Story reviews #1 · 4:45am Jul 2nd, 2021
Story review #1: Goodbye Twilight —by Starlight Fan.
So far this has been an enjoyable story with a fairly well defined plot line and a fairly depressing alternative timeline to the movies end.
Character’s:
I’m going to address the character’s I feel are the most In character and those who are less like themselves.
Starlight Glimmer is perfectly in character and everything she does fits the story and the narrative.
But the crush on Twilight side of things proves this is still a fanfic.
Spike is like Starlight very much himself and one of the highlights of the story so far.
All the movie only characters in character ‘nough said
The elements of harmony/Main 6 are kind of side character but everything seems to be in character except Rainbow Dash giving a speech at Twilight’s funeral is kind of iffy and something that would’ve added was having Dash be more emotional and say few words or have had a scene where someone better with words helped her write it.
Luna is hardly in the story I know but her being so upset at Tempest at the trial feels wrong I feel as if Celestia would be the one pissed and Luna being reformed would be more sullen and emo.
And the character least like himself is Discord he seems upset which he would be but he’s too grumpy and not wacky or zany enough to be up to par with the animated character.
Premise: the premise is very strong and one of my favorite parts of the story so far.
Grammar and punctuation: are pretty good most of the time but occasionally Starlight Fan messes up not anymore then me but still sometimes fairly noticeable.
Dialogue: is sometimes too simple but that can be traced to the pacing and the story flowing being to fast for its own good.
Flaws: Biggest flaw of the story is pacing! things happen too quickly and many of the tiny chapters could’ve been combined. An example the first 4 chapters could’ve been one longer chapter with transitions between what was happening and the trial parts could be one as well and you get what I mean.
Strengths: The characters are by far the best part of this story so far and are written very accurately to the show.
Overall a great fic so far and very enjoyable read something is to get into without having to overthink or remember a multiple story arc timeline.
Good job Starlight Fan.
If anyone wants me to Review their story please PM me with your request including any specific things you want me to examine.
Story link: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/488362/goodbye-twilight
That’s usually how most of his stories are if I remember correctly.
5547735
I’d agree with that statement.
(No offense to him)