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RatherHomely
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Joined December 2011
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“This is fantastic!” Twilight is ecstatic. “I’ve got to be honest; I didn’t think you were going to be able to do it. I’m happy to admit I was wrong! There is one thing, however...”
“What?”
Twilight taps on the force field, sending out a powerful ripple. “I’m still trapped in here. Somepony – or something- needs to take my place.” She looks straight at you.
Instinctively you back away. “You don’t mean…”
“Who else can we get on such short notice?”
“But…”
“You managed to rescue all my friends. As far as I’m concerned, you’re more than qualified to pull it off.”
You let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But if I get turned into a watermelon or something, I blame you.”
As you enter a clearing, the other five following right behind you, you see Discord resting on top of a throne constructed entirely from bones. It’d freak you out if it wasn’t for the fact that the bones are rubber chew toys.
“Ah, so Equestria’s latest hero is attempting to topple me from my throne.” Discord yawns, obviously threatened by your presence. “Would you mind taking a number? I’m busy relaxing right now. Relaxing is tremendously hard work.”
“Discord!” you cry, “We’re here to stop you!”
“Yes, I already knew that,” Discord impatiently replies. He seems a little nervous. Five elements of harmony is nothing to sneeze at. “I’ve got to admit, I’m impressed. You actually managed to get the five idiots to go along with whatever plan you have in store, bravo. But where’s sweet little Twilight Sparkle?”
“Still trapped in that darn force field, thanks to you,” growls Applejack.
“Let her out and we may go easy on you!” Rainbow Dash adds.
“Oh, but why would I want to do that?” Discord relaxes back into his chair. Without Twilight, it seems he doesn’t think of your group as a threat. A mistake he’ll surely regret.
You give the group a nod, and they respond with their own nod. They know what to do. After all, they’ve pulled this off a couple of times.
You close your eyes and begin to concentrate. But… What are you supposed to concentrate on? Friendship? The power of goodness? Yeah, sure, that’s a good start. You think about random good things, but... Nothing seems to be happening. You open your eyes. All the other are floating off the ground, glowing (it’s kind of creepy, honestly). You, however, don’t appear to be doing anything. I mean, you aren’t even glowing. It’s kind of disappointing actually. Not even a tingly feeling? Elements of Harmony. Yeah right… More like Elements of SUCK.
Magic starts to flow from the five floating ponies, and the energy pools together into one mass. “This shouldn’t be working…” Discord mutters, and the energy suddenly rockets towards him, a huge beam that’s nearly as bright as the sun itself. You shield your eyes. The only hint of what’s going on is a scream that sounds as though Discord was just kicked where the sun don’t shine. When you're able open your eyes, you see that the five have collapsed, exhausted from the amount of energy drained from them.
And where Discord was standing… There now stands a statue. Of Discord. Okay, so Discord is still there, he’s just a statue now. You let out a little whoop of joy. Finally, you can go home and end this stupid adventure!
You march up to the petrified god and give him a little kick. “What now?!” you taunt.
Then a crack appears. The smile slowly fades from your face. “No…” you whisper. The cracks begin spreading, and you dive for cover behind a random object that’s not important enough to be named as the statue seems to burst, like a bomb had gone off inside, and you can see chunks of debris whiz over your head. When the noise quiets down, you peak over the object you’re hiding behind and see a jovial Discord, doubled over in laughter.
“What did I tell you? It won’t work without all six of you! As for now…” He wipes a tear of laughter from his eye. “As for now it’s just a bad joke.”
“No…” you mutter.
“What was that?” Discord cups a hand-claw-thingy over one of his ears. “I can’t hear you over the sound of your crushing defeat.”
“I said…” You’re angry now. You march over to Discord and, before he can do anything, leap up and grab hold of his beard, pulling him down so he’s looking you dead in the eye. “No!”
“Eep!” Discord squeaks.
“I have worked my ASS off today trying to get all these stupid ponies to stop behaving like assholes, and now you’re telling me I was brought to this stupid kingdom and did all these stupid things for NOTHING?!”
“Um…”
“I have been through more crap this past day then you have in the last thousand years! I swear, I’ve had my spine snapped at least five times! I’ve been insulted, beaten up, nearly died several times, and I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t leave with you stuffed inside whatever stone container these stupid equines want you in! SO!” You yank Discord closer, your faces practically touching. The fire that seems to be shooting from your eyes practically lights the god on fire. “Are you going to turn back into a statue, or will I have to whoop your ass!?”
A moment passes.
Discord stutters, “You know, maybe being a statue isn’t that bad...” With a snap of his fingers, you can feel the very beard you were holding on to turn grey and stiff, and the rest of his body follows. Before you is no longer a living, breathing thing, but a statue of the once all powerful god.
You’ve done it. I can’t believe you’ve actually- I mean, I knew you could do it all along!
The other five ponies finally rise from their exhausted state, still a bit shaky.
“Did… Did it work?” asked Fluttershy hesitantly.
“No,” you reply, “But then I told Discord that I wasn’t going to put up with his crap any longer, and he was so scared he turned himself into stone.” You smugly smile as the rest of the ponies look at you in shock.
Then they burst out laughing.
“Good one!” Pinkie Pie manages to say between laughs.
“You had me going for a second,” Rainbow chuckles. “I’m just glad it worked without Twilight! Discord turning himself into stone… Classic!”
“But I really did-”
“Come on!” Applejack exclaims. “Let’s go see if Twilight’s free!”
You grumble as you follow the five back to the library.
“On behalf of all of Equestria, I’d like to thank you for your courageous acts,” Twilight proudly proclaims.
“Shouldn’t Celestia be here with some sort of reward or something?” you respond, looking around in hopes of spotting the monarch (or would she be a diarch?).
“She told me that she couldn’t be here in personally. Something about a hangover.”
“Fine…” You’d been hoping to see Celestia herself, but, after this series of events, you don’t think you want to see anything related to My Little Pony ever again.
“The princess has decided to grant you a gift before you return to your world, so that you may forever remember our gratitude,” Twilight continues.
“Kick-ass! What is it?! Gold!? Diamonds!? A statue in my likeness?!”
“Close…”
You knock on the front door to your friend’s house. “The door’s open!” You walk in and see a bunch of your comrades sitting around discussing how to construct a lightsaber using paper napkins and pop rocks.
“Hey,” one of your brony friends says. “Cool t-shirt.”
Another brony friend reads the shirt out loud; “‘I turned Discord into Stone and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt’. You buy that online?”
“No,” you respond. “It’s custom made.”
“Who made it? I may want to pick one up.”
You give your friend a smile. “Let’s just say it’s a long story.”
THE END
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I actually tried to play it seriously and won with only 2 dead kittens?
Quite frankly, I'm stunned. I must say, this was pretty good. I know it must feel suckish that the Brony Hero of Equestria story got uploaded before you could finish yours, but this was pretty darn good and still funny. And at least the protagonist of this one wasn't a complete arse like in the other one. You sir, have certainly earned this thumbs up 
Fluttershy made me kill 4 kittens. AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie were 1 a piece. 7 kittens will be missed. Luckily I'm more of a puppy person....wait, I like all baby animals. NOOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE KITTENS!!!!!! OH GAWD WHY!!?!?!?!?!?! DAMN YOU FLUTTERSHY!!!!!! Wait, Fluttershy's my favourite. NOOOOO!!!!! I'M SORRY FLUTTERSHY!!!!!! Oh and GOD DAMN THAT F*yay*ING LIQUID!!!!!! 
>>770899 achievement earned:no kittens were harmed in the making of this adventure.
you earn this achievement by not using the time machine ONCE. the kitten population of equestria salutes you.
achievement earned:now were is that link...
you get this achievement if you want to go back to equestria. best start searching your inbox history.
I used the all-powerful back button several times though! 
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Kitty Apocalypse 10G
Fail on all five ponies but still tell Twilight you saved them all! Then continue onwards to defeat Discord by using rage quit tactics!
I may have killed dozens... wait, no... THOUSANDS of kitties in the process, but hey, at least I got this kick-ass T-shirt.
Those kitties shall not be mourned... because they are evil.
No kittens were harmed during this read-through!
Image: http://www.housecatscentral.com/kittens.jpgHere's proof.
God, I damn near pissed myself quite a few times. And that's something I'm not ashamed to say out loud. Damn this was funny 
-Glassed
“I have been through more crap this past day then you have in the last thousand years! I swear, I’ve had my spine snapped at least five times! I’ve been insulted, beaten up, nearly died several times, and I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t leave with you stuffed inside whatever stone container these stupid equines want you in! SO!” “Are you going to turn back into a statue, or will I have to whoop your ass!?” 
Greatest line in the history.
(fails in saving everyone.)
Image: http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133736834957.gif
Beat the story in less than an hour. Took me 5 kittens to do this. Totally worth it. I love the story, it's hilarious. Punching Flutterbitch in the face made my day and showing off my crappy rap skillz to Rainbow Dash and had her hating made me lolz To be honest, I wish I there was threat the ponies option. Probably could've been so much easier ;)
This fic was so much better than Brony Hero. You're awesome for writting this. Hope you keep it up :D
Image: http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/png/fuck-that-bitch-yao-ming.png
Casualty List
Twilight’s dignity
Affront to all things poetic
Fluttershy’s eyesight
Injuries to my arm, back, face, self-esteem, and emotional trauma
Socky
The well-being of a veritable zoo’s worth of animals
Getting tagged with a joy buzzer
Kittens: 6
Reward: Freaking T-Shirt...
>>775992 I got incredibly lucky on my clicks! I got my ass kicked down a hill by AJ, but I told her all the wonders of friendship! I got framed by Rarity, but showed her the error in her logic. I sang a rap song for Rainbow Dash that was so horrible, she put it on herself, and I cleverly used the bucket in the chemical cleaners' closet to douse the flames that Shy was in, showing her true kindness. As for Pinkie Pie... "shudder" Let's just say that I was really angry with her for a moment. I had to kill a cat. 
Oh, but it was SO. TOTALLY. WORTH IT. 
Lists of the kittens I've murdered:
Fluttershy: 7
Rarity: 2 
AppleJack: 1 
Rainbow Dash: 2 
Pinkie Pie: 3
Grand Total: 15 kittens, and I used the back space button once.
And I got a T-Shirt.
A T-SHIRT
CELESTIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Anyways, this was a really good story and fun to read! Good job! 
: 0 kittens... (That was easy...)
I didn't record how many times I pressed the back button, but know it was a lot. But, being the emotionless me, I don't care. They were probably just some type of stuffed animal. And, if not recording, doesn't that mean I didn't kill anything? But by saying that I did kill something. Logic, oh how I love thee.
(Insert witty comment about screwing with logic here)
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