Thoughts on 2021 · 6:59am Dec 31st, 2021
So my thoughts on 2021 in TLDR version:
- Absolute shit
Now for the long rant...
I thought things would improve just with this whole bloody pandemic (where I could go outside without a fucking chin diaper on my face whilst nearly suffocating on my own Co2 being emitted)... but instead, the world (let alone my country) has become even more scared by just a mere cough. Not that I'm taking this lightly, but instead of reasonable thinking and responsible actions, we instead put our faiths in those that would rather see us kill each other like a pack of hungry rats than helping out recover...
Covid rant aside, this year my father passed away which was a heavy blow to my already fragile depressed ridden psyche and my family as a whole. And just to help numb the pain, instead of booze, I've been given pills that made me feel as apathetic to the world even more and have to listen to some couch mushroom fucker who wouldn't give me the time of day unless I paid him to listen to an iota of thought from my mind. Cause fuck mental health, since 'it's all in the mind'.
Added on to this, been working nightshift for the last 2/3 of the year where I hardly get any sleep in the day (thanks to loud-ass kids and people shouting at each other cause they are fucking bored being indoors). Coupled with a deteriorating sanity and frustration to writer's block, and my employers wonder why I get easily pissed at some new hires trying to bounce on my lap for some brownie points.
As I am writing this, my PC is already one foot in the grave where I need to do an upgrade to even play a decent game at 30fps. Low and behold, the world seems to know my plights and wants to fuck me over with the high insane costs of GPUs today because apparently BitCoin is the new Gold Rush.
For all those reading this, do not loan money to anyone at all... or it might be just me that tends to be the generous one in the family who has a soft spot for stories drowned in sorrow and how only I can help them out (since I'm not married and have 'no responsibilities')... starting next year, any family or friend that tries to borrow anything from me and lead on with a guilt trip will be getting half... of nothing.
Sigh... though the plus sides of this year was the introduction of new kittens in the household which has put a bit of brightness in my life atleast.
So what's my resolution for next year? I don't have a fucking clue, cause really it doesn't matter what I want out of life. It only matters what life wants out of me and what it can suck in and spit out from my decaying animated corpse. Yet I still go on, hoping for one more day... just one more day where eventually things will improve and I can at least walk outside without a mask. Where I don't have to be cautious of getting arrested for merely breathing in fresh air. Where I can work decent hours and get a goodnight's sleep and have a job where I can actually feel accomplished instead of defeated at the end of the day. If nothing else, just lower the fucking prices of graphic cards so that I can escape from this reality (or nightmare or dream or wet-dream in other's minds). Yet if I don't look forward to any of this, cause looking forward to something that is not in your control is like hoping that the next you take a crap you will be shitting out gold bricks instead of yesterday's food-poisoned takeaways.
Very sorry to hear all of that. I know a lot of people think 2021 was a big improvement over 2020, but that doesn’t mean it was for everyone.
I just hope that things will go better for you in 2022.