Everything WRONG With The Shadow of Equestria [Part 1.] · 5:17pm Apr 20th, 2021
Everything. Wrong. With. The Shadow of Equestria.
"You should have never come to my kingdom," came the dark voice of King Sombra. Appearing from black mist before them, he raised his hoof. However, before he could make a move towards the purple duo, a dark curtain fell over the outside, bathing them all in darkness. Sombra's eyes widened. As he stared around, Twilight saw a strange expression dawn on the dark lord's face. Fear? Irritation? Longing? She couldn't be sure.
There is so much grammatical errors in this I can't believe it has gone unnoticed.
Sin Counter: 1.
"Done!" I handed him the money and claimed my prizes. Unable to resist, I picked up the black devil's fruit, and took a bite. Part of me had wondered if it was a prop, but in that moment, I finally understood why anyone who ate the thing looked so disgusted. Oh my god it was nasty.
Why the hell would someone take a bite out of a fruit a stranger gave them? This is Comic Con, there should've been some thought put into this, like, "Maybe I should take a bite out of it, but it could be a prop... Hm..." And put some thought into. But no, this jackass decided "Hm, look at this fruit that a stranger gave me, it could be a prop, who the hell cares? I'll take a bite out of it, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!"
Sin Counter: 8.
But the really strange part was who was holding the spears. They looked like humans, but certainly no humans I was familiar with, One Piece, reality or otherwise. They were... equines. Cartoonish horses with humanoid hands, bipedal legs and humanoid bodies. Yet their heads were clearly horses. Some of them even had horns on those equine heads, or wings sprouting from their backs.
Didn't King Sombra have a hoof? They have hands!
Sin Counter: 9.
Unfortunately for the ponies, I had been able heard the whole conversation. It would seem my hearing has improved as well, I thought wryly.
Excuse me, what? How?! How has his hearing increased? Did he take a super serum? How?!
Sin Counter: 11.
I meant to swat his blade away, but I neglected to notice the blade that had formed in my hand. As I deflected his saber with a flash of sparks, the prince didn’t even hesitate. He spun and tried to strike my right, but I blocked and countered with a kick to the chest. The stallion may have thought he was a warrior, but he was still just a pre-teen, and my kick knocked him back.
Growling in aggravation, the prince’s horn glowed with a gray aura. His saber levitated off the ground, and shot at me like a harpoon. I blocked and parried, but it kept coming after me.
Meanwhile, Sombrahesta grabbed hold of another saber. With me preoccupied with his first blade, I was unprepared for his strike, and the shadow blade was knocked from my hand before both swords were placed at my throat.
“Now,” the Prince said coldly. “Give me the scroll!”
But I was far from intimidated. With one hand reaching for my gun, I grabbed the prince’s blade with the other hand, shoving it into my shadow body. Before he could try to wrench his weapon free, I withdrew my firearm and shoved it under his jaw. Instantly, the prince froze, his free hand rising in surrender. I smirked.
Okay there's a lot wrong with this, how did Eric learn swordsmanship so quickly? Isn't Sombra prince thus he should have the upper hand because I assume that he learned the ways of the sword. I know that Eric has a gun but come on! That's it, adding five sins!
Sin Counter: 16.
Outside, I found ten armored ponies pulling on a rope connected to my Murakumogiri. All of them were puffing and straining, but just as the letter said, the weapon was barely moving. Walking up next to the Prince, I removed his saber and cut the rope. All ten ponies collapsed, panting and wheezing for every breath. Returning the blade to the Prince, I moved to the staffed weapon and stomped the blade, spinning it into the air. As the Murakumogiri began fall I held my hand out to catch it. But for some reason when it landed in my hand I began to spin and twirl the weapon around my body like I've been using it for years.
What? Did the Merchant give Eric memories of his weapons? This wasn't explained in the damn letter!
Sin Counter: 20.
"You were my brother once, Sombra," I said, my knuckles turning white as I gripped my weapon. "You were supposed to help the Empire. Not destroy it."
Mmrrrgghhh...
Sin Counter: 27.
"Ladies, please,” I asked. “Let's just calm ourselves and think for a second, If I wanted to kill you…" I suddenly dropped into my shadow. I barely gave them a second to gape in alarm before I reappeared from their own shadows, my blades at their necks. "I would have done so already."
Dropping back into shadow I return to the side of my idiotic king. Both Celestia and Luna slowly relaxed, understanding that I meant them no harm
Okay now hold the FUCK up. I'm giving 4 Sins from that Hazbin Hotel Reference, also what the fuck are you doing Eric?! These are Princesses of a foreign country, and your first time meeting them I believe. You just hold up blades to their necks?! What the hell is wrong with you, I'm adding six more sins to that!.
Sin Counter: 37.
Reaching out past the guards, I snatched an apple from the tray and took a bite. The tart juiciness of the fruit exploded across my tongue.
"Hey!" one of the guards protested, but my glare silenced him.
"Hey yourself,” I shot back. “This is the first real food I've had in years. So, piss off!"
Such a dick move, couldn't have you just ask? The guard could've been reasonable.
Sin Counter: 38.
Yet, even in the waking world, the demon had to vex me. For as I entered the kitchen, I found the Shade – Eric, he had called himself, coming out of the fridge with a platter of food.
Seriously Eric? Are you kidding me? You couldn't have waited longer? You stole that stallion's apple for just a little amount of energy on to gorge on some food in the kitchen. Dick move.
Sin Counter: 39.
"Actually,” he noted. “I think I remember you now that I get a good look at you.” He placed his hand on his chin as his face got close to mine. "You and your sister came to the Empire once. To broker peace between your kingdom and Sombra’s'."
Okay, okay, okay, so you did that... Without even remembering them... You threatened them. Oooooohhh boy...
Sin Counter: 42.
"Absolutely,” I couldn’t help saying. “There is nothing more beautiful than a full moon’s night.” I quickly grabbed the last bottle. “But that might be the Daniels taking,” I added with a grin.
Yet, tears of joy began to well in Luna’s eyes.
"No one has ever... thought that my night was beautiful,” she whispered, leaning towards me."Well… I do," I said, leaning towards her.
For a small second, our lips brushed against each other. But before they could come together in a full on kiss…
Eric, think with your head and not with your dick, I know you're drunk but that is a Princess. You are the Captain of the Crystal Empire's Royal Guard. The fuck is wrong with you?
Sin Counter: 45.
"I know, I know" I said, turning away. "Back to my cell." I went to grab the plant, before a golden aura formed between me and the plant.
"Leave it!" she ordered.
I spun to her with a growl.
“When Hell freezes over!” I snarled.
She fired a spell at the plant. But I lunged to protect it, letting the spell scorch my back.
“It’s one of the few things I have left of home,” I half-snarled, half-whimpered.
Didn't you say in the Displaced Tournament that they grow somewhere in caves or the Crystal Empire?
Sin Counter: 46.
Sombra bowed his head in regret. I glanced at him, tempted to put a hand on his shoulder. But I ultimately decided against it.
"First and foremost,” Celestia continued. “King Sombrahesta; for giving into the power of Umbra the Dark, me and my sister have decreed that you shall be stripped of both your title and your kingdom and the Crystal Empire shall be in the care of Princess Mí Amore Cadenza and Prince Shining Armor. Henceforth, they are dubbed King and Queen of the Crystal Empire."
Excuse me but uh... Were you the Queen of the Crystal Empire? And the horn most likely corrupted him so, a correct punishment would be to live in Ponyville and learn what friendship is.
Sin Counter: 47.
Celestia rose to her feet. But before she could do anything other than grimace in rage, the entire room shook. A rumble like an earthquake rattled the floor beneath us. They were accompanied by the BOOM of the doors slamming open. A guard raced forward, his armor scorched and his eyes wide in panic.
"Princess Celestia!" the guard gasped. "Princess Luna! Pirates! Just outside the city! They're destroying everything!"
Excuse me but why didn't they alert her earlier? Surely they would see the Jolly Rogers from afar, not to mention he just came in instantly and conveniently. It would've been better for them to hear it, walk outside, and see the Pirates bringing hell down upon Canterlot.
Sin Counter: 48.
For a brief moment, terror flickered across the princess’ face. But when Celestia spoke, it was in the same calm and stern voice that nearly sentenced me to a fate worse than death.
Excuse me, why are you scared oh so powerful RAISER OF THE GOD DAMN SUN!??!? Shouldn't you be Admiral Level or Vice Admiral Level you fucking twat?
Sin Counter: 50.
“We were doing so well,” Shining Armor whispered. “Celestia and Luna were more than a match. But then… the pirate captain…” He shook his head. “I don’t understand it; Luna herself cut the captain down. But then… her body parts… started separating and flying around…”
My eyes widened. The chop-chop fruit, I thought with trepidation.
“She got the princesses…” Shining Armor continued. “My sister and her friends too… My sister used her magic to transport me here…”
The fuck?! Shouldn't they have just used Magic? Levitate, slam, turn her into a bug, squash. There are many ways to beat people!
Sin Counter: 51.
"My name matters not to the likes of you," Eric replied, spinning his weapon around his hand. "But you may call me the Reaper."
"I'll call you a dead man!" Lightning Dust growled
Okay, just because of that I'm removing a sin.
Sin Counter: 50.
“The Shade-Shade Fruit,” I corrected, turning to her. "And if there are Devil Fruits in this world, then we need to stop them together.”
They barely even know you Eric, just because you saved them doesn't mean you get the liberty to be allies with them. For fuck's sake man...
Sin Counter 51.
The Shadow Of Equestria.
Total Sins, 51.
One word, Grammer.
Sombra - "I'M GOING TO JAIL!!!"
Eric - This is no time to panic.
Sombra - This is the PERFECT time to panic!
Luna - Touch my body, put me on the floor.
Eric -
Nice