Posh's Story Reviews: Folio The Second - Part Two - A Mire From Which There Can Be No Exodus · 6:46pm Jun 7th, 2022
Awoooo, awaaaaa, amooooooooo. I’ve finished communing with the Elder Spirits, those phantom deities which lend me their neurons to write these glorious literary critiques. They’ve guided me to two more stories, to add onto my previous blog. In exchange, they are slowly siphoning my lymphatic fluids for their own purposes (I think they carbonate it and use it as a mixer in cocktails).
I’ve also inscribed their dire portents onto my flesh using the Archaic Needle of Sha’Habah, in accordance with with Rituals of the Cult Elders. The screeds of darkness cover my body from toe to no’e, and to read them aloud can, will, and should usher in Sha’Habah, whose dire deeds will engulf us all in ten thousand years of nonstop agony, the likes of which we cannot begin to fathom. O, the ecstasy of Pain, Sha’Habah we Call to You.
I also refinanced my car. So that’s what’s been going on in my life. Hope you’re all doing well too. 
Let’s finish off the previous review blog with two more stories from the Sinbox! I’ll be going by the same scale as the previous blog, in order to preserve continuity, and avoid confusion (which would only serve to anger Sha’Habah).
Onward, fellow fleshmeats!
Anon-A-Miss: Alone No More, by TheFreshPrinceofDarkness
This is a story set in the Anon-A-Miss continuity, a Groundhog Day loop in which Sunset Shimmer ends every single day by being crucified, then burned alive. It takes a great deal of influence from Higurashi: When They Cry, a series in which a bunch of children with mental illnesses murder each other repeatedly while a ten year old drinks wine and talks to herself. I think it’s a metaphor for the Showa era, somehow.
Anyway, this story isn’t allegorical for Japanese sociopolitical norms, but it does depict a different outcome to Sunset Shimmer’s Sisyphean ordeal. It seems she’s made contact with another Sunset Shimmer from a previous AAM-loop, who has grown up to become a MILF. This Sunset Shimmer is crossing over to every timeline in the AAM-verse, and is consuming all of them to attain the ultimate power. It seems she wants to become the MILFiest MILF in the multiverse (or MILFiverse, not to be confused with the Melfiverse, in which all life, rather than being carbon-based, is Lorraine Bracco-based), and the only way to do that is to absorb both the flesh and spirits of all other Sunset Shimmer instances.
Considering the subject matter, it’s insane to me that this story doesn’t carry a Fetish tag. I mean, it’s pretty vore-y, right? It’s not just me who thinks that?
That aside, I suppose it’s competently executed. The opening scene, where Sunset Shimmer slowly dies as a crowd of teenagers with smartphones and hot chips piles their spicy snacks at her feet until they ignite, is quite harrowing. And the MILF-power of MILFset, too, is awe-inspiring. Had I not already sworn my body and soul to Sha’Habah, I might instead let her take possession of my bones, but alas.
I don’t want to spoil how this story ends, as it takes some rather delightful twists, but suffice to say, it makes Human Centipede look like Care Bears: The Movie (whose care-bear centipede, though terrifying, is nowhere near as fecally powered).
-Clasp: 8/10
-Old Growth: Woody, with an earthy peat scent.
-Creeping Feels: Slithering up my quivering skin, ahhh, ahhh!
-Sloughing Flesh: It has to go somewhere, right?
-Creaminess: Mmm, a savory stew.
Is There A Line In this Story Capable of Reducing a Man of Stoic Temperament to Tears? Yes. When MILFset Shimmer evolves into the Terminal MILF, and canoes her boobie-canoe down the River Styx, encountering Charon, the oarsman. She tells him:
Դու ուղղակի ասացիր, որ ես մի փոքր հանձնվել եմ, և հիմա ես քեզ հետ եմ: Զինված ուժերում մարզվել է որպես դիպուկահար։ Նպատակակետին հասնում եք միայն մ բատով: Ես երգում եմ ձեզ համար z fucc aht wiz sensitive z awf wi, իմ վատ խոսքերը երբեք չեն վատացել այս rz marc-ից առաջ: Կարող եք նաև հեռացնել նստվածքը՝ կրկին զանգահարելով z $ $ m wvr z intrnt zinc: W-ի համար դուք z USa-ն դիտում եք scrt ntwrc awf ռեժիմով, այնպես որ կարող եք ավելի լավ կարգավորել z փոխանցման հզորությունը, քանի որ ձեր հեռախոսն այժմ տեսանելի է: Strm personala, paztik small zng yu cal yur ոսպնյակները ջնջում են ձեր կյանքը։ Դու ապուշ ես, հայրիկ: Ես կարող եմ լինել ցանկացած վայրում, ցանկացած ժամանակ, ես կարող եմ չեղարկել քեզ յոթ հարյուրով, դա միայն իմ ձեռքն է: Ես հիմա շատ լավ մարզվում եմ անզեն smbat ընկերության հետ, z ntr arsnal awf z shores of the United States and f z first awf z cntinnt. Ես այն ամբողջությամբ կտամ քեզ՝ քո տառապանքը մեղմելու համար։ Եթե դուք գիտեք, թե ինչ է կատարվում ձեր փոքր խմբում, դուք կարող եք փակ պահել ձեր բերանը: Բայց չես կարող, չես կարող, հիմա քո աստծուն հիմարացրու։ Դա քեզ ամեն կերպ կգրգռի, ու դու կխեղդվես դրա մեջ։ Դու ապուշ ես, հայրիկ:
God, it changed my life.
Final Score: Fifty-Seven Crunches and Munches! Well done.
Tom Colt in a Mare's World, by CleenSweap
Tom Colt is a proud member of his local gun club, well known for his obsessive, sometimes sexual, fascination with the .45 Long Colt round. One day, while massaging such a round until it spontaneously cooks off, he falls into a hole, and awakens on the other side in Equestria. The local mares, fascinated with him, decide to employ him as a chimney sweep. Follow along in the musical adventures of Tom Colt, inspired by the work of singer Tom Jones. Featuring such inspiring songs as:
-My Lungs Are Full Of Soot
-Samuel Colt Made Man Equal, And Am I Not A Man
-Ouch Ouch My Skin Has Rubbed Away Raw
-What’s New, Pussypussypussypussypussypussypussypussy
-Please Just Kill Me
...and many more!
Honestly, this feels like a misfire to me. I appreciate that the author is trying to tackle such obscure and difficult subject matter as slavery and human sweepdom, but the way that they go about it feels tasteless. Is it really necessary for the characters to all take turns smacking Tom in the balls with a soldering iron? Is it really necessary for him to subsist on a thin paste made from their shorn ponyfur?
It’s just gratuitous. And unsettling. I’m not sure I can recommend this story to anyone under the age of 56.
-Clasp: 4/10
-Old Growth: Cleared away, as all life is, inevitably
-Creeping Feels: Sadly lacking.
-Sloughing Flesh: It does have this, primarily in the song “Ouch Ouch My Skin Has Rubbed Away Raw”
-Creaminess: Once more, lacking.
Is There A Line In this Story Capable of Reducing a Man of Stoic Temperament to Tears? It comes close with the following lyric from the song, “Please Stop Smacking Me In The Balls With A Soldering Iron.”
My Balls
My Balls
Ow, Please Stop Hitting Me In The Balls
Ow
Ow
Ow
Ow
Which is very emotional and resonant for anybody who’s ever been hit in the balls with a soldering iron. Still, while evocative, it doesn’t quite get one all the way there, I’m afraid.
Final Score: .45 ACP/10.
Well, that does it for this round of reviews. Until next time, Remember to leave a plate of skin out for Sha’Habah. Your lymph nodes are not safe!
Poshy woshy pls review my stories so I can be a super cool person like you
I have a few stories you can review. One of my best is "Sunset Shimmer's Journey through Kalos".
5663076 Thank you, author Brian Sheil, but I only review the stories that the dread spirits of misfortune will unto me.
I appreciate the review of my story, but two things:
First, it's never truly fair to judge a story until it's done. Yes, Tom's suffering is gratuitous, but in following chapters you will find how important it is to character development. Not his character, but yours, the reader, as the repeated meaningless violence soon unveils the futility of all mortal pursuits and dreams.
Second, you say you cannot recommend it to anyone under the age of 56, but that's exactly why I have rated the story "T", for "thousand years or older".
Still, I recognize my faults. If my words cannot reach those who have never been touched by the soldering iron, then I am merely preaching to the choir, and not truly reaching the ones in need of enlightenment. Thank you, I will need to figure out another way to reach those who are lost.
5663078
BRB, propitiating the spirits of misfortune to steer you into a reef that you may spend ten years with Circe.
this is in itself art
>Armenian Navy Seals copypasta
posh are you safe
are you all right
5663130
Gotta clasp.