I enjoy doing commentary reviews... They are funna fun fun!

Today's review is on a DemonBrightSpirit story! The last story I reviewed by Mr (or Ms... cause I mean... we just don't know!) Demon was called Celestia's Gambit and I did a review on that here. I enjoyed reading the last one so I can't wait to read another one of his (sigh... or her's) stories! Going in blind. Here we go!

As winter looms, Fluttershy dreads the lonely months ahead. Surprisingly, she finds comfort in a small filly that shares her loneliness.

Here is the descriptionones. Pretty simple, but I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that this story is gonna be sad. Good. MAKE ME CRY AUTHOR! We begin NOW

Chapter 1: Fluttershy's Respite

Above all, Fluttershy dreaded this time of year. She had already helped most of her animal friends prepare for their hibernation. Saying goodbye for endless weeks was hard, but it was not those she would greet in the spring that troubled her heart so. This was the season of death. Innocent little bugs perished in droves. The old, the sick, the tired...they all refused to hibernate—instead choosing a much longer slumber.

Wow... This was rough... Only the second paragraph in and I'm already in my "Awh" phase! I can't wait for more... Flutters is like my 3rd Favorite pony

Standing and turning around, Fluttershy tried to remain strong. There would be many more graves to dig in the coming days. If she allowed her sorrow to consume her now, her other friends would not get the send off they deserve. "Goodbye," she whispered in a shaky voice as she walked away.

What is this mist in my eyes!

"We were hoping that we could have our sleepover here, instead," Apple Bloom finished, cuing the other Crusaders to join her in putting on their best pleading faces.
"Oh, I don't know..." Fluttershy looked away to try to avoid falling prey to the d'aww.

Don't give in Flutters!

"Cutie Mark Crusader sleepover at Flutteshy's! Yay!" they shouted together, startling dozens of critters and blowing Fluttershy's mane back with the sheer power of their volume.

F*** YES! Don't forget to invite Twist too!

She wasn't really satisfied with Fluttershy saying that she didn't mind them staying. This whole situation was just really awkward. Looking to the door, Scootaloo briefly wondered if she should just leave and go and do...something.

This is pretty damn awkward... like for real.

"I said that I will be okay," Fluttershy reiterated as she pulled the filly closer to her, "and I-I will be. I will never forget him, the memories we shared, or the things that made him so special. It...might make me sad to think that I will never get a chance to make new memories with him, but that makes the memories we've already shared just so much more precious."

Man, it went from CMC sleepover, to me having feels and my heart hurting for Fluttershy...

"Why do they...have to die?" Scootaloo asked as she locked eyes with Fluttershy. "Why can't everypony just live forever like the Princesses?"

These types of conversations are just so sad... Stop it Author! No!

"That's the beautiful thing about life." Fluttershy nuzzled the filly. "Spring brings life anew, and it's sure to fill your heart with happiness and love," she assured. "Your spring will come—you just have to suffer through the cold and lonely winter to reach it."

DAYUM! Fluttershy that was beautiful!

I Just realized how short this one shot is! I'll end my commentary here

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REVIEW
I feel like I haven't done a review in forever... lol here we go!

FEELS METER
This story wasn't a tragedy by any means, but it was a sweet little story... a few parts did give me the misty eyes... so I'll give it a 6 out of 10 for the feels!

MOOD
The mood starts off very sad. The author starts off by telling us about the cruelty of winter, and the death of nature and creatures alike in its wake. It continues as Fluttershy buries an animal friend, then when its just Scoots and Flutter... well just see for yourself!
The story flows smoothly, not rushing through dialogue or scene transitions. It was a very nice read

GRAMMAR
Little to no grammatical errors that I saw... I think the author crossed their I's and dotted there t's well! 5 out of 5! (I did that on purpose yes, muahahaha)

STYLE
The story is written 3rd person around Fluttershy and the others. The thing I really loved about this story was the amount of character the author gave Fluttershy, and the amount of curiosity Scootaloo was given! It wasn't just "Oh...M-my... I g-guess that o-kay..." and her hiding behind her hair the whole time. She actually teaches Scootaloo a quick life lesson, and then even teaches Rainbow Dash a teeny tiny lesson too! Great writing for the characters to me. I loved it. I only wish we had found out who Scoots lost!

The amount of sensory detail was delicious. Like yum yum. I love sensory detail. Makes it easy for me to picture the scene in my head.. especially with good character writing? Its like watching an episode of the show itself.

This story was sad and sweet, it's a well written one-shot about what Winter means to Fluttershy and how she copes. I guess the only thing I kinda wished for was a little more Fluttershy alone to think about her animals. She was so sad about the squirrel and she said more would die... I would've liked to see her hold some of these animals and cry or something. Then I'd be crying!

I give this story a 9 out of 10, it earned a like and fav from me. I've already Followed DemonBrightSpirit and look forward to some more feely goodness from him (or her. damnit. WHAT ARE YOU! lol jk)
I recommend this story to anypony who wants to see a little more of an up close look at Fluttershy. Great character writing in this short story!

2699429
It's Mr., by the way.

I was really looking forward to a review of this story, since it is one my most well-received. It's nice to have someone else take a look at it so I can learn what I did right this time that I seem to get so wrong...well, all the time.

Now, I've actually gotten word of it being under-descriptive, which makes your assessment befuddle me.

I was going for something bittersweet in this one. I actually wrote this for a contest. It came in dead last. I didn't want it to be too sad and I did want a happy ending. Though it still came a little low on your feels meter (I predicted a seven or eight). I'll need to work on that, at least.

This is pretty damn awkward... like for real.

That's a good thing, right?

If you have anything else that might need improvement, I'd love to hear it. Also anything I did get right, so I know to not change that in future writing.

Oh, and thank you for another insightful review!

Lol its not your fault that it wasn't it ranked a 6 for feels, I just react differently to certain stuff. Like just the paragraph with flutters saying goodbye put a tear in my eye... If moments like that were extended just a tad bit more i assure you, I probably would've cried Sad stories just get to me man!

Yes the awkward moment thing was fine lol i was just agreeing with scoots, and I was trying to compliment how well you wrote the characters but I fail sometimes (I woke up super early and went to work lol I'm kinda pooped, If anything I type doesn't make sense that's why)

I honestly think some people tend to over-analyze good stories. Compared to a lot of stories I've read, or even the story I'm writing I think your amount of detail and descriptions is awesome! Its so much fun getting to visualize everything in a situation! Your pacing was done well to me.

I liked the ending being happy! I don't think a sad story needs to be ALL sad, I was just saying when you wrote for sad Fluttershy I was getting the feels, and I would've liked just a little more sad fluttershy thats all.

Thinks to keep... the character's writing and the amount of details as I've stated

I know this is the Pleasant commentator group, but I assure you none of what I'm saying is fake just to make you feel good. I think you are a pretty talented writer and I enjoyed your work! If I saw something I think needed work I would be honest and tell you!

I hope to see more stories from you!

2700442 I meant to hit the reply button... I'm a mess today. ^ reply is over yonder