed in the journal, and try to seek out her family(ofc she will not be welcomed by most Khalai, because she's both a DT and a zerg)(She learns how to semi-properly use the warp blade while in the Khala, with some help of course.).

Upgrading Tom is a must. He simply has to become that diamond.

2992652
2990741 Well, now that we've settled on the CMC's storyline for a bit. Should we discuss on Starsong's pursuit ? Like do we let Lyra and Skyfall get away or not?

Here's what I'm proposing, while docked at Amaka's station for repairs and supplies, Starsong convinces Amaka to send out some of her forces to seek out Lyra's shuttle. Forcing Lyra to take the long way around, giving Starsong enough time for the Radiance to be repaired and resupplied and hopefully continue the pursuit.

Or decide on how the gang will actually leave Cadia? Rame's idea for installing a stealth device taken from one of the fighters aboard the Iron Will is the only one we got so far.

Hmm, what if the citizens become suspicious of Scootaloo and Twilight has no choice but to order Rain to take the gang offworld and onto the orbital platform. While they're taken to the platform(under escort by Dominion/Cadian fighters) they cloak up Tom and zoom off but the device gets busted when they're finally far away.

Also, here's a short draft for Starsong's segment in the first chapter I've written a while ago: click me

I thought it'd be nice if we at least had a starting point to go from.

3000359
2990741 I must agree. The 'Salvage cloacking Tech from the wreckage' option is our best bet at the moment. Your idea is very nice. Twilight having perfectly laid out for the guys to be under lock and key(so to say) on Cadia and at her disposal, but then we have the locals getting restless, which mucks up her best laid plans, so she makes Shining address the public and saying that under the pretext that the Dominion is "aprehending" Scoots, so that their ghosts can drill her brain to find out where the rest of "the orange scum" are hiding and then to bring everysingle one of them to justice(of course he says it in a way which suggests wipe every last one of them). However, with all the paperwork she has to do, and to think over her next move in overthrowing Hawkens as the commander of DI, Twily gets a little too busy to monitor things, that's when Sweetie(using her singing skills and fine looks) along with Dashie(more hot ass)...claim a cloacking device from the IW wreckage. (Those two, cuss AB is hospitalised, Rain is in severe depression, pre-cold, sometime lash out, and Scoots is pretty much indirectly a wanted criminal.) It would be really nice to have this scene: Twilight smiling all pleased with herself as she looks out into space, Tom being escorted to the platform, and then Spike, or someone else, reminds her to view her daily quota of reports, and she sees one mentioning two fammiliar to her mares, sniffing around the IW, and that a cloaking unit is missing. Suddenly her eyes widen in realisation JUST as Tom cloaks and FTLs away.

I like how you started that with Starsong. Though it could use a bit more detail on some parts, some shine and polish here and there, it's a very nice first step.

As for what to do with Lyra, Seeker and Skyfall...I think I have an idea.

So, I was left with the impression that Lyra doesn't like Twilight, like AT ALL, so maybe we can have this little inside of the DI coalition that "indirectly" helps our gang. (Said Coalition being Hawkens, Lyra, Eye Glass and maybe Skyfall[The guy might not be so happy with the connections his relatives make.]) I'm pretty sure that Hawkens is extra displeased for having to sacrifice an agent(and I think a bit of a friend) as useful as Karn, for little miss Sparkle's pet project, so under his blessing he could allow Eye Glass to look into the matter with the terrorist act, to put Twilight in bad light, and if possible to clear Karn's name. And in a way, Eye Glass can be the gang's link with Hawkens. OH OH OH! Wait!

(Getting off topic, but idc, really cool shit is happening in my brain right now, bear with me.) Instead of Sweetie, we can have Eye Glass, presenting himself as a DI agent sent to investigate the wreckage, and he gets the guys that cloaking unit, maybe acompanied by a Dashie disguised as a worker or something to make his story more believeable, and for extra hoof power. Going with the too busy with stuff, Twilight misses him getting on world, and taking the cloaking unit untill the last minute, when she is only told that the mare with EG is RD. To ciment his story in front of her, Eye can play the role of the DI agent that escorts the gang from inside the shuttle so they don't try any funny business(Just recalled that Twilies is too smart to not consider them hightailing out of the escort somehow.) And when they do, it's as if he is "kidnapped". (Being around Karn Eye Glass grew on me. Plus I would really like to see him interact with Rook about...topics...huehue. )

Getting back on topic under Hawkens's orders, Lyra can use Seeker(she has pretty much total mind control over her atm) to secretly spy on Twilight and stuff, finding out about Castanar. When Seeker finds out that they are doing something about Sovereign she asks him(that doll Lyra uses that our DT thinks is the real Sovi) wtf, to put it shortly, and he explains(Lyra makes up) that this is some trick used by the DI to bait the Supreme Matriarch, so he makes Seeker go intervene(Lyra hopes to make the boss proud by messing up Twilight's plans and bringing in cost worth info.). But Seeker happens to arrives on the station at the same time as the gang, meeting them as they make their escape(they got Sovi 2.0 and Down Pour, and Pinkie is already dead). When they do meet, Sovi2.0 and Sweetie with combined effort break Lyra's hold on Seeker, getting her to come along with them. Just as they are about to make it to Tom, a door closes, separating Rain from them. Then Moonraker appears on her side, talk, fight, he proceeds to stab her with an HFB, while the guys on the other side try to get the door open. Just as Moonraker sinisterly gloats, how his will be the face Rain last sees and stuff, Sovi has enough of it and blinks through the door, kicking Moon away, grabbing Rain and blinking back with the rest. They all get on board, where Rain dies in Sovi's arms, telling him to look after their son, Sweetie and Seeker to take care of Sovi, and overcome her Confederate heritige telling her son to not be ashamed by his roots, but to be proud of all his family. Last breath to tell both Sov and Down that she loves them, brings in Sov for a kiss and passes away. Much feels following.

Lyra is pissed because she lost her favorite toy.

As for Starsong, when he gets to the station, he definitely will tell Amaka that he is on a mission given to him by Zamara, about returning a DT going by the name Seeker, who was after a preserver who had very important info locked away, going by the way of Sovereign. Amaka can be that bitch that doublecrosses her people for the GG, but does the same to the GG if she benifits from it. So she offers her(forces') assistance, and afterwards maybe even the location of Castanar station, saying that her shadow(have to make her a new shadow) had found something out, getting Starsong to attack the facility cuss winning the favor of the Supreme Matriarch > the greater good. (Oh the pun! The grater good as in the good of the sector, not the organisation. ) And we can have him arrive at the station at the time our guys try to escape, so when he(with more forces than just the Radiance cuss Amaka gave him some) goes offensive on the station he unintentionally provides cover for the gang. But in the time before Amaka sets him to go, she might keep him around, hoping to learn more just so she is all into the details, and maybe squeeze in something that will not ruin her image in front of Zamara, but make Twilight feel happier, or simply said seeking benifit from both sides.

Thoughts?

3002618
2990741 Considering I've written it while I was bored, I figured I'd put down the barebone details first before filling it out or let you two fill in some parts. Since this is a team effort.

Sounds very conceivable since Starsong's pursuit could be a month or so behind the CMC but we need to rein ourselves in and keep from getting too far ahead and work out the details before we drown ourselves in ideas like I did with the sidestory summaries.

I doubt Rain would go into her depression this early on since I believe she's not the type to let her emotions get the best of her. Cause if she did, she would have crashed Tom into Spike when she had the chance...so maybe make it gradual? Like when they escape, the gang is cheering but she's still upset about her dad's death. She snaps at them before stomping off angrily and cries. Eye Glass could go after her and comfort her.

Anyways, back on topic with many structures on Cadia destroyed in the assault, the hospital being one of them. The gang could have been arranged by Twilight to stay at the same hotel room where AB is currently being cared for by the others but they're low of meds/supplies but no room service since most of the staff are either dead or ran off, so they send Rain out to buy them since Rainbow is looking for ways to get back at Twilight(before Rain convinces her otherwise)

While going for the supplies, she could pass the 'arena' and thinks about saving her dad's body but bumps into Eye Glass after she discovers Karn's remains which was about to become zerg chow before a shot kills it and Eye Glass says a one liner before he tells her and the gang that Hawken asked him to retrieve the body for an indiscreet burial back on Korhal before the whole mess on Cadia happened.

3002618 The only thing I would like to point out for now is the death of Rainsight. Lets not make it overly dramatic since I remember Unholy mention at the point where Jetstream was killed that he wanted deaths in the story to be more sudden and real. And I sort of agree with him on that and I also think it will have a greater impact if its more of an "ohshit did he/she just get killed?!" moment then to have two to three pages of final words from the dying character. Sure it might generate more feels but at the same time it feels a bit clichè, so thats my thoughts on that right now.

3004836 Regarding Karn's body I was thinking this: When Rain finds and takes the blade she burns the body(as a means of burial), somehow puts the ashes in a container and when they get on Meinhoff she spreads them on the farm where the rest of her family was burned.

3006049 Okay, noted.

3008363 Im not saying that we cant have her give some final words to her friends but just that we should not go overboard with it.

3008363
3008467 Okay, providing we use Eye Glass(or not) I guess she could do that but it makes me feel like we're taking the focus away from the others in these discussions but I guess with her imminent death down the road, it's ok.

As for the overboard bit, I guess we can find a middle ground since that part has yet to be written down yet. speaking of writing, I polished up Starsong's bit like ya asked :Click me

So whose segment/POV do you guys want to fill the space between Starsong's departure and his arrival to Hoketa Station? More of Rainbow and Rain's 'stalking' of SA's folks from the rooftops? Considering the CMC are more or less out of commission.

3008467
3008517 Yeah, I think we should start with Starsong's leaving, maybe throw in a sigh of relief on Lyra's part. Kicking in we have some rooftop stalking, maybe Rain starting to show her...undesire(lols) with the whole thing, possibly have a small conversation between the gang, jab a Twilight leaving some order to them and then be called off to do something and wrap it up with Starsong arriving at the station?

3009715
3008467 While rereading a few parts of the Cadia arc,I saw that there were a lot of famous background ponies caught in the assault, the Wonderbolts included. Should we kill some of them off or just give them some plot armor for a while?

Also, you didn't give me a lot to go with for the Cadia segment so it took me a while to make something up, Tell me what you think: Click me

p.s: I changed the settings so you can edit it too if ya want.

3008467
3025764 That sounds nice. Let's kill a couple, leaving the rest armored for a bit.

You did an amazing job with the text. I think that today I might write about Starsong's arrival on the station. [I just keep envisioning it in my mind and I am too depressed to think of anything else at the moment. I will present you with what I got when I get it done.]

3026771 Depressed? What's wrong?

3030320 Personal stuff.

3033542 Oh, okay...Anyways, I guess I'll leave you to your writing then. By the way,just to be clear, you are writing his arrival as an addition to this chapter or is it for the next one?

3033569 The next one. I thought of adding it to yours, but it's going to be too long for that.

3008467
3033628 Hmm, then I guess I'll have to fill in that space with some more segments in Cadia then...now to figure what to fill it with.

Hmm, guess I could go with Rainbow and make her lose the shuttle thanks to the constant snowstorm, forcing her back...hmm. No...too brash, even for her...any suggestions?

3033628 Okay, I extended the Cmc segment a bit, tell me if you think it's too far fetched or not: Click me

3033669 Um, did Starsong kill anyone(personally) during his roadtrip, before going back to Khalai space?

3044805 Aside from some minotaurs from Labyrinth and the entire mining station, no. The only major fight he had that I know of, was with SkyFall, which he lost. Beyond that I'm not sure but it did say that he has come to Consortium space before in Chapter 14:Radiance.

So he might know some of the nearby outposts in the area, namely Hoketa Station which I'm guessing it's the closest Khalai outpost to the Consortium.?

3046299 Nonono, I mean do we have info if he personally has ended someone's life, either beating the crap out of them, or electricuting them to death. Doesn't have to be anyone special. Just some random guy or chick in powerarmor or not that has no, nor would have ever had any influence on the story, or anything at all? I need that for a referance I am about to make in the stuff I am writing.

3051298 No, not that I'm aware of. Aside from the minotaurs from Labyrinth, there's no mention of that in the official story. Unholy never really got a chance to develop Starsong as a character.

The only fights he personally participated in the story were:
1. The psionic struggle with Lyra(Lost)
2. The close quarters fight with SkyFall(Survived)
3. The Mad Cow mercenaries defending the power core(Unknown number of kills)

From what I found while rereading his segments, Starsong is more or less a newbie officer given command of a ship so the Golden Armada won't have to lose any of their veteran warriors in their war against the Umojan Vatican, but judging from his fights, I'd say he has seen his share of battles prior to his promotion to Overseer.

The only military history of his that was even mentioned in the story was that he was part of a number of escort missions into Consortium Space. That's it. You could make something up from that, I guess.

So in short, we have a lot of creative freedom with Starsong's background and history...sort of.

3051478 So we can safely say that bitches have died by Starsong's hooves. Ok, that helps me out. Thanks.

3052398 Glad I could be of some help.

Might I also suggest a part where before Starsong contacts the station, we get a brief rundown on the station's history and function from Starsong's perspective? I couldn't gather much from Tale of an Exile beyond the fact that the station's personnel is not as traditional as I would imagine a Khalai would be. Could some of the personnel there be converted natives from the Consortium on the run from the lamb?

Or am I just thinking too much?

3052507 I'll see what I can do about it.

3008467
3052587
It's already confirmed that Dash can perform the Sonic Rainboom but only if she wore a G-Suit. What I'm wondering is if she could do one without the G-Suit in the story, since she did it prior to her training as a Reaper.

3087799 Well I do believe we are sticking to the main story(the show) since its the actual cannon, so I suppose she can.

2990741
3087799 I added some more in the chapter I am writing. Feel free to check it out.

3089350
3008467
I've did a quick edit and cleaned up some errors. I also reworked a couple of phrases that looked funny to me while adding my own. So it's still kind of sloppy since I'm somewhat unfamiliar with seduction scenes.(only realized what it was after the third read)

Anyways, I like it overall as a chapter but I find Starsong's reactions to Amaka's...well er, seduction a bit stiff. I know it's a draft but I'm not sure how to fix that since I have never written anything along those lines before.

p.s: Did you make a master copy on your pc before you wrote this on the draft?

3094802 Well, hehe, you see I have a very good amount of EXP with seduction and things going in that direction. Reaction to a "courtship" invitation really depends on a lot of reasons, but the two that stand out are: Who offered(the guy, or the girl), and what is the recent mood of the one who is asked. In the case of Starsong, that...experiance with Lyra, the failure of the mission, the overall shitstorm that happened on and in his ship, the last thing a guy with his mind set in such a situation would want is some "floozy" to, well you know what. Still though, he is a guy, so he is not as immune to a mare as hot as Amaka. So don't worry about the intimite stuff, I got that covered.

p.p.s. Yep, this time yes.

3095197 Hmm, good to know. Guess I should brush up on seductive literature once in a while so I can keep up, or at least be able to edit your work without messing it up

3095235 In any case, I think I got my chapter done. Give it a look and change whatever you deem necessary. Though please don't post it(same goes for your chapter too). When you're done with everything writing wise, I'd like to do the final editing. Nothing personal my friend, but your grammar is a bit...off.