Status Report: Mission Papers Are In; Plus, White Boy Summer Checklist · 7:43pm Aug 21st, 2021
I tried doing this all the way back in 2019, but apparently the psychiatrist I visited before I had to be shipped out recommended I spend some time alone and by myself to prove I can handle living on my own. Because, you know, I'm an autistic retard. Got that autistic energy! Plus, I was still addicted to porn way back then, making me far less suitable to teach others about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Now I feel far more ready. I'm confident in living on my own, with several semesters of college under my belt, and I'm confident that I will not watch porn ever again. Stay away from it like the Black Death, by the way.
After all the interviews, paperwork, and spiritual preparedness, my mission papers are finally officially underway for review and consideration. I should expect to hear back from the Mission Department of the Church in a week or two, telling me where I need to go and when. I expect it to be in the United States, considering the current events in the incompetent administration's control. In any event, it won't be long for me now.
Ever since I finished my flagship story, I've been returning periodically to review, rewrite, and reread some of my favorite parts from my own stories. Occasionally, I might even receive a comment or reply. My stories just happen to be on this website; were it not for that, I would not be here.
By the time I get shipped out to Texas or California or North Dakota (Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory, accordingly) I will have posted for the final time for at least the next two years. Missionary standards dictate that we not watch movies, read popular books, play video games, or use social media for non-approved missionary purposes. They vary in severity from one area to another under different mission presidents, but the general point is consistent. This means I'd miss a lot of pop culture being released soon, but it isn't going anywhere soon. And anyway, is it really all that bad that I miss out on, like, four mediocre Marvel movies? Black Widow was nothing special.
I'm just anxious right now. Nothing feels drastically different than before. But I'm about to embark on the best two years of my life. I just hope war doesn't break out and we all literally get enlisted. That'd be a total bummer, you know?
Hope you guys are doing well. I bet you expected a better life than this collective hell we're all in. Trust me. It gets worse.
For now, let's all enjoy the last bits of White Boy Summer. Climb some things that were not meant to be climbed. Go 24 hours without internet or devices. Start a wrestling match and keep going until one of you gets hurt. Grill some obscure meat. Jump into water from dangerously high areas. Rent a boat for an hour or two and go waterskiing. Stay on a ranch near a river--it's what we did for our family reunion. Freeze a pair of pants and periodically poke it. Have a firepit in the backyard. Ride an ATV. Wear sunglasses indoors. Kiss a girl you will never meet again. Stay at the gym for unreasonably long periods of time. Watch the sun rise. Do a little trolling. Give a monkey a shower. Locate Hitler's brain. Play frisbee or football or something on the lawn. Play with a giant dog. Get kicked out of an establishment. Try to win one of those giant bananas at an amusement park and make a big deal out of it when you don't get anything. Fire a shotgun. Blast some edgy music from Blink or Disturbed. The potential is endless. This is White Boy Summer! Make the most of it. Have fun! Be rowdy! Seek to create lasting memories. Men are here so we might have joy, not stimulation. God loves it when we do good things of our own free will and enjoy His creation, and mostly just when His children are happy, not just content and placated.
Be restless. High energy! Good things are on the horizon if you make it so, and the rest of the world will seethe upon seeing how epic you manage to make yourself feel.
Peace be with you on your way
God and Jesus be with you.
Also
I'll be sure to also build nanobots, find Frankenstein's brain and a dodo bird, paint a continent, fight a mummy, build a rocket, scale the Eiffel tower, and discover something that doesn't exist.
But driving my sister insane is a full time job
So excited about you mission call! Let us know where and when you are going.
5573298
That's the idea. How could I leave you hanging?