Looks like I sort of fell off the wagon there for a bit! No worries, folks, I am still working on these reviews. I just took some time to put my own personal writing endeavors first for a while.

Anyway, let’s get on with the review!

Alright, today we are taking a look at a TwiJack shipping story. A word of caution: I am generally more of a stickler when it comes to inter-Mane 6 ship stories. It usually takes more for a story like this to impress me than most others. With that, let’s dive right in!

Here’s a short synopsis.

In the days after Tirek’s attack on Equestria, Twilight Sparkle has been rather distant. While selling apples at the local market, AJ has a short chat with Cheerilee just before time to close up for the day. After leaving the market, she is intercepted by Spike, who informs her that Twilight seems to have had a breakdown of some sort. At his urging, Applejack goes to comfort Twilight while Spike rounds up the rest of the gang. When Applejack enters the castle, she and Twilight have a very in-depth conversation. It is revealed just how much of an impact losing the library has had on Twilight, and how her new castle is feels like, for lack of a better term, a tomb. A number of topics come up, until the conversation eventually culminates in the revelation that they both harbor feelings for one another, which they embrace by agreeing to go out on a date. The story reaches its conclusion as Twilight finally pulls through her emotions, just in time for the rest of the mane six to arrive.

(I probably missed a lot when summarizing the plot line. I read the story nearly two weeks before writing this review, so some parts are a little hazy in my memory.)

Of course, that synopsis only accounts for the sheer technical aspects of the plot, or in other words, the premise. It’s not too shabby of an idea, and one that really fits well with the events of the Season Four finale. A good setup for a shipping story, no doubt.

But here’s the thing: The real strength of this story is not in the plot. Sure, it’s a good story and all, but it’s a logical progression forward from the events of Twilight’s Kingdom. Many of us, myself included, came up with ideas like this immediately after viewing. While not a strike against the story, it’s something to keep in mind.

Other than that, it was great! Every aspect of the story blended well with the others, and it all moved forward to a very satisfying conclusion. A very well-constructed plot, indeed.

Maybe I should rename this section of my review the Nitpick Corner. Anyhoo, let’s take a look at the basic framework of the story.

Grammar— Not much to tear apart here. Punctuation and word choice were done well, and there were really no grammatical mistakes that I noticed outright. Your editors did a good job of weeding out typos too.

Worldbuilding— Given that this fic takes place in mostly one or two settings, there isn’t a whole lot of need for worldbuilding. However, there is a good amount of detail put into describing Twilight’s castle, and taking into account that this was a pre-Season Five story, that really works in your favor. The fact that some of the details at the end tie into “Castle Sweet Castle” smoothly is another perk for you.

Now that I think of it, this could be considered an alternate take on Castle Sweet Castle.

Pacing— I’m not going to elaborate a lot here. Pacing was spot-on, moving very slowly and giving lots of time to mull over emotions. I expect nothing less from a piece so heavily rooted in dialogue. Excellent work!

Dialogue— I must say one thing. I envy your skill at crafting dialogue. The entirety of the spoken aspect just flows like a mountain stream, every line natural and well-placed. My only thing to nitpick is the use of phonetics in Applejack’s lines. You didn’t lay it on oppressively thick, but it was a little more heavy-handed in some places than necessary.

Point of View— It was a Third-person Omniscient piece, so it really didn’t need to be solidly focused on one character’s viewpoint. No harm, no foul here.

In summary, the story’s mechanics are all very well done. Now on to the next portion!

Remember what I said about the plot not being the strongest point of this story? Well, this is what I was referring to!

This story’s characterization is absolutely top-notch.

When I read pony fics, I tend to gauge the effectiveness of the character portrayal by how well I can imagine that pony’s voice. If I can read every line in the character’s voice, I consider it a victory.

I can’t recall a line of dialogue in the entire piece where I couldn’t hear the ponies from the show talking in my head.

And the dialogue was not the only good thing! The characters act exactly as I would expect them to act! You truly nailed every pony’s character down, even the minor ones like Spike and Cheerilee felt like they were pulled directly from the show and dropped into this story.

To summarize, your characterization was your strongest suit. Phenomenal work!

As strongly as this story has performed on the previous three grading factors, it is not a very groundbreaking piece of work for this fandom.

TwiJack has been done many times over.

There have been numerous follow-ups to Twilight’s Kingdom.

In light of that, I can’t give this story an excellent mark in this factor like I have with the other indices. However, the fact that it weaves a TwiJack story in with a Twilight’s Kingdom follow-up does score it some points.

In short: Not the most original of plot ideas, but it isn’t one that straight-up rehashes an idea that has been done to death.

After all, what good is a story if it doesn’t leave an impression on us when we leave?

Everchanging is a very emotional piece, and rightly so. Such a premise is one that is sure to be emotionally taxing, and this story delivers that efficiently. It leaves a good taste in the mouth with its satisfying conclusion, and that’s it. It’s not the most profound work ever, but that’s not what it set out to accomplish in the beginning.

One thing that I noticed as I read, however, was that the romance plot did not really resonate with me very much. If this story had been left as friendshipping, it wouldn’t have taken much, if anything at all, away from the story as a whole. So I must ask: Was it really necessary?

I digress. That is hardly something to take points away for. In fact, I think that the incredibly well-done characterization was what distracted me from the romance at the end.

Everchanging left an impact on me, most definitely.

Everchanging is a piece that soars to great heights with its strong characterizations. Though the romance plot of the piece is subdued until the end, it all fits together to form a very enjoyable story.

And so, here’s my final grades.

Plot:Well-crafted and delivers the story nicely.18/20
Mechanics:Very close to perfect, just needs to ease back the phonetic dialogue.19/20
Character Dev:Not much to say other than incredible!20/20
Originality:Used two generally used ideas and doesn’t put too much of a different spin on things.13/20
Impact:Resonates strongly after a read through.17/20

Thanks to you for submitting your story to the group, Timaeus! As always, see you all at the next review!

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Oh, wow! This is the best news I've had all week!

Thank you kindly for taking the time to review my story, and I'm incredibly happy to hear that you enjoyed it! I understand where and why you took points off for your review system. I was not necessarily going for an original piece and recognized that what I was writing about wasn't exactly undiscovered territory, but I'm flattered by your comments on the plot, mechanics, and character development all the same!

I look forward to reading your next review and hopefully submitting again to this group at some point in the future.