By: superpony55

Well; I haven't seen one of these in a while. Was it good? Sure!...but meh.

Plot
So this takes place many years from the regular MLP universe we know. The mane six have kids, and all other side characters are grown up. Instead of being a sweet and happy story, it's simply an adventure story with a cookie-cutter style. The mane six's kids turn out to be the elements of disharmony. It's not as bad as you think.

Execution/Presentation
The beginning of the fic must be read a few times for you to understand. Some of the mane six's kids aren't in Ponyville, and some are. The one's who aren't have to move to the town, and by fate, meet the the rest of the mane six's kids. Like Rainbow Dash's kid, she doesn't want to leave Cloudsdale and wants to stay with her old friends; and a few rather pointless school scenes play out.

The execution was pretty weak. It wasn't a great ending, but more of an Okay, that was it, ending. I did like Pinkie's Pie kid: Peachy Pie. She was just as hyper as Pinkie Pie herself.

Mood
I think the author intended for you to care about the characters. Some I honestly liked, while others I really didn't care for. There was one scene where I was like: Oh come on! That wasn't nice, which was good. But that feeling didn't last all that much.

The mood I received was a short, sometimes over-whelming fic that could of been something much bigger. One of the things I didn't like was the relationship with Rainbow Dash's kid and her friend. It felt cheesy and just bland. The author really could of slowed down the pacing; in which sometimes the pacing felt faster than Call Of Duty.5/10

Grammar
This fic can use some editing. It wasn't hard to read at all, but the choice of words in some scenes felt off. There are also a few grammar errors. Like improper placement of words, and a few others. It's not a major complaint, but something the author should look out for.

Also, Candy Apple (Applejack's daughter) had a terrible accent. She didn't sound western. She sounded like an awkward redneck. Example: “Whay does this ‘ave to be so hod?” Translation: Why does this have to be so hard.

Grammar grade: C-

Tips
1) Get a decent proof reader. I would be one, but I hate editing stories.
2) Slow down the pacing, and try to add more emotion to the characters
3) The story felt tense. Loosen up a bit.

Rating: 5/10 Needs Improvement