Ranking Agatha Christie's Poirot (Part 1)

Aha, ha, here it is, people. Here it is: the long-awaited ranking list that I promised – how many years ago? God knows. (Well, I'd know too if I were willing to check.) 

In typical Acologic style I’m taking a half-measure, ranking only half of the set. There is the semblance of method to this madness, though. Poirot comprises a heap of 50-minute episodes and another of feature-length episodes. The case for splitting is that the 50-minute episodes haven’t the same opportunity in which to develop. This renders them very different to their counterparts in terms of tone – i.e., they’re sufficiently different to raise the objection ‘unfair comparison’. 

So, the 50-min lot will get their own list (at some point). Today we take the meatier steaks, so let’s dig in without any further ado. Hah, I have missed this. 

Ranking feature-length Agatha Christie’s Poirot. Go!

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The Worst

34. The Big Four

It’s just a bit shit, isn’t it – the only episode worthy of such criticism.

33. The Labours of Hercules

I remember watching this one with my brother. ‘It doesn’t feel like Poirot,’ he said. I understand the sentiment. It’s rather grim, a bit like John Malkovich’s ABC Murders. Something feels off, at any rate.

32. Curtain: Poirot’s Last Case

It’s depressing because Poirot dies. I watch Poirot to feel happy, not sad. Accordingly, I watched this episode only once. 

The Mediocre

31. The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

Poirot reunites with Chief Inspector Japp. The scene in which it happens is delightful. The rest is mediocre. What more can I say?

30. The Hollow

A disappointing solution lets down compelling interactions between characters. Megan Dodds shines as Henrietta Savernake. 

29. Mrs McGinty’s Dead

The weakest Ariadne Oliver episode, entirely watchable and equally forgettable.

28. Elephants Can Remember

Ariadne Oliver investigates a bewildering suicide pact, which births some excellent scenes. Here is another episode whose conclusion mars its virtue.

27. Cards on the Table

This episode contains perhaps the most fascinating introduction of the series. Sadly, the rest of it underwhelms.

26. Hickory Dickory Dock

I enjoy its premise, a student hostel plagued by theft – and soon murder – more than the episode itself.

25. Sad Cypress

Elisabeth Dermot Walsh and Paul McGann as Elinor Carlisle and Dr Lord respectively are, barring Suchet, the episode’s strongest components. Moving at times, with a happy ending – it’s fine.

24. The Mysterious Affair at Styles

Hastings meets Poirot in Britain, and their association begins. Despite false beards and ‘methinks the lady doth protest too much’, little is obvious until Poirot points it out. I enjoyed eating a Nando’s to it. 

23. Hercule Poirot’s Christmas

A competent locked-room mystery, if a little far-fetched – it brings Japp and Poirot together for some uplifting scenes.

22. The Clocks

An entertaining, run-of-the-mill episode.

21. Taken at the Flood

Elliot Cowan mesmerises as David Hunter. Moments are inspired; others are close to ludicrous. I have something of a soft spot for this one.

Bon

20. Dead Man’s Folly

Zoë Wanamaker is the perfect Mrs Oliver, who always adds and never hinders. That Poirot’s final line is so incongruent is a pity.

19. Murder on the Links

Hastings finds love at last while Poirot spars with an ego as large as his. Heavy with good humour, it always leaves a smile on my face.

18. Murder in Mesopotamia

A solution so staggering and well-presented suspends disbelief.

17. The ABC Murders

A truly heartwarming scene concludes this adaptation of the famous work. Ingenious and rewarding, it’s a quintessential episode.

16. Cat Among the Pigeons

A thrilling mystery unfolds in an all-girl school, though Poirot breaks little sweat in solving it.

15. Death in the Clouds

An aeroplane is a magnificent setting for murder – isolated, claustrophobic, risky. The killing occurs right under Poirot’s nose. Who? How? Why? It’s exceedingly good television.

14. Third Girl

I’ve watched it too many times. Ariadne Oliver and Poirot team up again (eternally welcome). A girl demands an abortion while the peacock is – painting? Something like that.

13. Peril at End House

A very complete, highly enjoyable episode. I cannot fault it – other than by placing it here.

12. The Mystery of the Blue Train

A particularly wholesome Poirot-plus-acquaintance episode, though it hits not quite as hard as Murder on the Orient Express. Still, it’s thrilling stuff and another Nando’s-worthy instalment. 

Parfait

11. After the Funeral

Tension builds perfectly. When the culprit – and the motivation – is revealed, try not to feel affected. You will struggle. Monica Dolan is exceptional.

10. Three Act Tragedy

Martin Shaw and Suchet are a joy to watch – especially in the final, moving scene. 

9. One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

Poirot’s dentist is dead; a woman goes missing. Poirot presents the incredible solution in style. Riveting!

8. Dumb Witness

As well as a pithy plot and economical characters, it contains the most memorable death of the series. Christopher Gunning’s score is superb. 

7. Appointment with Death

Like Murder in Mesopotamia, it toes the line between ridiculous and inspired. All the same, it’s one of my favourites – rewatchable to a fault.

6. Lord Edgware Dies 

Everything about this episode is beautiful – the sets, the costumes, the acting, the dialogue. Poirot’s capture of the culprit is particularly satisfying. 

5. Hallowe’en Party

I had the privilege of watching this when it aired. It was in the living room of my old house. Outside was dark. I shan’t forget that special atmosphere. The execution is immaculate. Though the wonderful Wanamaker-Suchet partnership predominates, Julian Rhind-Tutt stands out as Michael Garfield.

4. Murder on the Orient Express

I watched Kenneth Branagh’s adaptation, which pales in comparison. This episode boasts the best-written detective-murder confrontation of the series. Poirot’s deepest convictions – and ours – are raised and tested. Christian Henson’s score, cold and guttural, fits fantastically. 

3. Five Little Pigs

Poirot scrutinises an old murder case and solves it. A wonderful score elevates further the most moving episode, which features Erik Satie’s Gnossienne No. 1.

2. Death on the Nile

I have watched this masterpiece more than any other episode, but –

1. Evil Under the Sun

This is preeminent. We are treated to the complete ensemble – Japp, Hastings, Miss Lemon. Poirot is hilariously forced to watch his weight. Full of good humour and engrossing mystery, with an ingenious solution – ladies and gentlemen, I give you the perfect Poirot episode.