Winter Rain: By Starlight Shadow

Intro:

Winter Rain is a cute little Rarilight oneshot. It's rated teen, for obvious reasons, and although I thought it was cute; it was a bit rushed. This might be a bit shorter than my usual reviews, as the story is only 1,693 words. Okay, let's get this started.

Winter Rain had very good grammar, nothing really came up and slapped me in the face. But there were just a few things.

I use the packets, too

I use the packets too.

She let out a pathetic little whine and shivered under the store awning she stood under

That's a bit redundant..

These are the only mistakes I noticed, and even then these little errors are just that, little. The grammar was very nice throughout the whole story.

The style of this story is okay. It was rushed too much, and the events quickly escalate, at an incredibly fast pace. First Twilight and Rarity are cuddling by the fire, adorable. Then they're talking about sleeping conditions, and Spike is going out of his way to make everything perfect. And then we get to why it's rated teen and then they confess that they are in love with each other. This happens fast, but honestly when it comes to shorter oneshots; it's hard to not rush things a little.

The description in the fic was good, it flowed nicely and when it comes to putting pictures in a story I don't have strong opinion either way. It did interrupt the flow a little, but I can see why you would've put it there. All in all the style of the story was good, with pacing being Winter Rain's biggest issue.

The story isn't exceptionally different from most shipping oneshots, specifically rushing into 'I love you' and the characters acting a bit OOC. For example, Twilight and Rarity at the end really about to bring their relationship that was nonexistent a few minutes ago to the next level.

Now, when it comes to oneshots that are short, this is more acceptable than if it was a long multi chapter story. You can't really squeeze all their thoughts and feelings into something so short, so I won't really hold that against the story. It also doesn't really speed up until the very end, and Spike is pretty awesome throughout the whole thing. The writing is good as well, so the good aspects help counter the bad ones.

The main characters of Winter Rain are Rarity, Twilight, and to an extent Spike. Both are believable, you never really see them act out of character. Excluding how they immediately go from friends to saying they outright love each other, but I've already talked about that.

Spike is good as well, showing that he can get over his crush on Rarity to help is sister/best friend. Great job with the characters.

This story is about what I've come to expect from a shipping oneshot. Plenty of cute moments, a few rushed scenes in order to bring out the romance in a short amount of words. But this is better than most, personally I think it's more original than half of these kinds of story. Plus I've never seen Rarity make socks on the spot, which was actually kind of funny. Spike probably regrets helping set up the room.

Overall Score:

Grammar: 9/10

Style: 6/10

Narrative: 7/10

Characters: 8/10

Originality: 7/10

TOTAL SCORE: 37/50

Tips:

You should work on making sure everything is paced relatively well, a nice buildup doesn't matter if the ending is way too rushed. Again the characters were rushing into something that would change their friendship very fast. I would think that Twilight would be a bit more methodical.

Personal note:

Starlight Shadow, I liked your story. I'm a sucker for Rarilight an although the concept isn't incredibly new, it was written well and even the mistakes weren't too bad.

3198824
Thank you for posting a review today! This has made me happy! also well done.

3202386
I should've posted it sooner But I got a bit caught up other things