Some weird person who writes stories about ponies. You should probably just ignore him.
43w, 6dA Little Something for my 500 Subscribers 15 comments · 359 views
45w, 4dMST Links Ahoy! 20 comments · 393 views
46w, 5dTime to Put Riffing to Rest 84 comments · 1,501 views
48w, 1dI'm Back, Bitches! (My apologies for calling you all bitches.) 74 comments · 339 views
53w, 5dHiatus 50 comments · 129 views
69w, 1dBlog-Update-Stuff: Because SOMEBODY Reads Them, Right? (No, mom, you don't count.) 9 comments · 65 views
70w, 2dI Must Be Slowing Down in My Old Age 14 comments · 69 views
73w, 5dCollab Fun-Time 12 comments · 85 views
74w, 2dContext 13 comments · 102 views
76w, 1dGrinning from Ear to Ear 10 comments · 100 views
“This is fantastic!” Twilight is ecstatic. “I’ve got to be honest; I didn’t think you were going to be able to do it. I’m happy to admit I was wrong! There is one thing, however...”
Twilight taps on the force field, sending out a powerful ripple. “I’m still trapped in here. Somepony – or something- needs to take my place.” She looks straight at you.
Instinctively you back away. “You don’t mean…”
“Who else can we get on such short notice?”
“You managed to rescue all my friends. As far as I’m concerned, you’re more than qualified to pull it off.”
You let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. But if I get turned into a watermelon or something, I blame you.”
As you enter a clearing, the other five following right behind you, you see Discord resting on top of a throne constructed entirely from bones. It’d freak you out if it wasn’t for the fact that the bones are rubber chew toys.
“Ah, so Equestria’s latest hero is attempting to topple me from my throne.” Discord yawns, obviously threatened by your presence. “Would you mind taking a number? I’m busy relaxing right now. Relaxing is tremendously hard work.”
“Discord!” you cry, “We’re here to stop you!”
“Yes, I already knew that,” Discord impatiently replies. He seems a little nervous. Five elements of harmony is nothing to sneeze at. “I’ve got to admit, I’m impressed. You actually managed to get the five idiots to go along with whatever plan you have in store, bravo. But where’s sweet little Twilight Sparkle?”
“Still trapped in that darn force field, thanks to you,” growls Applejack.
“Let her out and we may go easy on you!” Rainbow Dash adds.
“Oh, but why would I want to do that?” Discord relaxes back into his chair. Without Twilight, it seems he doesn’t think of your group as a threat. A mistake he’ll surely regret.
You give the group a nod, and they respond with their own nod. They know what to do. After all, they’ve pulled this off a couple of times.
You close your eyes and begin to concentrate. But… What are you supposed to concentrate on? Friendship? The power of goodness? Yeah, sure, that’s a good start. You think about random good things, but... Nothing seems to be happening. You open your eyes. All the other are floating off the ground, glowing (it’s kind of creepy, honestly). You, however, don’t appear to be doing anything. I mean, you aren’t even glowing. It’s kind of disappointing actually. Not even a tingly feeling? Elements of Harmony. Yeah right… More like Elements of SUCK.
Magic starts to flow from the five floating ponies, and the energy pools together into one mass. “This shouldn’t be working…” Discord mutters, and the energy suddenly rockets towards him, a huge beam that’s nearly as bright as the sun itself. You shield your eyes. The only hint of what’s going on is a scream that sounds as though Discord was just kicked where the sun don’t shine. When you're able open your eyes, you see that the five have collapsed, exhausted from the amount of energy drained from them.
And where Discord was standing… There now stands a statue. Of Discord. Okay, so Discord is still there, he’s just a statue now. You let out a little whoop of joy. Finally, you can go home and end this stupid adventure!
You march up to the petrified god and give him a little kick. “What now?!” you taunt.
Then a crack appears. The smile slowly fades from your face. “No…” you whisper. The cracks begin spreading, and you dive for cover behind a random object that’s not important enough to be named as the statue seems to burst, like a bomb had gone off inside, and you can see chunks of debris whiz over your head. When the noise quiets down, you peak over the object you’re hiding behind and see a jovial Discord, doubled over in laughter.
“What did I tell you? It won’t work without all six of you! As for now…” He wipes a tear of laughter from his eye. “As for now it’s just a bad joke.”
“No…” you mutter.
“What was that?” Discord cups a hand-claw-thingy over one of his ears. “I can’t hear you over the sound of your crushing defeat.”
“I said…” You’re angry now. You march over to Discord and, before he can do anything, leap up and grab hold of his beard, pulling him down so he’s looking you dead in the eye. “No!”
“Eep!” Discord squeaks.
“I have worked my ASS off today trying to get all these stupid ponies to stop behaving like assholes, and now you’re telling me I was brought to this stupid kingdom and did all these stupid things for NOTHING?!”
“I have been through more crap this past day then you have in the last thousand years! I swear, I’ve had my spine snapped at least five times! I’ve been insulted, beaten up, nearly died several times, and I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t leave with you stuffed inside whatever stone container these stupid equines want you in! SO!” You yank Discord closer, your faces practically touching. The fire that seems to be shooting from your eyes practically lights the god on fire. “Are you going to turn back into a statue, or will I have to whoop your ass!?”
A moment passes.
Discord stutters, “You know, maybe being a statue isn’t that bad...” With a snap of his fingers, you can feel the very beard you were holding on to turn grey and stiff, and the rest of his body follows. Before you is no longer a living, breathing thing, but a statue of the once all powerful god.
You’ve done it. I can’t believe you’ve actually- I mean, I knew you could do it all along!
The other five ponies finally rise from their exhausted state, still a bit shaky.
“Did… Did it work?” asked Fluttershy hesitantly.
“No,” you reply, “But then I told Discord that I wasn’t going to put up with his crap any longer, and he was so scared he turned himself into stone.” You smugly smile as the rest of the ponies look at you in shock.
Then they burst out laughing.
“Good one!” Pinkie Pie manages to say between laughs.
“You had me going for a second,” Rainbow chuckles. “I’m just glad it worked without Twilight! Discord turning himself into stone… Classic!”
“But I really did-”
“Come on!” Applejack exclaims. “Let’s go see if Twilight’s free!”
You grumble as you follow the five back to the library.
“On behalf of all of Equestria, I’d like to thank you for your courageous acts,” Twilight proudly proclaims.
“Shouldn’t Celestia be here with some sort of reward or something?” you respond, looking around in hopes of spotting the monarch (or would she be a diarch?).
“She told me that she couldn’t be here in personally. Something about a hangover.”
“Fine…” You’d been hoping to see Celestia herself, but, after this series of events, you don’t think you want to see anything related to My Little Pony ever again.
“The princess has decided to grant you a gift before you return to your world, so that you may forever remember our gratitude,” Twilight continues.
“Kick-ass! What is it?! Gold!? Diamonds!? A statue in my likeness?!”
You knock on the front door to your friend’s house. “The door’s open!” You walk in and see a bunch of your comrades sitting around discussing how to construct a lightsaber using paper napkins and pop rocks.
“Hey,” one of your brony friends says. “Cool t-shirt.”
Another brony friend reads the shirt out loud; “‘I turned Discord into Stone and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt’. You buy that online?”
“No,” you respond. “It’s custom made.”
“Who made it? I may want to pick one up.”
You give your friend a smile. “Let’s just say it’s a long story.”
Would you like to start from the beginning?