Yes, so it’s been a while since I have done a review… let alone a review being made. However, since life is starting up for me as in I’m going to school and doing lots of work stuff not only related to movie theaters and things… so reviews from me will be more scarce. I’ll be lucky just to do one a week. Thats the update from me anyway, and group official stuff will arrive at another thread. No to the ‘mane’ attraction.

Welp, here I am with another review for you guys! Well, this one is mainly for Marcibel, since this is his story. So here you go, and hope you get something out of it.

Falling Strong

By: Marcibel

Review done by: Cromegas_Flare
Reviewers Tags: Light Dark due to suicide contemplation. Teen.

Narative

My first thoughts when opening this story were along the lines of; Great, another suicide story about scootaloo. which to be blunt… is exactly what it is. However, don’t just judge this story based off of that fact alone. Most of these stories are actually inspired by events, so to call the story mundane… would probably be true; from someone who is always at risk of taking his own life though, this can lead to an eye opener.

The story itself begins by reflecting on a common problem today, that is bullying. I don’t think I need to explain why it’s a problem, for I being bullied in grade school… I have a decent understanding of what was going on. Then things go for the worse as the young pegasus starts feeding thoughts that are hungry for attention. What I love about this story though, is that it concentrates on Love and Friendship; true qualities that more stories need to concentrate on. If you want to read a new story that has a comfortable ending to it, this is the one for you.

6/10

Grammar

In this story, there are only minor grammar errors that I could not exactly pick up consciously (I’m going to school for that, so I can help more accurately.) Mostly in sentence structure, run ons, fragments, and the like. The story was smooth for the most part, so well done there.

7/10

Style

The story is written realistically, as in the language you find will fit a real life situation. So the language in this story can be considered for more adult audiences… but you get a load worse walking through Wallmart.

Marcibel also uses some great detail, not necessarily showing how Scootaloo feels, but more so why she feels the way she feels. Though that detail is in depth though, things are never that simple, that however is made up as you read to the end. If you have someone that loves you, the reason why you hurt should mean less to you… easier said than done still. For the most part, the prose are detailed but not overwhelming.

The only part I got confused at as a reader was the transition to not taking enough pills to kill. That could've been touched a bit more with three to five more words.

6/10

Characters

That is simple, we only have two characters in this story. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. The story revolves around Scoots and Sweetie Belle is there to help. It’s typical to know that Scootaloo will be suffering and Sweetie Belle will help. The conflict is not between friends, but in oneself. A conflict that is harder to put on paper, because internal conflict often makes the subject get confused which then leads the reader to get confused. This story just touches on the end of the road conflict, following through with a fatal decision. So we only get Scoot’s final thoughts, and Sweeties sudden arrival. My suggestion to get a better feel for the characters… is to write more about them and their lives, and make it more than a one shot. For a one shot though, you done good.

6/10

Originality.

These types of stories are always done. It does not matter what you enjoy watching and what you are a fan of. You will always find depressing-depression stories. MLP was not shield to that. Almost always you can find a suicide watch story on the front page of this website. Nothing new here, but this story does do what few attempt… and that is a happy dry ending with lots of wet tears. We know the battle of depression will never end, but for it to last another day is better then ending the same day it self.

2/10

Narrative: 6/10
Grammar: 7/10
Style: 6/10
Characters: 6/10
Origonality: 2/10

27/50

For my personal and more professional rating though (Since I don’t like number ratings at all… *shudders*) I give it a {I Enjoyed it} A story that I read, and enjoyed… can’t really recommend it, but I will never regret it.

SALT: I can’t think of much salt… this was a personal story based on a true event. All I can tell you is that I had to force myself to read it, not because it was awful but because it was boring. I would try putting some vivid memories in the story to help make it more real and enjoyable to read. Otherwise it feels like one is sitting down to a counseling session. Nothing wrong with that, its just the only people to appreciate this story will be those who have had first hand experience. Others will then try to read it, feel sympathy… then forget about it in a week.

SUGAR: I loved how your story did not end in death. Yes its closer to a slice of life story then it is dark… but not all dark stories should end in death. Some can end with a mellow heart felt words. So I clap my hands to that.