Unused Season 5 MLP Episodes – Part 7 (Changing of the Guard, or "Brotherhooves Social" Before It Was Cool)

Applejack: "Big Mac, what are ya doin'? You're only supposed to pick one header image for these darn things!"
Big Mac: [eyes dart down, then back up]
Applejack: "You sayin' the split personality thing is fitting for the content of this unused episode?"
Big Mac: "Eeyup."
Applejack: "An' that wouldn't be because the episode keeps going back and forth on what to focus on, who wants what, how they fare at certain things… or pretty much everything, would it?
Big Mac: "Eeyup."
Applejack: [sighs, holding her fore hoof to in between her eyes] "Dagnabbit, Polsky. What tomfoolery have ya gone and cocked up this time?"

Part 6 can be read here, detailing the only episode in Season 5 (and that I've seen thus far) that made it to script stage before getting cut, M.A. Larson's "Rainbow Confession". Basically an earlier version of "Rarity Investigates!" as a courtroom drama. And, putting it mildly, an overly-enthusiastic Legally Blonde parody. It didn't come out too well, and it was easy to see why it got killed. But I'll let you all be the judge of that.

What better way to wrap up this series than with a unique example of how much an episode can change? Even if one counts the "Rainbow Confession" -> "Rarity Investigates!" transition as the same episode, they have nothing on how much changed between what "Brotherhooves Social" started out as, and what we got. A Big Mac-starring episode that centres around a sense of self-worth, and that's about it. The elevator pitch is "Big Mac becomes Twilight's first guard", yet of the four documents of this episode – a Premise, a Revised Premise, an Outline and V2 of an Outline – all are radically different, never mind how "Brotherhooves Social" was a hard reboot. What could cause an episode to keep starting over so many times and yet still require a page-one conceptual rewrite to be used?

I recently rewatched "Brotherhooves Social" myself, and found it was a lot better than I remembered. I remembered the heartfelt ending scene as the only good part, while I here found that EVERYTHING in the episode works except the discomfort and cringe from Big Mac dressing up as a mare for… almost half the episode (though I'm willing to shave off almost two minutes more due to the race, which doesn't count as much). Point being, even when I looked down on "Brotherhooves Social", I still 100% understood why today's subject, "Changing of the Guard", wasn't used, to say nothing of how I view this decision now. Sorry for harsh reality upfront! Yet it's still endlessly fascinating, not least because of Twilight having castle staff.

Let's unpack this bad boy.

Changing of the Guard: Written by M.A. Larson – Premise

This is dated to January 24th, 2014. For context, that was right in between the submission of the Premises for "Party Pooped" (January 21st), and "Amending Fences" (January 28th). So this was among the last episodes Larson worked on (though the overlap between such things means he was still supervising some of the back episodes of his ten-episode run while Meghan was doing the same for some of the season's back half, so he kept working for nearly five more months), and thus it might have gotten initially passed over just due to the hubbub of switching Story Editor, rather then outright rejection. Let's see what its content tells us.

Princess Twilight Sparkle is finally doing something Celestia and Spike have been urging her to do for ages: she is interviewing potential guards. As royalty, she needs to face the fact that guards will be a part of her life. She is uncomfortable with the process, but understands the reason for it.

Applejack stops by with a request. Big McIntosh has always harbored a secret desire to live the exciting life of the royal guard. “Really? I never knew that about him.” Applejack says there’s a lot that ponies don’t know about Big Mac. “But what about the farm?” Applejack replies she has talked to Braeburn and he’s willing to move to Ponyville and help out if it will allow Big Mac to live his dream. Applejack doesn’t realize the uncomfortable position she is putting her friend in, and is thrilled when Twilight hesitantly agrees.

At first, Big McIntosh is a stellar guard. He is conscientious and unobtrusive and always able to anticipate Twilight’s needs. She is thrilled with how this has worked out. But it soon becomes clear that he’s just a bit too conscientious. She can’t go anywhere, even a friendly lunch with Rarity or stroll with Fluttershy, without him RIGHT THERE. She wants to be normal old Twilight, but he won’t let anypony near her. She finally flies away from him just to get a moment’s peace. “I’ve never been so grateful for these wings.”

Twilight begins using Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity as “guards” against her guard. They throw Big Mac off the scent so Twilight can try to get through her day without him always right behind her. Applejack discovers what’s going on and is completely devastated. She turns in Big Mac’s uniform, saying that what Twilight did is just plain not nice. Heartbroken, she returns to the farm with her humiliated brother.

Twilight feels horrible. Big Mac may have been annoying, but he was only trying to do the right thing. She goes to Sweet Apple Acres to apologize, but instead finds her life in danger when one of Braeburn’s “shortcuts” leads to an avalanche of cider barrels. Just as she’s about to be flattened, Big Mac heroically rushes in to save her.

She apologizes to Applejack and Big Mac. She knows now that she should have been upfront and honest with her friend from the start and admitted that hiring Big Mac made her uneasy. Now that she’s seen him in action, however, she’d love to have him back. But Big Mac has had his fill of adventure and is ready to get back to the farm life. And after seeing how lazy Braeburn is, Applejack is only too happy to have her big brother back.

You can really tell Larson had no idea how to tackle a Big Mac-starring episode, with the focal points of action and character thought being from either Twilight or Applejack's POV. There's lots of fallback on cartoon staples, like the clingy guard/bodyguard/secret service trope, and then we also see a none-too-nice reminder of "Spike At Your Service" in Twilight's friends helping her divert the problem rather than confronting it directly. Oh, and for good measure we get more Braeburn-bashing ("Appleoosa's Most Wanted" was midway between its outline and 1st script at that time) and Twilight being helpless before something that might harm a non-alicorn (Season 4 opener cragadile, anyone?).

Of course I don't judge that last one, it's just a placeholder climax, and I'm sure some of the other edges would have gotten smoothed out over time. But it's definitely resting on cartoon tropes enough that you can see the flop sweat as it strains to make Big Mac a prominent plot point. It's fair to assume this remained dormant for two months because they judged it not worth continuing with.

I do wonder if the notion of "let's start giving Twilight some castle staff" was conceived just for this episode, or was one of many more serialised, arc-heavy directions considered for the Season in general which didn't pan out. A decision that would look especially short-sighted come the finale, and become a running joke in the show itself, not just the fandom, thereafter.

Changing of the Guard: Written by Dave Polsky – Premise Revised

The Revised Premise is dated to April 1st, 2014. Normally, a Revised Premise is dated mere days, maybe a week and change, after its original version, and is called as such because it carries over much of the text, just adding or subtracting bits following some minor iterating.

What happened with this two-month gap? Well, given Dave Polsky is writing now, it's not unreasonable to assume the lengthy gap is because Meghan McCarthy was scrambling in March 2014 for workable story ideas, and went back to old ideas that could be rehashed. A Fluttershy Nightmare Night episode got reborn (and the original version was written by Dave Polsky, funnily enough), Larson's courtroom drama got swapped for a detective mystery, and this got rebooted too. Still doesn't answer why it was called a Revised Premise nor had the earlier idea grouped with it ("Scare Master" didn't keep its counterpart), but sometimes, weird stuff like that happens.

It’s family dinner at the Apples, and Applejack regales her kin with tales of her recent adventures. The family loves hearing about it, but Applejack's enjoyment in sharing her exploits with the family dampens because of how it stands in contrast to the relatively unadventurous life of her brother Big Mac. Later, while working on the farm side- by-side with Big Mac, Applejack wonders if Big Mac has maybe resigned himself because of lack of opportunity. If Applejack could generate some opportunity for something new and different and adventurous for him, he might be game, right? Big Mac thinks this over and finally responds: "Eeyup." Applejack’s on the case!

Applejack's search for a close-to-home adventure (baby steps!) leads her to Twilight and the castle... and realizing that Twilight is a Princess who STILL doesn't have a guard presents just the opportunity to fix two overdue situations in one fell swoop. Applejack gets Twilight to agree that having a guard might be a good thing, and Big Mac sounds like a perfectly good one. Applejack races off to deliver the good news. Soon, Big Mac gets oriented to his new guard duties by Spike and Twilight, with Applejack there encouraging Big Mac every step of the way. Everyone agrees that maybe Applejack needs to back off and let Big Mac take it from here... and Applejack takes the hint and goes. Big Mac does his best to navigate the new situation... and becomes super conscientious about it. He seems unable to take a hint, so he needs to be given extremely explicit instructions... and then he takes those instructions so literally it becomes annoying. Twilight isn't sure this is working out, but can’t bring herself to let him go, as she fears that doing so will affect her relationship with Applejack. Big Mac sticks with it as long as he can, but he’s no fool and eventually sees how much he is frustrating Twilight and quits.

When Applejack finds out that Big Mac has left his guard gig to return to the farm, she’s upset: this can’t be right. She goes to see Twilight and set things straight. Back at the Castle, Applejack’s tries so hard to get Twilight and Big Mac to give things one more try that she becomes the frantic one. It seems she's the one who wants this to work more than anypony... more than Big Mac, and more than Twilight. Twilight finally draws this to everypony's attention, and Applejack must now stop and reflect. The truth comes out: Applejack feels embarrassed to be sharing her big adventures with the family; she's afraid that it makes Big Mac feel bad. Ultimately, in a poignant monologue that surprises everyone, Big Mac tells Applejack that he has never been jealous of his younger sister’s exciting life, but worries that she’s embarrassed to have a not-so-exciting big brother -- that’s what motivated her to try and get him a more important role in Equestria. His desire to make Applejack proud was the reason he stuck with the guard gig for as long as he did, even when it was obvious from the start that he wasn’t the right pony for the job. Applejack quickly quells these fears and says that she doesn’t care what role Big Mac plays in Equestria, he plays an important role in her life and she has always considered him an amazing Big Brother.

It feels weird to say a Dave Polsky version of an episode reads better than a M.A. Larson version of same, doesn't it? This isn't perfect, of course, and I think most writers, and most of us fanfic writers, would strain to look at that middle paragraph of what Big Mac gets up to as a guard and spin workable material out of it. But everything around that, I think, shows more promise. We're still in territory of a different pony carrying the arc and dialogue, but I think a pony feeling that their more important, exciting, glamorous life would make their other sibling jealous is quite the angle to take. And the episode even has Big Mac's heartfelt ending speech! Certainly, we can see loose roots to "Brotherhooves Social".

Interesting to note how this was a role reversal of the previous plot, with Big Mac now being a poor guard and doing it for Applejack over it being a secret desire of his (yeah, I never bought that either).

That said, you'll note how I foregrounded the episode's middle, the bulk of its plot, looking very dicey. And given how many produced episodes have ended up with great setups and conclusions, but left the bulk of the plot very iffy (which we can see in everything from "Spike At Your Service" through to "Common Ground"), there's still plenty of space for this to go awry.

Changing of the Guard: Written by Dave Polsky – Outline

This is dated to May 1st 2014, exactly a month after the Premise. In order to make this blog something one can actually read ("too late", I can hear many of you saying), I may summarise some parts of the outline (they will be marked in italics) instead of pasting them straight from the document. And as there's still another outline left to go, commentary in-between won't be as frequent or as exhaustive as it was with the Princess Comic-Con episode.

TEASER

SC. 1 - INT. APPLE’S FARMHOUSE - DINING ROOM

APPLEJACK, BIG MAC, APPLE BLOOM and GRANNY SMITH all share a big family meal together while listening to Applejack bring a rousing retelling of her latest Mane 6 adventure to a dramatic conclusion. Apple Bloom in particular hangs on every word; she’s especially impressed by the ceremonious awarding of medals by the grateful royalty of that remote part of Equestria that Applejack helped to save. Apple Bloom’s ready to hear another as soon as Applejack’s finished, but Applejack demurs. After all, she’s held center stage the entire meal, so maybe it’s time somepony else had a turn. Granny Smith jumps in with an “exciting” tale to tell (Apple Bloom groans). Granny Smith spins a yarn about something super-mundane (spinning yarn?). The only thing that enables Apple Bloom to endure the boredom is the thought that Applejack will reveal another of her exploits as soon as Granny’s done. But Applejack again deflects the spotlight when Granny finishes; she wants Big Mac to have the turn for once. She asks Big Mac if he has a story he’d like to tell, and won’t take “Nope” for an answer. By asking a series of interested Yes/No questions about Big Mac’s recent work around the farm, Applejack’s able to tease a semblance of a story regarding Bit Mac’s recent efforts to repair the cider press. Unfortunately, by the time they finish Apple Bloom has dozed off in her chair. Applejack assumes Apple Bloom must be tired because it’s past her bedtime. Granny Smith: “But... we’re eating lunch.” Applejack: “Oh. Right.”

Even though the more adventurous plans for Season 5 (when most episode referred to the Mane 6's map missions and/or their new titles (Fellowship/Guardians of Harmony/Friendship) has mostly faded by this point in production, we can still see evidence of it in whatever mission Applejack is just talking about.

ACT 1

SC. 2 - INT. APPLE’S FARMHOUSE – LATER

With Big Mac and Apple Bloom no longer present, Applejack helps Granny Smith with the dishes. Applejack expresses concern to Granny Smith that Apple Bloom doesn’t appreciate Big Mac the way Applejack herself did when she was Apple Bloom’s age. Granny Smith assures Applejack it’s only natural for a young’n like Apple Bloom to be more excited about kingdom-saving adventures than the fixing of an old cider press. But Applejack says that’s just it, she’s afraid she’s casting a shadow over her big brother and she doesn’t mean to... and as a consequence Big Mac must feel a bit underappreciated.

Granny Smith wonders if Applejack’s asked Big Mac whether that’s how he feels. Applejack admits that she hasn’t, but she knows what Big Mac would say if she did ask him: “Nope”. But that’s only because he knows how badly we need him around the farm, and he doesn’t want anypony else to feel badly about him being stuck here doing the same old stuff day after day after day. Applejack: “We gotta give him a chance to get out there and spread his wings!’ Granny Smith: “Silly, he doesn’t have wings.” Applejack’s getting exasperated. Applejack says we gotta let him know he doesn’t have to work so hard around here, that it’s a big wide world and he’s free to do anything he likes, and we’ll support him. Granny Smith: “I suppose. But can it wait till after the cider press is fixed?” Applejack slumps.

There's a little outline clunkiness, but so far this is reasonably agreeable and a decent setup for making the conflict clear.

After a brief scene where Applejack enquires with Rarity when the Ponytones will come out of hiatus (Silver Quill: "Continuity!"), only to find out it won't be a while, and where she confides in Rarity she feels responsible for making Big Mac not feel so small next to her by giving him something outside of his comfort zone, we introduce the Guard plotline, back to being a self-enforced decision rather than Applejack's idea specifically to give Big Mac something:

SC. 3 – EXT. PONYVILLE – LATER

Meanwhile, SPIKE is in the midst of conducting an “open call” for castle guards. It’s not going well. Some ponies who are trying out focus on impressing Spike with their “combat” skills, even though the combat skills in question aren’t terribly impressive. What’s more, the job doesn’t really call for that anyway. Spike’s looking for guards to just stand there looking impressive to lend a regal aura to Twilight’s Castle (a la Buckingham Palace guards). Those ponies who audition who do grasp this concept unfortunately “just stand there” by slouching, fidgeting, humming, etc. It’s no use. Spike’s about to give up.

Applejack wanders over and asks what’s going on. Spike explains that representatives from Maretania are about to pay an official royal visit and Twilight’s young kingdom should probably make the effort to make a good impression on their neighbor. The catch is Maretania tends to be super persnickety about everything looking official and royal. Princess Twilight, not so much. ANGLE ON PRINCESS TWILIGHT walking over to check on how the Royal Guard auditions are going. Applejack: “You just ate a burger, didn’t you?” Twilight’s surprised: “How did you know?” Applejack indicates the ketchup drippings. Twilight blushes... and then uses magic to clean herself up (while popping a little of that ketchup into her mouth for one last little taste... yum.) Anyway, Twilight wants to make a good impression on Maretania and has resolved to finally whip up her very first Regiment of the Royal Guard for the occasion. When Applejack suggests they consider Big Mac for the job, everypony agrees he’d be perfect. Spike: “Send him on over to try out.” Applejack: “Uh... it might not be quite that simple.”

SC. 4 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - A LITTLE LATER

With Big Mac back to work and absorbed in fixing the broken cider press, Applejack, Twilight and Spike hang back to clarify their course of action. Applejack has explained to Twilight that Big Mac’s responsibilities keep him so tethered to the farm that he usually won’t try anything that might keep him away for extended periods. So the idea is for Twilight to “recruit” him to the Royal Guard.

Twilight agrees - after all, she does think Big Mac would do a great job - and approaches Big Mac. Big Mac’s awfully surprised to see Princess Twilight on the farm, and even more surprised to discover she’s there to see him! When Big Mac realizes he’s being called into duty by the Princess herself, he feels obliged to say “Yup.” But what about the cider press? Applejack: “Oh for goodness sakes, I’ll take care of it.”

I'm trying to imagine what poor background stallions from the show would be stuck with the botched guard auditions now, and feeling sorry for them (and yes, it would probably be stallions, the show didn't introduce mare guards until Season 8). Caramel and Dr. Whooves certainly don't deserve that.

SC. 5 – EXT. TWILIGHT’S CASTLE – DAY

Big Mac’s all suited up and standing with the other three guards who have been selected for duty, looking very impressive. Spike gives instructions about just standing there, not speaking to anypony, not reacting when ponies wave their hooves in front of their faces, etc. But then Spike looks over and sees that Big Mac left his post. Turns out he spotted a Royal Chariot with a wobbly wheel and felt compelled to go over and set it right. But Spikereminds Big Mac that he’s a Royal Guard now, he’s supposed to just stand there, remember? Big Mac returns to his post, but the squeaky wobbly wheel is driving him crazy. CUT TO:

SC. 6 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - SAME TIME

While Applejack tries to fix the cider press, Apple Bloom wanders over, saying that now that Applejack’s back in town she’d love it if they went out and did something fun together. Applejack says she knows what would be fun: as soon as she’s done fixing this cider press they should go to see Big Mac on his new job! Applejack talks the job up, and gets Apple Bloom all excited about it. In fact, Apple Bloom can’t wait to hear all about Big Mac’s cool job at dinner tonight! CUT TO:

SC. 7 – EXT. TWILIGHT’S CASTLE – DAY

Big Mac stands at his post, but keeps glancing over at wobbly wheel, feeling compelled to walk over to fix it, then stops himself: “Nope.” More squeaking. Again: “Nope.” More squeaking. Again: “Nope.” Then, the Guard Next to Him: “Hey blabbermouth. Zip it.” Big Mac does.

END ACT 1

I'm sure you can already see where the next scene is going:

ACT 2

SC. 8 - INT. APPLES’ FARMHOUSE – EVENING

Applejack is with Granny Smith and Apple Bloom getting the table set for dinner when Big Mac arrives home still wearing his Royal Guard gear and gets a hero’s welcome. He’s offered the best seat at the table and asked for stories about his first day... and Applejack’s happy to see even Apple Bloom’s on the edge of her seat to get the details. Applejack keeps teeing up Big Mac with leading questions about his grand new job, but Big Mac isn’t really playing along. “Wasn’t it exciting?” “Nope.” “Something must’ve happened that you want to tell us about, right?” “Nope.” Big Mac’s very matter-of-fact about it all. Then Apple Bloom chimes in: “Hey guess what. We have a pretty cool story.” Applejack tries to cut Apple Bloom off, but Apple Bloom doesn’t take the hint. Apple Bloom: “We fixed the cider press.” Apple Bloom goes on about how Applejack figured it out. Applejack’s mortified that Apple Bloom is unwittingly causing her to one-up her brother again. Apple Bloom (oblivious): “Isn’t that terrific?” Big Mac: “Yup.” He keeps right on eating.

SC. 9 - EXT. TWILIGHT’S CASTLE - NEXT DAY

Big Mac’s back on duty, and Spike struts back and forth in front of him and the three other guards like a drill sergeant. “Today, Maretania makes their first official visit to Princess Twilight and your job, your solemn duty as her Royal Guard, is to stand there and... do nothing. Gentleponies, this may be the most important, the most significant, the most vital nothing you have done in your entire lives.” etc. Big Mac’s attention, however, is drawn to that darn squeaky chariot wheel he noticed earlier. Noticing that Big Mac’s attention has strayed, Spike tries to get in Big Mac’s face... but, noting he’s too small, zips off, returns with a crate, stands on it, and gets in Big Mac’s face. “Am I boring you, Castle Guard?” “Nope.” “Did you hear me, Castle Guard?” “Yup.” Meanwhile, in the background, Applejack can be seen running up the castle steps and disappearing inside.

SC. 10 - INT. TWILIGHT’S CASTLE - MOMENTS LATER

Applejack happens in on Twilight, while Rarity helps her get all gussied up in some extravagantly royal outfit. Twilight wonders if this is maybe a little over the top, but Rarity assures Twilight that where Maretania is concerned, there is no such thing as over-the-top. (Which makes it one of Rarity’s favorite places ever.) A distressed Applejack enters and asks for Twilight’s attention, though Twilight cautions that the delegation from Maretania will be arriving shortly so it’ll have to be quick. Applejack’s wondering if maybe there’s some way to make Big Mac’s job more interesting... can’t they him something more special he can do? Applejack emphasizes Big Mac’s many great skills, citing all the things about Big Mac she admires. It’s a fairly long list, and Applejack places special emphasis on the fact that Big Mac takes special pride in finding ways to be useful. Princess Twilight acknowledges that perhaps he’s being underutilized, and agrees to speak with Spike to see what they can come up with for him.

We've already run into a common outline problem, of the episode having more scenes and content within them then can reasonably fit into 21 minutes (not a surprise, this outline is a page over the usual 4-5 pages these things fill). And despite technically appearing in "Twilight's Kingdom – Part 1", I also can't help but picture the Maretania delegates as looking either like the Saddle Arabian ponies, or donkeys, for some reason. It certainly comes across as another early world building quirk from the show's early seasons that would feel out of place even by Season 5.

SC. 11 - EXT. TWILIGHT’S CASTLE – LATER

It’s time for the Princess Twilight’s delegation to embark on a trek for the ceremonial meeting with the Maretania delegation. Spike addresses the Royal Guards, and describes with precision the special role of the herald, who will sound the trumpet when the two delegations meet, and this role has been assigned to Big Mac. Spike emphasizes how important it is that everything go off without a hitch. The three chariots set off with the Guards marching alongside. Big Mac can’t help but notice the chariot with the squeaky wheel is among them, and the wheel’s starting to wobble...

SC. 12 - EXT. EQUESTRIA – LATER

Applejack and Apple Bloom arrive excited and breathless at a ledge overlooking the official meeting spot, but nopony is there yet. Applejack’s pretty sure this is the place Twilight mentioned where Big Mac’s about to have his “big moment” and frets that maybe they missed the whole thing already. But then Apple Bloom points: “Look!” In the distance the Maretania delegation approaches, and it’s an extravagant (and pompous) delegation indeed. From the opposite direction, Twilight’s delegation is also now visible and headed their way.

Meanwhile, the fact that the chariot wheel’s an issue has finally become obvious to everypony. Big Mac’s still staring at it and breaking a sweat. Twilight wants to fix it with her magic, but Rarity says “Shoulders back, head up. Eyes forward at all times.” Twilight: “But I’ll just turn around for a sec to zap it.” Rarity: “IT’S TOO LATE!” Finally Big Mac can’t take it anymore: it just hit a patch of mud and looks like it’s about to fall off! Spike: “He’s breaking ranks!” Stopping the one chariot while the other two press on, Big Mac tries to repair the wheel as fast as he can. Meanwhile, the first two chariots arrive to meet the very-unimpressed Maretania delegation, where they have a herald poised to blow a trumpet... and await Twilight’s delegation to prep their herald to stand alongside and do the same. Then Spike realizes in horror: Big Mac still has their trumpet!

Big Mac makes his repair with incredible speed, but he’s covered with mud now. And in his haste to catch up with the others, he gets more and more mud-spattered. Finally, he arrives to blow his trumpet. Alas, the trumpet’s full of mud... or so we discover when mud comes flying out of it and generously splatters everypony in both delegations. And as if all that weren’t bad enough, Big Mac happens to glance at the ledge overhead and sees Applejack and Apple Bloom also witnessed this mess.

END ACT 2

ACT 3

SC. 13 - EXT. EQUESTRIA - MOMENTS LATER

The mud-spattered delegation from Maretania is, to put it mildly, unimpressed: “What kind of ship are you running here?” They turn their chariots and leave in a huff. Then, after a long awkward silence, Rarity: “Well that went well.” Twilight goes out of her way to make sure Big Mac doesn’t feel bad about what happened, she knows he was only doing his best to help. And, frankly, she’s happy to not have to try and impress those snooty Maretanians anymore anyway. Applejack and Apple Bloom arrive on the scene and invite Big Mac to return home with them. Applejack knows he doesn’t like this stand-around-and-do-nothing job and it turns out she made a bigger mess of the cider press than ever and why doesn’t he just come home. Apple Bloom adds: “We all miss you anyway.”

To their surprise, Big Mac says “Nope.” But it occurs to Apple Bloom that Big Mac probably feels obliged to stay and do his duty for Princess Twilight. After all, she did recruit him so he can’t just walk out on her, right? Aw, sweet little Apple Bloom. Applejack explains that Twilight only recruited her because Applejack asked her to. She knew Big Mac would never try something leave the farm for new horizons unless he got a big push like that. Oops... Applejack has said too much. But, by the look on Big Mac’s face, it’s clearly too late. Humiliated, Big Mac removes his Royal Guard gear and walks away. Applejack feels horrible. Doesn’t Big Mac want to hear her explanation? “Nope.

One sign you know it's a Dave Polsky episode is when somepony, or many ponies, are required to hold the idiot ball. Everyone on Twilight's delegation but Big Mac, Applejack… it's a lot! In contrast, "Brotherhooves Social" only has Big Mac and that's only if you count him thinking his disguise will fool others, which comes across as sweet rather than idiotic.

SC. 14 - INT. APPLE’S FARMHOUSE - DINING ROOM - THAT EVENING

The table is set for dinner and Applejack and Apple Bloom are at the table. But no Big Mac. Big Mac’s visible through the window, sitting on a hilltop watching the sunset. Applejack’s already been up there to apologize again without success. Maybe Granny Smith’s having better luck, but Granny Smith enters reporting that she too has failed to sway Big Mac.

Applejack explains why she did all this in the first place, which prompts Apple Bloom to pipe up and share all the things she already admires about Big Mac and, lo and behold, it’s almost the exact same list that Applejack shared with Twilight earlier! Right then it dawns on Applejack what a fool she’s been: Apple Bloom really DOES admire Big Mac the way she herself always did, and really DOES see Big Mac’s special qualities. Despite the best of intentions, Applejack put her family through this whole thing for nothing. Then as if all that weren’t bad enough - there’s another explosion. They look outside and see the cider press spewing cider worse than ever.

SC. 15 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - CIDER PRESS – CONTINUOUS

While Applejack, Apple Bloom and Granny Smith rush out to contain the situation... they glance at the hilltop fully expecting Big Mac to be running downhill to help. But he still sits up there with his back turned watching the sun go down. That’s not like Big Mac at all! What’s going on?? Applejack runs up the hill to find out.

SC. 16 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - HILLTOP - MOMENTS LATER

While Granny Smith and Apple Bloom struggle in the background, Applejack asks Big Mac if he knows the cider press broke again. He does. Isn’t he going to come help? He doesn’t say. Then it dawns on Applejack why he hasn’t budged: he thinks that this is just another manufactured “we need Big Mac” situation. Only once Applejack finally manages to convince him that’s not the case does Big Mac finally amble downhill.

SC. 17 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - CIDER PRESS - MOMENTS LATER

The others step back to let Big Mac do his thing. Big Mac quickly stops the spewing and then hunkers down to fix the press rather than go have dinner with the family. Granny Smith, seeing Apple Bloom’s hungry, takes Apple Bloom inside. Meanwhile, Applejack tries repeatedly to get Big Mac’s attention, but Big Mac keeps his focus on the repair job while giving her the cold shoulder and being unnecessarily noisy to drown her out. But Applejack’s relentless in making the point that she just wanted him to feel important. When Applejack turns to make her way back inside, Big Mac stops working and speaks up: “Wait. Now I have something to say.”

To Applejack’s surprise it turns out Big Mac has plenty to say... and he fully intends to speak his peace. With simple, straightforward and poetic elegance, he conveys that he knows his place in the world. And it’s good enough for him. And he’s sad that it’s not good enough for her. With a heartfelt response of her own, Applejack insists that it is good enough for her. When she concludes with one last plea for Big Mac to come in for dinner, Big Mac hesitates... then relents.

Another sign of this being overlong is coming up with another external issue in the climax (something  earlier versions of "Brotherhooves Social" also did, with the CMC, Applejack and Rarity putting on a song to try and cheer Big Mac up, only for it to falter once it's revealed to have been all Applejack's idea). Not that it wasn't an issue already hinted at.

The material here feels more intimate and focused then that earlier in the episode for sure, but it also underlines how dissonant it is from the actual guard plotline – that comes across as just a plot device, and quite obviously too.

SC. 18 - INT. APPLE FARMHOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

Applejack and Big Mac enter. Turns out Apple Bloom and Granny Smith waited for them, so they all start eating together, but the atmosphere is muted, quiet, tentative. Then Applejack speaks up brightly: She says she wants to tell a story. Despite the uncertain reaction, Applejack proceeds. Turns out it’s a story about Big Mac. And it’s a good one. In moments, she has the others - including Apple Bloom - in a thrall just like she did when speaking about herself at the very beginning of the episode. When Big Mac smiles, chiming in with a “Yep,” we know all is mended.

SC. 19 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - MOMENTS LATER

PULL BACK as the sun sets to the sweet sound of storytelling and laughter coming from inside.

END.

It is quite nice to have a heartwarming make-up between the family, and I'm reminded of Dave Polsky's mission statement around Season 4 to write more emotional episodes. He absolutely succeeded in that for parts of episodes, and even at this early stage, you can feel him doing his best to justify the end point. He's not there, but he's trying.

Most of the issues here are standard "outline-itis", not just in the length but in the visible effort to spin out a conflict in the middle. And being this early, many of the jokes and dialogue don't quite land. Plus, it's barbarically laughable no pony noticed the broken wheel, any episode relying on that as an axel () was never going to go over well.

But this outline, while in desperate need of some work, is not completely unsalvageable, which is probably why they decided to have another go at it.

Changing of the Guard: Written by Dave Polsky – Outline V2

This is dated to May 12th 2014, only 11 days after the last one. That's not a lot of time to redo a whole outline basically from scratch, which… well, we'll see how that pans out.

TEASER

SC.1 - INT. TWILIGHT’S CASTLE – DAY

We find ourselves in the “downstairs” of the castle... the area where CASTLE SERVANTS are busy running the kitchen and handling the linens and planning events and setting tables, etc. It seems the staff is used to PRINCESS TWILIGHT having a fairly “hooves on” role in this process, as they frequently ask her to make decisions on small matters much like a director on a movie set. It’s a role she handles with aplomb, which keeps everything running smoothly, however she has an announcement to make and every time she tries to make the announcement she gets interrupted with another question.

As Twilight becomes even more harried, SPIKE approaches her to let her know that one of the castle guards has quit so is it okay with her if Spike goes into Ponyville to audition replacements? Twilight says yes, but finally she’s had enough of all the interruptions and puts her hoof down, demanding everyone’s attention. The general hubbub screeches to a halt, and Princess Twilight informs them all that she has to leave town for Canterlot tomorrow, but not to worry: she has found the perfect party pony to keep things running smoothly while she’s gone. Enter PINKIE PIE. Twilight exits and now Pinkie Pie gets peppered with questions... but Pinkie Pie’s answers are so inventive and mystifying that ponies end up just standing around trying to make heads or tails of what she just said. Looks like this smooth running operation may not be quite so smooth for a little while.

END TEASER

This… is not the direction I'd have picked when making changes from what the episode was last time. I mean, seeing castle servants is great, but any episode that decides to have its first scene not be about its main characters/main internal conflict usually has an uphill battle. Though seeing ponies be stunned by the eternal mystery that is Pinkie is always neat. Plus, it would take a deft screenwriting hand to introduce the castle being suddenly staffed within this episode in a way that didn't make it come off as a contrivance.

ACT 1

SC. 2 - EXT. PONYVILLE – DAY

APPLEJACK is on her way through town when she happens to notice Spike in the middle of a crowd looking frustrated. She wanders over to find out what’s going on, and Spike informs her he’s auditioning ponies to fill the castle’s new guard vacancy. Applejack looks on as Spike auditions the next candidate, and it becomes clear why Spike’s so agitated: everypony seems to think that all you’re supposed to do as a guard is just stand there looking fancy in fancy clothes in front of the fancy castle. But it turns out there’s a long list of other miscellaneous duties for which the guard is also responsible, and Spike’s beginning to wonder if there’s any one pony still available who could be right for this job. Applejack reassures Spike. She may know just the one.

SC. 3 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES – DAY

BIG MAC is busy helping GRANNY SMITH and APPLE BLOOM fix the cider press. It seems when you turn the crank even a little apple mush starts spewing all over the place. Pretty good for making a geyser of applesauce, but for making cider not so much. None of them can understand what’s going on, but they’re all confident that if anypony can figure it out, Big Mac can.

Meanwhile, Applejack arrives on the scene full of excitement. There’s a great opportunity to help Princess Twilight at the castle and Big Mac would be perfect for it! Applejack tells Big Mac to come follow her back to Ponyville to audition but Big Mac responds flatly: “Nope.” But doesn’t Big Mac even want to hear about the job? “Nope.” Granny Smith explains that Big Mac can’t leave the farm: how would they ever keep the farm running without him? She points out the long chore list in Big Mac’s possession.

But Applejack insists they can’t just be thinking about themselves, they’ve gotta give Big Mac the chance to do something new for a change. “Big Mac wants to try something new for a change, don’t you, Big Mac?” Big Mac considers this and, despite some hesitation, hands over his chore list to Applejack and off they go.

SC. 4 - EXT. PONYVILLE LATER – DAY

Spike’s still auditioning ponies, having more frustration than ever. Applejack walks right up with Big Mac, telling Spike he brought Big Mac up to speed on the way over, and Spike should check him out. Spike hardly gets out two words before Big Mac goes through all the steps of the audition, passing them with flying colors. Spike looks pleased.

There's an 11-day sign if ever there was one: "Oh, we'll figure out what the audition steps actually are later". With the screen time required for that, the episode might almost be better off cutting off the teaser and starting with Applejack bumping into Spike doing guard auditions in town, there's nothing from the teaser that's needed that couldn't be explained quicker. Plus, it gets us to the Apples, and Big Mac, quicker. But the material here is certainly no less focused then the Apple-centric scenes in the last outline.

SC. 5 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES – DAY

Applejack returns - without Big Mac - to announce that Big Mac got the job and he’s starting right away. Isn’t that fantastic? But Granny Smith and Apple Bloom don’t seem nearly as excited as Applejack is about this; they’re still puzzling over how to fix the cider press and wonder if having Big Mac off the farm is such a good idea. But Applejack is resolute: it's about time the Apples supported him in using his talents elsewhere to see how far they can take him. Big Mac's so capable it's not quite fair to keep his talents all the themselves on the farm, now is it? But Granny Smith and Apple Bloom whine that they need him! Applejack insists that if they let on how much they need him, Big Mac will quit that job and come right back to the farm. That's just how he is. They owe it to Big Mac to do their best to manage without him. Then, as Granny Smith reluctantly admits that perhaps Applejack has a good point, Apple Bloom announces that she’s fixed the gate (one of the items on Big Mac’s chore list) so the chickens and pigs would stop escaping the pen. All by herself, look! ANGLE ON pigs and chickens streaming of the pen and scattering in all directions through a gate swung wide open. Uh oh.

END ACT 1

Do you think the Fox brothers pilfered this farm mishap angle for the "can't even manage the farm angle" in "Applejack's Day Off"? They're certainly not ashamed of such things, that whole episode idea was one of Jayson Thiessen and Jim Miller's Season 5 episode ideas (which you can read more about here).

In any case, now we're back in "welp, let's make character dumb in situations they really shouldn't be!" Dave Polsky territory. Surely one of these Apple mares has had to manage a cider press before this. Not a promising sign.

ACT 2

SC. 6 - EXT. CASTLE – DAY

Big Mac’s all suited up in his guard armor, and Spike brings him over to his new workplace standing guard near the side-entrance to the castle, where the castle staff has easy access to the downstairs and to where supplies get loaded in. However, Spike’s efforts to get Big Mac acclimated to this new situation get cut short by the sounds of commotion coming from inside.

SC. 7 - INT. CASTLE – DAY

In contrast to the smooth running operation we saw in the teaser, it’s chaos inside. Pinkie Pie may be a party planner par excellence, but a master of running a large staff she is not. Spike reminds Pinkie Pie that she’s just supposed to be holding down the fort for the day while Twilight is gone, but Pinkie has big plans for the place... BIG! That’s all well and good, but when the staff approaches her with a straightforward question, Pinkie comes back with a flurry of ideas... a sort of stream of consciousness that may be inspired, but is driving the staff completely nuts! They’re all running in circles and bumping into one another and hardly accomplishing a gosh darn thing.

A loud noise brings Big Mac running in to see what’s the matter, but Spike assures him there’s no way he can help with this fiasco and sends him back outside... but before he departs a staffer turns to him in exasperation: “So what do YOU think? Should we use this blue tablecloth?” Big Mac: “Nope.” Staffer: “How about this green one?” Big Mac: “Yep.” The frazzled staffer suddenly calms way down, and glances over at Pinkie, who exclaims: “Works for me!” More and more staffers turn to Big Mac for his straightforward answers, all of which get cosigned by Pinkie... and a situation verging on chaos begins to calm itself... all thanks to Big Mac. A relieved Spike takes note... maybe Spike can get somepony to cover Big Mac’s guard job for the day so Big Mac can help Pinkie here in the kitchen till Twilight gets back. Is that okay with Big Mac? Big Mac: “Yup.”

At least Big Mac himself is getting the due respect he deserves, if at the cost of devising a castle managerial system that falls apart without Twilight on hoof. You can always count on Best Stallion to tackle any chaos with his usual calm stoicism.

SC. 8 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - THAT EVENING

Granny Smith yells out the window that she needs some help getting dinner ready before Big Mac gets home. She’s gone all out to welcome Big Mac back home from his first day on the new job with a feast fit for a king, and she could use an extra hoof or two. Applejack yells they’ll be just another minute as she and Apple Bloom finish corralling the last of the pigs and chickens and blocks it closed with a stick. Granny Smith asks that they press a little fresh cider for Big Mac... it’s his favorite after all. They say the thing is still not fixed but she insists they should be able to get at least a glassful out of the darn thing.

Meanwhile, Big Mac arrives and gets a hero’s welcome...and Applejack takes great pains to assure Big Mac that life on the farm’s going without a hitch. Nothing to worry about. Plus they hear he got a promotion of sorts today, isn’t that right? Big Mac: “Yup.” They tell him to go inside where dinner’s waiting, and as he walks off Applejack confides in Apple Bloom: “You see what I said about his talents being put to good use? It’s now more important than ever we make sure he knows we got everything covered on the homefront so he can do his new job with peace of mind.” Apple Bloom’s on board.

They watch for Big Mac to disappear into the farmhouse... now for making some of that cider. They turn the crank just a little. Huge geyser of apple mush... a tiny droplet of cider. Uh oh. Applejack instructs Apple Bloom to run inside and keep Big Mac from seeing the mess she’s about to make trying to get a glass of cider outta this darn thing.

SC. 9 - INT. FARMHOUSE - MOMENTS LATER – INTERCUT

Inside, Granny Smith treats Big Mac like a prince, asking all about his day and telling him all about the big feast they have planned... which they’ll start eating as soon as Applejack and Apple Bloom come in with the fresh cider they’re making for him special. Just then Apple Bloom comes running in and draws the window curtain, but Granny Smith insists it be drawn back open so they can enjoy the sunset. She opens the curtain back up revealing the cider press apple mush geyser in all it’s glory, but Apple Bloom draws Big Mac’s attention away just in time: “Hey, lookit this dance I can do.” While Apple Bloom keeps doing more and more outlandish things to keep Big Mac’s attention away from the window, and Granny Smith keeps unwittingly undermining these efforts... Applejack is furiously pumping the cider press trying to get that one measly glass of cider... but the faster she cranks the more problems emerge... and soon multiple geysers are shooting out of thing... one of which knocks the stick loose blocking the pen gate closed. Uh oh. Applejack’s heart sinks as the pigs and chickens run back out. Meanwhile, back inside Apple Bloom runs out of ideas and Big Mac finally glances out the window. Big Mac runs outside to see puddles of applesauce all over the yard, being enjoyed by the pigs and chickens. Applejack (covering lamely): “Just... er, uh... feedin’ the critters. Heh heh.” Big Mac looks puzzled.

The cringe and "I need to pause this to get through this" feeling I get with the efforts to keep Big Mac from looking out the window (another cartoon cliché very hard to pull off well) is no less strong here then with him dressing up in "Brotherhooves Social", and that episode has the benefit of everything else working.

SC. 10 - INT. CASTLE - NEXT MORNING

Big Mac and Pinkie Pie make a great team, and they walks around together checking on the smooth-running downstairs operation. Twilight will be back from Canterlot soon, and Pinkie’s delighted that they big welcome she has planned will be ready right on schedule. Thanks to Big Mac, everypony is so clear on what they need to be doing that nopony needs to ask him anything anymore. He doesn't have much to do. Big Mac smiles uneasily and then, taking a moment to himself, he glances back down the road toward Sweet Apple Acres.

SC. 11 - INT. SWEET APPLE ACRES – LATER

Back at the farm, Applejack and Apple Bloom still struggle to fix that darn cider press... and to their great surprise Big Mac has shown up, right in the middle of his workday. They never expected this! They try to convince Big Mac it's fixed (but it's clearly not). They try to convince Big Mac it's almost fixed (but it's clearly not). Big Mac begins pushing them aside to take a look at the problem himself, prompting Applejack to become more forceful than ever: "It's okay Big Mac! Go spread your wings and be great. We don't need you here!" Apple Bloom: “That’s right Big Mac, we don’t need you.” Big Mac, taken aback, slowly and silently backs off and staggers away. Applejack turns to the others: "Too much?"

END ACT 2

…And there it is, a character-based decision that makes this outline worse than the previous one, and a bi face-slam for any viewer over the age of five.

ACT 3

SC. 12 - INT. CASTLE – DAY

Big Mac returns to the castle in a daze, where he’s greeted by Princess Twilight, who’s big Pinkie-fueled welcome is in full swing. He feels badly for having left his post without permission, but she tells him not to worry... everything's still going so smoothly thanks to his clear direction and that's what matters. In fact, she noticed in Canterlot that the pony in a similar role at Canterlot Castle could use some help from a capable pony like Big Mac. They already sent a message to Celestia, and Celestia has summoned him to visit Canterlot at once if he's interested. Isn't that grand! They congratulate Big Mac but he seems uncertain what to say. Twilight: “Although I imagine your family would miss you terribly with you all the way in Canterlot.” Big Mac: “Nope.” Twilight and Spike register confusion as he turns and slowly walks away.

SC. 13 - EXT. SWEET APPLE ACRES - LATER THAT DAY

Back on the farm, Applejack FINALLY gets the cider press working again. Isn't that great? She looks up expecting to see Granny Smith and Apple Bloom but it’s Spike standing there instead. He’s here to bring Big Mac to the train station for his trip to Canterlot... and to Spike’s surprise Applejack knows nothing of Big Mac’s latest promotion... although she’s pleased as punch to hear about it. Spike had assumed Big Mac would come home first to tell them about it, but looks like he must’ve gone straight to the train station and hopped a train to Canterlot himself.

SC. 14 - INT. FARMHOUSE – DAY

Granny Smith and Apple Bloom react with delight to Spike’s news of Big Mac’s new promotion while a proud Applejack looks on. Granny Smith and Apple Bloom try to be happy for Big Mac, but they'll miss him, but Applejack reminds them they mustn't think of themselves. They have to be supportive of Big Mac's meteoric success. After all, who's more deserving? Just then, Spike receives a message from Celestia... Big Mac wasn't on the train. Did he leave? How strange... if Big Mac isn't in Canterlot and he isn't at the castle and he isn't here at Sweet Apple Acres... where is he?

It's freaky how suddenly the element of Big Mac being called to Canterlot is introduced and then dismissed, it certainly would have felt like whiplash in the actual episode, once it was all compressed down to fit into 21 minutes. And given it's not brought up again for the rest of the episode, as neat as it is, it's a bit awkward for sure.

SC. 15 - EXT. EQUESTRIA – VARIOUS

A big search is on for Big Mac. Nopony is finding him anywhere. Applejack tries to keep Granny Smith and Apple Bloom calm with little success. Finally Fluttershy finds Big Mac sitting under a huge tree on a remote hilltop. She says he won't speak to her. Maybe Applejack will have better luck.

SC. 16 - EXT. HILLTOP – EVENING

Applejack approaches Big Mac wondering what's wrong. She says how proud she is of him and how great it makes her feel that others are noticing his many talents and abilities, and that he's having the chance to share them with others. But none of this brightens Big Mac's mood.

Finally Big Mac speaks. To Applejack's great surprise, he has plenty to say, and he says it elegantly. Big Mac's grateful for having had this chance to try stuff beyond the family, and he's appreciates the family's effort to get along without him. But when they said he didn't need him, he realized how empty he felt. This new job is nice, but when he went to sleep at night, it's the first time in a long time he didn't go to sleep happy. Every day working on the farm, he goes to sleep happy, not just because of what he's doing but because of how much it means to the ones who mean most to him. So why did he do the job? To make Applejack proud... the way Applejack insisted he try out for the guard job, he thought Applejack wasn't proud of him.

Applejack says she's prouder of Big Mac than anypony in the world, with or without a castle job. Big Mac admits that he'd rather be without the castle job. He realizes his family may not need him on the farm, but he wants to be there anyway. Is that okay? Applejack confesses: actually, they need him there pretty bad.

SC. 17 - EXT. /INT. SWEET APPLE ACRES – VARIOUS

We end with a montage of Big Mac double-checking the cider press, Big Mac enjoying a dinner full of laughter with the Apples, and Big Mac going to sleep. Happy.

END.

The ending touching speech is nice, though not as nice as the one in the prior outline, nor in any version of "Brotherhooves Social".

This outline is a weird one. I like all the actual Guard material better, yet the idiot ball changes made to the Apples plotline as a result of foregrounding the "broken cider press" angle – and some of the things they say to get Big Mac to stick to the job – boggle the mind, given how that plot worked better last time, when less focus was given to it. Even in Big Mac's own episode, he's getting the shaft.

Concluding Thoughts

There's less salvageable outlines than this (not least "Rainbow Confession" from last week, it's a miracle we got "Rarity Investigates!" to reign that one in), but after all those different iterations that kept changing their mind on who's story it was, how much Twilight having a guard/staff mattered, whether Big Mac wanted the job or not, or whether he was good at it or not… a story doesn't keep changing that much, and back-pedalling, unless those involved can't decide which feels like the right angle. Given that, it's not the biggest surprise that scrapped the guard angle and went for a more intimate story confined to Big Mac and Apple Bloom.

After this, "Brotherhooves Social" rebooted itself into a beat sheet (basically a short outline), and then on to its scripts. Interestingly, the beat sheet and 1st script didn't have Big Mac dressing up as a mare, though honesty compels me to note that the 1st script has far rougher dialogue and interactions, which did get massively improved in the 2nd draft (plus, that 1st draft had the aforementioned awkward botched song to try and cheer Big Mac up, leading to a protracted climax and 33-page script that time cuts would have been absolute murder on). So it's a miracle they got the episode across the finish line at all.

---

That marks the last Unused/Changed episode blog on Season 5. Writing about these was fun and interesting, but very exhausting (and, frankly, not well suited to discussing whole outlines, and especially not scripts). It will probably be a while before I consider returning to this for another season, and if I do, it will be with more consideration as to how to summarise the longer documents.

I hope you enjoyed this look at Season 5! It was one heck of a turbulent season to produce, with the executives trying to get the G4 movie off the ground, the shuffling of Story Editors, the micromanaging of "Slice of Life", and much more besides. And as a touchstone to that, sometimes in the near future, I'll be back to look at the changes made in moving from Premise to Outline to final script for one particular Season 5 episode (I've done most of them already and will make them available at a later date too).

That episode? "The Cutie Re-Mark". If you'd felt that episode came across as very haphazardly cobbled together, you'd be right. It's another one where the baseline plot changes drastically with each iteration for a while, and in a way that rendered much of the setup across the season for it null and void. Not least how every map episode ended with the camera focusing on a Tree of Harmony sapling poking out of the ground in full Season 4 Key mode, which they had enough warning to remove before animation. And that's just the start, with the AU scenarios that dominate that episode, and Starlight's backstory, being basically glue to hold the script up.

But that's for another time. And one post will probably not be enough to cover it either.

Comments

[iisaw]

This premise is an interesting one, and could have made for a good episode, but nowhere in the various pitches and outlines do I see much about the real problems that would be involved in such a situation. Using the concept as a clothesline to hang various clichés and tropes on, while practically ignoring real, organic conflicts is incredibly frustrating. It's a hallmark of poor quality writing.

Speaking of lazy, poor quality writing...

I think the "Idiot Ball" is a consequence of writing outside the heads of the characters, using them as cardboard cut-outs or chess pieces that move mechanistically in service to the whims of the writer, rather than reacting as they would, given their established personalities. The writers probably don't even think they're making the characters into temporary idiots; they just don't notice it, because they can't be bothered to view the scene from the perspective of each and every one.

This is something Polsky is notorious for, but it's a bit surprising from Larson, who gave us the canonical Moondancer.

[Ghost Mike]

5641022
All good points, my friend.

but nowhere in the various pitches and outlines do I see much about the real problems that would be involved in such a situation.

Basically what I was trying to get at about them falling back on board cartoony clichés and tropes. And wasted potential on top. Even an episode as broken as "Princess Spike" fares better in this area. You do get the sense that, though the details are vague for us, the setup of the event and the conferences and what the delegates are doing has a logic, even if it's largely just background window dressing. Literally none of that here, and everything about the guards/staff/castle/Twilight is pure story props, hence why, despite it being an intriguing idea, I have basically no enthusiasm for it as presented here. At least they recognised this and scrapped that angle.

Regarding that Idiot Ball point, I'm reminded of several tests writers are encouraged to bear in mind for crafting compelling characters. One, of course, is if a character can be described in a vivid way without mentioning their physical appearance or what actions they do in the story. For this issue here, I'm thinking of "if you swapped characters around between their roles in the story, how much would it change?" as regards their personality and how they approach the situation. If it doesn't change much, congrats! You've got character-shaped props.

As I'm sure you know, screenwriters are often encouraged to bear in mind that every character is the hero of their own story, and that same principle is true here – does a character have a clear-cut goal that they are just as focused on as our "lead" even though we never see it from their perspective? They'd better, and this applies for any form of narrative writing. In interviews after the release of "The Cutie Map", Larson said Starlight is his kind of villain for this reason, where from the moment the Mane 6 arrive, she is theorising how they could ruin her utopia and acting accordingly. This is clear in the episode even aside from the "gotta make sure kids get it" moments, and is not least why she's such a compelling antagonist. Well, that and the personality oppression cult deal.

Anyway, I'm choosing to not judge Larson too much for his Premise here – I've seen Premises for produced episodes that read far more shakily than this one, and they seem better only because, when I read it, I naturally transplant the missing details from the actual episode onto it. He probably wrote it in a hurry, and quickly discarded it afterwards, only for McCarthy to bring it back a few months later.

[iisaw]

He probably wrote it in a hurry, and quickly discarded it afterwards...

Probably. And there's always the difference between concept and the all-important execution to be considered.

...does a character have a clear-cut goal that they are just as focused on as our "lead" even though we never see it from their perspective?

Exactly! Most writing teachers go on and on about conflict being essential to drama, but that's way too simplistic. Two people bickering about where to go for lunch is certainly conflict, but it's not dramatic. Trivial and irritating conflict doesn't make for a good scene just because it's labeled with the magic word. Conflicting goals that are important to the characters is what makes for good storytelling.

You can even take the exact same scene description and make it extremely dramatic by giving the reader the information that one of the characters is so insistent on a particular restaurant because that where the kidnappers are waiting to nab her friend. Maybe the friend is an undercover cop who knows there're shenanigans afoot, and is trying to plausibly get out of a dangerous situation without giving away that she knows what's going on. The elevated stakes not only contribute to the tension in the reader's mind that generates true drama where pointless conflict wouldn't , but it gives more weight and importance to the arguments between the two characters. Suddenly, they're not just being unrealistically and pointlessly stubborn any longer; every word they say will have layers.

But that only works if the writer sees the situation from the POV of every character involved. Otherwise, you get the Monty Python argument sketch.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Much as I'm tickled pink at the idea of having Twilight get actual guards for her castle and Big Mac auditioning for the part, these outlines seem too disorganized and too reliant on characters holding the idiot ball.

Not gonna lie, though, Pinkie Pie being put in charge of Twilight's castle and messing up the delicate system by accident sounds like it could've been a pretty funny episode that would be perfectly in character for Pinkie. It could've been an alternative "Every Little Thing She Does" and turned into a "Sorcerer's Apprentice" homage.

[Ghost Mike]

5731006

It could've been an alternative "Every Little Thing She Does" and turned into a "Sorcerer's Apprentice" homage.

And the former episode (which is one of my least-favourite episodes in the show to that point, I should disclose) featured a brief nod to it, one stronger in the script but which got shaved down for time in the final episode. That said, I do love me a good Sorcerer's Apprentice nod. Getting that material with Pinkie sometime would have been cool.

But that's "Changing of the Guard" in a nutshell – some interesting ideas at the margins, bt the main plot ends up an absolute hodgepodge in every draft they wrote. Even as compromised and problematic as "Brotherhoods Social" is, it flows and makes sense in reference to itself, and that's important.

By the way, thanks very much for sharing your thoughts on these seven unused-season-five episodes blogs! Nice reminder of what I dug up and presented here a year ago, yep.