Roses Are Red

By: Slip Kid

Review by: Cromegas_Flare

Reviewers tags: Mature, gore

I have been looking forward to reading a simple short one shot. An I must say, this one shows promise. So lets start with the Description.

One night there was an unusual sound in a forest, quite foreign to the animals residing there, the sound of laboured breathing... and sobbing...

Interesting, I get the feel that discomfort and suffering is not common in Equestria.... at least not in this story. So now I will dig in and enjoy, I am hungry for some suffering.

Lets just say that the story starts of rather strong in feel. Give the message that something horrible just happened, yet more is still to come.

“Please don’t find me... Please don’t find me... Please.” She began to chant

{To the character, who is still undefined with name.}: With your talking, you will be found

Well.... wow, that.....

Then, with some thoughts that make you wonder if madness has been redefined, it is over.... for now.

The Authors notes are rather vague on this, so until word is given the story is done.

Now, lets bring the professional side of me out. And I'll get right into the review.

Do note that since this was barely over 1,000 words, the review might be shorter then others... we shall see though.

Execution/Presentation

The point of view was 3rd person, which concentrated on the victim first, then switched to the attacker... need I say more?

The balance on this was done nicely, though the story was to short to accurately get a feel of initial style.

Lets just say, you get the feel that something is wrong right from the bat/ getco. So when it comes to style, even Slip Kid can pull you in a sinister and odd situation.

Flow, it was very quick! Blink and you miss it. Well that is what happens when you have just over 1,000 words.... so I guess that is the point. What was written was written well enough, so there were not to many things that drove you into instant reproach.

Mood

The mood, well it held. From the beginning, you know what you were getting your self into. Stayed consistent, and portrayed the reality of madness. Denial.

Though what was aimed was not reached, this was due to the size of the story. It was quick, so like you being killed... you don't know what hit you. You really don't know what to feel, and substance is lacking. Cold fact for a short story, but still holds. What I found odd, was that I did not care at all after the strike.... In fact... I think I was a wee bit happy.

Grammar

I am no Grammar Nazi, so you'll get no gruff from me. I give you an A because I consciously found nothing.

[SALT]: You know what I am going to say.... that it was to short. I will be happy to see this story grow, but as it stands..... it held no substance. When adding more, be sure to add in to what each are feeling. Let us into both minds of the victim and the Executioner. I have read some of your work Slip Kid, so I know you have it in you. I feel as if this story was just written quickly then thrown out just to see if it will catch. (I do that to, so don't worry you have my forgiveness.)

[SUGAR]: Now, What I loved about this story was that It was not about the gore. Yes it was there, but the message was not centered around the blood and other fun stuff that a psychopath loves. It was revolved around more the relation to the Pray, and Predator. Allowing to have a small taste of each side. I know this concept well, simply because I deal with it, in myself every second of every day.... Just closing my eyes......:Shudders:

Rating:

Now, I shall get back to writing something.

Mr. Flare