"One Last Hearths Warming Chapter 1" Constructive Criticism · 12:21pm Nov 26th, 2021
Do I get on Mykan's case a lot? Does an Ursa poop in the Everfree? Actually, do Ursas even poop? And what would Ursa poop even look like? ...Sorry, I got a little distracted. The answer is supposed to be yes. Will this blog be any different? Well, that depends on how you wanna look at it.
Yes, I'm getting on Mykan's case again. But this time I'm actually reviewing one of his stories rather than just a blog post. You see, Mykan? I can review a story rather than your blog post when I want to. I just usually don't want to because your stories stink worse than Ursa poop.
I intend to do this chapter by chapter in order to keep my blogs from getting too long.
This is "One Last Hearths Warming Chapter 1" Constructive Criticism.
Before we start, I will be providing some constructive criticism and not just ranting.
So right at the start, there's an issue.
Another Hearth’s Warming was just around the corner… or a week around the corner, and Ponyville was all decked up and looking beautiful.
Redundancy is an easy trap to fall into. But it's also easy to fix. Rather than say "or a week around the corner" which is clearly redundant, word it like "a week away to be exact". It's just a minor tweak that doesn't even change the meaning of what's said while removing what makes it redundant.
Right at the start, and we hit the ground running. Next is Rarity's characterization in her introduction.
“Oh, my…!” Rarity exclaimed as she gazed at the beautiful fabrics. “Why these are simply sensational. I could take them and turn them into such exquisite ball gowns, and royal robes, and…”
“Rarity… you’re supposed to be giving these away, not keeping them for yourself.” Starlight pointed out.
Rarity bit her hoof in stress. “…It’s just so hard! I see all these beautiful things and I can’t help myself.”
That is not how Rarity would act. If it was, holding a clothing drive would be out of character for her. But again, it's an easy fix. First off, rather than having her bite her hoof in stress, just have her sigh in resignation.
Next would be a change of dialogue. Rather than “…It’s just so hard! I see all these beautiful things and I can’t help myself.”, have her say “I know. It's just that when I see all these beautiful things, I can’t help myself but to imagine what I could do with them.”.
You see, Rarity would always help others before indulging herself. And it's not even a struggle for her either. And it allows the next part to feel genuine.
Spike then suggested, “Well, why not just use whatever you don’t give away and make them into new clothes.”
“Yes…” Rarity sighed happily “That way I can be even more the generous than ever. I’ll donate what I can to the poor, and make whatever is left into new things for others.
Oh, Spike… how clever of you.”
Also, there's a grammar error. Remove the word "the". I'd also recommend that you remove "than ever" as well since that makes her sound like she's boasting.
The next issue is with the introduction of the next character.
More and more ponies were coming in to drop things off, and among them, and among them was a middle-aged Earth Pony, whom Twilight knew very well since she first moved to Ponyville.
“…Coin Jangles?”
Honestly, the issue isn't the quality of the introduction. The issue is the fact that everyone who reads this story will see that name and ask "Who?". The introduction and his relation to Twilight imply that he should be someone that we know well from the show, not just some OC from out of nowhere. This can be fixed in one of two ways. Either make him a character from canon that we would recognize, perhaps someone like Filthy Rich, or rather than someone Twilight has known all along, make his relationship with Twilight only recent, perhaps something like "and among them was a middle-aged Earth Pony, whom Twilight has gotten to know very well recently since he helped her plan the donation drive.". I like the latter option because it doesn't require a subversion of canon to establish that relationship.
Also, there's another redundancy issue that may or may not be the result of a typo. You said "and among them" twice.
The next issue is how CJ is described.
He was indeed elderly, but not so much, nearing his sixties. His coat was pale brownish and, like the color of burlap, and his mane was a pale yellow due to aging. His cutiemark was that of a small sack of coins.
Well, is he elderly or not? Based on his age, I'm leaning towards "or not". If there is any question about whether he's elderly or not, then he certainly isn't "indeed" elderly. Perhaps you're confused about whether human aging or pony aging. In that case, they age at the same rate. In fact, there's evidence to suggest that ponies age slower than humans, considering that the Cake twins were born in Season 2 and were still babies 6 years later and that Granny Smith remembers the founding of Ponyville over 100 years ago.
And then there's his mane color. Perhaps a better description would be a faded yellow rather than a pale yellow. Also, can I assume that his mane was a more vibrant yellow when he was younger?
And based on his cutie mark, I like to think that CJ is either Filthy Rich's cousin or his uncle. I even considered a brother as a possibility. Why didn't you do something like that rather than making a Filthy Rich clone?
Also, why isn't CJ a mare? The inspiration for this story was from Mykan's grandmother's death in 2018. So if CJ dies at the end (oh, and spoiler alert, Coin Jangles does at the end of the story), and CJ is inspired by your grandmother, why make CJ a he? That's a bit sexist, isn't it? Then again, he dies at the end, so maybe this is Mykan's way of being progressive.
“Why, Princess Twilight…” he chuckle “How’ya’ll doin’?”
He then greeted Starlight and Spike too, and the trio noticed how much he seemed to be donating to the drive.
...
“Gosh, you’d think you were giving your home with all that.” said Spike.Twilight and Starlight noted and felt that way too.
Mykan does remember that Rarity is there, right?
Also...
“Gosh, you’d think you were giving your home with all that.” said Spike.
Twilight and Starlight noted and felt that way too.
You could've gone more in-depth about their individual thoughts on the matter. I'm sure their thoughts aren't just carbon copies of each other. But that's just a nitpick.
“Ah, shucks, this this is Hearth’s Warming.”
Added an extra "this".
My next point is a nitpick. But just for context, CJ has an episode and reveals that he has colic.
“One step ahead,” said Jangles “I already went a few days ago, and the results came in. I’m on the meds, everything will be fine.”
I can let this pass as being CJ's words, and not the doctor's. A doctor wouldn't tell you that you're going to be fine. Regardless of their confidence, they'll be honest with you. Sometimes brutally honest, and sometimes optimistically honest. But a doctor will tell you the risks, the best treatment options, and the likeliness that you'll survive if it's a deadly issue. With colic in equines, there is an 80% survival rate, so those are good odds. But for something like this, 20% is not a small percentage. It's good that CJ is optimistic about his odds. But he shouldn't ignore the possibility of him being in the 20%.
Although, perhaps he's not ignoring it and just doesn't want the others to worry...
Starlight and Spike weren’t as convinced, mostly because of the large donations Jangles had just made.
Also, Twilight would most likely be the one most skeptical, not the one who's most easily eased.
After this, Twilight invites CJ to the castle for Hearth's Warming. He politely turns it down. You start to see Mykan's portrayal of Twilight's obsessive behavior, CJ insists not to. Although Mykan toned down his portrayal of Twilight, it's clearly still there. Especially in this next line...
Not wanting to seem like a whining stalker, Twilight gave up. “Okay… but the offer is always open.”
A whining stalker? Really? Again, this can be tweaked to be made better. Instead of "Not wanting to seem like a whining stalker, Twilight gave up.", perhaps a better way to phrase it would be "Not wanting to seem too intrusive, Twilight relented."
This may just be a nitpick, but it's still picking at my brain nonetheless...
He began to feel another slight jerk of pain shoot through him, but it passed quickly.
As he snapped awake,
At what point did he fall unconscious? Perhaps rather than "As he snapped awake", perhaps a better way to word it is "As his awareness of his surroundings returned to him" or something like that.
Also, I can accept the name 'Coin Jangles'. It sounds silly, which is why I just say CJ. But it's not exactly a bad name. However, when I saw that his daughter's name is 'Sun Grin', that just doesn't work. And you don't need to change much for it to sound better. Make it 'Sunny Grin' instead.
He had a queer look on his face; the kind one would get when planning something.
Was the use of the word "queer" really necessary?
So that was Chapter 1 of One Last Hearths Warming. And aside from a few nitpicks and grammar corrections, it wasn't horrible. Granted, there are still 6 more chapters to go, so there's still plenty of time to get worse. But it wasn't bad enough for me to call it bad...yet.
But what do you think? Let me know if you want me to continue. I mean, I'm probably gonna continue anyway, so perhaps you should let me know if you want me to discontinue.
Your Changeling Lord King Cocoon has spoken.
first of all, you've never SMELLED Ursa Poop, so how can you know?
Second...
You don't like my fics... Here's an idea... DON'T BOTHER WITH THEM.
-Don't read them...
-Don't blog about them...
-Don't Riff them...
...ZIP.
you people keep saying, I'M causing all the trouble by POSTING fics, when it's really YOU ALL who add to things with your riffs and taunting.
If it really doesn't matter, then why are you complaining about it in the first place?
Oh, yes it is... this is RARITY... the most insane, over-dramatic, and nuttiest of the ponies (Even Pinkie Pie has more dignity than she ever will)
Why Rarity throws tantrums over the most tiniest of infractions.
Perhaps it's YOU who doesn't know her character better.
Wrong again... one of Rarity's most painful flaws is her SELF-CENTEREDNESS, which is heavily shown on SISTERHOOVES SOCIAL, they way she prefers things done HER way, and not letting another have even a say.
Even Applejack points out "Once again, you're only thinking of yourself."
Even on SECRETS OF MY EXCESS, she practically coaxes Spike into giving her the Fire Ruby because it's obvious SHE desires it. (Even though she is grateful for it and expresses her thanks) That's still being a bit pushy.
Eh-Tha-Tha-Tha... THAT'S RARITY, she's just a big a showoff as Rainbow Dash, but likes to verbally announce her "superiority" or her "Class"
...So far your 3 for 0 in NOT grasping Rarity's TRUE character.
That's not constructive criticism, that's just you complaining that you're not getting what you want, and also, you're being ridiculous again...
An OC means... FORGET THE CANON.
Learn it...
Know it...
Live it...
You're just complaining again...
Also, I've often QUESTIONED that nonsense that ponies other than Supreme Alicorns can live to be so old...
Simple... I don't like Filthy Rich
He is NOT what I'm looking for
He is not welcome in the story AT ALL
and CJ is NOT a Filthy Rich Clone.
CJ is supposed to have virtually NO family at all (Which means no brother, cousin, or Uncle)
And it wouldn't make a difference to you anyway, you'd still find some excuse to complain.
You and your ridiculous "sexism" garbage... then again you're being just as discriminatory towards Men. You and many others seem to act like Equestria is overrun by Females, and that men have virtually no power, voice or say here.
And just because the story is INSPIRED by my life's events DOES NOT at all mean they have to be exactly the same way in the story. Got it?!
Your case is just getting weaker at this point...
Does King Cocoon remember that the gang is looking around and checking out displays all over the yard, meaning Rarity is way up at the front desk accepting donations... and there IS NOT PRESENT in the same scene as they are? Obviously you do.
Glad to see you admit, you're just pettily nitpicking...
Except, it's obvious he knows he DOESN'T have colic, so your whole % this and % that means nothing.
What difference would it make if she was... you'd still complain.
That's Twilight Sparkle... she suffers from OCD: Once she gets her mind set on something, she'll be more stubborn than a mule.
The fact you admit you're just nitpicking over a petty matter that doesn't really need changing... only further hurts your case.
Puh-lease... when you stand up too fast, your brain blacks out and it all gets dark and you feel like falling down. That is exactly what's happening here... understand? (Though I know you don't)
As it weren't bad enough you discriminate against men... now you have to go after names too, huh?
Yes, it was. Just like in CHARLOTTE'S WEB "A queer look came over John Arable's face. He seemed almost ready to cry himself."
queer means "STRANGE, ODD" not just lousy sexual stuff.
There you go again, admitting you're just looking for trouble and trying to entertain yourself by nitpicking on someone again.
For YOUR sake, you really should discontinue. As far as I see, you've already lost the case.
You're still not being constructive, (Except for the grammar issues) you even admit so that you're just nitpicking. And the way you continue to insult me by calling my stuff "Worse than Poop."...
...No, you're just looking to cause trouble again.
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Well, look what the cat dragged in.
I'll just get this out of the way up front. You were never under any obligation to take what I had to say to heart. It's your prerogative to ignore my advice. And that is just what my constructive criticism is, advice. And honestly, I never actually expected you to take it to heart, especially seeing how much of it you misinterpreted.
First of all, at what point was there complaining? You know, before you came in to do so. Secondly, I didn't say it doesn't matter, I said it doesn't change what's being said. That's not the same thing. All I did was offer a suggestion to reduce redundancy.
Amazing how you can completely miss the point. Nobody said that she's not overdramatic. And seems rather convenient that you used a video of moments with Rarity that have absolutely nothing to do with the topic of generosity.
You mean the very same episode where Rarity willingly gets covered in mud and takes part in athletic competitions just for her little sister?
Except that she didn't coax it. But despite that fact, that moment wasn't an issue of generosity over self-centeredness. When it comes to doing things for herself or being generous, generosity almost always wins with a few MINOR exceptions.
Meh... I'll grant that. Although I'd argue that Rainbow Dash is totally the bigger showoff. However, she does not like to announce her "superiority" beyond comparing herself with Rainbow Dash and Applejack.
Is it safe to say that it's pointless for me to point out that you said that wrong? And that's aside from the point that it's factually incorrect because of how you misinterpreted what I said.
Now aside from the points about Rarity, what about the grammar error I mentioned with the word "the" randomly stuck in?
The only one complaining is you. I mean, it's obvious that you don't know what Constructive Criticism is. I mean, at what point is it implied that I'm complaining about not getting what I want? And just so we're clear, where is it specifically complaining?
No, it doesn't. I mean, I suppose it's not out of the question. But an OC just means it doesn't originate from canon. It doesn't mean forget canon completely. An OC just means enacting creative liberties. But any case of an OC meaning "forget the canon" would be a case where the timeline reverts to when that OC would first show up. Either that or have them out of the way of the canon so that they wouldn't have interacted with the canon.
Not really. I was just addressing the fact that you described him using two mutually exclusive descriptors.
...Okay. I was just saying that I liked the idea is all.
That depends on how you define family. But like I said before, okay. And just so we're clear, I do acknowledge and accept the definition that you provided for the sake of this argument.
What complaint have I made other than the description of CJ's age?
Did you completely forget the last thing I said in that quote?
But how am I being discriminatory towards men? First of all a male/female population ratio isn't discrimination. Secondly, a lot of people don't realize that it's canon that the male/female ratio is roughly 50/50. As for power, it may be a matriarchy, but most of the Canterlot nobility are male.
Fair enough.
What "case" are you talking about? My case can't be getting weaker if there was never a case made in the first place. This is your problem. You have to assume that any comment that has any form of criticism must be 100% out to get you.
It's not exactly obvious that they went their separate ways. But I will acknowledge that there was a one-sentence long paragraph that does point out that they did continue looking. Believe it or not, I can admit when I'm wrong.
What about it was petty?
Where is it obvious that he knows he doesn't have colic? And if he doesn't have colic, why did he lie and say he did? Was he trying to downplay something more serious? Is it made obvious in a later chapter? Because if that's the case, keep in mind that I only read the first chapter so far and have not actually read ahead.
You're right, it wouldn't make a difference. I wouldn't complain if you had her more skeptical, nor am I complaining now.
OCD is not a synonym for stubbornness.
This is a case of misinterpreting a message. The ellipses at the end were to indicate that the statement applies to the next quote, not the last thing I said. The comment about the nitpick had to do with the comment about him waking back up.
This is a case where you have no right correcting me. You never even hinted that he was getting up too fast, let alone getting up at all. With Twilight and the others leaving Rarity to look around, I can accept my mistake there. Here, I never made a mistake, because you never said that happened. So forgive me for my inability to analyze something that's not there to analyze.
Do you have a source that's not out of date?
There you go again, admitting you're just looking for trouble and trying to entertain yourself by nitpicking on someone again.
I don't know what you're talking about when you say I was looking for trouble. I was mostly being objective and unbiased because I legitimately was trying to give the story a chance. And...do you even know what a nitpick is? Do you actually think it's a form of picking on someone? Because that's what it's coming across as. And if nothing else, you aren't even taking into account the grammar errors I pointed out.
I can't lose a case that was never even attempted to be made in the first place. Seriously, what did you think my "case" was?
Also, seeing as anyone with half a brain can predict how pettily you'd want me to discontinue without a good reason, it's a good thing that your opinion on whether I should continue or not was never going to be valid.
Perhaps not 100% constructive. But that's because of how hard it is to get rid of bias entirely. And I only admitted to some of it being nitpicking. But why can't nitpicking also be constructive?
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If nothing else, will you take the legit grammar corrections into account?
Correction:
“Yes…” Rarity sighed happily “That way I can be even more generous than ever. I’ll donate what I can to the poor, and make whatever is left into new things for others.
Correction:
More and more ponies were coming in to drop things off, and among them was a middle-aged Earth Pony, whom Twilight knew very well since she first moved to Ponyville.
Or are you honestly going to find a way to claim even grammar corrections are petty and biased?
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You misinterpret all the time, and you call me out on it?
You STILL haven't answered the question as to why you nitpick... and just for the record...
nit·pick·ing
/ˈnitˌpikiNG/
INFORMAL
nounINFORMAL
looking for small or unimportant errors or faults, especially in order to criticize unnecessarily.
...in short terms, you're complaining over something which you said yourself doesn't need to be issued... so WHY are you issuing about it? shouldn't you just let it be then, and not bring it up... PERIOD...?
Merely using a visual to show off her BAFFLING behavior and RIDICULOUS characteristics.
Which DOES NOT absolve her of her wrong-doing, nor do I wish it to exonerate her from punishment.
She made the mistake...
She acted bad...
...It goes on her record and it STAYS there.
Besides, she's a MY LITTLE PONY, and like all the MLPs... she never really learns her lessons and make them stick; she's always right back to her ignorant self the next day, and then she does what appears to be the right thing... only because she did something WRONG first to DO that right thing.
No, I'm not letting her off the hook..
(Yes, I'm gonna do it)
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/ov08-1468070552-337450-full
"The suspect was found guilty of harsh, immoral behavior. (Burglary in the first degree) Which is punishable by imprisonment in County Jail for not more than 1 year, or in the State Prison for not more than 15 years."
(Rarity, now serving her sentence in State Penitentiary)
...Welcome to my world.
Again: does not absolve her...
And she WAS dropping hints that she wanted the Fire Ruby, so she WAS trying to coax Spike to giving to her.
Because it's obvious that you forgive Rarity for her sins, and wish only to see the good in her, and thereby IGNORE her flaws and the things that hold her back, which are on her record and will stay so (Namely, her selfishness)
Personally... I feel she's UNWORTHY of the Element of Generosity.
You didn't act with hostility or insults towards Grammer, that is the ONLY forum of constructive criticism you've done... so I let it be.
You're complaining that I'm making Rarity OOC (When I'm not)
you nitpick about things that even YOU admit don't need to be addressed
you complain that I'm not doing ideas you like.
...you ARE complaining, Period.
Yet you STILL complained I didn't use an ALREADY EXISTING CHARACTER FROM THE CANON as opposed to an OC. So don't give me that pish-posh again.
He doesn't need a wide description. Once you learn this and that... THAT'S all that's needed for the space being and limitations.
And yet you said "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT" as if you were trying to say you were upset that I didn't do it. You can express you're own ideas... but DO NOT question my writing for it.
Your ideas, your characteristics, your plot... will be done on YOUR TIME in YOUR fics.
Already been covered...
The second you said...
and you missed the whole point of INSPIRATION, makes
mean nothing. you questioned that I didn't use a mare in a ridiculous way. That's an automatic strike out for you with me. (A compliment later means nothing)
The population really is 50/50... it hardly shows.
It's more like 80/20 (Females have the majority)
Plus, you and all the many others on my case do it all the same...
Use a man= Sexist
I'm saying that your arguments are very weak (As evidenced by your own misinterpretations)
It's not exactly obvious
one-sentence long paragraph that does point out that they did continue looking
So it IS obvious... written in black white that they had moved away from Rarity... yet you questioned it anyway.
Kinda like those chumps mocking The End of ends saying Twilight would put a shield to defend her friends... forgetting that her horn is broken and she HAS no magic.
...Just one thing...
...Everything!
You question things that do not need to be, you complain that things are not going your way in a fic that is not yours to control, and you misinterpret things.
I think it's obvious that's he's giving away practically all his things, and he's saying "He had a good run" and why else would he lie? Hmmmmmm...? You said it yourself "He doesn't want anyone to worry."
This is what I can't stand about people like you... you never wait until you read the ENTIRE STORY before you question things.
Read ALL OF IT first... THEN question it.
But you are...
A perfect misinterpretation....
Stubbornness can be PART of it... and Twilight can, and has been shown to be extremely stubborn when she wants a quick and logical answer, or when she's obsessed with a task.
Another misinterpretation...
When you have a painful attack shoot through you... you cringe, and then when it's over, you open your eyes (You snap awake)
It's always been that way...
queer
/kwir/
Learn to pronounce
adjective
1. strange; odd.
"she had a queer feeling that they were being watched"
2. OFTEN OFFENSIVE
(of a person) homosexual.
verbINFORMAL
spoil or ruin (an agreement, event, or situation).
So you INTENDED to get on my case, and as usual, you threw in insults.
Don't flatter yourself...
Then MAKE IT 100% one way or the other.
Red or Green...
No in-between.
Because you take nitpicking to an entirely new level to the point of annoyance. It's like you're looking for excuses to complain or put me down, and that does not play well in your so-called "Criticism" In the end, the scale is still tipping 100% to the PETTY side.
And the excuses you make trying to justify what you say don't tip it. (You can't outweigh a rock with a feather)
It's still an offensive insult.
Jane: "But we were just telling a joke."
Sir Theodore: "Amusing yourself at the expense of another is costly entertainment."
But if they're just looking to complain, or mock, riff, or throw "offensive jokes" around...?
Your attitude and need to mock and riff is no different, and I still submit... the scale is still tipped. Your criticism is still far from constructive. (aside from the grammar checks)
You still have a Failing Grade...
I just did...
Your insulting joke about poop...
your intention to get on my case
you nitpicking things that don't need to be issued.
you misinterpreting things again
...In the end, that's not constructive criticism. That's just complaining.
...Looks like it addresses it to me and to others with "Half... a brain"
Your advice like most others is not befitting, and just will not do. (That's why I don't take it) we'll have to issue that another time.
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Also, I see that you made some edits to your comment since I last checked.
Are you really going to address that? Something that's more for the sake of a gag than anything else? I've never literally smelled a fanfic either.
And yes, it was a gag at the expense of your stories. I'm just clarifying so that you can't argue that I was trying to dodge responsibility by saying "it's just a joke".
Believe it or not, people can read a fanfic, not like it, and still analyze it objectively. You know people can do that, right? People do it all the time. I'm actually giving your story an honest chance.
Actually, most of us say you're trouble with or without the fanfics. You're trouble because of your attitude, not your fanfics. Although your fanfics often reflect your attitude though. But your reaction to my blog proves just how diametrically opposed you are to constructive criticism. There was no riffing or taunting in my constructive criticism.
Well, at least you recognized the grammar issues. And honestly, I appreciate that at least. But it's clear that you don't understand what constructive criticism is. Can you demonstrate how or why I'm not being constructive?
The poop joke was on a whim and doesn't even address the story I was reviewing.
You have no evidence that I'm just trying to cause trouble. In fact, it's the reverse. I have evidence that you are the one looking to cause trouble. You came onto this blog and asserted that I was just trying to cause more trouble. Since it's a demonstrable fact that I was NOT, that means you're the one causing trouble, not me. I even took what you had to say to heart and admitted when I was wrong. And I'll make sure to add that when I review the next chapter. You are under no obligation to accept my advice or use the examples I gave for corrections. But you are also in no position to say that I had any malicious intent either.
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At least when I misinterpret something, I'll correct myself when properly corrected, or there was no other way for it to be interpreted because I can't read the mind of the author.
You never addressed it in that comment.
First of all, what you just did is known as a Dictionary Fallacy. It's the fallacy of assuming that a dictionary is the authority of what a definition to a word is. Whenever I nitpick, the criticism is never bigger than the issue itself. And from the perspective of a proper writer, redundancy is not an unimportant issue. It's minor, yes. But not unimportant. If redundancy isn't an important issue to you, then ignore what I said.
As for your "in short terms", I was not complaining. Even unnecessary criticism isn't complaining. If it was, it would be called complaining and not criticism. And when did I say it didn't need to be issued? I agree that it doesn't need to be a major issue. But if I didn't at least bring it up, regardless of how minor it seems, then I wouldn't be providing constructive criticism. Seeing as criticism is in the definition of nitpicking, that means that constructive criticism can in fact be applied.
Even at Rarity's worst and most extreme, your interpretation was not accurate. And in the environment that she was in at the moment, she would not have acted you you made her.
Then that's a different discussion entirely. I was addressing your assertion that self-centeredness is her biggest flaw. And I can agree with that to some extent. But that only applies to when the topic of generosity doesn't apply to the situation.
Since a good chunk of this goes off-topic from the review of the story, I don't see a need to continue with Rarity at this point.
Keep the topic on THIS story, not one of your others which I'm sure isn't even canon to the story I'm discussing.
I never acted with hostility in the first place. And this is why you have absolutely no clue what the definition of constructive criticism. You can't have "constructive criticism" without "criticism". It's ironic that what you claim is the only form of constructive criticism I've done doesn't even fall under the definition of constructive criticism. Was it constructive? Yes. Was it criticism? No. Therefore it's not constructive CRITICISM.
And though I appreciate that you at least acknowledge when I address grammar errors, I noticed that you have actually edited the chapter yet to correct those grammar errors. At least not at the time I'm posting this. Perhaps you intend to do them later, or perhaps you just intend to acknowledge their existence. Either way, this does actually help you, seeing as it proves that you can listen to certain advice.
No I wasn't, and yes you were. I just addressed how you characterized Rarity.
How I nitpick is intended to be in a constructive manner. Just because they are small, it doesn't mean you can't benefit from editing them. You also claim I nitpick when I'm not.
No I wasn't. I only gave recommendations on how to make it better. My examples were just how I would do it. Not once did I actually tell you what to do or complain that you didn't do it my way.
No I'm NOT complaining. Period. Since you seem to enjoy using the dictionary, I'll take a page out of your book.
complaining
/kəmˈplāniNG/
noun
"his complaining has been a little bit annoying"
adjective
"she apologized to the complaining crowd"
My review was not complaining.
Not once can anything I said about that can be defined as a complaint.
I never said he needed a wide description. I said that you described him as both indeed elder and not elderly. Those are mutually exclusive descriptors. Or do you now know what "mutually exclusive" means?
Well, forgive me for not being able to text a tone of voice. I asked that in casual curiosity. If I were saying it as if I were upset, why didn't I put it in bold or all caps like you did? In fact, you are literally replying to how I ACCEPTED YOUR ANSWER. You answered the question, and I accepted it. Period.
That's something that you don't have the authority to tell me to do. Nothing is exempt from criticism.
I never implied otherwise.
...So nothing then? Seriously, everything else on this topic that's addressed comes down to me asking questions, you answering those questions, and me accepting those answers.
If you want to point out when I mentioned sexism, that was towards you, not your OC. And though I didn't communicate it well originally, I meant that that could be seen as sexist. I wasn't specifically calling you sexist. And you reacted as the comment about sexism was the focal point, which it was not. And I even pointed out that because he dies in the end, that kinda eliminates the sexist aspect. That's part of what I meant when I said that was your way of being more progressive.
I questioned it in that way because you do often come across as sexist. Also, that wasn't a compliment, that was an observation.
I asked a question.
You answered the question.
I accepted your answer.
Period.
You're right. It hardly shows. Because males don't get the spotlight like females do. But it is a fact that has actually been tested. There's roughly a 50/50 split.
What arguments? You mean my constructive criticism? If I misinterpret something, it's as simple as you correcting me.
Just because you wrote it, it doesn't mean you made it obvious.
That's a non-answer. It doesn't actually answer the question.
What's wrong with questioning? Not once have I complained that things weren't going my way in your fic. And what am I misinterpretting?
He's giving away his things implies that he knows that he's not okay. My guess about why he lied is just that... a guess. Thank you for verifying.
But you never actually answered my initial question. Where is it obvious that he knows he doesn't have colic? Colic can be deadly, so why would it be obvious that it's not colic? If X is deadly, and someone says they have X, and that someone is dying, how is it obvious that that someone knows they don't have X? The fact is that you didn't make anything obvious.
You think I wouldn't have made the corrections with the reviews of the later chapters? What's wrong with asking question, even if those questions will be answered in already posted chapters? I'm making this review from the point of view of someone who hasn't read more.
I don't tell you how to do your job, I just make recommendations. I appreciate your recommendation to me, but don't tell me how to do my job.
If you count me complaining about you complaining about me supposedly complaining when I didn't.
Let me rephrase it. Obsessiveness is not a synonym for stubbornness. Stubbornness is a choice. OCD is not.
Where's the misinterpretation? Opening your eyes in not in any way the same as waking up. You can't wake up if you weren't asleep in the first place. And cringing in pain doesn't imply falling unconscious either. Also, you can cringe in pain without closing your eyes.
So... the word "queer" existed even before humans did? I didn't know that language could exist prior to an entity capable of speaking.
But sarcasm aside, I assume you're saying that it's always been that way ever since the word "queer" was invented. The definition of words changes over time. I won't ignore the old definition. But it's still an archaic use of the word.
Although I won't claim the dictionary fallacy here, I will point out that the second definition is wrong.
Just because I get on your case a lot, it does mean that I intend to all the time. That was talking about past encounters. NOT an intent for this one. Besides, getting on someone's case and making a case are not the same thing. I'm still waiting to learn what case you think I'm making.
News Flash: Reality doesn't work that way.
Blue.
The way I nitpick is literally in the opposite direction. It's not my fault that you choose to misinterpret it as annoyance. The problem is you, not me. I'm not looking for excuses to put you down. You're the one making the excuses that that's what I'm doing. I haven't complained. In fact, I don't need to complain, since you do enough complaining for both of us. If the scale is tipping towards the petty side, then perhaps you should get off the scale.
Then us something more than just a feather. You have 100% made my review out to be something that it is not.
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It doesn't show...
Yes I did...
Wow, now you're against dictionaries too?
Uh-uh-uhn... Nitpick... or Criticism... Pick ONE... not both.
Yes it is...
Complaining is complaining...
By agreeing it's not a MAJOR issue, you agree that it doesn't need to be brought up PERIOD, not even for just a small say.
It's Yes, or No... No Maybe so.
Actually... SHE WOULD, because she can't act ANY WAY unless someone WRITES HER to.
and I still believe she WOULD act that way anyhow.
There is no SOME EXTENT... it's All or nothing. Rarity may have SOME generous moments in the series, but the scale is still not tipping. The bad side is still winning.
All... or nothing...
I think that for ALL my stories... including this one.
Correcting Grammar is one thing...
But helping me is another... and it does not help, cuz it's not the grammar that's the main issue with you people, is it?
(We'll deal with that another day)
Yes you were...
Nitpicking is still nitpicking... just like stealing is still stealing...
There is no silver lining...
You didn't look like you were... and again, you're ideas make the characters even WORSE in my eyes, and worthy of 50 lashes.
I'm a better person now because I've learned from those things...
...No... you're not.
I'm still not convinced...
Not convinced...
There is no Mutual... that implies the term SOME again... it's all or nothing. no in-betweens
You may have freedom of speech...
But nothing is free of a reaction either. (I know that)
But you have before in the past... and it's on your record.
1% VS 0% can still tip the scale to one side.
The split second you say ANYTHING that even slightly makes it sound Sexist... MUST define it as sexist Period.
I don't see any progression in it.
-Oh sure... just cuz I prefer male characters over female heroes, that makes sexist.
-Just because I don't give females more than enough of your expectations and demands, that's sexist too.
Starla Shine is a 5-Star supreme General, and Lightning's second-in-command. That's a pretty big achievement... yet sexist to you.
Dr. Penny is considered the most powerful authority on medicine, and she's head of the entire Ponyville hospital, but it's not good enough for you.
Tree Hugger is simply in love with Buddy, and WANTS to be a wife because it makes her happy... mega sexist to you.
then there's the jackpot... Terra/Kari. You always claim I'm being sexist to them because I torture them for not with BB/Davis, when really I'm punishing them for the way they treated them... not just a mere dumping.
No, to you EVERYTHING is sexist.
(We'll deal with this issue another day)
Sorry, not gonna cut it (With me)
the majority is still female.
Which makes it no different.
Actually it does... (One sentence is all it takes)
We've already covered this...
That's why you wait and read the ENTIRE fic before questioning.
I'll tell you what's wrong... some questions are not necessary, don't need addressing like you said, or are completely out of bounds and irrelevant.
You must CONFINE your questions to ONE field.
Funny, you're SORT OF telling me how, especially when you give bad character suggestions.
Still doesn't make Twilight less stubborn or obsessive.
Perhaps... but that's another thing I don't like; that people instantly hear words like...
Rod... stick... tail...
...and instantly connect it to sexual stuff and refuse to acknowledge the other defs
Is it...? Or every time someone uses the word QUEER they think sexual, like you did.
Still does not make it any different.
I like to treat this like a real COURT CASE, knowing you'd never win in such a debate like that against me.
Besides, a lot of you still intend to see me thrown in jail for my ways, so let's treat it like a court case (In which you wouldn't have much a chance against me)
Oh, yes it does...
Even I have to admit this time it's not 100% but sometimes... it is 100%. It exists, so it's part of reality, and that's my way of thinking and writing...
Make it as simple as possible so the job can be done faster before things get worse and more work piles up.
I'm not ON the scale... I use a scale to determine... all one or all the other, by putting little weights on each side.
And since you like to bring up even SLIGHT things... then a weight goes on the scale. Period, even for tiniest things.
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No you didn't. You addressed complaining, not nitpicking. They are not the same thing.
You should've read the definition of nitpicking that you yourself provided. Criticism is in the definition of nitpicking. The definition that you yourself provide. Not all criticism is nitpicking. But ALL nitpicking is criticism.
Reality doesn't work like that. That is a fallacy known as a False Dichotomy.
In the context of this review, the only one making anything an issue is you.
Reality doesn't work that way.
Actually, I did look like I was. You just refused to see it.
So you don't know what the term means. First of all, "mutual" in no way implies the term "some". It means "held in common by two or more parties". The term "mutually exclusive" means that those two or more parties cannot be true at the same time. For example, you can't be both married and be a bachelor at the same time. What I'm trying to say is that "indeed elderly" and "not elderly" cannot both be true at the same time.
I never implied otherwise. Which also makes you a hypocrite because you in fact did imply otherwise.
You said that, not me. Haven't you ever questioned why I've never blocked you? It's because I don't intend to create an echo chamber for myself. Also, just so you know what the term "echo chamber" means, it's when someone cuts off access to anyone who has opposing views so that only people who agree with them can talk.
Can you provide a specific quote? Because I was under the assumption that we were keeping on the topic of this review specifically. Not views that if I did have them, they would've changed by now.
Reality doesn't work that way. Just because something can be interpreted as sexist, it doesn't mean it was intentionally meant to be sexist.
But based on your logic, thanks for confirming that you think I'm 100% sexist. Because you said I'm sexist because I hold the view that Equestria has a majority female population. Not only do I intend to do a count for myself, you're the one who said it's all or nothing, right? So if I actually did hold the position that there was a majority female ratio in Equestria, that alone was enough for you to say I'm sexist.
You're the one who loves quoting the dictionary. Look up the definition of progressive.
Sorry, not gonna cut it (With me)
the majority is still female.
If that's how you want to do it in your fics, then fine. But I have in fact started a tally. I still have a ways to go, But at least among Earth Ponies, 515 males, 501 females. If you don't count unnamed ponies, 303 males, 335 females. Granted, I've only done the tally on Earth Ponies so far. But even if you don't count ponies without names, that's still not a big difference.
But I'll get back to you on that when I finish the tally. After doing a tally of over 1000 ponies already, I think I'm allowed to take a little break before I continue.
And just so we're clear, I am NOT adding content that you wouldn't take into consideration. No comic exclusives, no Pony Life exclusives, and nothing from Generation 5.
Reality doesn't work that way.
You're making it sound like I won't address that the question is answered in a later chapter. But to use your own reasoning, that's why you wait until all parts of the review are finished before getting on my case about it.
Also, in my review, I didn't even bring it up as a question. I just based what I said on the information I had in the first chapter. There wasn't even enough information for me to question whether it could be anything other than colic. Really, I was just addressing how a doctor would say it as opposed to how CJ said it.
Also, you said that it is obvious, not that it will be obvious in a later chapter. This whole back and forth on this topic could've easily been avoided if you just clarified that little detail.
No I don't. That's just what you want.
No, I literally was not. I never told you what to do, I just gave advice. Advice that you can either accept or ignore. And they are not bad suggestions, you just don't like them. You not liking them does not make them bad.
That's your problem. You assume that just because I questioned your use of the word, that I jumped to inappropriate thoughts. I don't jump to that conclusion with rod, stick, or tail either. In fact, you're the one making it more inappropriate than I am, seeing as none of the usages of the word actually apply to intercourse directly. Homosexuality is not "sexual stuff".
I questioned your use of the word "queer" because it can be taken offensively, not because it can be taken sexually.
And just so we're clear, it's not hard for me to NOT take something sexually. I'm asexual. Do you know what "asexual" means, or am I going to have to explain that to you too?
Since I didn't, your argument has no weight. And my point was that that definition is incorrect because the use of the word "queer" in that context applies to more than just homosexuality.
Based on how you're accusing me, it actually does.
You never treat justice in your stories like real court cases, so why would I assume you'd treat reality the same? In this context, I could easily win, seeing as I'm the defendant, and your evidence against me is pathetic.
There's one accusation made on me that you have no evidence for. Defense=1, Prosecution=0.
Absolutes only apply to mathematics. In reality, you can't place numbers on good or bad.
How can you not get it? The point I was making was that the only one making things petty here is you. You're intentionally weighing down the scale when it's clear as day that without your intervention, the scale would be tipping the other way.
You're not taking into account that different weights weigh different amounts. If you use a scale for just me, the weights clearly show that I'm NOT being petty. Alternatively, if we use a scale to determine which of the two of us is being pettier, then I have no hope of making that scale lean towards me.
We'll stop if that's what you want...
We're just going in circles anyway (Nothing's going to change)
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Just a final note.
Not intentionally. At least I don't.
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Anyone who's interested in seeing my "discussion" with Mykan through PMs, here's the edited together screenshots. The size may be a bit intimidating though.
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There's no real point in arguing with Mykan. He thinks he's this holy, blameless creature and God's gift to literature, but in reality is an arrogant douche who barely understands the show he's critiquing, can't take criticism, and writes so poorly it makes Sonichu look like War and Peace in comparison.
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Yeah, I know. That's why I'm going to be more strict with the comments from here on. I won't stop him from commenting. But if the interaction isn't productive, I will not tolerate spamming.
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I'll be doing the same.
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