Hello! *Gives a bow*

This happens to be my first story, as well as being a (relatively) new author in Fimfiction.
Quick apologies for wall of text, but I do aim big and rules did state to be detailed.

The Rising is a "Post-apocalyptic Earth turning into Equestria" story involving a human who awakens to the MLP-verse and adapting to live there. The apocalypse is christian based. There will be christian touches within the story, but not to the typical point you'd see from most religious stories that try to convert or preach, only the human OC is religious.
OC is given powerful to possibly overpowered status, however there is given reason why in the first prologue chapter (Mostly due to the Angels and God being the Overpowered) I intend to avoid Gary/Mary/Martin Sue with Human OC. OC is transformed into pony. By alignment system, I aim for the Human-to-pony OC to be True Neutral, with a loyalty causing him to occasionally sway to Neutral Good, and a few dips into Chaotic Neutral.

My tags are: Dark, Human, Mystery, Romance, Slice of life, Tragedy. (Combat will be present)
Rating-wise: I aim for Teen to Mature (No lemons, but that's under consideration and something very far down the line.)
Currently at 8,134 words from the first two posted chapters, horse words are present.

The bigger focus and main character spotlight is with said human, Luna and Celestia. I do plan on making spotlights to the Mane Six as well as some or more of the background characters. I aim for the two Princesses to be 'imperfect'. Celestia is aimed to be emotionally fragile. Luna is aimed to be socially and less emotionally fragile.
The canon tv show timeline does happen, however I aim to be behind and around the scenes without following the "camera" on the Mane Six. I will want OC to get involved into canon events.
I plan to make this story a long story (Similar to Hollow In Equestria. I'm currently trying to keep the goal of a minimum of 5k words, but I want to try to push for more to around +10k.)
I am aiming for romance between the two sisters to the OC, however I'm aiming for it to be a slow and steady.

Connection with previous editors (By the group Looking For Editors) had been made only for the first chapter but was quickly lost due to not sharing contact information (and due to possible misunderstanding from all parties that they saw the story as a one-shot, rather than an actual story.) Respected nods to the two are already made.
Two prologues are already up and published. The link here is to said story. The first prologue gives setting and introduction to Christian Apocalyptic Earth and to human OC being encased in stone to accelerate passage of time.
Second prologue gives setting and introduction to Celestia and Luna as fillies, discovering human OC as a statue, as well as touching on what happened to the sisters' parents, a quickie through them becoming ruling figures of Equestria, and Luna's exile.
I currently am writing the chapter that combines the two prologues and lead into "Chapter 1" Here is the link to the GDoc chapter Link is open and shareable.

I do ask and accept the following:

1) This story will be seen to its completion.
2) I accept and will consider any edits, implements and suggestions.
3) Communication: Because if either of us feel we're taking too long or that our involvement has dropped, then there's not much to really go on except pressing on with little to no support. If complications arise, I will inform and ask to be informed.
4) I am willing to work out a schedule.

5822350 Alright, I'll take you on. Give sallypri7@gmail.com editing permissions and I'll add you to my editing queue. Because of how heavy my editing queue is, please understand that if I don't finish editing/commenting on a chapter, it's because I'm trying to get through everyone else in order to get to your chapter/story.

You can also mail me there, though PMs here is the best way to contact me, Or posts to this forum. We can work out chat details as it becomes pertinent.

5826733

I got time and patience, take your time.

5822350 One thing which I've noticed is that you rely pretty heavily on the tell narration, instead of showing something. A tell style narrative uses a basic formula. Character A performs action Z. So a tell style narrative would simply have a sentence like this:

Twilight (Character A) ran (performs Action Z)

. A show style would still convey the tell, but include much more description

How to show someone doing something rather than just saying something dull and uninteresting such as:

Twilight ran.

Whereas to 'show' the reader, I might write it like this.

Twilight cantered clumsily, her muzzle open and heavy breathing and gasping sounds could be heard, as her coat was a few shades darker and matted down from the sweat trickling off of her body. Her brow furrowed and her eyes lidded as she squinted in the harsh, bright light of the summer sun. She could taste the sweat as it trickled over her lips as it trickled down her muzzle. The townsfolk heads turned as they stared at the unusual sight of the Princess of Friendship looking so sweaty and exhausted as she cantered down streets and boulevards while gasping and breathing heavily.

And if I was writing in the omniscient narrative, I would have included things like Twilight feeling her muscles burn and ache from being subjected to exercise it wasn't used to, or how her joints ached, or even how Twilight was constantly being tempted to just collapse beneath a shady tree and cool down and not torture her body with exercise. I might even include a flashback or memory of a comment from either her friends or one of the townsfolk about her weight or appearance. But that was only if I was writing in that narrative style.

There are five senses through which we interact with the world. You don't and should use all of them all of the time, but you do need to use them more than what I'm seeing. Another thing is that our history/memories and mind shape how we perceive the world. A feminist isn't going to have the same life experiences or have the same thoughts as a patriarchal indoctrinated/privileged member of society.

I'd encourage you to look over what you have and determine how you can alter the narrative so it tells less and shows more. If you want my help and suggestions on how the narrative ought to look, feel free to respond here or PM me.

5822350 Okay, I'm currently caught up with comments and edits for the Chapter Road to Dawn.

5822350 Currently caught up with the Rising Dawn chapter.