"We were doing fine, but then some dumbass fucked everything up."

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No better friend, no worse enemy.

Diverse and controversial apes running on a rock looking for answers and better ways to kill one another.

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Hold my beer and watch this!

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"We didn't start the fire, no, we tried to fight it, but we didn't light it."

"It is."

Bitch please, were humans.

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Humans, for want of independence from one another, and for need of one another, could do neither with any great skill.

"A bunch of individuals who can't be summed up into a meaningless phrase."

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Where the rising ape meets the falling angel.

- Terry Pratchett

Slightly less terrible than we were last year.

It's a very long sentence. Also, I don't know how to spell it -- which is odd, 'cause the only letters are A, C, G, and T.

"Oh boy, here they go again..."

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We have something in our pockets that allow us to access near infinite knowledge about human beings and we use it to argue with strangers and look at cat pictures

Humans are primates of the family Hominidae, distinguishing themselves from other primates by their bipedal locomotion, and especially by their relatively larger brain with its particularly well developed neocortex, prefrontal cortex and temporal lobes, which enable high levels of abstract reasoning, language, problem solving, and culture through social learning as well as the ability to use tools to a much higher degree than any other animal, being the only extant species known to build fires and cook their food, as well as the only known species to clothe themselves and create and use numerous other technologies and arts.

Let's cram 3 guys into a tin can the size of a broom closet, put them on top of a rocket the size of a skyscraper, light it off, and see what happens.

An ape-descended life form so amazingly primitive that it still thinks digital watches are a pretty neat idea.

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You think I wouldn't recognize a run-on sentence?

"Humanity: Deoxyribonucleic acid, no genetic prosthesis, mobile heterotrophes, symbiotes with sessile photosynthetic autotrophes, surface dwellers, monochromatic O2 breathers, fe-chelated tetrapyroles in circulatory fluid, sexual mammals."

That's the bare-bones facts folks.

1890137 It wasn't just one dumbass, it was many over the course of history.

"Results may vary"?

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