Just a Heads Up: Most of this is just me venting.

As it says on the tin, I've got a bad case of the Self-Doubts. Not for one particular story in my collection, more... Well. All of them. Some of them were actually fairly popular, but that was a long time ago, and I can't help feeling I've lost my touch. It sucks because this is the one thing I keep coming back to when I write. I've tried writing my own stuff, making my own settings totally independent of FiM, but I always find my way back here. The original content languishes on my hard drive.

I guess I've been feeling this way for a while now, like my new stuff just isn't good enough, which is ironic considering I put way more effort into it. The popular stuff I wrote as an angsty edgy teen seems so... Stupid. Poorly planned, poorly edited, poorly proofread. A lot of times I find myself staring off into space, wondering if it all hasn't been a total waste of time and energy. I've published over a million words all totaled, I've probably scrapped twice as many. Hundreds of hours of effort, and in the end it all feels hollow. Pointless.

My latest bout with Self-Doubt has come about following the release of a little side story I'd been working on as a companion to a larger series, but so far it isn't doing well... Granted it's been less than a day, but every downvote it gets (Only 2 at last counting, but the only upvote is the one I gave it myself) leaves me thinking maybe it's best I don't publish any more chapters. Maybe I should just abandon the series, abandon fimfiction, abandon writing altogether. Maybe I should admit that I'm not the writer I used to think I was, step back from my keyboard, grab my coat and my hat, and walk out the proverbial door before I make a fool of myself, or... A bigger fool of myself, at any rate.

I got into writing because I needed an outlet, because I needed a way to get the dark thoughts rattling around my head out into the open... It's driven me to research new things, learn new words, expand my vocabulary and by extension my mind. I dare say that if I hadn't started writing, I might not be alive today... Now, in a cruel twist of irony, it's come full circle. The quality of my writing and how it's being received versus the effort and time I've put into it is what's rattling around my head, and with every new paragraph, every new sentence, every new word, I'm left wondering 'Should I just stop? Should I just cut my losses and walk away with what little dignity I have left?'. Needless to say, my work flow hasn't exactly been great as a result, but that's its own issue entirely.

I don't have any people I can talk to about this in my circle of friends. None of them know I write fan-fiction to begin with, let alone MLP fanfiction, so I can't help feeling just a bit isolated, y'know? Anyway... Sorry for all the negativity, I know there really isn't any point or question to this thread... I just felt like I had to get it off my chest, maybe see what you guys thought...

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I got into writing because I needed an outlet, because I needed a way to get the dark thoughts rattling around my head out into the open... It's driven me to research new things, learn new words, expand my vocabulary and by extension my mind. I dare say that if I hadn't started writing, I might not be alive today...

That doesn't sound pointless to me.

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Yeah, perhaps I should rephrase. The whole enterprise hasn't been pointless, but at the moment it feels as though I've reached a point of diminishing returns, if that makes sense? I'm struggling to articulate my thoughts here, so if I edit something I'll let you know, or if you want clarification on something I've said, let me know.

Edit: I added the thing about the edit.

Edit 2: I edited the thing about the edit.

7832764 As long as there are some returns, it's not pointless.

The goal in life isn't to live forever, it's to create something that will. You might become pointless when you die less than a century from now, but your stories will live on.

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That's what I keep telling myself, I guess that's why I'm so concerned about their quality. I don't want the stuff that lives on after I'm gone to be anything less than the best work I could do, it's just that nothing ever feels good enough.

7832772 Consider yourself lucky. Some authors lack that feeling. They publish their first draft, while being completely blind to all the mistakes it has.

Seeing faults means you still have potential. You and your stories can grow and become better. What you have is a superpower, not a curse.

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Gosh, I can relate so hard to this. My writing has been a blessing to keep me sane the past year and a bit. My most recent publication has been getting thrashed, but no actual comments criticizing the quality of the writing, so it gives me some hope that it isn't terrible. What I've learned from the time I've been publishing is that not every story is going to make it, and not every story will be received well. Part of it is to do it for yourself. My favorite story gets next to no attention, and has received a sizable portion of downvotes, but I still adore it and am motivated to complete it far more than my 'popular' fic.

As Bad Dragon said, it's a good thing you see the issues in your writing. Helps you to improve, to get better so you doubt yourself less. My early attempts at writing were... kinda garbage, but I got better. We all have to start somewhere. I wrote tens-of-thousands of words that'll never see the light of day, that's simply something I have to live with. There are drafts I wish I could go back to reread, but I can't because I deleted them. The loss is an inevitability at times. I've gotten less fickle with my writing as I've practiced. The general outline of scenes/chapters has less major edits, starting over has gotten less frequent. As I've grown as a writer, I've gained more confidence.

Perhaps you need to re-prioritize why you write. Is it for ratings? Or is it because it's a fun creative outlet? Stop looking at the often misleading ratings and instead look at the comments (if you get any, and if you don't, go advertise it somewhere!). Are you writing to improve? Then keep up the good work! Sometimes it won't be appreciated by others, but if you can appreciate it yourself, then who cares if others notice or not! This isn't writing for money or for critical acclaim. Write for fun, not for ratings!

I don't know about you, but I think this sums up the idea when it comes to ponies vs original fiction:

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I do write mostly for fun, it's just difficult to shake the habit of needing other people to validate my work. I kind of wanted to maybe try writing and publishing an original book, I've started it and restarted it over a dozen times. I never get more than 20-30,000-ish words before I decide 'Nah, gotta start again'. The thing is I like the setting I came up with for the story, I like closing my eyes and transporting myself there. Watching the guards patrol the Ancient Bulwark on the look out for a barbarian horde, or a snowstorm rolling down through the northern mountains, or an elk in a forest of trees that would eclipse even the tallest redwood. It's just difficult to stop 'watching' and start 'writing'... But I'm getting off topic here.

The point is that after having slept on it last night, I've come to the conclusion that at the end of the day this is a fan-fiction website, not the New York Times 'Best Sellers' list. I should remember that indeed I am here to have fun, to tell the stories that I want to tell, to write the characters I want to write. In a lot of ways, what I've written on this site has laid the ground work for characters, settings, and plot points in my original work. It's a proving ground, and I shouldn't get too stressed out by how well or how poorly things do here. Now, knowing that I shouldn't stress about something and actually not stressing about something are two different things, but I guess I'll get better with time.

As for 'advertising', I don't really know how to do that. I've never been much for that sort of thing, I'd just publish my work and that was it. Do you have any tips/advice on that front?

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Add your story to group libraries, go onto one of the many promotion groups and make a post, publish at the right times (during the North American night isn't recommended), make a description/picture/title to draw people in, keep publishing and making yourself known, publish reasonable chapter lengths (20k plus is a bit much for a normal chapter). Sometimes you get lucky, other times, not so much. My main story has 599 views but only about maybe 60 people who are active readers. This late in the fandom, don't expect the kinds of numbers like how it was five-six years ago (wish there was a way to attract new members to the fandom, but oh well, I'm still here).

I wish I received more constructive feedback on my main story, but the best I can do is advertise my work. It's the best any of us can really do.