Baking a little magic: By Brandedahall

Intro:
Baking a little magic is a romance story between Pinkie Pie and Twilight. IT is tagged Mature, and there are a few scenes that are NSFW. I can't link you all to the direct story, but you can find it looking through the authors story list. The story itself has some problems, but the story is still pretty good. Once again SPOILERS below! Alright, let's go!

Baking a little magic had some issues with grammar. Here are some of the mistakes.

Pinkies smile fell as she realised she may have insulted a friend

Pinkie's smile fell as she realized she may have insulted a friend.

Her heartbeat sped up upon seeing the wantan need in her marefriends eyes.

Wanton, is what you're looking for. I believe a wantan is a dumpling.

“That’s good, Right?” Pinkie asked, hopeful for a good answer.

that shouldn't be capitalized with the comma in front of it.

I noticed a few others, but I don't want to make a huge deal out of every little mistake. There are little mistakes like this littered throughout the story, and some were more jarring than others. I really think you should get a proofreader, this way there won't be as many little errors.

The style of this story is pretty good, a little rushed but good. The biggest issue you have here is the pacing. We have Twilight and Pinkie confessing their feelings for each other, and then they kiss each other...and then naughty things happen. Now, I think that this is a little bit to fast of a progression.

The story flows well enough, nothing really interrupts it. But again I'm drawn to the pacing, and how things really fly by. slowing things down, adding a few more scenes to build on their relationship, making things just a little bit more descriptive, any of these things will help.

Speaking of description, the description was awesome! Nothing was over described, and nothing was under described either. Great job.

The story as of now is incomplete, so I'm not sure where everything will go. But here's an overview of what has happened so far.

The story begins with Twilight trying to figure out how to tell Pinkie her feelings, and then the next day she and Pinkie manage to tell each other that they like each other. Things quickly escalate from there, if you know what I mean.

Now, so far this story reads okay. The main problem is that this story isn't something incredibly new, it's not like if you don't make something incredibly fresh and original, it's not good. Just, shake things up a bit. Throw in a few plot twists, introduce some interesting conflict.

The stories incomplete, now's the time to spice things up with the story. Throw in some more conflict, show us more of everypony's else opinions, have them go on a trip. There's so much you can do to make this better than it already is!

The main characters of Baking a little magic are Twilight and Pinkie. They are mostly in character, but again the rushing into the clop scenes isn't something I would imagine Twilight doing, Pinkie Pie sure. But that's just me, it's alright how is. But if it continues this way, you run the risk of them becoming OOC.

When they talk, sometimes it will sound a little awkward. As if that's not how they would say it. The rule for dialogue is read it aloud, that should help weed out anything that sounds a little awkward. I'm sure what else to say except try to have them talk more about how they feel about things, and not have them rush into everything at once.

This story is more original than most shipfics, but only just. There are many out there with the same plot, but again you have it labeled as incomplete so there's plenty of room to do unique or less seen things. It doesn't stand out too much, but it is better written than a lot of ones I've seen. I do hope it is continued soon, I'm not a big fan of Twinkie but I want to see how everything goes. Because, again it's pretty well written.

Overall Score:
Grammar: 6/10
Style: 7/10
Narrative: 7/10
Characters: 7/10
Originality: 8/10

TOTAL SCORE: 35/50

Tips:
You might want to get a proofreader to help fix the mistakes sprinkled around in your fic. Work on pacing, extend scenes add more heartfelt interaction between Pinkie Pie and Twi. Remember, more is good! Just don't make anything unnecessarily long for word counts sake. Work on the characters a bit, they've been rushing around being caught up in the moment. But now you might want to slow down some.
Personal note:
Brandedahall, this story is looking pretty good. There's plenty things you can do with it, and I hope this review helped you in some way. I will be on the look out for the next chapter, hopefully it'll be soon :)

Another good review! Quite excellent :)

As a note for your grammar section, "realised" is the UK spelling. Don't know where the author's from, but if some of the spelling errors were of a similar type, that might bear a note.

3132611
Oh, didn't know that it could be spelled that way. But none of the other mistakes I saw were really like that, only a few misspellings with some mixed up punctuation, and the occasional unnecessarily capitalized word.

:) thanks for the review. I'm from England btw, so a few spellings might be different.

But either way, this had helped a bit, but I've been taking a break from this story. I might take it back up soon. :)

:) thanks for the review. I'm from England btw, so a few spellings might be different.

But either way, this had helped a bit, but I've been taking a break from this story. I might take it back up soon. :)

3132393
Another Review, and so quickly too. Well done!

3133884
Well, I'm glad you liked the review

3134117
Thanks, I've been trying to do a review every three days. See how long I can keep it up

3134131
Well, keep up the great work then. I for one look foreword to see how you keep it up.