What’s this? Another review out so soon? Why can’t I have a similar motivation writing my own stories? Bah! Zodiacspear here once again to bring you another long overdue review. Today we have Making Amends by Sholan Sholuna. As always, I will be focusing on Plot, Characters, Atmosphere, and Grammar for the review. As is stated in the description, this is the author’s first story ever published, so I will be a bit more lenient than usual.

Not sure why but every time I read/review a story featuring Sunset Shimmer, I get hungry for bacon. Might have something to do with silly mane coloring, but I’m too hungry at the moment to tell.

First off, we have the tags: Equestria Girls and Slice of Life. Nothing really to say here, it’s spot on. As for character tags, we have: Princess/Principal Celestia, the (hu)mane six, and Sunset Shimmer. Again, accurate.

Next, we have the description:

Graduation day is upon the CHS, and Sunset Shimmer has some unfinished business she must attend to before she leaves the school for good. Sadly, it’s a lot harder than she thought it was. Fortunately, Twilight Sparkle is there, and she’s more than willing to lend a hand.

There is not much to say about the description. It’s too the point and get’s its message across. Personally, I would have worded the line introducing the conflict a little different, but that is just a matter of personal preference.

If I am right, the author wrote this story after Rainbow Rocks but before Friendship Games. With that in mind, I’ll be keeping lore from the later two movies out of my consideration for the review.

Key Point - Plot: The plot to this little story is fairly simple. Sunset and the gang have reached the end of their time at Canterlot High and it’s time to move on. For Sunset, she has to give a final speech at the graduation ceremony as she was chosen as the class representative. Odd choice, considering, but we’ve seen CHS do even weirder things. Aside from Sunset’s worry about her speech, she’s also has been worried about her own future. This worry has lead to a lot of doubt in her mind and she struggles with her thoughts and of the possibilities of her life.

This plot is something many of us has undoubtedly considered before when we consider the Equestria Girls setting. High school only lasts so long and what’s going to happen afterwards? This story has a nice little plot, even if it is a common one.

Key Point - Characters: Most of the characters are fairly spot on. The author has done rather well with Sunset Shimmer. She was pretty spot on. As was most of the others as well, the only exception to this I would say would be Rainbow Dash. But that is more because of the obsessive love of cider she has. The girl put away ten plus bottles of the stuff in a single night and was crazy about it. Yes, Rainbow has been shown to love her cider, but not to this extent.

The interaction with Sunset and Twilight was rather thought provoking and fit the overall conflict rather well.

Key Point - Atmosphere: There were a few things that managed to pull my immersion pretty badly, but I will cover those in the next section. However, ignoring those, I really didn’t find myself pulled into this story that much. There wasn’t really enough showing detail of the setting to paint a vivid picture in my mind to where I can see the scene play out. There was a smidgen of it, but, again, not enough. Some showing and description would have helped this out greatly. The opening dialogue could have also used some indication as to who was speaking, it’s implied as to who would be speaking like this, but I only know this because I know which character would so such.

The story also tends to be on the telly side. This line in particular:

Sunset felt oddly guilty.

Is a horrible tell. This could have been shown much better with some body language and removal of the -ly word.

I’ll also suggest breaking up Sunset’s speech to the crowd, add some descriptive showing to it, and it would have a far greater impact than the near wall of text we got.

If there was a moment where I was pulled in, it was the conversation between Twilight and Sunset. Mainly because this was easily the story’s strongest point and it was enjoyable to read.

Key Point - Grammar: This is where the story hurts the most. I spotted more than a few errors in the story. Such as a comma and period together, the number 1 at the end of a sentence, not italicizing the title of a book, and a few others. All of which can be easily fixed up with a proof-reader going through and fixing them up.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts: While the premise is nothing new, it is always refreshing to see another’s take on something many of us have thought on before. However, the grammatical errors and inability to draw in a reader makes this story rated at Needs Work. Even though it has earned this rating, it’s not a bad story by any means. I think with the grammar errors fixed, some showy actions, and things of that sort could make this story a fun one to read.

With that, this is Zodiacspear signing off.

Also, Luna, Trixie is still best pony. :P