Basically, I understand people here need more ...human-oriented kind of support/interaction. Guess I also will try to map everyone's stories and lives here to what I feel (felt?) about ..my little dolphin problem. Because it was strongest internal storm I experienced in my life, so far. But you don't need to know or even love/feel for narrowly-defined dolphins - humans are ....dolphin/ponies/mares too [just under some dark spell, often. Unfortunately, in this world dark magic, if you know for what to look, quite real, and winning .. but may be this is not finale yet! ] ... I will try to keep this in mind while moving around here .....

Feel free to ignore or tl:dr some posts ...

Just ..at this point in my life I feel like ..I'm stuck, only thing I truely have is ...my memory, in various forms, but may be by showing it unedited I'll somehow make my future ... still possible.

Clip info:
encoder: MEncoder 0.90-RPM-3.1
ls -la 0005.avi
-rw-rw-rw- 1 root root 2627002 окт 8 2003 0005.avi

probably only clear image/video (ruined by YT's compression) 'proving' I had some ...some kind of emotional and physical connection to captive dolphins here in Spb ..I have other videos, but they are from remote viewpoint, so they not 'prove' anything ...

Yeah, I'm apparently have some issue with ...'fact vs fiction'. I can't just give out my emotional memory, like in some cyberpunk future, but I have this .... and few other bits. Some of them in russian, but around ~2006 I got not just broadband internet but also some rudimentary command on English language .... and basically first thing I send out was ....

Received: from [84.204.225.9] by web37115.mail.mud.yahoo.com via HTTP; Fri, 07 Jul 2006 03:05:55 MSD
Date: Fri, 7 Jul 2006 03:05:55 +0400 (MSD)
From: Andrew Randrianasulu <randrianasulu@yahoo.com>
Subject: dolphins ... primary
To: [redacted]
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset=koi8-r
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit
Content-Length: 1419
X-Length: 1818
X-UID: 65
Status: RO
X-Status: OC
X-KMail-EncryptionState:
X-KMail-SignatureState:
X-KMail-MDN-Sent:

Hi, Allan....

You has great time with wild dolphins! Very glad to
see your writings ....And dolphins has good hunt too,
exellent! ....

About Marra - may be in situations like this more
really concerned people is better ... Humans like
Margaret.

And, if some people will look at sea and see dolphins
and their life for long time...May be this will help
in situation, when wild dolphin go unusual close to
humans...This is not dolphin's fault - same places may
be used for this group of dolphins in ages...Only
humans newbies at his location... I hope, things go
better, with your help and other really good humans..
who wants just freedom and peace for beautiful
creatures....

Sorry, i haven't too much words.. partialy because i'm
new in English. But - thanks again, hope see you
later... May be next time I will has more news...May
be in this summer i'll see wild belugas first
time....or, wild dolphins at Black Sea (I was in
Gelendgik town last year...very, very good images for
my memory! And my first swim in sea (world under water
surface - beyond any imagination!) ...and first
dolphins! (heh, from land.. actually 10+ m. higher
water line). I can't take any fotos, but some fotos
from same location taken by my friend here...Send to
you?

stay ... tuned? This is my past life, on the air ....

finny friend

7254494
This is a weird place to put fiction.

If you're trying to come out with species dysphoria, I get it, but it's a little hard to parse if you're being serious.

The forces of darkness can never win. That's just their propaganda wing trying to demoralize you. An old ruse. In the Classic era siege armies would try to scare the city's army with throwing severed heads over the walls.

In all the stories, the bad guys always lose, all the time.

“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”

― Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

leaving the ocean was a terrible mistake and we are paying for it to this day

7254534
well, this is NOT fiction ...this is my email archive!

~/.kde/share/apps/kmail/mail/.yahoo_archive.directory/sent/cur

2,228,188 КиБ в 4306 файлах

oh ...I had no idea I wrote and forwarded 4306 emails!! :} well, obviously just posting them here one or two per post will not do any good ....

I was also thinking about may be some member posting random number/date and I answer with one of those emails as response ...

But yes, this is part of my point - my whole real life so far basically looks like (sad?) type of fiction, when viewed from outside. But on the other hoof I read real-world stories like I used to read fiction! With additional bonus - they being real! Or at least quite close to it ...

7254579
All I can say is that if you're trying to talk to people about something serious, try and be coherent.

7255749
Yeah, but how exactly you can tell if I'm coherent? I was told today

the problem is not that the sentences are too hard to understand intellectually, the problem is that they read like they were written by a drunk, stoned, and autistic disorganized schizophrenic.

- and yeah, I VERY WELL may be all of those things! {I can't prove I don't drink alcohol, even if I don't, and some unusual for my timezone day/night schedule most likely affect me too. So yeah, drunk and stoned on natural ingridients! Haha ...and yes, I probably can be A-word and S-word, just never bothered to cheek it out officially}. But exactly my pain point was, and is - I try to stay coherent about what I support!

But yeah, apparently in truely important cases I can only make things worse, or at least push them not in direction I wanted them to move. So, sorry.. I was about to suggest few things, like

what about 'Yeah, I'm centaur! and proud' type of advertiziment/normalization for trans who have a bit of mismatched male/female anatomy?

- because I personally have some struggle about truely accepting this unusual reality, but I think I can work it out in my head to some satisfying results. Trouble is, my 'clever' idea might be actually very badly received by actual trans people, and backfire in some unpredictable for me way! :(

But due to today's morning Yet Another Round of Internet Drama (with real, live humans) - I don't think working with real people who are already on the edge due to their previous experience is my call. If my attempt at support resulted in breaking out - yeah, I admit I better stick to books and articles and readings...

7255886
Slow down. Take your time. Use simpler sentences. Don't provide too much information.

7255893
yeah, thanks. :}

I know there was/is some intersection between animal rights and other movements, but simply because I can read about it 'On Internet' doesn't mean it will happened to me, I guess... Especially with my non-compromising nature. Like, not non-compromising in sense I always want my way, but in sense I want it _working_! Not just repainted cage bars, but no real cages, no those master-slave relations, no fakeness.

Thing is, because people often very spread across physical distances - even just gathering in one specific place can be major strain on their finances! I for example spend all my 'income' back in 2016 trying to fly back and forth for my specific dolphin case - and this income was rent money given to me by two gay guys, who lived in my flat and walked with my dog Grey during all those voyages! So, who supported whom? I hope it was mutual, but I always doubt my side was fair enough.

So, while I really like to help in some way that count - 70x downdifference in currencies in Russia and USA makes this .....uphill battle. And while I'm nearly sure someone from this .. rainbow group can live in my city (SPb) - I empirically prefer to live with my dog, it seems, and not with whatever type of humans o.O (also, my flat tend to be THE mess. So, just inviting someone to stay there is ....well, not really good idea)

And 'supporting' somepony by just saying so in easy and non-consequential situations ONLY ..sounds like real FAKE. Talk is cheap, until it doesn't anymore.

So, ponies, how exactly poor russian non-magic wanna-be pony can help you?

I can imagine trying to BECOME trans simply as way of showing my support, but this will be ... some VERY odd thing to try and pull off!

7255969

That's easy. Just buy kneesocks and take HRT and watch bbc sissy hypno comps.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5a9b1c0812b13f48e686fdc4/t/5a9c17e1f9619a449856c4fe/1520179170246/Chu-Did+Sissy+Porn+Make+Me+Trans%3F+%28QD2%29.pdf

In typical post from 2014, titled “Did sissy porn make me trans or was I trans all along?,” one user writes: “About 3 years ago, I discovered sissy hypno videos [that’s “hypno” like short for “hypnotism”], which in a nutshell are flashing subjective images telling you to wear panties, be girly, suck cock, and even take hormones. I became completely obsessed with these videos. Nothing got me off like these. It got to the point where I started wearing panties and imagining myself as a girl when I would masturbate.”7 The poster is “95% sure” she is trans, but the sexual nature of her desires gives her pause. What if real trans women just aren’t into this kind of thing? What if her therapist, like the one described by another user, tells her that she has “a kink, not a gender identity crisis,” since “real MTFs don’t do that. Ever”?8

Haha, I make joke. You cannot 'become trans'. It's impossible. In my case I had people calling me effeminate and a f___got and that I did THAT like a girl and THIS like a girl for my whole miserable childhood and adolescence, and transitioning was like sitting down in a familiar chair for me. Doing things women do came very naturally and easily. I have a skincare routine, I exfoliate, I properly style my hair and take great pride in it, I have a carefully curated makeup kit that matches my skin tone, I shed some pounds, etc cetc.

Example: here in the USA, men refuse to wear masks and are contracting COVID in much higher numbers than women. Why? Masks are for girls and homos. Masks are for sissy maries. Masks are for women.

Me, I love wearing my mask. It's swell. I'll be sad when we have to stop wearing them.

Anyway, the point of that segue is that I do not behave, when not under duress, in a masculine way at all. However, now that I grew into my role as a woman, people go out of their way to misgender me.

if you want to become the hardest son of a bitch in the history of mankind, just transition and complete frickin' strangers will yell at you how manly you are.

7257309
well, my point was more about 1st person experience, yes, including this society-level dislike (I don't think I want to become complete female, _absolute_ completeness still impossible anyway ..).

I can't become dolphin, yet I found adding swimming fins allowed me to experience something I thought was impossible for me - joy of reatively fast swimming! For some reason (probably me physical weakness) trying same trick with monofin resulted in total failure o.O

Also, it is interesting to reflect back at this moment when I was buying wetsuit and female consultant told me its ok to buy female version of suit if it works better for you (thermal protection). So, I slightly laugh at my only accident-created episode of cross-dressing :}

Also, I really don't know why, but Chatoyance's works remain my most loved pony fiction , and transformation fiction. I know (from her notes) they inspired by her own experience. So, while I'm sure trying to be 20% more female will not make me great writer - something important might happen, because who knows, we are more complex beasts than we dare to imagine ....

Actually, I think making this hormonal therapy is not easy now, I saw threads where people discussed how long it takes to run all this legal/medical 'qualification' process from start to finish, and I bet 'trying to be more female for sociopolitical reasons' not yet on official list of of valid reasons!

PS: of course you can chuckle over image of me watching some 1/3 of artwork and realizing 'oh, I surely want to do THIS to male dolphin!' Because...dolphin (o.O) I was surprized at myself, but more in a good way. At least some dolphins really know how to be friendly.

7257320

You can just buy them online like 40% of Kneesock Twitter does. If you luck out, you might find a consent-based clinic that gives them without forcing you to jump through hoops.

7257323
..or I can just drink it from the source (considering this line about pregnant mares).

well, while I try to not overload others with my own sense what is right and what is wrong {some thing are wrong, but figuring this out may take time} - I still like to imagine _some_ kinds of visuals/video can be used for type of ..mental gymnastics, as tool to inch yourself towards some goal (inching instead of running at full speed because for example my ways of living, my Path if you want, was, so far not about defaulting to most popular or easier solution, but finding out what is right, and pushing myself in this direction - be it my not quite 100% attempt at ethical veganism or my stubborn refusal to install proprietary drivers for my videocard - hey, I just like to help nouveau developers!).

I tend to be very text-oriented creature, but other types exist, so might those lines of visual thinking help someone somehow?

Jan Ploeg's video list - well, I a bit of chuckle on my own line of thinking "Huh, I might seriously *like* this amazing female dolphin "Dusty", but hey, she already have some good friends to hang with!" .. or so I was thinking until very lately, when jan somewhat faded away from online spaces .....

About Horses - I think I still prefer Nevzorov's views on horse revolution, so I can't say I like *all* videos from this channel, but ... some of them views just near right end of spectrum!

I think this tread from 2016 can be linked into this one:
fantasy-vs-reality

and possibly this one from 2014:
discussion-why-is-m-f-more-popular-than-f-m

Also, I think currently locked thread has something about otherkins ... I found "interesting paper" (:}), or more like essay on this topic someday ago:

Look out for "Scribner_Timeline2p0.pdf" - from this point on you can google out names and events ....

7262188
Transgender is not otherkin. Please read this FAQ.

7262213
yes, I have it open, but not read it yet ..

My point was more about both (or actually more than two) groups of human beings overlapping partially in space (at least when we look at english-speaking members) , time (today, but at least some decades back in time, well before twitter) and their quest for both self-discovery and inter-action (within group, between groups, and with 'society at large').

Two more links (actually three, I think).

More official-sounding link:
The World Health Organization Will Stop Classifying Transgender People as Having a 'Mental Disorder' - May, 28 2019

To Be Queer is to Love All: A Perspective on Queer Activism and Anarchism in the Philippines - more informal essay from 1, Jul, 2020 - IMO much more interesting .....

Free love cannot exist without self-discovery. It's hard to expand your bounds and liberate yourself from what was drilled into your head as a kid without spontaneous moments of realization and a sustained motivation to understand how you feel about certain aspects of your life.
[...]
I guess the “Google Bookchin” phenomenon, though problematic in its own way, does work for some people, because the next thing I knew I was reading about Libertarian Municipalism, then about the meaning of Autonomy, and so on and so on.
[..]
Right now, our reality dictates that we need to remain vigilant to protect ourselves. No matter how “progressive” and “tolerant” our society claims to be, the facade almost constantly falls apart. You can take your pick at what sector of society you'd see homophobia and transphobia: the halls of the Senate5 the music industry,6 on social media, not to mention inside churches and houses. You wonder how polls show over 70% of Filipinos can accept homosexuals but only 25% of them think it is not an immoral act.7
[...]
To be queer is to understand pain and suffering. To be queer is to understand rejection and ignorance. To be queer is to understand that normal, this normal is not acceptable. Discrimination is not acceptable, abuse is not acceptable, death is not acceptable.

Thing is, even if 'animal rights' (or more likely branch of animal welfare reformists) sounds like problem located very far from this level of struggle ...as fast as you try to cross some invisible boundary and try to make/demand something _too revolutionary_ - BOOM!

Actually, third link is about [anti]Social media from same site ....
Social media spectacle: work and leisure

Hm, because this specific name seems to absent from this forum (may be search just not working for me):

Raine Dog: Legend of an unfinished comic - from 2016 ...

The real seed was the comic Newshounds, by my friend Thomas K. Dye. That comic starred an ensemble cast of (highly anthropomorphized) dogs and cats, whose owner, Lorna, employs them as the staff of a TV station. One day, I asked Thomas, “so, does Lorna pay them?” He said “yes, but as their owner, she’s not obligated to.”

The strip had also revealed, in a flashback sequence, that most of the cast had come close to being euthanized by a shelter. That’s grim, man.

All of that got me thinking. About “pets” in that universe, and in cartoon universes generally. Heathcliff. Scooby Doo. Brian from “Family Guy.” It suddenly seemed weird, and dark, that in cartoons we routinely meet characters who are perfectly sentient, who are basically people, who are owned by other characters. And I wondered why that had never seemed weird before. I wondered about what that said, and what it could be made to say.

Also, I was reading not quite newest, but still relevant (I think) paper:

Gill, R.; Henwood, K.; McLean, C. (2005). Body projects and the regulation of normative masculinity.
London: LSE Research Articles Online.
Available at: http://eprints.lse.ac.uk/archive/00000371/

Most of the interviews were carried out in 1998 – 1999, with the remainder conducted in 2000 – 2001.

Still, I found it interesting, and this line:

The image of the 'new lad' to be found in magazines like Loaded or FHM mirrors the assertions of masculinity espoused by many of the heterosexual men we interviewed: anti aspirational and anti obsessional (except where beer, football and 'shagging' are concerned) hostile to the 'narcissism' of the 'new man' ('grooming is for horses' opined a lad-mag editor); individualistic, hedonistic and sexually predatory, the discourses we identified fit James Brown's vision of Loaded as being 'for the man who believes he can do anything if only he wasn't hungover' (Loaded, 1994). To date, 'new lad' has mostly been studied as a media construction. This finding suggests the need for more empirical research to analyse the diffusion, uptake and resistance to this model of masculinity among young men.

- underscored by me - made me laugh SO HARD and LONG :} ..because . ..we are from future, discussing things on fanfiction site about talking alien ponies :}

Not all political and philosophical papers are boring, some of them, while serious, are real fun to read - because authors, I guess!