Pinkie’s Pleasurably Fun Adventure
By poniesftw

Reviewed by Rinnaul

So, I read this really great clopfic on here. It was cute, romantic, sexy, and funny, while keeping a difficult character true to her portrayal on the show, and yet going beyond that canon portrayal to show us how, despite her antagonistic personality, she could grow into a mare capable of having a loving relationship.

Then I realized it wasn’t submitted by the author, so I’m doing this one instead.

So, Pinkie is bouncing down the halls of Canterlot Castle following Twilight’s return from the human world. She makes her way to a room full of mirror portals, looking for the one Twilight used so she could see the human world for herself.

But hang on a second!

There was only one mirror portal. And it was in the Crystal Empire. And it closed immediately after Twilight and Spike’s return.

Anyway, so she chooses a mirror at random and goes through that, after pausing to make some faces and “chortle” at the image. The story is oddly fond of using that word for laughter, though it’s honestly an awkward and rather ugly word.

There’s a moment with the television, and then Pinkie finds a mirror and is perplexed by the presence of two lumps on her chest, with little red dots on them.

Okay, look. Pinkie should at least know what nipples are, if not breasts. Horses have those.

They’re just smaller and on the other end of the torso, like they are in most non-primate mammals. Even for Pinkie, it shouldn’t take a huge leap of logic to work out what those things are, particularly with her normal ones missing from her stomach. I mean, come on. Her employer is a new mother. Cup should have a fairly prominent pair, as far as equines go.

This might not bother me as much if she didn’t identify her fingers, a truly foreign concept for a pony, almost immediately.

Anyway, the rest of the story is pretty much just Pinkie masturbating, and then real-world-human Derpy walking in on her, because apparently Pinkie was in her apartment.

As you might have gathered, I have a few problems with this story, and not all of them were mentioned above. Canon conflicts and logic errors aside, one of the biggest things for me is how Pinkie is handled. And no offense, but this is the worst way of doing Pinkie. That’s not to say you’re a bad writer for it, because even the show does this from time to time. But she’s just a hyperactive and random fountain of memes. And not even in the sense that she’s spawning new ones. She’s just quoting her classics.

Grammar is another bad spot. Missing and misused words abound, and comma splices are everywhere.

Finally, the story is constantly telly. Sometimes it will portray something perfectly well in a more “showing” style, but then go ahead and “tell” it as well, making it feel redundant on top of telling.

The one thing I can’t really complain too much about it the clop material itself. While clearly an early effort, it does at least handle things fairly well, aside from a small point or two, such as why Pinkie would “instinctively” grab her breast, when she’s never had breasts like those before (never mind I’ve never known a female outside of porn to actually do that).

Pinkie needs toned way down. She’s gone beyond her usual comic relief into something that’s just obnoxious. Check out some stories in this totally-not-a-blatant-plug link for some looks at a more grounded take on her.

Proofreading is key.

Check how you compare against canon and real-life facts, and what can be inferred from either. There is a good argument that the purpose of fanfic is to explore outside of canon, and as such, demanding that fanfic adhere to canon is missing the point. But when the differences are arbitrary and unexplained, it will only serve to distract the reader.

For all its flaws, this was far from the worst thing I’ve read recently, and none of those flaws really cripple the story. With that in mind, I’m giving this an:

Enjoyable. If the idea of human-Pinkie getting herself off sounds appealing to you, this might be worth your time. If you aren’t at least somewhat interested in that premise, there’s nothing for you, here.