I'm always angry at myself so this is nothing new. I always feel like I amount to nothing in the big picture of life. The reason why is that I am a self-proclaimed YouTube addict. I want to quit, because I know that there's more to life than just watching YouTube and doing meaningless crap. I have been diagnosed with a major anxiety disorder.
I come from a proud lineage and I always feel so much pressure to do well. My dad is a nurse anesthetist, my mom is an ultrasound tech at a pregnancy clinic. My oldest brother is married and works at a natural gas plant. My second oldest brother is a priest. The second youngest was in the Navy for six years and is now studying nursing. I'm the youngest, and I'm not afraid to admit it, I'm full of angst and I have a sharp-ass tongue. I got through my first semester of college alright, but some things came up this past week that made me more angry than I have ever been. It's in these hopeless times that I SERIOUSLY consider killing myself. I was making a plan and I was going to write a suicide note, but something stopped me. I have had suicidal thoughts in the past, but I've been to scared to act on them, as was the case this time. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm okay, I'm in a safe place now, but I'm scared. What if this happens again?

When I was in college, I was very depressed. I would look for any distraction I could find to keep from feeling the fear anger and sadness that was taking over my life. I was lucky enough to have a friend suggest I talk to the campus priest. The priest talked with me and prayed with me, and suggested I pray. After that whenever I felt like ending myself I would either try to talk to him, or pray before the tabernacle. It helped me alot.

Keeping you in my prayers Thunderspark.

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Thank you so much. God Bless you. (I'm also a Catholic).