Masters of the coin lyrics. (A tease of what's to come)

Humphrey: Welcome, Pirates, sit yourselves down,
And meet the best trader in town.

As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Rooking their guests and cooking the books.

Seldom do you see,
Honest men like me,
A gent of good intent,
Who's content to be,

Master of the coin, doling out the charm,
Ready with a handshake and an open palm,

Gives a saucy quest, makes a little stir,
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur.

Glad to do a friend a favour,
Doesn't cost me to be nice,
But nothing gets you nothing,
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the coin, keeper of the zoo,
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two.

Watering the wine, making up the weight,
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight.

Everybody loves the Hoarders,
Everybody's bosom friend,
I do whatever pleases,
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Masters of the coin, quick to catch yer eye,
Never was a passerby to pass him by.

Servants to the poor, butlers to the great,
Comforters, philosophers, some lifelong mates!

Everybody's boon companions,
Everybody's chaperones,
Humphrey: But lock up your valises,
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief,
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef.

Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat,
Filling up the sausages with this and that.

Residents are more than welcome,
Bridal suite is occupied.

Reasonable charges,
Plus some little extras on the side!

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice,
Two per cent for looking in the mirror twice. (Hand it over!)
Here a little slice, there a little cut,
Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut.

When it comes to fixing prices,
There are a lot of tricks I knows,
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces,
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

Tia: I used to think that they would be a prince,
But Gods Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

Masters of the coin? Isn't worth my spit!
Comforters, philosophers, some lifelong shits!

Cunning little brains, regular Voltaires,
Thinks they’re quite the lovers but there's not much there.

What a cruel trick of nature, Landed me with such louses
Gods knows how we’ve lasted living with these bastards in the house!

Everyone: Masters of the coins!
Tia: Master and a half!

Everyone: Comforters, philosophers,
Tia: Don't make me laugh!

Everyone: Servants to the poor, butlers to the great,
Tia: Hypocrites and toady and inebriate!

Everyone: Everybody bless the Hoarders!
Everybody bless their spouses!

Everybody raise a glass,
William Hunter: Raise it up their master's arse,
Everyone: Everybody raise a glass to the Masters of the coin!

Inspired by the Firey Joker's Top 10 Theater Villains Songs and the Gold Hoarders from Sea of Thieves. Link to the video here:

And see why I decided to make this song for my story.