As far as drawing the eye goes, unfortunately the story doesn’t have much going on. The description introduces a couple of characters and the story’s premise, but the author should remember that people are primarily drawn to interesting cover art, which this piece lacks.

Formatting is okay at a glance and the chapters are bite-sized, just enough for a quick read while making tea.

Style:

We are treated to a first person perspective which changes points of view between chapters. The author likes long, comma separated descriptions that turn into run-on sentences pretty fast or seem to be trying too hard.

Another interesting point is the peculiar way the dialogue is portrayed - a character’s quote is followed by a separate paragraph that deals with describing the tone and manner of speaking. All in all, it is a quirk that the reader can easily adapt to.

Flow:

The action is pretty briskly paced, just the way an adventure should be. There is hardly any padding and the author makes sure to keep it interesting throughout the two short chapters we were given.

I personally liked the momentum coupled with how small the chapters were - it encouraged wanting to see more.

Mood:

As you’d expect from a Fallout fic, the mood is dark, with a bit of witty dialogue thrown in to mix it up. The author makes it a point to make us feel ill-at-ease about the fate of the characters involved.

It is a pity that the story was discontinued - the sudden cliffhanger on the second and last chapter violently brought me back to a reality in which I wouldn’t learn what happened next.

There are grammar issues peppered throughout the story, the most prominent ones being run-on sentences, awkward comma placement and tense switches between lines. The author should look into improving and compacting his description style, limiting himself to portraying only relevant information, preferably as separate sentences.

The unorthodox dialogue style could be counted as an error, but in all honesty it seems more like a quirk than a hindrance.

I definitely enjoyed the story. The Fallout universe is an unforgiving and pretty brutal place, and the author managed to capture the peculiar feel of being in a wasteland.

Despite the shortness it is a fine read and, considering the length, doesn’t put a dent in your strict schedule, offering fun worth the time put into reading it.