Disney Movie Marathon Sort of Out of Context

Remember that time me and my sister Marshmallow Wings had a Disney Marathon?

Well, we did it again, except with our other sister, Artsy Notes, along for the ride (since she was on her mission last time), for a very slow and tedious marathon that went from Spring 2020 to Spring 2021. And of course, we had some glorious snarkitude for each movie, regardless if we liked it, loved it, hated it, merely disliked it, or were just meh. And, well, I decided to compile some of our commentary to share with people like you, and my Deviantart followers, and my Tumblr followers...

Anyway, I do have some posts on the marathon on Tumblr by Disney Era (so far, I've only made posts up to the Bronze Age, I've yet to finish up the Disney Renaissance post), with pictures! However, I'm wondering if these are funnier without the pictures.

Just so you know:

A2 = Me
A3 = Artsy Notes
A4 = Marshmallow Wings

Granted, I don't specify who says what, but here are things we've said (either abridged or quoted as is):

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

~ All the Disney Princess stereotypes came from Snow White
~ The dwarves ARE children, Snow
~ *sisters are getting really tired of scenes dragged out by the dwarves’ antics*
~ *movie comes back to the castle* “Oh, right, there was a plot.”

Pinnochio

~ This kid was literally born yesterday, and you’re sending him off to school on his own
~ Dude, Jiminy Cricket just swore!
~ How to Traumatize a Child 101
~ Jiminy can inexplicably breathe underwater. Is that a conscience power?

Fantasia

~ Inexplicably seductive fish
~ I WAS A TEENAGE PLANET
~ *screen focuses on dinosaur skull* “This is the story of how I died…”
~ The soundtrack is so cute
~ *centaurs gallop on screen* “Here come the Chads!”
~ Heheheheh, butts
  ~ No one expects the Spanish Inquisition to be crocodiles!

Dumbo

~ And here’s another member of the “born yesterday” club
~ They are making fun of a literal BABY
~ The way that Dumbo holds Timothy’s tail is so cute
~ I don’t care what anyone says, the crows are awesome

Bambi

~ And we welcome another into the “born yesterday” club
~ He’s the Great Prince because he didn’t get shot
~ *Right after the Great Prince delivers the sad news to Bambi about his mother’s demise, we get TRALALALALALA tweet twee-hee-heet tweet twee-hee-heet* “YOU DON’T JUST DO THAT!”
~ SEDUCTIVE BUNNY
~ Those hunters are irresponsible
~ Bambi is walking around with a bullet in him

Saludos Amigos

~ Getting quite a bit of llama butt in this short
~ JOSE

The Three Caballeros

~ “Have you ever been to Bahia?!” “Bahia?!” “Have you ever been to Bahia?!” “Ooooooh, Bahia!”
~ Straighten your bowties, boys, Yaya has cookies! 
~ Not even Jose’s black magic can stop Panchito’s singing
~ Donald needs to be punished for objectifying women
~ That lady had a cactus army
~ WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON

Make Mine Music

~ “Evangeline’s lonely.” “Ray, die already!”
~ Gaston got nothing on Casey
~ Animators, are you on drugs again?

Fun and Fancy Free

        ~ Plot twist, this is Dumbo’s circus
~ “I thought he was hungry.” “Well, now he’s hungry for something else.” “...did you 
just…?”
~ The real threat to the environment--Lumpjaw.
~ Wondering what the circus folks thought when they find no Bongo
~ The dummy’s comments about school were actually hilarious.
~ “What are these beans feeding on?” “Moonlight.” “Well, they are magic.”
~ The weird things that happen while you’re sleeping
~ Oh my goodness, we’re the cartoon afterlife.

Melody Time

~ GIRAFFE HORSES
~ This rabbit has lipstick (and pinkeye). 
~ Johnny Appleseed is even more of a Disney Princess than the actual Disney Princesses
~ “I’m yer fairy godfather!”
~ Welp, looks like Little Toot has a body count
~ Hooray, we get to see Jose again!
~ “They’re blue!” “A dabba dee dabba die.”
~ *sisters die laughing at all of Pecos Bill’s ridiculous feats and wonder why the heck he’s doing all this*
~ #WidowmakerWorstHorse

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

~ Poor MacBadger!
~ *Toad lands in jail* “That’s what he gets for being a menace to society!”
~ “That horse is a bad influence!”
~ Oh, hey, it’s a somewhat nicer version of Gaston
~ The Ichabod Crane number gives off some “Belle” vibes. *tries to make up a “Belle” verse about Ichabod and fails*
~ Cinderella?
~ Demon horses are real horses.
~ “And one last thing… the Headless Horseman is hot.”

Cinderella

~ Cinderella is me in the morning when my alarm goes off.
~ We love the local aspiring grandfather, The King.
~ *discussion about the Fairy Godmother’s relation to the Blue Fairy*
~ *theorizing that the rest of the Kingdom doesn’t like the Tremaines*
~ “It’s the Headless Horsemen!” “No, they have heads.”
~ Everyone makes fun of the Prince for trying to find her based on shoe size, but it wasn’t his idea.
~ “My old enemy… stairs.”
~ Conspiracy theory, Anastasia is the Russian princess of the same name and was kidnapped as a child by Lady Tremaine

Alice in Wonderland

~ This jumped into the um, “plot”, rather quickly. 
~ Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are squeaky toys. 
~ The White Rabbit is the only sane citizen of Wonderland. 
~ She’s not a freakin’ weed you piece of crap flowers!
~ Oh, look, the caterpillar was actually helpful. 
~ The “painting the roses red” scene is the only one with some line of logic.
~ Yo, is that Jose?
~ There’s nonsense, and then there’s being rude, and nearly everyone in Wonderland is the latter.

Peter Pan

~ Wendy’s getting her own room? Oh, the horror!
~ That shot of Peter’s face looks so evil.
~ Geez, Wendy, making the moves on a boy you just met!
~ “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!”
~ “That is one of the funniest casual murders I’ve ever seen.”
~ “All hands on deck! We’re gonna shoot a kid!” “There’s a flock of them, we gotta hit at least one!”
~ Every scene with the Indians is uncomfortable to watch.
~ The Chief’s mouth moves so weird…
~ I really wonder why all these girls like Peter, he’s kind of a jerk.
~ They all want free tattoos!
~ Wendy, it wasn’t “wonderful”, I legit just saw you have a terrible time in Neverland.

Lady and the Tramp

~ This is such accurate puppy behavior. 
~ *scene transitions to railyard* “Meanwhile, on the other side of the tracks…”
~ “Mmm, yep, I just woke up… what a day!”
~ *Siamese Cats show up* “Oh no.”
~ “I don’t like this lady.” “She’s a Karen.” “She is!”
~ Plot twist, it’s the rooster that’s shooting them. 
~ The dog pound scene is worse than those humanitarian commercials. 
~ This rat is a surprisingly scary Disney villain. 

Sleeping Beauty

~ *the fairies first arrive* “Oh, look, it’s the three of us.”
~ “Do you not understand the concept of growing up?! This isn’t Neverland!”
~ Don’t follow strange voices, you might get captured by the fae. 
~ *Flora and Merryweather start fighting* “Yep, they’re definitely you two.”
~ Since the raven was hit by the magic spewing from the chimney, it would have been funny if he had been colored a splattered blue-and-pink mess for the rest of the scene. Imagine Maleficent’s reaction if he had come back to the castle like that.
~ “I think the kings are a little drunk.” “Psht, lightweights.” “Well, that guy is a lighter weight.”
~ And Prince Phillip gets captured by the fae.
~ *fumbles over the word “Gargoyles” and it comes out “GARGLES”*
~ “It’s a demonic ritual.” “No, it’s a barbecue.” “Eh, same thing.”
~ *argument over whether Maleficent’s bird is a crow or not*
~ People don’t talk about the fairies enough, they’re more the main characters of this movie than the title character.
~ “Maleficent, the final boss!” “Guess this is a video game now.”
~ “She said a bad word!” “Jiminy Cricket said worse.”

One Hundred and One Dalmatians

~ Roger here acting like it’s his wife having a baby
~ When Pongo turned off the TV, the guy in the commercial looked startled just before he disappeared.
~ Cruella has a devil phone
~ All these dogs are good dogs
~ In this house we stan the Colonel, Sergeant Tibbs, and the Captain
~ This poor man has no idea why this lady is going all road rage on him
~ *the three of us die laughing at the implications of “Oh, Pongo, you old rascal!”* 

The Sword in the Stone

~ “This guy looks like the Stabbington Brothers from Tangled.”
~ *A4 keeps cooing over the unfortunate wolf*
~ Just use magic to fix up your loft!
~ This boy is discount Cinderella
~ *looks at all the dishes* “How many people are in this castle?” *sister proceeds to count each character that shows up or is mentioned, including the ever offscreen Hobbs*
~ *during the squirrel scene* This is sexual harassment! 
  ~ Hey, the owl’s giving him some actual education!
~ Honestly, Merlin’s not very helpful, no matter how much Arthur claims he is.
~ This isn’t a plot, this is just random animal shenanigans stringed together and calling it “education”. What exactly is Arthur learning that’ll help him when he’s king?
~ The sword was only relevant for the last five minutes. 

The Jungle Book

~ EVIL WINNIE THE POOH
~ STONER ELEPHANT
~ Bagheera, no, every time you leave, something bad happens!
~ Musical numbers are trouble or at least invite it.
~ “I’ve only known Mowgli for half a day, but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this jungle and then myself.” 
~ Baloo: They’ll make a man out of him! D: *guess what song we start singing*
~ The elephants are the ones behind deforestation!
~ “Shere Khan reminds me of Count Dooku and I’m not sure why.”
~ “I like these vultures. They’re friends.”

The Aristocats

*With special guest taichikitty

~ What the heck are the cats going to do with the money?
~ Seriously, Edgar, only a fraction will go into their care, you get the rest, dummy!
~ “This mouse is Winnie the Two--I mean, Pooh.” “WINNIE THE TWO”
~ Thomas O’Malley has instant dad energy.
~ The geese’s theme music is mildly amusing
~ Why is a hippie in 1910’s France… for that matter, why is jazz in 1910’s France...
~ The Chinese cat is uncomfortable to watch (also, he sounds like Tigger).
~ I wonder what the humans hear when the animals sing.
~ “Edgar’s gonna die and they’re shipping his corpse to Timbuktu.” “...the trunk’s unlocked, you know.”
~ This movie is like Lady and the Tramp and 101 Dalmatians combined… except with cats.

Robin Hood

~ *A4 is just adoring Sir Hiss and hating almost everyone else the entire movie*
~ Wait, is this guy’s name Nazi?! (it was actually Nutsy)
~ Football star Lady Cluck
~ GAAAAAAH RECYCLED ANIMATION
~ *A4 comes up with an AU where Sir Hiss murders Prince John*
~ “Now that’s what I call a tax return.”
~ “Great, now I can’t unhear the Hamster Dance.”
~ SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU’RE TO BLAME

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

~ “It’s like the Exorcist!”
~ Pooh’s Weight Loss Program… I don’t recommend it.
~ Well, dang, a pig’s flying.
~ “I don’t know any of you guys, but I like you! I’m staying!”
~ Rabbit is lucky he ran into Tigger instead of the Headless Horseman
~ It’s the pink elephants all over again. 
~ Well, that’s taking a break-in a little too literally.
~ *A3 likes Tigger’s growl after every time he sings his song*
~ Eeyore has the best lines.
~ Jose held the director at umbrella point to get him to mention his home country
~ So many fourth wall breaks, so little time

The Rescuers

~ Somebody painted all these pictures for the opening and I applaud them for it
~ Nobody notices all these mice coming out of their bags. 
~ “I will forcibly comb your hair!”
~ “Medusa’s Pawn Shop; don’t look at her, you’ll turn to stone!” “Then she’ll sell you.”
~ She drives like freakin’ Cruella!
~ This mouse lives for danger
~ “Ever seen fireworks light up the sky… and then catch fire yourself?”
~ “This is why you put on your seatbelt!” 
~ *referring to the alligators* “My good bad bois.”
~ “This kid’s gonna have nightmares about this cave.” “And when she gets married, she’s not gonna want a diamond.”
~ Them critters been planning this awhile, they want her out of the bayou
~ Penny drives better than Madame Medusa and she’s, like, six.

The Fox and the Hound

~ This fox just pulled a Bambi’s mom. 
~ Birds going on a panty raid
~ *all three of us just cooing over puppy Copper*
~ “I hope this caterpillar dies.”
~ TOD DOESN’T DESERVE THIS
~ Big Mama playing matchmaker
~ *grumpy badger is suddenly in the scene* “What are you doing here?!”
~ “That is called ‘poaching’, sir.” “Isn’t that cooking eggs in water?” “Whatever it is, it’s still illegal.”
~ It’s Old Ephraim! No, the mother of Old Ephraim! The brother of Old Ephraim! The niece of Old Ephraim! 
~ “Awww, I wanted to see baby foxies.”

The Black Cauldron

~ “I heard the pig’s name as ‘Henry’.”
~ “I’m a wArRiOr!”
~ Horned King’s old man shuffle
~ How long was this genius daydreaming
~ “Discount Esmeralda.” “No, since she came after, clearly Esmeralda is the improved version of this lady.”
~ “Come here, I can’t force choke you.”
~ “So, are they going to explain the harp?” “No.”
~ Oh, look, the three witches from MacBeth are here.
~ SEXUAL HARASSMENT
~ The Creeper dude is far more annoying than Gurgi.
~ That said, Gurgi is still annoying and should’ve stayed dead.  
~ This movie doesn’t make sense; things just happen and aren’t explained. 

The Great Mouse Detective

~ The sudden mood change from dramatic prologue to adventurous intro music is hilarious.
~ THIS CHILD IS ADORABLE
~ “No! It’s not symmetrical!”
~ *A3 getting worked up about Basil holding the violin wrong*
~ “Move over, Scar, Ratigan’s the real best villain.”
~ How many chins does this cat have?
~ First Fidget ransacks a mouse toy store, then he ransacks a human toy store. 
~ *toy soldiers without their uniforms* “It’s a nudist colony.”
~ Ratigan doesn’t get just one villain song; he gets two.
~ Behold! CGI!

Oliver and Company

~ THE POOR KITTY
~ And here comes Billy Joel dog. 
~ “Stop all traffic, the dogs are singing.”
~ “And here’s your hot dogs! Dipped in cement!”
~ *during Georgette’s musical number* “Okay, we get it! Please stop!” “No, she must show you more!” “What is going on?!” “Her howl brings all the boys to the yard.” “This song happens every morning.”
~ And yet, by the time “Good Company” plays, we completely forget Georgette’s song. 
~ “Well, the little girl is better ransom than the cat.”
~ “I like trains.” *train hits Sykes*
~ “Y’know, that’s gonna be in the news, and people will wonder why that car was there.”
~ “So, why did Georgette suddenly warm up to Tito?”
~ And characters keep teleporting.

The Little Mermaid

~ “If nautical nonsense be something you wish!”
~ “I’m connecting to Ariel right now. We both wander off where we’re not supposed to.”
~ “This shark is freakin’ Jaws, I swear.”
~ “Uh oh, iconic shot incoming.” *iconic shot happens* “That iconic shot only lasted for about a frame.”
~ Sebastian puts together this epic musical number… and Ariel just swims away. No respect for the arts, sheesh. 
~ The eels speak a lot like Ursula.
~ Did that sail turn into a shirt?
~ *Cook almost murders Sebastian* “This side plot is unnecessary!” “BUT IT’S SO FUN.”
~ This crab is a master of his craft.
~ “Hey, look, shippers!” *boat is capsized by the eels* “Oh, no, the antis!”
~ “How did they get there without any of the fish noticing?” “They ate them.” “Oh, no, Flounder!”
~ “No, don’t you do it! Don’t you do it…” *Eric throws flute in the ocean* “GAAAAAAAH!”
~ “This guy’s gonna be my third husband.” “Wait, who were the first two?” “....” “Oh, Flotsam and Jetsam!”
~ *Vanessa kicks Max* “YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING YOU GET!”
~ This must be a really bizarre day for those wedding-goers. 
~ *Floatsam and Jetsam die* “Noooooo, my husbands!”
~ He loves her so much that he doesn’t need his mouth to speak.
~ Ariel saves Eric quite a bit in this movie. 
~ “Oh, look at that, I’ve been impaled.” (totally an original joke, haha)
~ “The rock! The rock grows legs!” “...The Rock gave Ariel her legs!” “Well, he is a demigod.”

The Rescuers Down Under

~ “What, they couldn’t get a better animal to go up there?”
~ “Thank you, I like you, let me show you my babies.”
~ This doctor looks like a mad scientist.
~ It doesn’t occur to him that they might be dating?
~ Wilbur just needs a chiropractor. 
~ “I was just taking a nap when this mouse woke me up and threatened me!” “That’s nice, Phil.”
~ “Okay, what is Joanna?” “She’s a goanna… Joanna the goanna.”
~ “Wait… what about the other animals?”

Beauty and the Beast

~ “She’s sure not the Blue Fairy; for one, she’s wearing green.” “The… Green Fairy?”
~ “Wait, was everyone singing behind me?”
~ You should’ve listened to the horse, Maurice!
~ “But Belle already made herself comfy in that cell.”
~ The fine tradition of throwing yourself onto the nearest object to cry continues. 
~ Getting so many Ratigan vibes from the Beast.
~ Aggressively socially awkward
~ “Beer?” “In a kids’ movie?!” “It’s more likely than you think.”
~ THE BEAST IS SO CUTE, LOOKIT HIM HE’S SO HAPPY
~ Even the painting on the ceiling ships it!
~ “It took me a while to figure out -- why is that door magically opening?”
~ “Okay, Gaston has an evil horse.” “Maybe he’s the Headless Horseman!” “New theory, he loses his head from the fall and becomes the Headless Horseman.”
~ “Booty? Yeah, no, there ain’t no booty here.” “What about the ceiling of the ballroom?” “You really think they’ll look up there?”
~ Sorry, Gaston, but the Beast outclasses you in buffness and hairiness.
~ No one falls off a ledge to his death like Gaston
~ “It’s not how he looks, it’s how he dramatically whips around like that.”
~ “He kinda looks like Tarzan.” “Oh, hey, you know that theory where Tarzan is Anna and Elsa’s brother? I always hated that theory, so I propose the theory that Tarzan is descended from them {Belle and Beast}.”

Aladdin

~ “I’m rolling in fertilizer!”
~ *sisters enjoying the friendship between Jafar and Iago*
~ “There she goes, running for the nearest object to throw herself on.” “I guess the nearest object is far away.” “...she wants to get away from Jafar first.”
~ “Well, she caught the monkey’s name.” 
~ Into the Cave of CGI Wonders!
~ Carpet is friend-shaped. 
~ Okay, so that statue holding the gem just popped out of nowhere. 
~ There is only one magic stronger than Jafar… the magic of musical numbers!
~ “Prince of where?” “He’s the prince of that desert oasis.” 
~ “I can’t unsee ‘You piece of poo-poo’.”
~ And you just see Jasmine catching all the hints of Prince Ali’s true identity. 
~ It’s hilarious how many times Jafar tries to kill Aladdin. All his attempts should have worked, but Al just keeps coming back.

The Lion King

~ No matter your opinion on this movie, we all agree that it has one of the best openings. 
~ “My goodness, it’s like a baby blessing at church.” “Except we don’t bow to the baby.”
~ “Did the music have to go this hard?” “YES!”
~ “When we die, we decompose, which fertilizes the grass.”
~ “Dead elephants on parade!”
~ Look at that pillar Scar made with his earthbending!
~ The deaths of Bambi’s mom and Mufasa are traumatizing in different ways: with Bambi’s mom, everything’s fine, and then suddenly she’s gone; with Mufasa, everything is going wrong, and even when you hope everything will be okay, it ends badly. 
~ That hyena keeps ending up with butt pain. 
~ Why did they make bugs look delicious?
~ “Hakuna Ma-- Ta-ta!” *waves goodbye*
~ “He’s having so much fun finger painting.”
~ Nala’s color-changing eyes 

Pocahontas

~ One thing’s for sure, they clearly went all out on the animation.
~ Already we prefer the ginger dude (Thomas) thanks to his hugging his family goodbye
~ “He wants gold to fund his time-traveling adventures so he can get more pugs!”
~ That hummingbird is the most pointless Disney sidekick
~ So, Kocoum’s… serious? That’s it? He just came back from war!
~ Pocahontas barely emotes; please give us a stronger grimace.
~ “I would marry Kocoum.”
~ GAH THAT TREE IS CREEPY
~ The assistant dude is adorable. 
~ “Do you deny, sir, that you tried to blow up trees?” “They looked at me funny!”
~ What, you’ve never seen a woman among the other ‘savages’?
~ Sure, break the language barrier with magic wind, that’s not a cop-out at all. 
~ No, no, no, that is a terrible message to send to kids, DO NOT pet (or even pick up) a bear cub in front of its mother! 
~ “Hey, look, it’s Pride Rock!”
~ “Geez, we should have set up a counter for every time this guy mentions gold.”
~ *John Smith meets Grandmother Willow and is perplexed and kind of creeped out* “The only time that John Smith is relatable.”
~ “All right you can see the prisoner, but you better not sing a song in there.”
~ SANDWICHES! SANDWICHES! Barely even human!
~ “I love him, father.” “...but you have no chemistry.”
~ This movie feels… empty. The leads suck, we’d rather watch a movie about Kocoum (who deserved better), Nakoma, Thomas, or even Wiggins. 

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

~ We watched this immediately after Pocahontas to make ourselves feel better.
~ Oh, yeeeeeeeessss, this awesome soundtrack!
~ Quasimodo must have really good eyesight to be able to observe Parisians from his tower and create figurines of them. 
~ “Oh, hey, it’s John Smith 2.0.” “Except this guy’s better.”
~ “He put that tile back upside-down.” “It’s symbolic of how twisted he is.”
~ Clopin just won’t leave Quasimodo alone. 
~ Quasimodo is adorable; also, gotta admire his upper body strength. 
~ *sister admires that wavy heat effect in the fireplace during the Hellfire sequence*
~ “No, don’t do it… don’t do it…” *Phoebus extinguishes the torch* “Okay, good.” *Frollo lights the house on fire himself* “AAAAAAAAAA--”
~ *Gargoyles start singing as Paris is on fire* “Now’s not the time!” “People are dying!”
~ The interpretation of the gargoyles being figments of Quasi’s imagination would make them better…
~ Quasimodo’s magic rope
~ “Gotta love the CGI crowd.” “Yeah, they were everywhere in the movie.” “At least they were in the background, not being too distracting…”

Hercules

~ “Are you ready to watch Hunkules?!”
~ *sister trying to identify the background gods like Poseidon, Dionisys, Aphrodite, etc. 
throughout the movie*
~ *she also keeps calling Hades a lawyer*
~ “They just blinked out of existence.”
~ “Somehow I’ll be strong.” “I think you’ve got the ‘strong’ part down.”
~ “Man, his tantrums must’ve been terrible.”
~ TREE POWERS, ACTIVATE
~ “Are we going to witness another jealous horse companion?”
~ “No, sir, you do not want to move to Sparta.”
~ “Why are you using Roman numerals?”
~ AAAAAAHHHHHH, IT’S THE CGI HYDRA!!!
~ “They call me MISTER PIG!”
~ Willing to bet that Meg convinced those girls to break in and used them as a cover
~ Ooooh, Aphrodite and Eros are going shippin’ tonight! 
~ “Oh, look, it’s a walking mountain.” “This was how Utah was made.” 
~ “I like how that ice one leaves a leg behind with each step.”
~ Hercules just used the tornado guy as a lasso. It’s like Pecos Bill but better. 
~ The water level just… fluctuates...
~ “Fixed that internal bleeding!”

Mulan

~ Local walking disaster Fa Mulan
~ Chi Fu’s horse looks like him
~ Those three were obviously buddies before joining the army
~ THAT GUY HAS A FISH
~ “He probably cheated his way into that job.”
~ “Sure, they can convince a wild panda into their ruse, but not the horse.”
~ What would’ve happened if they arrived at the village and it hadn’t been destroyed? That would’ve been awkward...
~ “Sorry, I don’t swing that way.” “You’re gay?” “No, no, no, I’m ace.” “...what’s ace?” “Y’know, ace up my sleeve? I’m good with tricks.” “But tricks are for kids!”
~ “Heh, Shan Yu’s confused.” “‘How did you miss me?!’” “‘...oh.’”
~ “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE MOUNTAINS WITHOUT A SHIRT?!”
~ “Where’d they get those dresses?” “Took them from random ladies on the street.”
~ “Shan Yu needs a villain song.” “What would he sing about?” “~BOOOOOWWW TOOOO MEEEEEE~” *a few minutes later* “...his song would be death metal.”
~ “You just locked Shang in with the big scary man!” “Banking on Shan Yu being too focused on getting revenge on her.”
~ Going out with a BANG, amirite?
~ “I wish the three buddies would’ve come in and be like, ‘Whoa, nice place you have here! You’ve got your own water!’” “...her own water?” “Pond, I meant pond.”

Tarzan

~ “Where are his shoes?!” “Uh… they burned up?” “Meanwhile Tarzan’s mom gets to keep her shoes and her fancy dress.” “...wait a minute, Tarzan wears shoes later! Where’d those come from?!”
~ “How did they salvage all this stuff?”
~ Kala’s Legendary Ears
~ “Why didn’t the leopard eat them?” “Could’ve eaten their faces.” “There’s not really much to eat there…” “I guess it’s just one of those ‘murder for fun’ things.”
~ He’s one absurdly cheerful baby
~ Since we once had this recorded on a VHS tape when it played on Disney Channel once, we ended up pointing out the parts where it’d cut to commercial break
~ “I used to mishear that line as, ‘You’re such a wise and scary leader’.” “To be fair, that’s true.”
~ Terk tried to scare Tarzan off with hazing. 
~ “Tarzan, get away from the hippo!” “That hungry, hungry hippo?” “He’s lucky it’s in a good mood.”
~ “COMPANY, MARCH! Oh, we march from here to there, and it doesn’t matter where…”
~ This might just be the best Tarzan yell. 
~ And now Jane’s lost a shoe. 
~ All this over a piece of paper
~ MRS. POTTS IS COMING FOR YOU
~ “Good heavens, what happened?” “A musical number.”
~ And Jane has embraced the shoelessness
~ “See, he’s wearing shoes! And how did they salvage that suit?” 
~ “He can’t climb with those shoes.”
~ “And now the shoes are gone.”
~ “We’ve gone through almost this entire movie without a butt joke, despite the baboons earlier.” *sister then proceeds to go “ehehehehehe, butts” at the baboons’ appearance in the climax*
~ “You’re one of us, now.” “ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US…”
~ This movie is brutal and yet we have a running joke about shoes of all things
.

Fantasia 2000

~ EDGY BUTTERFLIES
~ “Their child is dead because of the seagulls.” “MINE.”
~ “For behold, I went into the pillar of light, and it did raise me up unto heaven.” “It could just be aliens.” “Same thing.”
~ The call of the strobe lights! The whales are out for revenge! They breach the clouds to show that not even the Air Force can stop them! Braving the supercells is a rite of passage and the only way to… WHALE HEAVEN
~ “Oh, he’s the little drummer boy.”
~ Proof that cats are liquid
~ “Those girls look like they have no thoughts.” “No thoughts, head empty.”
~ “This guy just gets a job out of the blue.” “‘Hey, you look like you work here, get to work!’” “Does he even know what he’s doing?”
~ “If I hold still, maybe I'll be able to stay in the boat.”
~ How to Handle Creeps: Throw them in the furnace.
~ (at the same time) “Darth Vader?” “Mufasa?” *we stare at each other awkwardly*
~ “But the yo-yo man said nothing, he just kept on yo-ing.”
~ Avatar Mickey
~ Noah takes shipping to a whole new level
~ How did Donald and Daisy go forty days and nights without bumping into each other?
~ This elk has magic breath.
~ “Is this backstory of Bambi’s father?”
~ “Is this Mount St. Helens?” *later, when shown the mountain after the eruption* “It is indeed Mount St. Helens.”

Dinosaur

~ “How did the egg survive that fall?” “It hit a monkey.” “How did the monkey survive?!”
~ It’s the classic tale of ‘Dad doesn’t want a dog, family gets dog anyway, and then Dad ends up becoming dog’s best friend’. 
~ Oh, look, murder stars.
~ Those poor Velociraptors have broken wrists. 
~ *sisters just call Bruton “Crouton” the whole time*
~ “He’s just grumpy because he doesn’t have a salad.”
~ OH MY GOODNESS WE JUST SAW SHREDDED MEAT
~ We lament that Crouton got character development, and then died soon after he finally got a plant.
~ Baylene was their greatest asset the whole time
~ “Yay, we made it to the golf course!” 
~ “I thought he was going to lick the screen.”
~ *sisters are happy that Kron died… and then lament that the Carnotaur should’ve eaten him*

The Emperor’s New Groove

~ You see a lot of stuff that doesn’t belong in this time and place (like Theme Song Guy), but you realize the tone of the movie and just don’t care.
~ Kuzco with the brides is like critics with the Disney Princesses. 
~ “I practically raised him!” “Oh, so this is all your fault.”
~ “Wait! What was the third reason?!”
~ South America and their giant waterfalls
~ “He’s got the same nice guy syndrome as Kronk.” “The conscience strikes again!”
~ Sorry, Pacha, you’re not a good Tarzan.
~ “His delicate emperor body cannot handle real life.”
~ "I'm in a jungle with a man that talks to squirrels."
~ *squirrel points them the direction Kuzco went* "Yeah, let's run off a cliff!"
~ “Okay, but you can see Kronk frustrated there.” “He gets what the other guy’s problem was.”
~ “I believe I can fly…” *Yzma and Kronk are struck by lightning* “And then along came Zeus!”
~ “Oooh, it’s a runny nose!” “You need a tissue, buddy?”
~ “BOOM! Baby!” 

Atlantis: The Lost Empire

~ “Oh, she exploded.”
~ “I can’t believe he missed that one letter.” “Especially since there’s another C right there.”
~ “It’s a giant lobster!”
~ “Say, what year did World War I start?” *sister looks it up; WWI was 1914-1918* “Okay, so imagine this technology in the war.” “That’d have been terrifying.” “Milo escaped just in time.”
~ “Okay, they’re all dead, movie’s over!” 
~ This breaking of the language barrier is less contrived than Pocahontas’... but it’s still contrived. 
~ The biggest issue here is that the longevity of these people makes the “dying culture” plot really stupid. The same generation that lived when the flood happened is still alive in the movie’s present (1914); cultures don’t die in a single generation (barring genocide).  
~ It’s also kind of annoying that these people just straight up forgot how to read. Do they not have any books or tablets or anything with writing on it in the parts of the city that survived the flood?
~ Milo is not good with vehicles.
~ “Are we going to get some Scary Crystal Lady action?!” *they just shut Kida in a giant metal box* “Aww… I wanted Scary Crystal Lady action…”
~ “Oh, hey, we getting Scary Crystal Man action?” *Rourke starts attacking Milo* “Ooooooh, we getting it!” *Rourke hits propeller and is blown to bits* “Aww…”
~ The Rock Kings just wanted to rest longer, but noooooo, Kida needed them to save Atlantis from a freaking volcano!
~ “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!” 
~ “Hey, why did it send her back and not her mom?” “They hated her haircut.”
~ NARWHAL

Lilo and Stitch

~ *pointing out the multiple places “A113” shows up*
~ “That guy looks more like a shark than Gantu.”
~ “Why are they all dinosaurs?”
~ “Did you ever kill anyone?” “...we’re getting off the subject.” “He totally did.”
~ “Well, that takes care of the nail problem.”
~ “I love that cut.” “Yep, it’s like, ‘Here’s your angel!’”
~ “Wait, do they really have turtle crossing signs in Hawaii?”
~ That doll keeps needing surgery
~ “The mosquitos are swarming him because his blood tastes weird and everyone wants to try it.” “It’s exotic food!”
~ *during the scene in the hotel with the old lady* “This was just a bad idea in general.”
~ “What if he met a bear?” “He’d die… of fright.”
~ “He almost got hit by a spaceship!” “Luckily, the only casualty is ice cream.”
~ Welp, they’re protected by an alien government
~ “I think he only crossdresses because he can’t find pants.”

Treasure Planet

*with special guest, our brother A1

~ Wait a minute, that narrator sounds like Frollo
~ Dr. Doppler is eating from a dog bowl (and there’s a water dish, too!)
~ The police confiscated his skateboard
~ That scar just keeps switching sides! 
~ “Is he a turtle?” “Yeah… probably a snapping turtle, ‘cause of the tail.”
~ “Beware the cyborg.” “He’ll come in shouting, ‘BOOYAH!’”
~ “To the mooooon!” “Not really a moon, it’s a fake moon.”
~ “So… he speaks fart.”
~ “Oh, it’s a cat!” “The cat-tain.”
~ There’s no way Jim can compete with the robot arm when it comes to helping the cook
~ “Take those scissors… and cut off the little rat tail right there…”
~ “What happened?” “You see, I was in Jaws…”
~ This black hole just keeps exploding
~ “They’re giant mushrooms!” “Maybe they’re friendly!”
~ “Spider-Crab, Spider-Crab, does whatever a spider-crab does.”
~ “If I could fall into the sky…” “You’re laughing. A man has just died from suffocation and too high, and you’re laughing.”
~ “Okay, that’s creepy.” “It’s like Mufasa.”

Brother Bear

~ “Heheheheheh, butts.” “Caribou butts… caributts.”
~ Why was he trying to milk a caribou
~ Make sure your food is secure from bears. 
~ THAT LITTLE GIRL LOOKS LIKE LILO
~ "So the spirits guide you with… guidance."
~ “Is there a bear among these berries?” “....” “Be berry quiet…”
~ Naughty boys are turned into animals to atone for their sins.
~ You really gotta feel sorry for Denahi--he lost both his brothers within a week, both in incidents involving bears. No wonder he got revenge-crazy. 
~ *we just groan every time the moose appear and eat up screen time* 
~ “Why are you scared of this guy? You’re a moose, you’re not supposed to care!”
~ “He’s doing that predator walk thing.” “He could probably jump across that… oh, is he gonna do it?” *Denahi does indeed jump across the ravine* 
~ “Where are you from?” “Uh, Canada?”
~ “This place looks like a water park.”
~ “Well, now you know how Sitka feels.” “And Denahi… and… *points to sisters* ...you two…”
~ “Yeah, but your brother didn’t kill your mother, did he?!” “Plot twist, maybe he did.”
~ “Oh, my gosh… are you naked?”
~ “I’d tell you ‘You need to chill’, but…” “...you were already kinda doing that.”
~ “‘And that’s the story of why we have a bear paw print on the wall’.” “...for a second I thought you were talking about our wall.”

Home on the Range

~ When we first started the movie, Disney+ glitched on us, and A3 had to basically turn it off and back on again; it’s like even the streaming service didn’t want to watch it!
~ “She don’t care that he just ruined her crop.”
~ “Don’t you know a hero when you see one?” “That looks more like a villain entrance.”
~ *sign reads Mr. Y. O’Del* “Oh, Mr. Yodel.” “Pfffffft, that’s actually hilarious.”
~ *scene with flirty steers* “I don’t want to call this a cattle-call.”
~ *during Alameda Slim’s villain song* “Who… thought this was a good idea?” “A genius.”
~ Buck would be #WorstHorse, but Widowmaker exists. 
~ Oh, this desert just turned into an ocean. 
~ *Mrs. Calloway calls Maggie the biggest disaster the farm ever had* “She was only there for five minutes!”
~ This movie seems to lack a lot of the little details that make us actually care for the characters. Like, actually show Maggie wanting to make a good impression on Patch of Heaven before cutting to her showing off, or show that there’s mutual respect between Buck and the sheriff and the dog, and stuff like that.
~ This movie should’ve been about Pearl, and she should’ve been the one going after Slim, teamed up with some young upstart wanting to be a hero, and she teaches him humility. That would’ve been awesome. 
~ OH MY GOSH OUR STATE WAS JUST NAME-DROPPED
~ The Bouncer-ffalo. 
~ THE WAY THAT SLIM’S NEPHEWS RUN IS SO FUNNY
~ “Oh, look, he’s a twist villain. A man ahead of his time.”
~ Buck would’ve been more interesting (and his turnaround more believable) if he was actually friends with the cows and he had to choose between them and his goal.
~ *with a grin* “That was insufferable!”

Chicken Little

~ They couldn’t have asked what was up before panicking?
~ “He doesn’t deserve any of this.”
~ “If he’s the runt of the litter I’m afraid to see his siblings.” “He could have started out small, like Clifford.”
~ “Why is she not wearing pants?”
~ “Evangeline, get out of this movie while you still can.” “‘You can’t tell me what to dooooooo’.”
~ “Oh, look, acorn mascot.” “...is it an acorn?” “...IT’S AN EVIL ACORN.”
~ We wasted so much time on freakin’ baseball.
~ “I associate this song [Wannabe] with this movie.” “*sigh* Yeah…”
~ “Those bunnies are ugly.” “Everything’s ugly in this movie.”
~ *one of us is fangirling over the aliens for being good parents*
~ “I just realized… Runt went hogwild.” “.....” “.....” “...oh my goodness!” 
~ “This town is awful, you should move.”
~ “YOUR DAY OF RECKONING HAS ARRIVED!”
~ “His eyebrows… they look like leaves.” “...they do!” “Yep, that’s my takeaway from this scene.” “My goodness, he’s growing leaves! He must be part plant!” “So… he’s like that one guy… Bushroot?” “*GASP* Bushroot mutated another person!” “No, no, don’t compare them… he [Buck Cluck] is not worthy.”
~ “Oh, while we’re on the subject of Darkwing Duck… she looks like an off-brand Gosalyn.”
~ “You’re getting them vaporized! You’re a bad citizen!” “They were bad citizens first.”
~ The movie within the movie is so stupid it’s actually kind of hilarious.
~ “Hey, that guy’s still in the acorn costume!” “I guess he just wears it all the time.” “He’s an acorn mutant.” 
~ “Okay, this song [Don’t Go Breaking my Heart] makes me think of Ella Enchanted.” “Better that movie than this one.”
~ “The aliens were the best part.”

Meet the Robinsons

~ “This man smells like sweat and tears and something else.” “And he looks like Waluigi.”
~ The whole world is this little girl’s enemy.
~ “I don’t think bubbles are a safe form of transportation...”
~ I want a bouncy lawn…
~ *A4 finds Carl annoying for some reason*
~ “They just randomly accept this kid in their house.” “Someone walks through the door and they’re immediately adopted.”
~ Imagine that as a result of Bowler Hat Guy’s urging of Goob to not let it go, Goob ends up just letting it go anyway. 
~ I gotta be honest… I don’t like the Robinson family. None of them have any personality--except for like, one or two--they only have gimmicks.
~ "That hat had a child."
~ “They’re really hammering in the theme here.”
~ “Oh, my goodness, mafia frogs!” “I want to be taken out by mafia frogs… frog mafia… frofia…”
~ “See, I can’t adopt you because… you’re my husband!”
~ “Oh, no, the annoying personality-less weirdos have become hat zombies.”
~ “To be fair, Wilbur at least tried to fix things without causing more problems.”
~ You see fire ant girl smirking from behind the cover, expecting Lewis’ invention to blow.
~ WE WANT TO SEE GOOB’S IMPROVED FUTURE

Bolt

~ “I have altered him.” “Why would you do that?!”
~ HOW AND WHY ARE THEY DOING ALL THIS COMPLICATED, DANGEROUS CRAP JUST TO FOOL ONE DOG?!
~ “This is animal abuse, man.”
~ The agent is immediately hateable, he even has a douchey hairstyle
~ “Do all pigeons have New York accents? The pigeons in Animaniacs, for one.” “Okay, but these guys are in New York.”
~ “Oh, we have a Hamboy Fa--I mean, Fanboy Hamster.”
~ “He looks like Rumpelstiltskin from the fourth Shrek.” “His name is Rump now.”
~ “Rhino’s the one with the superpowers.” “He’s a superhamster!” 
~ *cue Rhino stepping out of his ball and laughing maniacally* “I think he’s a supervillain.”
~ "Oh, that could have killed someone." *explosion* "That definitely could have killed someone!"
~ “We want to be dogs; we have dog complexes!” “But I thought everybody wants to be a cat…”
~ Note on the pigeons… no, they don’t all have New York accents, the ones in California speak more like… well, Californians. 
~ “Here we are, the most dangerous place on the planet.” “HOLLYWOOD.”
~ “There he is! My first fictional crush…” (the extra that coos over Rhino)
~ Complicated gobbledygook to fool one animal, burning open flames near flammable set pieces with not even a fire extinguisher on hand, the fact that they continue the show with aliens of all things... we smell several kinds of trouble for that studio.
~ *pigeons with a Southern accent* “Where are they now?” “Somewhere in the South… probably Texas, it’s where all the people escaping California run to.”

The Princess and the Frog

*with special guest taichikitty

~ James is a good dad.
~ “Oh, it’s a sasquatch!” “He looks like that one Looney Tune!” “Gossamer?” “Yeah!” “Oh, so he escaped a Disney movie and made his way to the Looney Tunes.”
~ *to the one guy who said that Tiana had as much a chance of getting her restaurant as he did at winning the Kentucky Derby, and then witnesses her getting enough money for the restaurant* “Saddle up, dude!”
~ Imagine Tiana waiting on Facilier’s table. “What would you like, sir?” “THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT.” “A bagel.” “NO!” “Two bagels.” “...we don’t have any souls of the innocent so I’ll just get you your bagels…”
~ That kid dancing with Naveen is so cute!
~ Funny how Naveen and Lawrence have switched enthusiasm levels by the time they shake Facilier’s hands; while Naveen started out intrigued while Lawrence was concerned, by the handshake, Naveen hesitates while Lawrence jumps for it. 
~ *guy dressed like octopus grabs drinks with all of his tentacles* “HOW?!”
~ “Was there really another bidder?” “I’ve always wondered if it was that, or those two are just… y’know…”
~ “I wish Stella had more lines, her voice is cute.”
~ “That poor turtle!” “Toyrtle?” “Huh?” “You said ‘toyrtle’.” “I said ‘turtle’!” “I heard ‘toyrtle’!”
~ “Oh, sure, nickname him after an injury.” “It could be a birth defect.” “Okay then, sure, nickname him after a birth defect… wait a minute, that’s worse! It’s like Quasimodo!”
~ “And she’s picking peppers.” “No, that’s okra!” 
~ Mama Odie saw the light, and it blinded her
~ “Where did all these flamingos come from?” “They’re spoonbills.” “Well, where did they come from?” “They were just waiting for a musical number.”
~ “Oh, he wants to make a show out of Big Daddy LaBouff’s demise.”
~ “She just witnessed a man being dragged to the Other Side.” “Come on, say it like it is… he was dragged to Heck.” 
~ “I wonder if they had the funeral and the wedding super fast, or it had been weeks, and they still managed to bid for that building.” “Perhaps those two guys were just being racist.”
~ So many butt jokes, so little time. 
~ “Having a trumpet-playing alligator is bound to be a draw.”
~ “Imagine them telling people how they met.” “‘What was your first kiss like?’ ‘...slimy’.”

Tangled

~ “So much hair!” “Not even A4 could compete with that baby hair.” “You’re right, I’d win.”
~ “It’s gonna be a big day!” “It’s only been an hour.” “I guess it’s big in the sense that the minutes are longer.”
~ Rapunzel in her nest of hair is so cute
~ *pointing out all the things Maximus attempts on Flynn that could’ve seriously hurt because the former’s a horse*
~  “Now, back to the man in the closet.” “Got skeletons in her closet.”
~ “‘Come into the light’.” *Rapunzel comes into the light* “Behold, the hideous beast.” “It’s Beauty and the… Beauty.”
~ “You broke my smoulder.” “Good, it looked terrible.” “It was funny, though.”
~ “As it turns out, blades of grass do not stab your feet.”
~ “That man had pointy teeth!” 
~ Those men are running so hard they’re causing a minor earthquake.
~ “‘Come to the Dark Side’.” “My goodness, Gothel’s a Sith Lord.”
~ “My theory of how Rapunzel hid that satchel the whole time is that she hid it in her hair.” “Well, where else would she hide it? Up her skirt?”
~ “Amazing how this scene works without either of them saying a word.” “And yet you’re saying words. Unnecessary commentary, much?” “This is the Disney Marathon, we do unnecessary commentary!” 
~ Pascal is a third wheel
~ “The background music is an ominous version of ‘I See the Light’.” “...I think it’s in minor key?”
~ The revelation scene is a bit of a stretch tho
~ “Oooooh, that’s seven years bad luck! ...that she won’t live to see…” “Hey, all those ‘seven years’ are going to catch up with her all at once.”
~ “All right, I’ll shake your hand.” “No, into the hug!”
~ “Buck wishes he could be like Maximus.”
~ We just kept forgetting about Pascal
~ “Please float away and never come back.”

Winnie the Pooh

~ The animation is such a lovely blend of the classic style and modern style… gotta enjoy it while it lasts, it’s the last 2D movie in this marathon. 
~ “He has a Tigger in his tummy.” “We all have Tiggers in our tummies.”
~ “Gee, Pooh, you throwing shade.” “I don’t think it’s intentional.”
~ I guess Tigger is Batman now. 
~ *A4 is just hating Owl the whole time*
~ “They don’t even wait to confirm the tail as any good before singing.”
~ THE BACKSON! THE BACKSON!
~ “He’s gonna eat himself.” *Pooh does indeed eat the head of a Pooh-shaped honey blob* “AAAAAAAAAAA--” “You are what you eat.” “Oh, so that’s why he’s yellow.”
~ “I AM GOING TO TURN INTO A 2D ANIMATED CHARACTER JUST SO I CAN JUMP IN AND BEAT [Owl] UP!”
~ THEY HAD THAT GIANT HONEY POT THIS WHOLE TIME
~ Someone had to set up those props just for the end credits.

Wreck-It Ralph

~ “He lives in the stump?” *equations surround my head as I take this too seriously and try to figure out how Ralph fits in the stump*
~ “I bet they’ve all stolen cherries from this game at least once.”
~ Gene’s the real antagonist here, poor Felix is just a bystander.
~ “I feel sorry for this girl; every game she plays just freaks out on her.”
~ “What brings you here, neighbor?” Dangit, Felix, you’re too cute.
~ Wondering if the double stripe candy canes are some kind of road hazard.
~ CANNIBALISM
~ MUPPET DONUTS
~ Those kids are lucky they can drive. 
~ Sugar Particles? Gosh, they breathe sugar!
~ “And she ruins her own moment.”
~ “Vanellope is just the right balance between annoying and adorable.”
~ Vanellope’s car is a beautiful mess.
~ “MANIPULATION.” “...that is a pretty good lie.”
~ “Maybe they can’t actually die when the game’s unplugged; maybe they hibernate and just forget everything when they wake up.” “You’re just telling yourself that to make yourself feel better!” “Well, how do they handle the consoles being switched around, or power outages, or stuff like that?”
~ “Just because Gene was wrong doesn’t mean that Ralph’s right.”
~ “What the heck happened while I was racing?!”
~ Vanellope’s medal is the only medal that matters.
~ Congratulations, Vanellope, you’re a Disney Princess!
~ “It’d be horrifying if Felix was eaten by a Cybug. Just imagine one of them with his face!” “Noooooooo, I don’t even want to imagine it!” “‘Well, howdy, Neighbor!’ ” “Don’t ruin the cinnamon roll!”
~ “NINJA TURTLES!”  

Frozen

*with special guest, our sister-in-law, T1

~ “This opening suggests that the movie is cooler than it actually is.”
        ~ We need manly Disney songs like this again.
~ Wondering how the movie would go if Kristoff was the protagonist
~ It’s the middle of the night, why are their parents fully dressed?
~ “This should’ve been Elsa’s villain origin story.”
~ THERE’S RAPUNZEL AND EUGENE
~ “Getting engaged to someone you just met? They’re from Utah!” “HOW DARE YOU”
~ “Oh, hey, our queen does exist!”
~ “Honey, that dress is not in fashion.”
~ “No, Anna, you do not want the land covered in fire!” 
~ Let the man sleep, Anna.
~ Yanno, it is weird that Kristoff is as concerned with the engagement as he is, you’d think he’d be the kind of character who, while he disapproves, would not push on something that’s none of his business
~ Every so often we come up with updates about how Rapunzel and Eugene are handling the situation--mostly it’s Eugene complaining about the weather.
~ “Kristoff almost got his nose pierced.”
~ “Just introduce him as the guy who helped you get up here!”
~ “Do you want to build a snowman? With sharp teeth and claws?”
~ “Wooo! Winter fun slide!”
~ “That is a broken spine.”
~ *Fixer Upper starts* “Okay, I’m leaving.” “Get back here! You’re supposed to suffer!”
~ *A2 and A3 look at each other in horror at the lines, “His thing with the reindeer that’s a little outside of nature’s laws”, “He hides his honest goods”, and the whole “fiance’s gotta go” thing*
~ How exactly does Elsa occupy her time in that castle? 
~ “I like that Elsa comes off as a cornered animal here.”
~ “Ready for the worst twist in all of Disney?”
~ “THIS IS NOT HOW ROYAL SUCCESSIONS WORK!” “Do they have any cousins?” “Imagine this distant cousin living life as a merchant somewhere, when all of a sudden he’s grabbed and is told, ‘You’re our new king!’ ”
~ SWORD MAKE SONIC BOOM
~ “And they’re magically on a boat.”
~ A problem with this movie is that it has too many ideas at once. Another problem with this movie is that it’s really pushing its message about love a little too hard.

Big Hero 6

~ “I’d like to see a movie about these underground bot fights.”
~ “I wonder if their parents’ death had anything to do with Tadashi creating Baymax.”
~ The way that Baymax said “You have been a good boy” sounded kind of condescending (weird, because he’s supposed to sound neutral)
~ “I have a big nose, and I’m evil.” “He’s just the red herring.”
~ To be honest, Tadashi’s death was kinda forced
~ “Oh, of course there’s sad rain.” *from the one who briefly left the room* “Awww, I missed the sad rain!” “Now we’re looking at sad people… and there’s the saddest of them all… the little brother…” 
~ “How does ‘low battery’ equal ‘drunk’?”
~ “Did they go in a circle?” “I think they did.”
~ *car is completely underwater and Hiro is in the process of unbuckling the seatbelt Baymax buckled him in earlier* “Seatbelts save lives." "Seatbelts everyone!” “Ride on the Magic School Bus!” *now the cast is floating up on Baymax* “Ride on the Magic Baymax!”
~ This butler has nerves of steel, he should be part of the team
~ Fred is a descendant of Hans (from Frozen), and that’s why the Hans statue is there.
~ “Do you know what quarantine means?” OH WE KNOW
~ “Baymax only said ‘hello’, and that’s a success?” “Hey, the scanner also works.” “‘At least he didn’t slap me!’”
~ “Onion ring’s gonna eat us!” “No… it’s a donut!”
~ “Oh, she’s Sleeping Beauty.” “And her dad was the dragon.”
~ And they journey into the cotton candy dimension
~ *Glove is opened to Baymax’s healthcare chip* “IT’S GREEN! It must be the amulet!” “That they found in the ‘attic’.”

Zootopia

*with special guest, our sister-in-law, T1

~ “They’re candy farmers.”
~ “We need a counter for the bunny multiplying jokes.” (There were only three)
~ “Taxes must be real high here; look at that infrastructure!”
~ Judy, you’re new, don’t be entitled.
~ “Shouldn’t Judy have someone show her the ropes?”
~ “DON’T be suspicious, don’t BE suspicious!”
~ “For a movie playing with animal stereotypes, they still go with the carrots!”
~ “And he leaves the stroller behind.” “It’s booted, nobody’s gonna want it.”
~ Little Nick is such a precious bean.
~ “Did that mouse just flip her off?”
~ “A lot of ‘prey’ animals are more dangerous than predators.” “Buffalo.” “Elephants.” “HIPPOS.” “Moose!” “Moose are the hippos of North America!”
~ Best friends, setting off each other’s traumas! 
~ “Who’d have thought Gideon Grey would end up being important to the case.”
~ * A4 sobs because Gigantic was shelved and she’s still salty about it*
~ “Who names their kid Woolter? It’s like me naming my kid Harry--wait.”
~ The real Officer Toot-Toot.
~ “A3, Master of the Sheep! Tame those… weirdos…” “I can’t!” 
~ “So are they called rams because they ram, or is the verb ram because of rams?” 
~ AND THE POLICE STATION WAS ACROSS THE STREET
~ *so much drama over those stupid glittery hot tigers*

Moana

*with special guest, our sister-in-law, T1

~ IMMORTAL CHICKEN
~ “MOLD.” “Bleugh.”
~ “When you use a bird to write, it’s called ‘tweeting’.” “Boooooooooo”
~ Mad Max: Fury Ocean
~ “That looks like that… thing from Legend of Zelda.”
~ *shushes the others just to hear, “Mmmm, fish dinners!”*
~ “It chose her because her name means ‘ocean’.”
~ Got an owie from Maui
~ “I just realized that Te Ka kinda looks like Groot.”
~ “‘I haven’t slept in one thousand years!’” “‘I really need this nap.’”
~ Clearly the ocean hates that chicken, but it can’t kill him, so it has to keep him away.

Ralph Breaks the Internet

*with special guest, our sister-in-law, T1

~ “Ralph, go to work… go to work… no, no, no, wait until after the arcade’s closed!”
~ “I sure hope Felix isn’t getting any quarters right now.”
~ Imagine a short about Gene and Sour Bill being roommates.
~ “Going from zero to fifteen real quick.”
~ (Felix drinking root beer) “That’s A3 watching this movie.” “...yeah.”
~ “I’ll cover for you!” “How?! Do you have a spare Ralph stashed somewhere?!” “Maybe he got the kids to do it while holding up a cardboard cutout of Ralph.”
~ What if this movie was about the Sugar Rush racers invading the internet?
~ “I wonder if Vanellope just needed a vacation.”
~ “Ugh, I don’t like this Shank lady, she’s too perfect.”
~ eBoy’s just trying to make up for the lack of Fix-It Felix.
~ “These videos are running on nostalgia.” “They’re likely going to give the game a lot of attention.” “Oh, poor Felix.”
~ “Sooooo… do those people think the videos are animations…?”
~ Ralph’s obsession with Vanellope is creepy…
~ Not gonna lie, we were actually kind of offended when Vanellope was like “Barf!” over cartoons. 
~ “Yeeesssss, kill her!” “You are so mean!”
~ “Why did they make Mulan aloof?” “Because she’s the cOoL one who fought in a war!”
~ What they did with Merida here is a jerk move.
~ Okay, but, the 'singing around important water' thing only applies to less than half the princesses.
~ At this point, Disney making fun of itself is getting obnoxious and we’re tired of meta humor, subvert expectations by being completely earnest for once!
~ Vanellope’s sudden obsession with Slaughter Race feels less like a legitimate dream and more like a kid’s random interest of the month. 
~ And now Vanellope's a terrible person!
~ “This looks like a guy finding out his girlfriend’s cheating on him.”
~ “I wish Calhoun was here to smack some sense into him.”
~ *sees the virus* “He’s adorable!”
~ “Wait, how’d she get there so fast?” “Magical song number transported her.”
~ “I’m just one of sixteen racers!” “Oh? ...‘Vanellope’s my favorite!’”
~ “A friend wouldn’t do what you did!” “A friend wouldn’t do what you did, either!”
~ ARGH RALPH WASN’T LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST MOVIE
~ *gasp* “It’s Arthur!” “And I say, ‘HEY!’” “Hey!” “What a wonderful kind of game!”
        ~ Felix and Calhoun need their own movie, or at least a series of shorts.
~ “You know what would fix this?” “Felix?” “Exactly!”
~ *imagines a cutaway from Vanellope in danger to a surprisingly peaceful Felix, Calhoun, and Sugar Rush racers scene*
~ “Oh, of course there’s a King Kong reference.”
~ “So, it seems that Ralph was the twist villain.” “He is… and yet he isn’t.”
~ “They need to stop making movies around messages and just tell stories again.”
~ “Oh, so they added her code to Slaughter Race, how convenient!” “Like King Candy added his to Sugar Rush?” “TURBO REGENERATED AND IS STILL OUT THERE.”
~ The racers are now well-behaved because Felix tapped them with his hammer.
~ Calhoun is wearing Felix’s shirt, that’s so cute!

Frozen II

*with special guest, our sister-in-law, T1

~ “What are they doing?” “Reindeer games!”
~ “It’s the fae…”
~ “Ahto-whattin?” “OCTAGONOPUS!”
~ “When you wake up at 3 am and need a snack.”
~ “Gonna wake up the whole castle.” “More like the entire town.”
~ “Why is Elsa in a void?” “Considering that other Disney movies have crazier song sequences, I’m letting the void slide.”
~ “This is the only rock you can trust.”
~ “HE’S A GLITCH!”
~ Anna, why are you so insecure that you’re putting words in Kristoff’s mouth?
~ *we just call the wind spirit Samantha the rest of the movie, even though its name is Gale*
~ “That looks like Ariel and Eric.”
~ “There is a fifth spirit.” “The Avatar!”
~ Mattias is great and he’s so underused.
~ For that matter, they really screwed Kristoff over too with his lame proposal subplot.
~ “I’m just glad they’re not Tarzan’s parents.”
~ “This (Show Yourself) sounds like a country song.” “Oh, yeah, it kinda does.” “Mmm, yeah.” “Imagine her with a guitar and cowboy hat.” “...I don’t hear it.” 
~ *later on they say that it sounds like a Celine Dion ballad*
~ “Me doing The Plagues in ASL.”
~ “Hello, darkness.” “My old friend…”
~ *Mattias and other soldiers bang on their shields to get the rock giants’ attention* “We have a beat! Now sing!”
~ (Doofenshmirtz voice) “A horse? ...Elsa on a horse?!”
~ “Let’s build a race track!”

Raya and the Last Dragon

*with special guests our sister-in-law T1 and Mom

~ “It’s the same deal as in Frozen; you can’t really trust someone you just met.”
~ “She took care of the twist villain thing early.”
~ “Oh, explosive farts.”
~ “How did she booby trap her skeleton?”
~ “SAND!” “It’s rough and coarse and it gets everywhere.”
~ “Maybe the dragons will go back to normal when all the nations become one again.”
~ “That’s one way to change a diaper.”
~ That moment of Sisu and Namaari skipping off into the sunset is hilarious.
~ Okay, that seems like gaslighting. 
~ “Imagine being saved by a baby.”
~ “My goodness, look at them gallop.” They’re like noodles!” “They’re like water horses!” “They’re neon!” “NEON NOODLES.”
~ “0/10, Not Enough Boun.”
~ It’s an alright movie, though it does have a little problem of not having enough time to develop the group’s friendship. Also, we have no sympathy for Namaari. 

Comments

[Goldfinch142]

I always forget just how many Disney movies there are...I haven't even seen, like, half of these. You and your sisters' commentary is very entertaining though! I like to make my own commentary during movies, but my family hates it and always complains when I do it, lol

Fun fact! My favorite Disney movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Everyone always talks about Hellfire, but man, they are all sleeping on The Bells of Notre Dame. That song is the real fire here. Best song in the movie by a landslide. Heck, it's the best Disney song, in my humble opinion. (And yeah, I also subscribe to the theory that the gargoyles are Quasi's imagination.)

What's your favorite Disney movie?

[Sketcha-Holic]

5562736
Yeah, it took about a year to get through this (you'd think that with the lockdown last year and being stuck at home we'd breeze through it in a couple of months, but nooooooo). Still, it was worth it, we got some glorious snarkitude out of these. I need to make a list of my absolute favorite bit of commentary from each movie (might be hard for some movies that had multiple gems, like Sleeping Beauty and The Little Mermaid).

Yes, Hunchback is a great movie, and has the best soundtrack (Bells of Notre Dame has the most amazing ending note).

Hmmm... well, it's hard for me to choose my absolute favorite Disney movie. It's more of a list that rearranges itself based on my mood. On the list are Bambi, Sleeping Beauty, The Great Mouse Detective, almost all of the Disney Renaissance (Pocahontas being the one I don't like), Emperor's New Groove, Lilo and Stitch, Brother Bear, Princess and the Frog, Tangled, and Wreck-It Ralph.