We all know that Lyra is a fan of human mythology, but she doesn’t actually have actual human specimens to study off of- she’s only got the mythology. So… How does Lyra think of us?

What might myths about us look like… and what does it say about Lyra that she’s infatuated with us?

Make up some myths! Here's a few off the top of my head:

Humans are always sexually aroused.

Humans are an entirely male species.

Humans have metal tubes for arms (the idea of “gun” being a separate object from the arm might be lost after a few generations of retelling the story) and can kill you just by looking at you.

Humans are famine spirits (the idea of “omnivore” gets misremembered as “can eat anything” which gets misinterpreted as “ravenously eats nasty/inedible things like metal, poisons, maggot covered rotting meat without discretion.”)

2809275 Bigfoot.

2809275 Already been done.

"Known to scale vertical surfaces with ease" Because of our primate nature.

2809275

they'll rape/have sex with anything.

2809279
I was going to reply with a joke, but the more I think about it, the more appropriate it seems.

Hat's off to you, good sir!

2809275
They'll turn to stone if seen without clothes on.

And lo, the time came when the dark lord Hitlarr and his horde of Nat-si mages sought to plunge the world into darkness, only to be defeated by the Lion, the Bear, the Eagle, and to a much lesser extent, the Froggy.

I apologize in advance to any French readers who see this.

2809300

2809275

ok serious now. what would be the level of civilization and technology before they went extinct/left the planet and ponies came along. that info could help set something up.

2809275

Humans are the harbingers of devastation and ruin.

The first pegasus warriors learned their skills from the last humans, living in seclusion as hermits is a distant land.

yahoos humans are obsessed with gems, to the point that they'll kill each other for them.

2809314 What about space age? Like, we all left Earth which was too polluted, and while we were running around in the stars, something else evolved on the radioactive cesspool we left behind?

2809292
If this is what our myths are like, then that says something about Lyra that she'd be so fascinated with us.

It probably also suggests that porn is taboo in Equestrian society, since these myths have a strong sexual undertone to them, otherwise that part of our myth wouldn't be brought up with quite so much fervor.

Probably that humans were a prototype race. Created so that may break their limits by possessing a void within. Never able to truly be broken and adaptable to any situation, they are capable of great good and evil. They are nomadic and enjoy wondering; this is why canines and equines have retained a deep connection with humans, as they are able to keep up.

2809300 never apologize to a frenchman

2809331 there needs to be more gullivers travels crossovers

2809275 unpredictable

We're a warrior race, who's ability in war is unstoppable.

Just gonna leave this here......

As for some funny myths,

Excessive facial hair and a large belly are signs of power and virility.

Once created a race of black and red alicorns that sadly died out without a trace during the Owl Sea storms shortly after Celestia and Luna appeared.

Humans favored Luna due to Celestia's dislike for them, caused by their referring to her a the 'Great Sun Butt.'

2809292
He said "myths" not facts. ......

"The humans were an incredible people. Though they lacked the Earth pony's strength, they managed to carve through mountains. Though they lacked wings, they found a way to travel beyond the sky. And though they lacked the ability to harness magic, they manipulated nature and themselves in ways we could only dream of...

excerpt from Humans: Fact or Fiction?

2809275

* They will eat literally anything, with a preference for sapient (cow/pig) meat. They're always, always hungry.

* The fact that any schlub can get access to (comparatively) strange and unusual technology might lead to the mistaken belief that all humans are competent gadgeteers and scientists.

* Did you notice they're not all one culture? They're separated, like we used to be! I guess those skin tones mean different tribes. I wonder if one of them can use magic or fly.

* There can't be only one race of sapient beings on a planet that big...unless the humans did something to the others...

* If you spend enough time with a human, you start to be like a pony from their world. Your mind just goes pfft, and you begin obeying their orders. Stay away!

2809332
2809343

i was just thinking about something like that. what could humans leave behind that would last long enough for entire species to evolve on this planet again? radioactive waste ofcourse!

premise: a very long time ago, rock farmers stumble into an old nuclear waste/biohazard underground storage. ponies start dieing/getting diseases/flesh eating virus or whatever. celestia condemns the place and is never to be dug up again. after many generations the crude bipedal stick figure is associated with humans. the label was on everything so it may be misconstrued as a symbol of worship or great importance.

pony legend: humans worshiped an evil god that may or not have punished ponies for awaking it and celestia killed it or sent it to the sun or something (the moon was full)
pony legend: human waste is toxic (fair enough)
pony legend: humans may have been the heroes that confined the evil monster/god away in the first place.

2809419 is that a story you're writing?

2809444
No, just a random thought. Why?

2809455

Because it would make for an awesome tale!

2809314
Well, in my mind's eye, the humans in question are World War 2 or Vietnam era humans who became stranded in Equestrian waters. So, basically modern and members of the military. Also, quite separately, I've got another fantasy of individual stone-age humans or Neanderthals showing up in Equestrian grasslands.

But any period of human history is fine to draw from.

What era were you thinking of?

2809479

any era where the production of nuclear waste/biohazard is a thing and they stash it under the earth in massive landfill is the only requirement for this idea 2809442

edit; doesn't have to be massive, just big enough to make an impact that will get the rock farmers noticed by the princess.

2809455 it's good your super box needs words like these right here

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2809275

Humans are always sexually aroused.

2809275

Humans wear clothes that hide all the knowledge that they contain to the universe

Humans wear hats that transmit radio waves towards each others brains

Is there any credence in the humans are long gone ponies have evolved in our stead and mlp is future earth theory?

2809275

Humans are masters of all, highly skilled killers with hearts of black nothingness.

2809297
Oh! I very much like this idea! And what if this myth came about not because of modesty but because humans will literally die without their biohazard suits or pressurized space suits?

And humans are described as pale, slow moving monsters who each have only 1 gigantic black or silver marble of an eye.

2809513

...what?

2809570 paraphrase of homestar runner sbemail virus

2809574

What?

2809588 god I feel old http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zFy27bMKDl4

2809523
So humans radiate knowledge from the surface of their skin? Hmmm... I wonder if that means that our skin would be patterned after their solar system. Shimmering, vividly black background with star like pinpoints of light indicating tears in the "veil of consciousness."

Now, does that mean that we'd literally be thought of as muses? Or are we maintainers of the status quo in some way?

2809524
Well there kind of is. You see advanced pieces of technology (like Vinyl Scratch's DJ equipment, X-ray equipment, 1980's style arcade games) set against a backdrop of much more primitive and much more prevalent technology. It seems like advanced technology was "saved" or scavenged from a previous race.

Technology too advanced to be reverse engineered, or else the ponies would have advanced All their technology.

This is the evidence that humans existed.

2809275
Humans look nothing like humans, rather they look like an amalgamation of other monsters or animals. And the way we look is based on how we act.

So..., if we've got eyes like eagles, the arm strength of oxen, the ability to kill at a great distance (sniper rifles), and we're as tall as some trees...

Then we have the heads of eagles, the arms and hooves of oxen, we wear an aura of lighting that kills ponies at great distance at our command, and we have bodies like dead tree trunks.

So, if a real human sees an artist's interpretation of a human, he won't recognize what he's looking at.

2809275

Known to destroy entire places in a matter of seconds like a ursa major. A harsh deceitful backstabbing people never to be trusted.....What world war 2 and the gulf war and the terror war are examples of this

2809275

Humans cannot use magic without a focsi like a book, weapon or body part

2809479 make it a human vampire killer from the 1700's

2809275 Long ago, This great race descended from the stars. The Pegasus tribe learned their ways and idolize humans. The Earth tribe respects them due to their knowledge, perseverance, and ability to tame nature without magic. Most Unicorns and Alicorns fear humans due to their rejections of Harmony and magic. Griffons worship humans as gods bound to mortal flesh sent to teach the Path, as such most reject the use of magic. Humans are used in iconography as symbols of war, conquest, competition, and elderich knowledge. Human relics are rare as human mostly destroy them before leaving for some unknown reason.

Humans created ponies before, but grew displeased and destroyed them. Not by war or famine, but by ignoring them out of existence.

From that:
If even one human is with you and cares about you, you cannot die.
If you displease a human enough that they ignore you away, nopony will remember you were ever there.
Humans can pull their dreams out of their heads and make them reality. That's how they made ponies.
Humans can do anything, as long as it's cool or funny. Fly to the moon, remake mountains in the image of their leaders, build glass towers that scrape the sky, all doable by humans.
Humans all died off when they made the Disco Edsel. So if you find a Disco Edsel, run away and report to the Princess, or Discord. What's a Disco Edsel? There are things you don't want to know.

2809479

1800's humans? Capable to burn down entire forests for replace them with fully-functioning factories. Huamns tend to divide themsleves in races, even if they don't appear to be all that different, aside from the skin.

Human society is based around the idea of "motherland" and "freedom."

2809275 humans- mysterious beings that appeared one day, they are bipedal achieving balance without a tail, humans are privy to ancient knowledge and can make almost anything. They dwell in giant houses and are known to live long lives. humans have been known to be warlike,peaceful,loving,creative and knowledgable. it is said that they take great pride in collecting knowledge or displaying prowess in the fields of combat love creativity. some humans have been known to make both good wives or husbands for ponies. humans love magic and study it but no documents pertaining to successful use, do not exist not that humans need it with their hands and opposable thumbs giving them a dexterity a hoof just can't compare too and an effortlessness that magic can not compare to in levitation.

the great human library- humans have been cited as the builders of this huge repository of knowledge filled with so many books, that it would make twilight sparkle wet just thinking about it.
It is said to contain more than any of the libraries combined easily dwarfing the canterlot archives. archeologists are still finding new rooms each day filled with even more books that are excellently preserved. ever since it was discovered librarians come to the library for pilgrimage.

human sexuality- humans have been documented to be extremely sexually active compared to ponies and will easily satisfy most stallions or mares. their favoured position is said to be face to face belly to belly a strangely intimate position that enables couples to kiss feel each others heart beats and to hold each other. humans also seem to have a strange attraction to ponies wearing socks and even other clothes in general.

human reproduction- much like us humans reproduce through typical mammalian fashion, and have been known to successfully produce offspring with ponies( for many a mare this is a goddess send as male ponies are few in number compared to mares), please note that humans mate for life do not attempt to find one as a marriage partner unless you are willing to stay with it till you die. (does not mean you have to leave pony towns or villages etc)

human diet- humans are omnivorous like griffons, they can eat vegetables,nuts, meat, and some flowers. humans have not been known to eat sapient creatures (i.e creatures of similar intelligence to ponies).

The only human myth will be the tale of Duke Nukem. Only a generator, a television with several gaming consoles to play Duke Nukem games on. That is their only view on humans....until you show up. It's time to kick bubblegum and chew ass...and you're all out of ass.

2810192

Except for the last game, then the only thing they feel is disapointment...