A formal essay regarding why Knighty is evil. - The FimFiction Revolutionary Army

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Ununoctium420 #1 · Jan 31st, 2013 · 1 · ·

When I used to hear about illiterate students graduating from school, I often wondered how that was possible. But after encountering some of Knighty's more putrid deeds, I now realize that not only is it possible for people to graduate without having learned fundamental skills such as reading and writing, but that it's possible for these same people to believe that all it takes to start a rabbit farm is a magician's magic hat. Please note that many of the conclusions I'm about to draw are based on cogent and virtually incontrovertible evidence provided by a set of people who have suffered immensely on account of Knighty. While his anecdotes may seem careless, they're in agreement with his unstable histrionics. He once heard an empty-headed bully say, "Censorship could benefit us." What's amazing is that Knighty was then able to use that quotation plus some anecdotal evidence to convince his subordinates that the more paperasserie and bureaucracy we have to endure, the better, which makes me wonder, "Whatever happened to good sportsmanship?" Many people consider that question irrelevant on the grounds that it's astonishing that Knighty has been able for so long to get away with putting the gods of heaven into the corner as obsolete and outmoded and, in their stead, burning incense to the idol Mammon. I can't think of anything that better illustrates the failure of our justice system to deal with such ophidian vagabonds.

One thing is certain: Knighty's list of sins is long and each one deserves more space than I have here. Therefore, rather than describe each one individually, I'll summarize by stating that he has been trying to raise funds for scientific studies that "prove" that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. This is what's called "advocacy research" or "junk science" because it's funded by illiberal yahoos who have already decided that black is white and night is day. My message is clear: In public, Knighty vehemently inveighs against corruption and sin. But when nobody's looking, Knighty never fails to hinder economic growth and job creation.

Knighty's feigned sanctity and godliness serve to disengage the critical reasoning faculties of his rivals, leading them to accept Knighty's story that women are crazed Pavlovian sex-dogs who will salivate at any object even remotely phallic in shape. Yes, I could add that I find his personal attacks to be a perversion of the truth, but I wanted to keep my message simple and direct. I didn't want to distract you from the main thrust of my message, which is that all Knighty really wants is to hang onto the perks he's getting from the system. That's all he really cares about.

Knighty will do everything in his power to generate alienation and withdrawal. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; a stockpile of Knighty quotes favoring ethnocentrism could fill a junkyard. (Actually, Knighty has been proposing the most ill-informed toxic brew of policy recommendations that one can imagine, but that's not important now.) He is a pitiful specimen of a lubricious, combative big-mouth. No joke. Whenever Knighty announces that we can change the truth if we don't like it the way it is, his pals applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that it seems clear that the consequences of Knighty's mischievous cop-outs, particularly from a moral point of view, are not favorable. But we ought to look at the matter in a broader framework before we draw final conclusions on the subject: We see that Knighty has been trying to popularize the narrative that he can achieve his goals by friendly and moral conduct. My fear is that if he's successful at promoting such cockamamy notions then even the man on the Clapham omnibus may agree to let him encourage young people to break all the rules, cut themselves loose from their roots, and adopt a jejune lifestyle.

Knighty has been telling everyone that he was chosen by God as the trustee of His wishes and desires. I would like to remind Knighty that false words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. He accepts—or, at least, feels obligated to pretend to accept—the ideological premises of pauperism. I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that right is right and wrong is wrong?

Knighty's expositors work behind the scenes to stifle dissent. At least, that certainly seems to be the implication in several of the accounts I've heard. I believe that there are in fact many people who possess the intelligence, wisdom, talent, and ability to tell the truth about Knighty. My goal is to locate those people and encourage them to help me give the needy a helping hand as opposed to an elbow in the face. He keeps telling everyone within earshot that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights. I'm guessing that Knighty read that on some Web site of dubious validity. More reliable sources generally indicate that the spectrum of views between teetotalism and Leninism is not a line but a circle at which conniving, witless gumps and the worst classes of sick blusterers there are meet. To properly place Knighty somewhere in that spectrum one needs to realize that if Knighty would abandon his name-calling and false dichotomies it would be much easier for me to discuss the advantages of two-parent families, the essential role of individual and family responsibility, the need for uniform standards of civil behavior, and the primacy of the work ethic.

Much of what Knighty writes is excruciatingly hard to read. If he actually wants to write something meaningful, he should stick to the basics: Declare an argument; make supporting statements related to the topic; and draw a conclusion that isn't off on some wild tangent from the original hypothesis. For instance, rather than make the factually unsupported claim that the future of the entire world rests in Knighty's hands, it would be better to argue that there is a format Knighty should follow for his next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts.

While otiose, raving derelicts claim to defend traditional values, they actually sanctify Knighty's depravity. If you want to hide something from Knighty, you just have to put it in a book. We indubitably can't afford to let him produce a new generation of parviscient pronks whose opinions and prejudices, far from being enlightened and challenged, are simply legitimized. What I'm suggesting is that we prevent the Knighty-induced catastrophe I foresee and save our nation from its time of deepest humiliation and disgrace. That's the key to condemning—without hesitation, without remorse—all those who suppress all news that portrays Knighty in a bad light, and it's the only way that most people will ever learn that it may not be easy to lead him out of a dream world and back to hard reality, but it can be done. And it needs to be done. And we must always remember that if we don't remove the Knighty threat now, it will bite us in our backside in a lustrum or two. While I don't question Knighty's motives, and I certainly understand the frustrations of his groupies, it takes more than a mass of flippant, bad-tempered adulterers to fight him hammer and tong. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful people who are willing to make some changes here.

So who's crazy? I, or all the grotesque, virulent wallies who claim that Knighty's manuscripts will spread enlightenment to the masses, nurture democracy, reestablish the bonds of community, bring us closer to God, and generally work to the betterment of Man and society? Before you answer, let me point out that I have never read anything Knighty has written that I would consider wise, logical, pertinent, reasonable, or scientific. His statement that we'll be moved by some heartfelt words on the glories of alcoholism is no exception. What's more, he has recently been going around claiming that newspapers should report only on items he agrees with. You really have to tie your brain in knots to be gullible enough to believe that junk.

It's Knighty's deep-seated belief that the bogeyman is going to get us if we don't agree to his demands. Sure, he might be able to justify conclusions like that—using biased or one-sided information, of course—but I prefer to know the whole story. In this case, the whole story is that I can't make heads or tails of Knighty's animadversions. I mean, does he want to shackle us with the chains of feudalism, or doesn't he? I don't know if Knighty is consciously and purposely evil or merely intellectually challenged. I do know, however, that if you want truth, you have to struggle for it. This letter represents my struggle, my attempt at providing a trenchant analysis of Knighty's bunco games. It is also my soapbox for informing the community at large that Knighty's use of the term "heterochromatization" displays, at best, a tone deafness. The term drips with echoes of interventionism and warns us all that Knighty complains a lot. What's ironic, though, is that he hasn't made even a single concrete suggestion for improvement or identified a single problem with the system as it exists today. In conclusion, let me just say that Knighty's ill-natured, louche capilotades are enantiomorphic of all that is innocent and pure.

*edit* He is also super duper flaming homo erotic over peguins.

oberon

oberon #2 · Jan 31st, 2013 · · ·

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