), I do love fussing over stats where anything of interest is concerned, Fimfic included. Happily, I’m not alone (because duh 
): Recommendsday blogger, fic writer and all-around awesome chap TCC56 does too, and in his latestGhost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #22 · 5:01pm Aug 1st, 2022
What’s this? Ghost Mike actually has some news! Well, yes. I had quite the weekend, my friends. It was my parents’ 30th anniversary yesterday, and as they passed on any celebration for their 25th, they decided to have a massive gathering here. 60-odd people (a mix of family and close friends), catered buffet, the works. Been a long time since a family gathering (in part) was anything that size, even omitting COVID, we’re all just older and busy with our lives.
It was a good event, and especially given how healthy and positive my parents’ marriage has been… it was nice. Sometimes it takes something like this to really notice and appreciate that. I really don’t do well with large social gatherings (read: anything around 20 or more), so I kept to myself for most of it, mostly moving around people I knew, that sort of thing. Oh, and as the rare family member who has a driver’s licence and doesn’t drink (I mean… it’d go right through me), I was also playing Soccer Mike to a nearby hotel and back a lot for relatives and guests who’d travelled a long distance (and yes, my kind can drive). Interesting way to spend a Sunday, that’s for sure.
In more mixed news: it was a long time coming, folks, and honestly, it’s surprising I let it ride out this long. But 20 shorts in is, I think, the right point to pack in the Commentary Corner on Tell Your Tale.
This is not a reaction to today’s short. Point of fact, their 20th episode is actually one of the series best (or “best”, more accurately). But on top of the majority of shorts by now producing almost no points of criticism that haven’t been discussed six ways to Sunday already, and it becoming increasingly clear the webseries isn’t going to improve in a sustainable way, but just continue fluctuating from short to short (as befits scripts which probably never get more than one pass), it’s just not fun to watch or to write about. Besides, any of you using my reviews as a barometer for whether they’re worthwhile to check out, if you’re that selective about your Pony content (and rightfully so), just pass on the whole series. Even as its “best”, it’s still bland, forgettable mush that, even with the brand name, has no lasting power even to next week’s episode. And for those of you who got a laugh just out of Commentary Corner here, hey, you’ll appreciate me getting out while the going’s good. And lastly, while this was hardly a bad addiction or anything, I think it’s healthier for me to not have the 40-to-60-minutes-long weekly obligation to watch and write up about these.
In any case, whether or not I continue to watch them, I won’t be writing about them here, sans side allusions in future blogs on mainline G5 content. But, you know what I will be writing up about? Ponyfic goodness. It’s why you’re all here. So they tell me, anyway. Due to the aforementioned event and its preparations, I wasn’t reading as much this week, so this is one of the lower word counts in a while, with no novelette/novella-length story as has been the norm lately. Hope that’s cool!
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Sticks by Bandy
How to Preen Your Princess by PonyThunder
Historical Accuracy by MrNumbers
I Always Had Eyes On You by Dragon-In-Black
Cream and Sugar by OnionPie
Weekly Word Count: 20,829 Words
High school life is not the best for Thunder. Small and weak, he’s a regular target for bullies, is emotionally distant from his parents, and has little to look forward to. Except the small, unused skate park he stops by every day on the way home from school. Not because of his skills – he’s pretty lacklustre at this too, yet as the closest thing to flight achievable without magic, and a great mix of adrenaline and freedom through the rhythm and balance, it’s the best thing ever.
Until, that is, his primary bully at school starts using the park as a private spot of her own. Now Thunder has to find somewhere else, or try and find a compromise.
As the characters in A New Generation with the most lines/screentime outside of the ten leads, the two prominent Zephyr Heights royal guards certainly have room to make fics with, even given the stock but fun trope of the male being more of a wimp while the female is a gruff sort. This is a neat direction to take them, with the setup alone pointing towards all manner of interesting paths for the two to get from here to being royal guards. That’s not even in the fic much (it cuts off as they’re starting to get along), but the layering counts.
That said, it’s a bit… disjointed. Perhaps it’s from being a Quills and Sofas speedwriting entry (one that won, no less), but the story’s first half especially has this fragmented approach with lots of scene breaks. It does read as a stylistic choice, especially with the shifts between normal present-tense narration and more omnipresent (there’s two scenes midway through where the fic openly acknowledges “but that is not this story” after providing details on both leads’ home lives), so I wouldn’t even say this is the wrong approach. Just needs to be reigned in from indulgence a little, a natural effect with an editing pass. Perhaps Bandy got a better bead on this towards the end, given the second half has far fewer scenes.
But I’m no expert on Ponyfic speedwriting, and the ideas presented here are intriguing enough I’m willing to forgive that. Magic being lost recently, the domino effect that has on the cast, the level of technology in Zephyr Heights, how skating works for pegasi… It’s certainly dense, and does an admirable job of committing itself to the broken mindset of Thunder where his thoughts are disjointed too. Zoom doesn’t come out making a whole lot of sense – the only insight into what makes her tick is the narration from nowhere on what’s going on at home, and even aside from it being shoehorned in inorganically, it doesn’t even feel like it’s really explaining it – but this isn’t her story. Even when some ideas don’t stick the landing, the fic skates by them (
) quick enough.
While I do feel a little underwhelmed, it’s largely because of unrealistic expectations. Even if the normally-written version would be better than the speed-written take here, it does enough unusual for its generation, characters and story type to be worthy of note. Not a classic for the ages as fleshing out bit-part characters go, then, but an agreeable and subversive one. Even if it’s an odder read now Zoom’s TYT characterisation has shortened out her gruff exterior and made her a squeaky-voiced, personality-less paper cutout. Easily ignorable, that.
Rating: Decent
Oh, one other thing: this is not a romance, and the hints of eventual friendship at the end do not point towards it unless one's shipping goggles are clamped on tight. Despite winning a shipping speedwriting contest. Just putting that on the record.
How to Preen Your Princess by PonyThunder
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Characters
1,845 Words
April 2021Reread
Listened to via StraightToThePointStudio's reading
Alicorn princesses are a key, essential part of the governing of Equestria, to the point that they do not have adequate time to look after their overly large wings. That’s where royal preeners come in. Hoofpicked from the royal guard and trained for this duty, looking after the sovereign they’ve been assigned to is of the utmost importance. Luckily, a booklet on the subject, courtesy of the Equestrian Royal Society, is at hoof to guide them on proper procedure and protocol.
If that tone hasn’t clued you in, this story takes the form of an instructional booklet with lots of dry humour played straight. For of course, to ponies, the nature of wing preening, the physical proximity of preener to preenee, and having to remain in a professional mindset at all times are facts of life no different than the maintenance of clouds. Naturally, as the humour comes purely from this juxtaposition, the fic is really playing only one note, though at under 2K, it’s just the right length to sustain that note.
Not to say a few other types of jokes aren’t squeezed from the material – avoiding select imagery in where preening oil comes from, and the mixture of actual bird preening facts with Equestrian-specific lore both elicit laughs and interests – but this fic has little else to offer. Happily, it’s not really an exposition dump - the facts of the procedure are very rarely stated without some comedic layer attached – so those adverse to such lore-heavy fics (I know some consider Mood Wings to not be a classic for this reason) need not worry. Chuckle at the dry humour, you’ll be amused.
Rating: Decent
Historical Accuracy by MrNumbers
Genre: Comedy
Twilight, Pinkie
1,308 WordsListened to via StraightToThePointStudio's reading
A simple, pleasant conversation between Twilight and Pinkie about something-or-other takes a drastic turn into uncomfortable territory when Twilight is educated as to why exactly the upper class of Equestria is dominated by unicorns. And for once, books fail her in disproving Pinkie’s claim.
Amazingly, this is the first story by MrNumbers I have read, though several others are in the backlog (I am especially intrigued by A Beautiful Night, once I can find the time for a 77K story), and I’ve read enough of his blogs and praise by other to paint a picture of a writer of remarkable sophistication. Happily, this story backs that up. It’s slight and simple – how could it not be, at 1.3K – but the layers and depth within are intriguing.
To begin with, we have the comedy juxtaposition of the ridiculousness with which the method that unicorns rose to power is stated over and over, in a Pinkie-style tone even by the books. All that’s contrasted with the grief stages as Twilight processes her ancestors’ bigotry, and how favoured she is simply by virtue of being born a unicorn. And Pinkie, being Pinkie, assures Twilight it’s all fine as she’s a good pony. It would be uncomfortably real with all the parallels to human societies and behaviour, were it not for the still-upbeat tone.
Oh, and a Pinkie wise with experience beyond her exterior? That’s always neat. The logic and allegory isn’t rock-solid – it’s easy to pick apart the weak, passive depiction of pegasi, and the story side steps even its own implication of how outnumbered unicorns were – but any comedy that provokes this much thinking (and heated yet calm comments debating - I gather this to be a mainstay for much of MrNumbers’ work) on top of being entertaining is doing something right.
Rating: Pretty Good
I Always Had Eyes On You by Dragon-In-Black
Genre: Romance/Slice of Life
DJ P0N-3, Spike
6,630 Words
February 2022
Life was content for Vinyl Scratch. That is, until a certain dragon moved to Ponyville, and try as she might, she couldn’t keep her eyes or mind off of him. But with Spike having eyes only for Rarity, Vinyl is convinced she has no chance at capturing his attention.
Vinyl crushing on Spike is… a choice for a ship, let’s put it that way. Certainly not a choice I really approve of, especially given the age gap (which is completely ignored in this fic, and as it’s set in Season 1, it absolutely exists). That’s already an uphill battle for the fic, yet things only proceed to get more rickety from there. Vinyl’s thoughts are expressed in the most tired, predictable manner imaginable, doing nothing to hide how mechanical this romance is, with no logical reason why she would fall for Spike, in personality or appearance. Authorial voice is all over the place, swapping perspective characters with wild abandon and dropping big reveals like they’re nothing (the revelation that Spike liked her all along is especially clumsily handled, to say nothing of how the main obstacle, his supposed feelings for Rarity, are hoofwaved away in the final chapter).
But much of that is common to lacklustre shipfics, and they can still deliver for those interested in the ship. Where this fails even there is on how non-existant the flow, plot, and sense of cohesion is to the events in the story. It’s merely annoying between the first two chapters, but downright appalling with the last one, skipping any logical stuff for an unearned bow-tying ending and dominated by a weird tangent into something totally unrelated to either character except for some thematic overlay that isn’t even in the text at all, it just feels like it should be. Oh, and the fic’s weird spelling of DJ as “deejay”, and constantly referring to Vinyl as such, irks fast.
I’m really not sure why I took a look at this fic. Maybe I figured a pairing of one of my favourite FiM characters with another I’m neutral on but have written as a perspective character could have produced something interesting. Alas, all it did was reaffirm my general wariness of picking up shipfics at random.
Rating: Bad
Cream and Sugar by OnionPie
Genre: Sad/Tragedy
Applejack, Apple Bloom
6,289 Words
July 2014Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Apple Bloom is desperate to join her friends and classmates on a school trip to Manehattan, but Applejack refuses to sign the permission slip, on account of Granny Smith being sick and her feeling the whole family should be there. The argument escalates and, one way or another, the two siblings end up trapped at the bottom of a well, where, stuck for the night during a rainstorm, they have little choice but to talk about what truly matters.
I’ve rarely felt my opening tease sells a fic as poorly relative to its actual merits as this. It’s quite the horrifying read, point of fact, less so from the present-day dilemma the two are in or the argument about duty to family versus finding oneself then about how the two play off of one another. The way the story’s climax feels physical and tangible hits home especially hard, and makes for a frightening enough read, for what is not a horror story. One that earns that label.
But the prior material is no slouch either: even though a fic’s escalating tension would normally mean the early going is just wheel-spinning, once we’re in the well, and the fic gets down to why Apple Bloom is so anxious to get away, beyond just another cutie mark attempt, well, it hits hard and feels true to the characters. Especially as far as being afraid to see a sick relative and wanting to avoid the situation, and thus forever missing the last chance with them. Apple Bloom’s sort-of-teenager characterisation is really well done, a deftly-rendered depiction of bitterness, fear and misunderstanding, but it may be Applejack who’s depicted the most raw, both from her fruitless attempts to debate with a child who won’t see reason, and then with recollections of past family details.
Any complaints? Eh, I don’t really agree with a little event after the climax, even though I see what the author was going for. And as mentioned offhand above, the pre-well material is rote, and while short, could do with being even shorter. But otherwise, this is such a raw, hard piece that feels, and one which I’d encourage even the emotionally squeamish to plough through and endure. Barely misses the top rating, mostly as I feel the reading was what got it over the line, yet even in written form, it’s just as worthwhile as most of its cousins there.
Rating: Really Good
NOTE: The reading opts for a limited 3rd-person present-tense POV of Apple Bloom’s, rather than the fic’s 1st-person present-tense POV. It’s a subtle change, and I can see one being annoyed that it isn’t more faithful, but the reading is so good (Scribbler feels it has some of the best character performances she’d ever worked with, and of the ones I’ve heard, I certainly can’t disagree), that if one can live with the slower pace, it’s the definitive way to experience the fic for sure. Me, the reading tips it into Excellent; I’ve rarely felt the ambient sound effects this much in a Ponyfic reading.
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Decent: 2
Passable: 0
Weak: 0
Bad: 1
Tell Your Tale: Commentary Corner
One-trick pony? I’d make the obvious joke about that applying to this webseries, but even that’s awfully generous.
So, turns out the pony briefly seen in jail in an earlier short, Rufus, is a magician pony stage name Hoofdini), and as we learn from both indifferent social media foals and his own flashbacks as explained to Izzy, nopony thinks much of his tricks now actual magic is a thing. Not a bad concept, another angle for an “out of a job because magic’s back” story, and this is something to wonder about. Never seemed to hinder Trixie, but of course she lived in a world where castable magic was very limited and had concrete boundaries outside of the rare unicorn mage, while Rufus has to deal with both unicorns and other ponies having infinite powers as the lazy writing demands (in one flashback, some unicorn eejit is able to lift a house). Poor guy, it’s not your fault you’re stuck in a series with malnourished lore writing.
Anyway, Izzy vows to help him find a new use for his trickery and sleight-of-hoof (the puns in this episode do not rise to that level, as per usual). Amazingly, disaster from her characterisation does not strike, and while the following rule-of-three montage does place the screwups on Rufus (as trainee sheriff, he can’t helping swallowing the key as an escape artiste; while guarding Haven’s crown jewels, he launches into a routine and magics them away; while mixing tea at Alphabittle’s shop, our first time there, he produces dozens of cups which the Beatnik Poetry unicorn – now named Onyx, according to the credits; I think the fandom name of Gloomy Sonnet will remain dominant unless she features in a short or episode – ain’t paying for), they’re not so clumsy that one slaps their face.
The climax and method of saving face for the guy is groan-inducing, but by this series’ standards, not the worst: one of the fillies from before is flying high to load Pipp’s stream properly (in it’s her salon, filly, just go there in pony), and Pipp’s lacking a new entrance*. Filly bumps into another pegasus and drops her phone, tries to dive for it but tumbles into a spin, Izzy’s magic can’t grab something moving that fast, Rufus sees some nearby vines and wishes they were longer. Lo and behold, his earth pony magic, which he previously didn’t have, let him manipulate vines like stage wires, saving the filly. And conjures a bush to save the phone, because this is that kind of show (and in a short that uses the word “die”, no less). Izzy has an idea for what he should do next, and the short ends on his vine manipulation controlling the light-and-sounds board for Pipp’s new stage entrance to great effect.
* Pipp saying “sad face” on camera is a worse moment then every other groaner in this short put together.
In many ways, this is what Neighfever would have been without the gross snot intrusion and nonsensical ending. I don’t care for social media-addicted foals, no matter how “realistic” it is (and Pipp manages to be the worst element even when she’s onscreen for all of 20 seconds), but otherwise, this is fine for this series. Mostly as those elements don’t overwhelm the short the way they did with Clip Trot. Rufus’ plight has pitfalls along the way that, terrible magic lore writing notwithstanding, do fit (being unable to resist his stage showmareship, in essence), and for this series, his plant magic isn’t an unreasonable stretch. Best of all, while Izzy is still dropping painful one-liners in her shrill whine, she isn’t being an objectively terrible pony with every action she does (with the caveat that the short doesn’t show Rufus being annoyed at her persistence, just disappointed at his own failures). Writers, make your character not a problem-causer every time she appears, and she works much better – keep this! It’s still a bland story, bland moral, and without organic writing that flows at all, and it’ll fade from the mind in a day. But it is easily tolerable, a high water mark for this webseries. Not much, but it’s not nothing.
TOLERABLE
- Alicorn Issues (Ep. 14)
- Foal Me Once (Ep. 7)
- The Game Is Ahoof (Ep. 12)
- One Trick Pony (Ep. 20) NEW
- Queens for a Day (Ep. 17)
On Your Cutie Marks (Ep. 18)
"NORMAL"-LEVEL BAD
- Mane Melody (Ep. 5)
- The Unboxing of Izzy (Ep. 6)
- Zipp Gets Her Wings (Ep. 3) * Originally titled Zipp’s Flight School.
- Neighfever (Ep. 16)
- MARETIME BAY DAY 2.0 [sic] (Ep. 11)
Making a Foal of Me (Ep. 15)
BROKEN WRITING IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT
- Sisters Take Flight (Ep. 1)
- Lost In Translation [sic] (Ep. 19)
- IT’S T.U.E.S. DAY [sic] (Ep. 9)
- A Home to Share (Ep. 2)
- Sunny-Day Dinners (Ep. 10)
Nightmare Roomate [sic] (Ep. 4)
VILE WEED
- Dumpster Diving (Ep. 13)
- Clip Trot (Ep. 8)
Huh. That seems like a prime setting for a tragedy, but this intro reads like a slice-of-life. Curious.
Yep, there it is.
Might be tempted to read Cream and Sugar, it sounds like my kind of thing. I am reminded, somewhat worryingly, of OfTheIronwilled's Again, which was simultaneously excellent and disturbing in that rare way of lingering haunting.
5676784
Oh, wait. It's by OnionPie. That tells me everything I need to know.
5676784
Aye, it would be, that I can guarantee. You know if you're looking for shorter pieces with impact to add to your backlog for a for quick reads in between the meatier ones, my Monday Musings will provide one every few weeks.
5676786
Ha, that would do it, yep!
I've not read any of their other fics, but looking at your old review for What Is Left, plus its Royal Canterlot Library feature, tells me all I need to know on that front.
It's interesting to note that Hoofdini is occasionally mentioned by Trixie in Generation 4 as the originator of some of her tricks. Another case of "dancestors" and the transition in-universe of real figures from G4 into archetypes in G5? Or simple laziness on the part of the writers? Who knows!
5676792
Obviously that's a rhetorical question, but I feel obliged to note that the writer was almost certainly not deliberately ignoring that use of the term of FiM. Given even later FiM writers were provided with almost no continuity of show bible guidelines, there's no way the ones for these shorts are. They just went with the pun because it sounded fun. And super obvious.
In fairness, it's a very obscure bit of G4 lore, one even I'd forgotten. So I don't hold it against them, at least relative to all the other screw-ups they make time and time again.
Thank you for your honesty
It's rare to find someone who can put their two scents in such a way. I'm definitely not the best in writing and will continue to improve myself.
Again thank you for your honest review! 👍😊
Thanks for the review! I appreciate the remarks on the humor, and yeah it was pretty much just the one note variety. I wanted to keep things contained and isolated like a real instructional booklet, but it's actually also kind of indicative of my lack of desire to write anything substantial these days. Shortly after/around publishing this I got into making art and comics, which are all about that short form entertainment.
5676871
I should clarify that it was a strong Decent (yes, every tier has layers within it), quite close to a Pretty Good. I think that came across in the rating, but if it didn't, I'm stating it now.
And hey, I like contained, intimate pieces when they're done well. Your piece was very well-paced and knew when to end, and mastery of the length of short fics like that is not to be sneezed at!
Also, I see now that How to Preen Your Princesses was your last fic, and a few months later you gave the Artist Training Grounds over on EqD a go, and that's been your outlet since. I also recognise your art, and a quick browsing of your DeviantArt confirmed why: I've sometimes seen your art on EqD (and maybe Twitter too). I'm always fond of that squishy, malleable art style of drawing the ponies, it's simple and comforting and well-suited to humour and cuteness, yet also well adjustable and not rigid. So, good job! You draw well.
5676791
Seconding on OnionPie. The other story you mention is the only one of theirs I've read, and it's one of those weird ones where I didn't personally like it, but I'd still call it a good story and give it a high recommendation.
oh c'mon, don't tell me you don't say "sad face" when sad things happen! :V
5676897
I interpreted your review as positive
Yeah the art kind of became my main creative outlet. But I'd already been writing less and less the past couple years. I definitely have EqD's artist training grounds to credit as something that helped me get going since it gave me something structured to work toward instead of just an empty canvas. Maybe someday I'll come back to writing, but it's kind of in my nature to constantly shift into different interests. I have done some longer form comics though, which having some story/writing experience helped.