Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #13 · 5:01pm May 30th, 2022
Yes, I have seen Make Your Mark. No, I won’t be discussing it here – I learnt my lesson from my review of A New Generation on rushing out clunky reviews that I end up largely revising and redoing later. A lesson you’d think I’d have learnt from years of animation YouTubing… Expect something on it round the week’s end, or on the weekend.
In other news, I wrote a fic! Nothing fancy, just an entry for the Thousand Words Contest. But it did let me finally write some horse words that’s a comedy proper (both my Jinglemas entries were planned as comedies but softened too much in writing them to justify the tag). Absurdist comedy can be a tricky thing to handle, especially something that stakes everything on its gags, and I’m certainly no expert in it, so I can see it not working for some. Plus, even when outlining for such a short story, that level of conciseness doesn’t come across best all that easy. Even so, it got jokes and ideas I’d been sitting on for months actually out there, let me write some Twilight/Pinkie shenanigans (they have quite the comic chemistry, you know), and gave my fiction writing muscles some work not tied up in a novel-length adventure Ponyfic in-progress (started on that in November 2020, geez), so that’s enough reason for joy. And it hasn't performed half bad in traffic either, equalling my last fic in its first 48 hours (course, that got smothered in the Jinglemas submission queue being squashed into three days as opposed to six). I suppose something that short, with that premise, and featuring Mane 6 ponies, will always be somewhat accessible.
But enough about my Ponyfic, you’re all here for other folks’ Ponyfic. At least, I assume you are. That or the Tell Your Tale Commentary Corner. Cause believe me, I can find other things to bandy about in these intros easily enough. Not any more for today though. Let’s, ah… get through #13 before there’s a stumble, eh?
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Still, Like Dust by Aquaman
The Last Report by BRBrony9
If Only In My Dreams by Thunderbug80
Wish Fulfilment by adcoon
The Sisterverse Social by brokenimage321
Weekly Word Count: 27,227 Words
Still, Like Dust by Aquaman
Genre: Drama/Slice of Life
Twilight
1,596 Words
January 2021Reread
Listened to via Scribbler's reading
Right in the middle of her latest struggle against an evil sealed away long ago, and which is now set free, Twilight has fallen on the ground. And with the weight of everything she deals with – the running of a country, having to be the answer to everything, and the knowledge that there’s always another problem or issue waiting for her after the current one, in perpetuity – she considers, for the first time, not getting up and soldering on. She considers what if – what if – she just stayed down, and let her problems pass on to others?
This is one of those fics where the surface events and the practical realities of Twilight’s situation – girl, please, learn to delegate – are really just a pretext for the inner monologue and thoughts going on within. And sure, if one wanted to, one could spend much time getting hung up on just how poor Celestia’s raising of Twilight is, to thrust all this as her, being both the nation’s saviour and ruler, jobs that are too much for one pony on their own.
But, that’s really not the point here. Aquaman is just using that as a springboard for crafting a parable about whatever pressures each of us feel from other forces, and what if we even considered relinquishing that eternal struggle? For it will always be there, chipping away at us. This story was written as a treatise on 2020, and that definitely gives it a boost in vigour even now, but it hits that sweet spot of speaking to something so universal on the human condition that I think this will remain relevant even 100 years from now. If there’s still a Pony fandom reading 100-year-old fics then.
Though this does end on a hopeful note with an inspiring message, or at least a note leading one towards some hope, this is still not the easiest piece to get through, especially if one is prone to feeling guilty about not applying themselves adequately in some or most walks of life. Fair warning. Probably not a piece one ‘enjoys’ in the conventional sense, but it’s a raw, probing work, one is glad to have read. Bonuses, like it being perfectly well-tuned to its short length, and the sealed evil of the week being a Taraxippus (bonus for all you Greek Mythology aficionados out there!) give this one some flavour on top of being so well-crafted. For something where the surface-level text is quite rickety, it’s an impactful one.
Rating: Pretty Good
The Last Report by BRBrony9
Genre: Dark/Sad/Tragedy (Alternate Universe)
Twilight
2,582 Words
November 2013Reread
Listened to via Scribbler's reading
The world is a wasteland, the after effects of the last-ditch effort to defeat Discord after he regressed following the Elements’ sidelining. The few survivors have fled underground, and are just riding out a ticking clock to their end. In the midst of all this, Twilight returns to where Canterlot once stood, and pens her final letter to Princess Celestia. And then… she needs to decide what to do.
Sounds pretty grim, doesn’t it? Chalk up another fic I’ve no idea how I read it beforehand, and only did so again to properly judge it. It’s got timing credibility for sure, given how much it really seemed in Season 4 that Discord was only kept in line via the elements. And if there’s one thing it’s got, it’s atmosphere. This story feels and hurts, right in the gut, and that’s more than can be said for many “one character alone after the apocalypse” one-shots. The sections that interspace Twilight’s thoughts with the solitude from her perch on the sterilised mountain surface, they’ve got impact to spare, and you really feel like you’re there. It’s rather needlessly dark for my tastes, but I cannot deny it’s effective.
Sadly, the characterisation is really lacking. Twilight’s survivor’s guilt just leads to repetitive blame that barely modulates, and no matter how many more details we learn of what happened, the incessant blame never stops being a chore to wade through. And the story is downright crippled by not trusting the reader – we’re told far more about what happened than is really necessary given the story’s atmospheric strengths, and worse still, it’s in the form of a letter to Celestia where the recipient knows all this, and in a form that is really just thoughts, distinguished from the actual thoughts by being addressed to another. And the concrete text just undermines the story’s credibility while relying on plausible deniability, where we can’t know whether to blame Twilight or not as we’re only hearing her biassed recollection of what happened.
This story was also inspired by the classic Aviators song One Last Letter, just with tweaks to the backstory to fit it to a Season 4 timeline. Frankly, I rarely actively seek out fan music, though I enjoy listening to quite a lot of it, but the song still reigns supreme.
Fantastic atmosphere battling with overdone, melodramatic, flimsy characterisation that sucks out much of the effect leaves this one teetering on the edge. I don’t regret having read it, and those more accustomed to Dark, Sad, Tragedy or Grim fics, I think, may dig this more. That’s as far as my praise can go.
Rating: Passable
The audio reading makes a few tiny tweaks to the story’s prose, mostly to only require only one voice actor, though some are purely for content improvement (it’s possible the story was edited after the reading, though I doubt it). They’re small enough that one wouldn’t notice their absence, but they are improvements. Enough on top of the voice acting, and ambient background SFX/music/vocal sounds that generate a suppressive atmosphere, to make it by far the definitive version, since one can listen to it without having to focus on the words, and let Twilight’s hurt wash over them without having to think on what she’s saying. Enough that I’d place the story-as-read a whole rating higher.
If Only In My Dreams by Thunderbug80
Genre: Slice of Life
Changelings, OC, Pony Joe
3,002 Words
December 2013Listened to via Scribbler's reading
It is a curse to be born a non-royal female changeling, for once they are old enough to travel, they are branded an outcast and exiled to fend for themselves. Such is the fate that befell Rose Aphid long ago. Now, on her last bout of love energy, she dares to risk infiltration into Canterlot on a snowy Hearth’s Warming Eve, on the faint sliver of hope of discovering some kindness to sustain herself that little bit longer.
For what is, in incident, a pretty cookie-cutter tale of a starving changeling wandering into a pony dwelling and given another chance at life via a selfless act from a pony, this story has quite a lot going for it. Thunderbug80 really captures what it's like to be physically cold, with the descriptions of Rose as she stumbles along proving quite biting. Doubly so when contrasted with cutaways to various patrons having a good time at Pony Joe’s, indulging fully in the “a bar on Christmas Eve where everyone’s like a family” sentiment. This story makes you feel.
This is, of course, a seasonal story, so evidently I should have read this six months from now, but I think it captures the festiveness, in both its bleak moments and its hopeful ones, well enough to suffice regardless. It’s also got some nice changeling worldbuilding on the side; the individually-minded-but-still-barbaric nature of their society, down to living in houses (Season 6 was a ways off, folks), though the main takeaway is how they can consume memories of love for sustenance, thus forgetting them, an angle I really wanted to see more of.
In fact, that may be the story’s biggest flaw. Even if it didn’t end with an explicit sequel/franchise tease, it begs for more stories to continue along with Rose, something that what amounts to a prologue chapter can’t fulfil. Knowing the sequel plans fell through, with only one short fic and a second abandoned one written by another author to compensate, does sting a bit.
No matter. It’s a short and sweet little fic, hardly original in its base idea but bursting with sincerity and some nice dosages of technical finesse and changeling lore. The hope and heart do a lot to carry it, though at the same time the raw bleakness of the bulk of the piece doesn’t feel cheap. Taken on its own merits, it’s quite solid.
Rating: Pretty Good
Wish Fulfilment by adcoon
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Trixie
3,442 Words
August 2013Reread
Listened to via Scribbler's reading
It was bad enough that Trixie had to lower herself to manual labour on a rock farm following her first outing to Ponyville. Now, following her second trip of equally disastrous results, Trixie is stuck sorting garbage at a recycling and waste management plant. So put upon by the injustice of it all, she’s slow to realise when she happens upon an old lamp containing a genie, and thus three wishes for her. ANY wishes, no restrictions or strings attached, satisfaction guaranteed or your wish back.
This might not end well. For some ponies…
This is basically a crackfic, whether or not you guess the ending in advance (I didn’t, but I suspect that’s due to the circumstances under which I read it). Though with a comedy premise like that, there’s only a few ways this can go. It doesn’t really delve into true absurd territory until Trixie starts going on her wish-fuelled crusade; up to that point, it’s a comedy for sure, but in a more normal manner.
The rest of the fic is absurdity cranked way up, though it all feels… drab? On autopilot, anyway, or absurdness played straight, perhaps. I think it’s just presenting the facts of what Trixie gets up to without much comedy being mined from it, beyond Trixie’s smugness at what she has at her disposal. The author said in comments that the fic’s ending was changed for not being a good ending, and while what we got is funnier and better, I don’t feel the fic was adequately adjusted to make the two halves gel together well; the genie vanishing and never been commented on after the first half is clear evidence of this schism. As it is, sans the ending, I vastly preferred the first half.
It’s still an amusing read, but for a “Trixie gets a magic lamp with a genie, no strings attached” story, a concept that feels like it can’t miss, it feels rather on-rails for large stretches, and not all that funny. Thankfully, the ending, if it comes as a surprise, is enough to still make this a good read.
Rating: Decent
The Sisterverse Social by brokenimage321
Genre: Adventure/Slice of Life/Drama (Alternate Universe)
Mane 6, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Zephyr Breeze, Shining Armor
16,605 Words
May 2018Reread
It’s that time of year again, for the Sisterhooves Social is almost upon Equestria. Three sets of sisters make the annual trek to Ponyville for the event. For some, it’s an eager, happy event primarily for the team race. For others, they’re there for other reasons, which don’t include their siblings. Yet circumstances conspire to force together these siblings for the event, and in coming together, this Social will come to mean much to them going forward.
This is great stuff; seeing the Mane 6 mixed up and as siblings, with all the resulting personality changes from growing up in different households, REALLY spotlights how one is moulded by everything about their life. We spend more time with the ponies put into a different family (Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy), and part of the entertainment comes from learning about them from how they react and approach their situations. As you do with all good characters, and it gets an extra wrinkle from warping them from their usual versions. Pinkie is superficially the same, with some buried tension and sadness from not quite fitting it with her farmer family, and yet there’s slight tweaks to how she speaks and carries herself that just fit. Rarity is a more gritty, tougher version of herself, a side influence of Shining Armor as an older brother. Fluttershy is the most different, a mix of being timid one minute yet full of bravado the next, something that fits growing up in the competitive Dash household. That the various intercut scenes as the ponies mingle around the fair are also generally funny, as well as being character satisfying, makes this just a pleasure to read. It’s got the hook factor from chapter to chapter down pat, enough so I’m disappointed that this Sisterverse only produced one spin-off sequel (though if memory serves, that is just as good, if for largely different reasons). Even the fact that these ponies are largely pretty terrible to each other even before this day brings out the worst in them (and Pinkie’s one selfish act that sets the climax in motion never goes addressed) mostly flies, not just because it’s an AU but because this very specifically classifies them as tweens/teens. Plus, y’know, gotta start out low to have something to make up over later. This just gets to that point more organically.
It’s the kind of story that acutely benefits from having different vignettes for everypony in groups or individually, intercutting between them. Be they the twin rivalry and tension between Rainbow and Fluttershy (who can go from getting into a rivalry over a colt to frequently calming the other down when they get angry or tense – there are twin sisters like that!), the culture clash between Rarity and Twilight bridged only by both having equal adoration for li’l Sweetie Belle, or the compatibility frustration mingled with difficult-to-express unconditional love of the Pie siblings. It doesn’t stop with them, with the brief moments for other characters from Zephyr Breeze to Spike and two of the Crusaders (a tear is shed for Scootaloo) and even Big Mac either feeding into the plot somewhere, or providing a welcome comic bridge. In any case, you don’t want to pick a favourite, they end up complimenting each other. When was the last story with so many plotlines where there wasn’t an obvious strong or weak link, and all felt needed even if their effect on the plot was minimal?
Sure, it’s a little lumpy, a little transparently manipulative, a little too obviously plotted (especially once the Social itself begins), guilty on all charges. But the character work on this AU swap alone is enough to mark it out. That it’s tightly plotted yet loose and fun to read, deft at handling the appropriate tone, and just so easily investable earns it a high recommendation. Bonus points for NOT being the nth retelling of FiM’s pilot (a future event hinted at round the end, wisely all we need on that). And for all that I’d like more from this AU, it ends in a perfectly, self-contained way at the same time. This is one of the more fun novelettes you’re likely to read.
Rating: Really Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Decent: 1
Passable: 1
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Tell Your Tale: Commentary Corner
NOTE: This short assumes the viewer has seen the Make Your Mark special. There may thus be unmarked spoilers for it by association. Nothing critical, but fair warning.
Note to whichever poor sap is stuck titling these “episodes” – using all-caps does not make them stand out more.
I spent this whole short trying to process the 2D designs right after watching 44 minutes of the 3D ones, something my misty brain stubbornly resisted. Hopefully that didn’t impede this Commentary Corner’s quality.
That this is a follow-up to of the special’s plots is clear right from the start, with a tower of earth ponies, lead by Posey, and their attempt to match a pegasus or unicorn sandcastle ruined by a wave. And Pipp, being Pipp, is using it as video footage for her Maretime Day vlog.
Yeah, apparently we’re supposed to feel sympathetic to someone using others’ misfortune for views. Don’t care if it’s for a blooper reel, not cool, Pipp. At least when Jazz’s mane got cotton-candied, she laughed it off.
Not surprised that neither the short nor the characters are worried about Posey’s flower eating her alive, laughing it off. These shorts have made me that numb to their sensitivity indifference.
Okay, so Izzy takes Pipp’s laptop and… “It’s kinda like making a daisy chain! Except instead of daisies it’s… weird, talking picture squares.” We’re doing a “insensitive to effort and time in making content” bit, aren’t we? That I can 100% relate does not endear me any more to it.
Computer: “Files erased.”
…
Okay, so I’ve just discovered you cannot blog the sound of throwing a knife through oneself. Mostly because it can’t penetrate protoplasma.
I’m not made of stone. If a real person were going through Pipp’s dilema, crying in her room from her day vlog ruined, I’d be so sympathetic it would hurt. Maybe I’d care here too, if they didn’t have to write Izzy that way to get there. It’s a classic problem in writing, making one character’s plight sympathetic often means placing the blame on another. Usually via an antagonist, but it’s so much worse with… this.
Anyway, Izzy’s cheer-up attempt is the worst (a craft portrait while imitating Pipp…), but they improves as they progress, with Sunny and Zipp’s smoothie with foam pegasus wings having a comforting cheesy quality (and another unamused Sunny face, and Hitch’s critters looking adorable as they clumsily dance with him.
I do appreciate Zipp, after having an idea, rallying the others to pitch in lightning quick. It has just enough of a different vibe to it compared to the formula’s usual “friends helping” moment, feeling like a sister thing. And, I won’t lie, seeing Pipp sadly making a new sandcastle (out of cardboard?) in the kitchen did elicit something in me. That something vanished once, having seen the celebration recreated in the garden, she started spouting lines like “so many feels!” of course, but such is life.
Some of the photos the others used as reference for this recreation are pretty funny, not gonna lie. Mostly Sunny’s rainbow clown wig.
I am legit surprised Pipp elected to not film this recreation. Just not in a way that makes this better, mind you, we all know she’ll relapse by next week. I’ll give her a pass and assume the one picture she takes later is for personal sharing only.
We wrap up with a 40-second reprise of what I’m guessing is the theme song, the one used back in Mane Melody. Yup, this webseries is so cheap it can’t even commission more than 2 very brief songs in the first 11 episodes, one of them its theme. Feels off to sing “at Mane Melody” outside the salon too. Some mildly amusing gags in this outro, though of course, the dancing seagulls steal the show.
…Y’know, if this webseries ever copies Issue #23 of the FiM comics and does an all-pets/critters issue with no dialogue in the core content, we may actually have something here, fellas!
By this point in my life, it’s very rare for any piece of media, for me, to totally change its quality/entertainment value based on one little thing. The writing for Izzy early on here is that. Not that this short is otherwise leagues above this series, but there’s so few face-slapping moments (my main ranking barometer) that it would probably be No. 2 on the list, a bland and generic yet somewhat sincere cheer-up piece. But that awful writing to set this up kills it. Not enough to join the dregs, but enough to render it, on the whole, only middle of the pack. And for this webseries, that’s still rather bad.
And hey, first Commentary Corner under eight-hundred words, nice!
- Foal Me Once (Ep. 8)
- Mane Melody (Ep. 5)
- The Unboxing of Izzy (Ep. 6)
- Zipp's Flight School (Ep. 2)
- MARETIME BAY DAY 2.0 [sic] (Ep. 11) NEW
- Sisters Take Flight (Ep. 3)
- IT’S T.U.E.S. DAY [sic] (Ep. 9)
- A Home to Share (Ep. 1)
- Sunny-Day Dinners (Ep. 10)
- Nightmare Roomate [sic] (Ep. 4)
- Clip Trot (Ep. 7)
5660957
Indeed. Say what one will about the Idiot Ball for the Mane 6, but it was never a permanent mainstay for any of them.
And even apart from anything else, a character being just a plot tool makes them have no, well, character. Even divorced from her prior incarnation, this Izzy just has nothin’ to her.
I had the same foolish hope for Izzy early on too, even though I was pretty sure this would happen to a degree. Just not this degree.
It’s not as obvious or drastic a characterisation change, but degrading Hitch from the “surprisingly-not-a-goofy-token-male-to-be-made-fun-of” to… well, that very same goofy, token male to be made fun of is honestly very nearly as much murder to my heart. Even if Izzy remains the easiest to be most outwardly infuriated by.
funnily enough, I've read all five of these before! :O
5660964
Surprising, you have been reviewing fanfic (in solo paragraph mode) since late 2012.
Is that the first time this has happened?
I must confess I do wonder when you (and PaulAsaran, come to think) see a fic here that you’ve read yourself, do you always remember offhand what you thought of the fic, or do you have to look up your database to go “oh yeah, that one was H/R/C/V/N”? Wouldn’t surprise me, you’ve been around the block quite a bit, buddy!
5660967
well, in this case, I remembered Still Like Dust ahead of time, but I only read it maybe in 2020? And Sisterhooves Social after I saw the cover art.
The other three, I have little to no recollection of. XD
5660963
The thing is, all the characters should be complex and dynamic with their own goals and aspirations. Stories set among groups like that practically write themselves! But honestly, what do any of these ponies want beyond continued feeding?* Having plots be driven by outside events and characters make the central ponies boringly reactive. In the movie, Sunny had a strong and sympathetic goal, and we got to see her realize her dream. In the series... yeah... not much of anything. Pipp wanted a salon? Who knew? She gets it, offstage and before the episode begins. Boring.
I think you mentioned that it was a bad idea for them all to live in one house. You're wrong about that: It's a horrible idea. The different homes of the Mane 6 were dramatic expressions of their characters, and the Brighthouse is the same for all the G5 ponies, but in a bad way. It helps mash them all down into pre-flanderized caricatures with almost no differentiation or agency except for their designated character tics.
But it saves on having to create backgrounds for other locations I guess.
Okay, one last soapbox moment:
When Lauren Faust got handed MLP, it was a classic shit-it-out job. Hasbro expected nothing but half-hour advertisements for its toys, and would have been happy with a cheap and lazy show. But Faust is the farthest thing from a shit-it-out artist imaginable, and she showed the world what can be done with talent and determination in a closely limited environment. As with any collaborative work, there were people involved who lacked enthusiasm, talent, or other qualities that resulted in "dips in quality"** shall we say? But, overall, MLP:FiM was an outstanding series.
The G5 movie gave me hope that maybe there would be the same sort of commitment to quality in the series. I want it to be good. I'm going into every new episode with my fingers crossed, hoping for that spark of the old engagement. But so far my hope is being eroded at a worrying rate.
----------
* In Pipp's case that includes feeding of her ego.
** Okay, yes, sometimes plummets in quality, but let's try to be charitable.
5660975
I'm not sure your criticisms against the Tell Your Tale series have as much credibility as you might think - not necessarily because your criticisms are flawed, but that the YouTube series as it is presented cannot be judged a full-fledged "production" of, say, a TV Show.
The Make Your Mark Special arguably warrants this kind of perspective more, for the simple fact that it's longer and attempted - though to what degree is a point of contention - to develop a larger narrative.
It seems unfair to use TYT as evidence of the series' detrimental future, because the MYM series is not really the TYT series, and a clear argument can be made to suggest that while they certainly contextualize and supplement one another by virtue of being part of the same licensing, they do not inform each other equally. That TYT has more episodes than the upcoming MYM series also indicates that the comparison has yet to accrue the material it needs to source its own evidence.
This is not to say that pointing out the flanderized depiction of Izzy throughout TYT is flawed. I think that, itself, is a valid criticism. But it's a criticism which works in the context of TYT and uses TYT to support itself - it makes no sense to speculate the future of MYM series based on this (but it makes sense to speculate on the MYM series based on the MYM special). Or, at the very least, speculation is best kept in the lane of corresponding material, not supplemental one, since by its nature, that's closer to tangible evidence than not.
Yo, If Only In My Dreams was a great story. It was the first and not the last of TheSlorg's fics I read after I had my first interaction with him back in 2014. We'd been invited to be panelists at the planned Sydneigh 2014 convention (that ultimately fell through due to poor management and organisation but the awesome community of Aussie bronies pulled together SalvageCon as a replacement and that was dope). He's a good bloke, just had a very demanding life and as such has seldom found time over the years to pen too many more. Shame, cos he's quite talented. I can also recommend Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium and Half-Minute Horses. But that one is a good one for sure.
*Checks bookshelf* Yep that's one of my oldest faves.
5661079
I think we can all relate to that time pressure to a degree, can’t we?
As to his writing talent, I can buy that; I’ve read 5 of his 14 fics, and have quite liked all of them. That includes Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium. All of them are on my Re-Evaluate bookshelf, so they’ll appear here at some point. Probably longer for the Lyra fic, given its length. As for Half-Minute Horses, it looks quite funny and goofy, recommendation noted!
And heh, you Australians have quite the Brony community, don’t you? What little I’ve read from you and others on that makes it sound quite the welcoming and tight-knit community, at least at that point in the show’s lifespan.
5661009
I think you misunderstood what I was saying, or I didn't express myself clearly enough. I'm not judging MYM based on TYT, no more than I judged FiM on Pony Life or Equestria Girls. Some of the same points do apply, because MYM and TYT (and the comic) are deliberately more closely related, but I still have hope for MYM (and the comic).
5661161
Looking back over, it seems I misinterpreted which "series" (which series' series? Which serieses??) you were referring to - I apologize for that!
Goes to show the difficulty of talking about concurrent media...
5661168
That's on me, too, for not being more precise. I will be more careful in future.
Ah, I've read that one by TheSlorg. Agree, it was pretty good.